episode_0039

“Eh, Princess Elysia. The Lord has personally concluded all contracts with the Karsaril family, so he has ordered you to finish the wedding ceremony tomorrow and return immediately. ”

Elysia’s thoughts froze for a moment at the sudden ending.

I thought it would take at least a week, but everything was over in just one or two days, let alone a week.

So, as he stared blankly at the maid, she spoke to him with a very stern expression.

“The Lord said that there is a limit to how much he can look after me, so he told me to come back… ”

“… … ”

Those words made my mind complicated, and I unconsciously bit my fingernails and became lost in thought.

‘If things continue like this, I will be blamed for everything and completely pushed out of politics. On top of that, I will be completely excluded from the work I have been doing, and all my positions will disappear.’

If I did that, unlike in the time of Damien, I would be sold off like livestock, married to some nobleman, and would disappear like a decoration for the rest of my life.

When I reached that conclusion, I quickly calmed my mind and looked down.

A fingernail on the verge of tearing off due to being bitten hard and repeatedly.

Seeing this, I decided to make a last-ditch effort before I completely fell apart and quickly went outside.

Swish.

The rain was pouring down heavily, but I couldn’t afford to hesitate, so I hastened my steps and headed toward Damien’s dorm.

Because I ran out without any preparation, my clothes and shoes got soaked from the rain.

It was better than hesitating there and doing nothing, so I ignored Jirai and ran to the dormitory.

“Damian… Please call me Damian.”

“I’m sorry, but Damien said no one should come today.”

I approached the person who appeared to be a maid and asked her to call Damien, but she refused.

However, since it was something I couldn’t just go back to, I rubbed my wet body and asked desperately again.

… He goes up, saying that he doesn’t know if they feel sympathy, but he will go and ask.

‘I have to persuade him somehow.’

If he wants my body, I am confident that I can give it to him.

If you tell me to love you sincerely, I am confident that I can act like that.

So I continued to wait for him with a desperate heart.

Even after an hour, even after two hours, there is no sign of it coming out.

“… … ”

Let’s wait, holding onto our bodies that are shivering from the cold.

I can hear someone coming down to the entrance of the accommodation with calm steps.

I raised my head in a hurry at the sound.

It wasn’t Mian who was there, it was a woman named Siren who Damian was bringing around.

*

In a place where everyone had gone inside to avoid the rain, the only sound that could be heard was the sound of rain hitting the ground.

The woman named Siren told the truth in a calm voice.

“Damian won’t come out.”

“… What are you saying now?”

“I didn’t even know you were here in the first place. And I don’t plan on not knowing in the future either.”

I couldn’t understand why he was so hostile towards me, even though we hadn’t even had a proper conversation.

Since he was the one who had to hang on now, he tried to open his mouth to convince her.

Before that, Siren asked herself a cold question.

“After hurting Damian for a whole year, why are you trying to come at me now? For warmth? ”

It was true.

But I couldn’t accept it, so I denied it.

“No, that’s not it. I’m just trying to cover up what’s wrong… ”

At those words, Siren speaks to herself with a cold, sullen expression.

“… Lies. The mana around you is shaking. ”

I couldn’t figure out what it meant for the surrounding mana to shake.

Because it was something I couldn’t accept, I denied it and spoke urgently.

“… Really, please let me meet Damian first.”

“I don’t like it because if you go to Damian, Damian will obviously get hurt.”

“… Ha.”

At this point, I’m starting to get annoyed.

I already had no time, and waiting outside for a long time made things worse.

It was quite annoying to see a commoner guy whose name I didn’t even know act so fearlessly.

That’s why my emotions were pricking my head and I was angry.

I couldn’t let things go to shit like this, so I tried a simple persuasion.

“… No need. It’s more important that you apologize to me. ”

Because it had no effect.

This time, he decided to use threats instead of persuasion, and changed his tone back to his original tone.

“I know you don’t seem to understand my position, but killing a commoner like you isn’t that hard. ”

“If it’s for Damian, then it’s okay.”

“Do you really want to die?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

I realized that she was someone I couldn’t communicate with at all, so I tried to push her away, thinking it would be better to just use force.

Just before you are pushed, a strong recoil comes and you are pushed back.

Because of that, I fell backwards and got splashed with muddy water.

Just when he was about to call in a knight under the pretext of judging that it would not be a problem to kill a commoner who had touched a noble,

“… What are you doing?”

Damien opened the door and appeared.

The situation itself was the worst, but I thought it wasn’t too bad since I had achieved my goal of meeting Damian, so I called him in a way that would arouse sympathy for him.

“… Damien, I have something to say.”

“What can you say after attacking Siren? Siren seems to have more to say.”

