episode_0022

“It’s a pretty dark story…”

“Well…everyone has at least one dark story, right?”

I forced myself to smile, something I couldn’t do to anyone else.

Elisias’ expression darkened after hearing the end of my story, which no one had heard.

Elisias clenched his fists and trembled.

“I thought I had forgotten about it, but what happened today made me think about it again.”

Perhaps, in some way, I saw the boy who committed suicide as a reflection of my mother.

Some kind of trauma, PTSD

I thought I had forgotten about it, but the memories that torment me seem to have settled down deep like a tattoo that leaves a scar even if erased.

“I understand why you reacted that way.”

Elisias looks at me while raising his lowered head.

“Yeah… Well, that’s why I feel uncomfortable just looking at blood.”

I thought there was something uncomfortable about those pitiful eyes, so I responded with a cold smile.

“Then what happened to your father?”

I avoided Elisias’ gaze as he asked about the whereabouts of his father, who disappeared during the story of the past.

“It’s okay if it’s difficult to talk about…”

I didn’t want to mention that person, but looking at those worried eyes, perhaps because it was the emotion of dawn, I opened my mouth and looked back on the story that followed.

“Well…after the funeral…my father came to visit me, with someone called my stepmother…and he told me not to forgive your mother. Ah, not too much, at least I loved it. How good would it be if you even said something like this?”

“So, what happened?”

Although he tried to change the mood by joking, Elisias seemed more serious than he thought.

I looked at the ground for a few seconds to answer that question and then opened my mouth again.

“Have you heard of half-brothers? My father had already started another family with that person called my stepmother, and so I ended up living with other blood relatives. And I…was a stone that rolled in, so I wasn’t treated very well.”

“I see…Is there anything your mother left behind?”

I clicked my tongue at Elisias’ sighing words.

“Well, actually, when I became an adult, in order to become independent, I was looking through my father’s room to see if there was anything useful, and I found my mother’s will… I read it, but I didn’t even notice it… I guess it was because I hated it so much. ? Anyway, I just burned it…”

“Still…is there anything you remember?”

In response to Elisias’ question, which seemed particularly obsessed with that, I closed my eyes and forced myself to look into the past.

My mother’s will was filled with small letters written with the pencil I was using.

The will was a little tattered, as if it had been erased and rewritten repeatedly.

There were definitely a lot of words written on that piece of paper, and I tried to think about them, but they didn’t come to mind.

A dark cloud formed over my head as if telling me not to remember any more and just hate, and the memory was blurry and full of a mosaic, as if it had been erased on purpose.

“Sorry…I don’t remember the details.”

“No…it wouldn’t be good to force bad memories to come to mind. I’m actually sorry… I can’t even comfort you properly…”

“Comfort…Elysias”

The reason I brought up this uncomfortable story that could have been lived alone in my arms was not just to hear such comfort.

“Why is that so?”

When I see Elisias asking in a soft tone, I feel even more guilty.

“Do you know why I suddenly brought this up? Because you witnessed such a terrible sight? Of course…that’s true, but no.”

“…”

Elisias remained silent, and there was only silence between us.

“Tonight is similar to that day…it seems like the perfect day to ask for forgiveness.”

I had helped her for my own purposes, so when the fear of actual death reached me, I could do nothing.

Elisias This pure idiot didn’t know anything about it, but he only helped me by taking care of me first out of concern.

I must apologize to her for that.

“Forgiveness? To whom? To me?”

“Yes, I made up my mind when you held my hand tightly with your trembling hand”

I slowly spit out my hidden story.

What I need to tell is a slightly more truthful story

I have to talk about my ugly and disgusting greed and the selfishness that I have arbitrarily expected from him.

Elisias didn’t respond and just looked into my eyes.

“Actually… I was so envious of you. Unlike me, who ran away from the scene, you didn’t give up and moved towards your goal even in difficult situations… You are literally the main character.”

I couldn’t meet Elisias’ eyes.

“So I thought you could do everything.”

Originally, I should have just tolerated it under the lonely moonlight, but

I didn’t want to hurt you who worried about me today and who held my hand.

So I opened my mouth, hoping that time would pass very slowly.

“That day…I said that denying you was denying me…I said I needed you, but…actually…”

The roots of my hidden inner self, my rotten selfishness, begin to emerge.

“Actually, that was just my self-satisfaction”

The end of my servility and pettiness is revealed to the world.

“I am…”

I closed my eyes and remembered the things that happened before I came here.

As if my time had stopped that night, the narrow room was pitch black with not even sunlight entering it.

In a dark, single room filled with the smell of trash, today was like yesterday and tomorrow was like today.

I ended up having to look for a job to make money after squandering all of my mother’s inheritance, but there was no company that would accept a trash person with no qualifications and no social experience.

