episode_0037

“Elysias, can I come in?”

There was no sound beyond the door.

Only my voice echoed in this long hallway, and the only answer I got was no response.

As I came to the room, I thought a little about why Elisias was angry.

If we think about the situation when Elisias first came to the room, it was clearly a misunderstanding situation.

After fighting monsters, collecting materials, and coming into my room to report on the completion of my mission, if I saw a woman in my room for the first time, I would naturally think absurd and strange thoughts.

Therefore, I explained well the events that occurred before I met Asha, and Elisias also seemed to understand and accept the situation.

But no. While Elisias was working hard on his mission with Illisha, I seemed to be just playing around with Asha.

I thought I had explained the situation thoroughly, but I guess something was missing.

“I’ll come back when I’m relieved…”

-click

As I was about to go back to the room with my shoulders drooping, I heard the sound of the door being unlocked and turned my head again.

“…come in”

Elisias looked at me from the slightly open door and said.

The eyes, which had always been straight and sparkling, looked as helpless as a withered flower. Feeling sorry for something, I scratched my head and entered Elisias’ room.

“Would you like to have a cup of tea?”

As I pulled out a chair that looked rough and rough and sat down, Elisias turned away from me, headed towards the table, and answered curtly.

“No, more than that, you haven’t eaten yet, right?”

Despite the awkward and awkward atmosphere, I tried to smile and show the food in my hand, but Elisias remained silent and was still busy making tea.

“Still, if someone asks, at least give an answer…”

Elisias brought tea with an expression colder than ice and sat on the bed away from me.

“Well…the distance is too far…”

“No, I think this is the right level for the relationship between you and me”

In response to Elisias’ stiff, expressionless answer, I dropped my shoulders and pulled out a chair and sat down in front of Elisias, with the mindset that I would go if he didn’t want to come.

“ugh…”

Elisias quickly wiped away his embarrassed expression and tried to drink tea as if he were relaxed, but his white hands were shaking so loudly that the contents of the teacup almost overflowed.

“Huh? What is it?”

“Well, what…”

Elisias’ white hand holding the teacup had a red scar on it, and I was surprised to see it and grabbed his hand.

“You’re bleeding… When did you get hurt?”

As I spoke while looking at the blood on the wound, Elisias looked closely at the wound on her hand and frowned, perhaps feeling a little bitter.

“I guess you got hurt in the battle with the goblin group before coming. Don’t worry, it’s not a big wound…”

The person who was making a fuss after seeing the small wound I received from Mimic was not telling me not to worry about him. I got up from my chair and looked around.

“What are you going to do if you have a scar? Where is the ointment container?”

“No, if it hurts this much…”

Elisias stopped me and placed the teacup on the shelf next to me.

“[Healing…]”

The green magic circle, shining like a firefly, disappeared like smoke from Elisias’ hand.

“Ma…Managa…”

I guess I’ve used up all my mana because I’ve been fighting continuously before coming here.

I couldn’t stand looking at this pitiful sight, so I looked for the wooden bucket that Elisias had brought into the bathroom.

“Ah, that’s it…”

When I brought a container of ointment and applied it to the wound, Elisias flinched because it stung and clenched the hem of her clothes with her hand to endure the pain.

“Pretending to be strong…”

The wound must have been quite deep and painful, but the way he endured it was a little cute, so I ended up laughing.

We didn’t say anything to each other and I was just concentrating on healing Elisias’ wounds.

The uncomfortable and stiff atmosphere I felt at first seemed to have disappeared to some extent and Elisias’s anger seemed to have diminished, so I opened my mouth first.

“Elysias, I know why you’re angry…you guys are suffering because of my request, and even though it’s for the sake of planning, I invited a girl I’ve never met into my room…to flirt. You can think of it this way. …”

“…”

“Still…as I first explained”

“That’s not it…”

Before I could finish speaking, Elisias shook her head and denied what I said.

“Then…”

“Asha’s situation was pitiful, so he must have tried to help her like he helped me…”

Elisias’ twinkling eyes look a little sad.

“You said you hired her in the first place for future work…”

Elisias looked at his bandaged hand.

“I don’t know either… I just felt heartbroken when I saw that child holding your hand… I felt like one side of my chest was being pressed down and I felt like I was left behind and lonely…◦# ◦

“Elysias?”

“Harry…Have I received some kind of curse from the Goblin Wizard I faced…?”

I didn’t know what to reply to Elisias, who raised his head and looked at me with serious eyes, so I just stared at the white hand.

“Well, that’s not… right?”

“Then…can’t you, the explorer, tell me what this feeling is?”

Elisias asked me in a weak voice, placing her hand on her chest.

“I want you to tell me why my heart feels agitated and frustrated even at this moment when your hands are touching…”

Looking at that pitiful and sad expression, one side of my heart throbs as if my heart is being cut with a knife.