“… It’s a misunderstanding. Please listen to me. ”

At those words, Damian laughs as if he finds it ridiculous and tells himself the story.

“If you had listened to me even once, it wouldn’t have come to this.”

“That’s why I regret it.”

“Are you really regretting it? You didn’t just come here because you needed my warmth? ”

It was true.

But it was an unacceptable truth.

“That’s not it. That’s not it. I really regret it.”

“If you really regret it, why don’t you just accept the breakup and leave?”

“… That’s it.”

“It won’t work, right? Of course it will, because all the actions you showed me in the first place were contradictory. ”

“… … ”

The moment the word contradiction entered my head, I couldn’t say anything, so I kept my mouth shut.

He looked at himself like that and recited one by one the contradictions he had felt.

“On the topic of saying that you are for the North, you want to take the Gaju seat. Aren’t you going to do something that will cause damage to the North? ”

“Your goal is to ask for my forgiveness, but it’s obvious that you’re trying to regain my warmth rather than forgive me.”

“What on earth do you want to do? What on earth do you really want to do?”

The moment I hear those words, the words that had been binding me come to mind.

-Elysia, the word ‘best’ is just a word used by worthless people to prove themselves.

-Your Majesty, the children are starving. Please help them just this once!

-The world will remember only your results, not your process. Furthermore, it will only remember your failures.

-My… son died. He gave up his share to his younger brother…

-So please don’t fail. That’s the last thing the ear can say.

-My wife and daughter died. It must be all my fault for having a bad father.

Mother’s will.

Someone’s will asking that at least their family be spared.

and.

-What on earth do you want to do?

Until Damian’s last words.

The moment all those things mixed together in my head, things I had previously ignored quickly came to mind.

‘What is it that I truly want to achieve?’

Reviving the North?

Becoming a family member and being recognized for the sacrifices you’ve made?

Or is it to keep your mother’s will?

I didn’t know. I just lived under compulsion because of those words that were just a will.

That’s why I can’t say anything and just stand there.

Damian looked at himself like that and laughed as he spoke.

“Get out.”

At those words, I felt as if everything was pouring down, and looked up at the sky where heavy rain was falling.

Looking at the rain and thunder falling everywhere, it was difficult to even open my eyes properly.

I told him the end.

“… Damian, if you want, I’m willing to give you my body or my heart. So won’t you break off the engagement? ”

“The reason I’m leaving you alone now is because I still have feelings for you, even if they’re faint. Just go back.”

Was the attempt at persuasion a meaningless act?

As he spoke, he lowered the mask he had been wearing.

“Damian. It’s late to say this, but I used to envy you. A life where you could act however you wanted and everyone would tolerate you and you could get what you wanted. ”

I don’t know if it’s because it’s become meaningless or because I’m speaking my mind.

Without realizing it, my speech went back to normal.

After realizing that fact, I laughed in vain and told him the story.

“Maybe that’s why I was jealous of you.”

Only after confessing my true feelings that I had been hiding for so long was I able to find out the truth that I had been wanting.

‘I guess you wanted to be recognized.’

The moment you realize that you have been acting that way because you want to be acknowledged that your life was not wrong.

He could feel the numerous ghosts that had been pouring curses at him nearby clinging to him.

I feel strangely comfortable.

With such thoughts in his mind, he calmly opened his mouth while touching his hair that had become dirty from the muddy water.

“Lastly, I’ll ask you. If I sincerely ask for your forgiveness, would you be willing to forgive me?”

He replied with a sly smile.

“Try it. If you can.”

He laughed along with that answer and continued talking.

“That won’t work either. To be honest, I don’t even know what I did wrong. It seems to me that I gave you hope and helped you grow. ”

If you leave out the messy process and just look at the results, it was like that.

Thanks to him, Damian was able to discover his talent for swordsmanship and also his talent for spirits, so wasn’t it rather a stroke of luck for him?

Of course, you may feel extremely disappointed that people don’t believe you.

Still, I thought it wasn’t a bad deal since we both gained a lot, so I turned around calmly and continued talking.

“Okay, let’s meet tomorrow.”

Now, whatever we can do, whether it’s creating an artificial sun or stealing spirits.

He turned around, determined to admit that what he had done was not wrong.

Heavy rain falls everywhere, creating puddles.

It wasn’t a very pleasant feeling, with the sticky puddle clinging to my ankles.

Still, I thought it wasn’t that bad and moved forward.

‘It’s dark.’

In the city, with the drizzle falling, I walked down an empty street and calmly closed my eyes.

… The pouring rain seemed like it would continue to fall no matter what he did.

Without further hesitation, I decided to accept it and continue moving forward.