Rather, I thought it was fortunate.

Because now I can really give up everything because no one expects me anymore.

The day I decided to give up on myself, I found out that the erotic game I had been waiting for had been released, and I tried playing the game with the idea of playing it one last time without any lingering feelings.

It was a truly disgusting game.

Despite experiencing terrible events and arduous hardships, the main character of the game did not give up on his mission and tried to move forward resolutely.

It would be easier if you gave up, but why risk your life on that mission? Because of the pride of nobility?

Every time I saw the main character breaking down on the monitor, I laughed cruelly and enjoyed self-consolation.

I don’t know for what purpose you’re so obsessed with that mission, but I told you to stop giving up.

When I had cleared all the routes and there was only one route left with a happy ending, I was willing to let go of everything if I could clear only this route.

The smile of the main character, who wanted to give up everything just like me, was so fleeting and beautiful that day when I was about to give up on myself as the last remaining person.

That smile, as if nothing had happened to the thorny path he had walked, turned my heart upside down and filled this dark single room with bright light.

“If your story, the main character of this story, ends safely, I thought I would be able to forgive myself for running away that day, so I decided to help you…”

After coming here, when I learned why Elisias was so determined to fulfill his mission without giving up, I had such very selfish thoughts.

“I thought that if I could help you who are in a similar situation to me and see that happy ending, I would definitely be saved.”

In the end, everything I did was for my own benefit, but Elisias was so selfish and worried about me and helped me, and I felt so guilty and uncomfortable every time that happened.

“I said so emphatically that I needed you, but in reality, that wasn’t the case, maybe I was just expecting something from you… I’m sorry for letting go of my expectations…and…”

When I turned my head against the cold wind, I saw Elysia with her head down and her shoulders shaking.

“And maybe on such a selfish day, you won’t understand. It’s okay to hate you… but I hope you help me until the end… haha… I wonder if this is too selfish…”

“You must be mistaken about something…”

“…”

“I said I wouldn’t understand you, then do you understand me?”

I had no answer to that question mixed with tears.

Do I understand her correctly?

I just know the story of a main character who does not give in to difficult situations, but is it true that I really understand the girl named Elisias?

“That’s…”

“I don’t know why you think of me as such a main character, but don’t be mistaken…”

Transparent tears from Elisias’ eyes drip down onto his trembling fists.

I was so shocked by that sight that I panicked.

She is never seen crying even in the game.

There was no illustration of a crying expression in the first place, so she is crying in front of me now.

It was so thin and painful that it looked like a sand castle that was about to collapse in the waves.

“I am not the person you think…”

“…”

“How did my life shine? How do I move forward without giving up?”

Elisias’ eyes tremble.

I turned my head away like a coward when I saw a side of her that never showed weakness.

“Yes, this side of me may seem bright to some, and since I am the daughter of Grindea, it may appear to others that I am proud, but what is my appearance after that?”

Elisias’s intonation became louder as he was filled with sadness.

“Same insults and persecution every day, a sense of loss when expectations are not met, a sense of helplessness that I thought everything would go well this time, but the result was the same… the discord that resulted from that…”

Elisias’ hot tears showed no sign of stopping.

“I never once thought of myself as the main character…rather, I just thought of myself as useless…Do you understand me like this?”

I feel my heart continue to ache at the answer.

I reached out my hand to wipe away some of the tears, but my hand just stayed in place.

“When I was living with those thoughts, a strange man appeared and said that to me…”

Elisias bit her lip tightly and glared at me with an unknown expression.

“I believe that I can do it, because I am me. He said he was glad I wasn’t hurt… He said that denying me meant denying himself… He said he needed me… ”

“Elysias…”

I withdrew my trembling hands.

“Can you understand how much those words gave me strength and comfort? That small, small word makes my heart flutter, gives me strength, and gives me the strength to do anything…Do you understand?”

Elisias cries out sadly and clumsily wipes away the tears flowing with the back of his hand.

“You said that you might be helping me out of self-satisfaction, thinking that you could be saved… and that it was not something you needed, but a selfish expectation…”

“…”

“Even if that’s the case, no matter what, the fact that you need me hasn’t changed…so…don’t talk like that…don’t ask for forgiveness.”

Seeing her crying sadly, I took the heavy hand I had just lifted and wiped away Elisias’ flowing tears.

Elisias took his hand and brought it to his cheek.

When the tears flowing down my cheeks touched my palms, I could see how warm they were.

“Harry…I will be your sword. I will meet your expectations. So…”

Elisias smiles brightly beneath the warm teardrops.

That kind smile made my mind feel jumbled, as if I could get up again even if I fell.

“So please be with me…”