episode_0033

“So, I’ve decided to come by more often to help you with your nursing care.”

I went to see her with determination, but what I found was unexpected.

“Oh, wait.”

Jeong Siwoo reverted back to his shy self from three years ago.

In that moment, I had a profound realization.

“Could it be that spending too much time together leads to this?”

Even though there is a bit of Chaewon mixed in me, our essence is the same as Jeong Siwoo.

That’s why the longer we spend time together, the more instinctively I realize what I used to three years ago.

The familiar taste felt from an unfamiliar person.

Naturally, my heart relaxes, and my guard disappears.

The walls and boundaries break down.

The resistance to using informal language fades away.

Just like how it’s rare for someone to use formal language with their family they’ve spent their whole life with, this too is a natural phenomenon.

“It’s okay to meet periodically. But not too often, that’s the key.”

Alright. I’ve made up my mind.

From now on, Jeong Siwoo, I’ll nurse you in my own way until you recover.

“Well… I appreciate it, but could you tell me before coming next time?”

“I don’t have your number.”

“Oh.”

“Why, did you think you could use the depositor’s name like you did?”

Jeong Siwoo countered my opinion with a subtle smile.

“And you always keep things so tidy anyway.”

“….”

“Oh.”

It seems like giving up on controlling my mouth might be better.

If there’s a misunderstanding, so be it. What can I do.

“I’m not really good at talking.”

Lost in thought, Siwoo spoke first unexpectedly.

“So, even if the conversation gets awkward, I hope you’ll understand.”

Oh, the me from three years ago.

Truly brave to make such a statement.

I had barely started talking with Chaewon after meeting her for over a month.

You’re progressing too quickly, even though it’s too fast.

But compared to Song Seonghyuk, it’s a new start.

He knows Chaewon too well.

“I’m lucky I didn’t know about it at all….”

If Chaewon knew that Song Seonghyuk and her were so close?

Even if it’s not a sibling relationship, just an older brother and younger sister?

At that time, I was at the peak of my pathetic self, so upon hearing that, I would have given up on Chaewon and locked myself in the practice room.

Already going through various difficulties, I would have indulged in self-pity, creating a dark history, writing ‘I’m the most difficult and painful person in the world’ on my face.

I should have been grateful for not using social media.

“Well… you don’t like it after all? A guy like me who lacks confidence….”

Hey, why are you crawling into the cave alone?

I never told you to go in.

“What are you saying? I haven’t said anything yet.”

“Well, the silence was getting long.”

“I was thinking about what to have for lunch.”

Hearing that, Siwoo burst into laughter.

“Oh. Oh… Ouch.”

He lay down, claiming his ribs hurt.

What a fool I have as a friend.

“I told you not to apologize, and now you’re making up sentences?”

“Making up sentences….”

“It may not be easy to fix, but don’t imagine things without making eye contact and having a conversation with the other person.”

People who live in their own world are prone to misunderstand the thoughts of others.

Even just pondering what to say can lead to unnecessary worry like ‘Was my joke not funny?’.

Suddenly remembering something and reacting to a simple comment with ‘That’s not true!’ and going off on a tangent.

… These are all stories based on experience.

Before I had this realization, I was truly an ugly man.

“For now, sit here and watch.”

“Can I not lie down today?”

“You’ve rested for two days. Just sitting for a bit won’t kill you. Come here. You need to practice interacting with people.”

The control that was almost taken away from me at the mart still seemed to be on my side, albeit precariously. Honestly, it was so precarious that it wouldn’t be strange if it slipped away at any moment.

But it’s okay. It’s okay even if it slips away.

Because I’m the older one, and if I handle it maturely, that’s enough.

Tolerance, consideration. Those are things only mature people can do.

“To have a proper conversation without feeling awkward, you need to be able to look the other person in the eye.”

“….”

“What’s wrong?”

“Just a moment, I need some time to prepare.”

“What do you need to prepare? What is there to prepare for when meeting someone?”

Siwoo’s eyes shifted.

Somehow, I felt like I roughly knew when Jungsioo was trying to take control.

“It pops out right away when I make a move.”

This doesn’t mean I resemble Baek Cheong-ha, but it means throwing questions without a break like Baek Cheong-ha.

She was truly a ghost of question marks.

She could have become a famous streamer like Mia Ping, who only played League of Legends when she was curious.

She didn’t just ask questions when she was curious.