“Well, I know what the situation is. So my heart is pounding and I feel dizzy, right?”

“Ma, that’s right! As expected…you know what this symptom is?”

The weakened voice became powerful again, and Elisias looked at me with wide eyes, as if she trusted the fortuneteller’s vague words and sympathized with them.

I took a deep breath to give the correct answer to that situation.

“Heart failure…”

“Heart…before?”

When I saw Elisias nodding his head, asking what he was saying, I bowed my head in indescribable emotion.

“Uh… it’s like a mental illness, but it’s a dangerous disease! Does your heart feel numb…?”

“Hmm…I think things are okay now…but there are times like that.”

Elisias, who was checking his heartbeat by touching his left chest, nodded and I smiled as if I had eaten bitter chocolate.

“You’ll be fine if you get some rest…”

Since the treatment was complete, I stood up and patted Elisias’ hand.

“Don’t think about anything today and rest well, because I’ll get busy again from tomorrow”

“Harry! Well, wait a moment…”

Elisias grabbed the hem of my clothes as I was about to go back to the room and looked up at me.

“If we haven’t eaten yet, how about eating together?”

My heart aches again when I see Elisias, who quickly lowers his head and speaks awkwardly. I didn’t want to show this expression so I turned my head.

“Sorry… I’ll be a little busy again starting tomorrow, so let’s eat together later instead of today… I’ll leave the food on the table, so eat if you’re hungry”

“Okay…you must be busy too…I’m sorry for holding you up”

Elisias let go of the hand that was holding the sleeve of my dress as if she was disappointed, and I walked out of the room with heavy steps.

As soon as the door closed, I sat down, brought my knees together, and buried my head.

“Heart failure…? It’s astounding even after I say that…”

I was appalled by the ridiculous excuse and laughed at myself.

I am not as clueless as the male protagonists in youth love comedies.

It’s just that I didn’t know because I wasn’t loved by anyone and I never even felt like I was liked or even the feeling that someone liked me.

However, when I came up with an answer based on Elisias’s symptoms and previous sensitive behavior, I realized that she liked me.

The feeling that seemed sweet was more bitter and astringent than expected.

From the beginning, I promised myself not to harbor such feelings in the library and decided not to even start. I believed that only then would I be able to give Elisias a happy ending.

But I didn’t know that Elisias would like me first.

“Ha…”

I sighed in anger at this feeling that couldn’t be expressed in words.

There is a big hole in my heart and it feels like the wind is passing through it, it is empty.

“Elysias likes me…? It’s not my imagination? Why?”

I kept thinking about the reason, wondering when and why it was like that, but I couldn’t understand it at all.

Why do you like me, who is full of lies, greedy, and has nothing to show for it? What is the feeling of liking in the first place?

The problem I posed to myself, as I had never truly liked anyone or been loved, was more difficult than the problem written in the book my mother gave me.

[Love], the question I had playfully posed to Uncle Gail has now become too serious, and this feeling that I had considered lighter than fluff has become heavier than anything else.

Is it love that makes your heart flutter? So do I like Elisias? I don’t know.

What I liked was not the child named Elisias, but wasn’t it her ideals and beliefs that did not give up in the game and steadfastly overcame adversity and hardship?

Because I followed Elisaas’s beliefs and ideals of running toward her goal until the end, I thought that if I could help her reach a happy ending, I would be able to receive some kind of salvation for not giving up this time.

“He really seems like a fucking idiot…”

I’m so confused because I don’t know how I feel, and I don’t even know how to respond to that feeling of liking me, how to repay it, or how to love.

I raised my head and looked at the yellow candle that was lighting up this hallway, flickering as if it was about to go out at any moment.

As the candle wax melted, I looked like a candle burning vaguely.

If I half-heartedly accept her wishes with my greed, we will make love all night long, as hot as the flame on the wick of a candle.

However, the wick of a candle named love without a wick will be too short, and if there is nothing left to burn, the hot fire will go out like a moment of playing with fire.

Even in the slightest breeze from someone’s breath or in the face of a strong howling wind, the hot fire will definitely go out.

“…Damn…”

Elisias also didn’t seem to realize that he liked me, perhaps because it was his first time feeling that way, and I thought that was a good thing.

If Elisias found out about my feelings while I was in such an unorganized state, it would create many uncomfortable situations for both of us, so I made such ridiculous lies and excuses.

Even though I wondered whether I liked the child named Elisias or whether I liked her ideals and beliefs, I could not come up with an answer.

I hope someone can tell me the answer to this difficult problem.

If there really was a fairy tale character called an explorer in front of me in this world, I would like to ask myself a question.

What should I do, and how should I treat Elisias now?

I even selfishly wondered if I would have been able to accept those feelings a little more if it had been the real me instead of this person wearing a fake name and mask full of lies.

Instead of being a sleepless night of joy and excitement, a dark night filled with infinitely heavy and dull emotions is passing by.