Whenever I said something, she would ask, ‘Why are you doing that, teacher?’ ‘Why do I have to do that?’ ‘That doesn’t seem right.’ ‘This person is really weird.’

Just thinking about it made me dizzy. I might get Meniere’s disease.

Surely Jungsioo is trying to maintain her dignity, she doesn’t want to split into two like Baek Cheong-ha.

“Okay. I’m ready.”

After staring at the wall for a while, Siwoo straightened up and fixed her gaze on me.

Since I had been focusing on her pupils since earlier, I blinked without moving.

Human faces aren’t perfectly symmetrical. It definitely feels different when you look at them straight on compared to looking in the mirror.

‘Chae-won would see me like this.’

Isn’t it somewhat tolerable?

I look better than when I looked in the mirror after a bath.

Of course, I’m still not as good-looking as Song Seong-hyuk when he got his hair cut…

“Ugh.”

While I was arrogantly thinking to myself, Siwoo sat back with a wide smile on her face.

She must be thrilled to see the face of her first love.

Chae-won must be a beauty.

“Why are you like that?”

“…Nothing.”

I held back asking if she was okay because I felt like if I asked again, I would become Baek Cheong-ha.

Even as I became Chae-won, I was evolving to match Jungsioo.

It’s a great development. If we keep matching each other step by step, we might naturally start holding hands. And linking arms. And going out together.

…I mean, I hope it turns out that way.

I don’t want to do that.

Anyway, what Jungsioo wants most is a promise for a future with Chae-won.

After all, one of the two candidates for Chae-won’s future husband, right?

If this isn’t an opportunity, then what is?

‘Yeah. I can’t do it, but hold on for three years.’

Before that, I’ll find out somehow.

Who the man Chae-won likes is.

If I fail, at least I’ll make you an alpha male.

Good at playing the piano, winning competitions.

And able to get a pretty wife.

“Let’s… do it one more time.”

“Come on.”

Surprisingly, Jungsioo made the suggestion first. I looked into her eyes again.

I stuck out my tongue out of boredom and even tried turning my head slightly while keeping my gaze fixed.

Siwoo laughed and moved her head slightly along with me.

Just follow what I do.

“It might have helped a little.”

“It’s not a little, it must have helped a lot. Do you know how rare it is for someone as pretty as you to look at me like this?”

Siwoo stared at me with a puzzled expression for a long time.

“Ah. Ahaha! Ouch. Kick… Ouch… That hurts. She’s really pretty.”

When he made the comment, he didn’t realize it was just a compliment to Chaewon.

But when Jung Siwoo pointed it out and talked about it again, boom.

His face flushed with heat.

She was indeed beautiful, but maybe he had gone a bit too far just now.

This might have added more flaws than merits to Chaewon’s image.

“Thank you. You don’t have to pay attention to these things.”

“It’s nothing.”

Children are always thirsty for love, praise, and attention.

So, I, too, tried my best to receive compliments from professors like my parents.

But my professor was stingy with compliments.

I inflated my dream for 14 years to be recognized as a musician.

But inside, I was always empty like a leaking bucket.

Even what I poured out to Yoon Jiyu was used against me because of my deficiency.

In the end, I had a big dream, but I became a hollow existence without anyone to lift that huge hot-air balloon.

I believed that the person who could fill this void within me would never appear.

Even Chaewon, who was once my light, I thought it would be impossible for her to do so, and I used to think negatively.

“No. You are incredibly… kind. People like you are rare.”

“Ah. Um. Ahaha.”

But, she existed.

“Honestly, I thought I’d be fine alone.”

I just didn’t realize it.

She existed in this world where I had become Min Chaewon.

“But still, when someone is by your side, you feel much more relieved. Bad thoughts don’t come as often as usual.”

“Is that so?”

The one person who met all the criteria.

My perfect confidante.

“You are truly a kind person.”

There was a monster full of compliments and gratitude that could make the listener feel embarrassed.

“Stop it. It wasn’t something worthy of such praise…”

“No.”

The hot-air balloon that no one thought could be lifted begins to inflate.

“A person like me. You’ve seen it before, right? Someone who says they’re fine while suffering alone… That’s why you take care of them more. I can tell. Your understanding is evident in every action you take.”

Gradually, he raises that huge head towards the sky.

“You know very well how to take care of others without hurting them. That’s why you do it so well.”

“Uh… Uh… Uh…”

Swish, swish.