Chapter 57: Becoming Adult – 2

“…Damn it.”

Early dawn.

I opened my eyes, pressing a hand to my forehead.

Letting out a deep sigh of self-reproach, I quietly got up from the bed and headed outside.

Leaving the building, crossing the street, I reached the riverside.

There, I began to wash my body in a hurry.

I felt I needed to clean up and return before anyone saw me.

Lately, this had been happening more often.

I kept having lewd dreams.

As a result, the frequency of these early trips to wash myself also increased.

***

In the dream, it was the same each time.

Fantasies of the Northern Kingdom, the king’s wife, forbidden temptations…

Strangely, I didn’t feel this way toward just anyone.

Only her.

The one who shouldn’t be touched.

That very fact made the forbidden thoughts even more stimulating.

What would happen if such a situation arose?

Would we curse each other with words while our bodies sought each other like beasts?

The thought flickered in my mind, and once again, I felt the heat rise within me.

Cursing under my breath, I pressed my forehead again.

I was growing up, and reactions I couldn’t fully understand kept springing from my body.

It was tiring, how every time lust stirred, it was always her that came to mind.

I submerged myself in the cold water.

Hoping the lower half of my body would calm down quickly, I took a deep breath.

The chill reminded me of my hometown, bringing clarity to my mind.

“Ahh!”

Just then, a scream pierced the air behind me.

Turning around, I saw the fiery red hair I had grown tired of seeing in my dreams.

“…Vivian.”

I let out a hollow laugh, unable to believe that scream had come from Vivian, of all people.

Unlike the overwhelming excitement I felt in my dreams, the emotions I experienced now were much more complex.

Surprisingly calm, I greeted her.

“Why, why are you naked?!”

Vivian, unusually flustered, demanded an explanation.

Her voice tore through the quiet dawn.

Thankfully, the lower half of my body was still submerged in the water.

“…What are you doing here at this hour?”

I asked her in return.

Vivian covered her eyes with her hands as she responded, though her fingers parted slightly, her eyes peeking through.

“I-I was hot, so I came out to cool off… But why are you like this?!”

“…I came out to cool off too. Why?”

As if deciding it didn’t matter, she waved her hands dismissively.

“Just, just put on some clothes already!”

“I can’t exactly do that unless you turn around or something.”

When Vivian hesitated, visibly flustered, I felt a strange surge of courage and teased her.

“What’s the hold-up? Should I just walk out like this? Want to see everything?”

“…What?”

Her fleeting glance toward me, showing unexpected curiosity, caught me off guard.

“What kind of reaction is that?”

I asked, startled.

“…Shut up! I’ll turn around, so hurry up and get dressed!”

Vivian turned away immediately after saying that.

I steadied my breath, watching her stiff posture before stepping out of the water.

-Splash!

The sound of me leaving the water made Vivian flinch.

I kept my eyes on her, worried she might turn around.

Because of that, I caught every little reaction she made.

Each time she flinched or slightly turned her head out of what seemed like curiosity, I hesitated as well.

Maybe it was the natural state of my body, or maybe it was because of the dream we shared.

Either way, it was a bit embarrassing.

Ultimately, she didn’t look back.

I dried myself off and put on the dry clothes I had prepared.

I threw my dirty clothes into the river without a second thought.

Shaking the water out of my hair, I spoke to her.

“All done.”

“…Haah…”

Vivian let out a sigh of relief and collapsed to the ground as if the tension had left her.

Seeing her unusually shy demeanor felt strangely cute.

“Are you crazy?”

I asked, but what came out wasn’t what I truly thought.

“Are you trying to get yourself killed wandering around at night like this? Without any guards? What are you thinking?”

“…I told you, I was hot.”

Vivian replied with mild irritation.

“And besides, I’m not as weak as I used to be. I don’t have to live in fear, hiding all the time anymore.”

“…That’s not the same. If you run into an assassin, you wouldn’t stand a chance.”

“An assassin? What assassin…?”

Her dismissive attitude annoyed me, and I snapped at her.

“Hey, idiot. Do you even realize how tense the atmosphere in this castle has been lately? Even I can tell there are factions forming. So why are you acting so carefree?”

“That’s precisely why it’s fine, Kailo. Everyone’s too busy watching each other to think about making a move. If anyone tried something now, they’d be exposing themselves.”

There was a strange conviction in her voice.

“And don’t worry. I’ve thought this through. It’s fine for tonight.”

“How can you be so sure…?”

I let out a heavy sigh.

Hearing it, Vivian twisted her body to face me, patting the spot next to her as if to invite me to sit.

I sat beside her quietly.

In the early dawn, when the world was still asleep and the sun was just starting to rise, we spent an unplanned moment together.

And strangely, it didn’t feel out of place.

Three years ago, when I first came here, I never would have imagined a moment like this.

-Swish.

A cool breeze blew, and Vivian scooted closer to me.

It seemed she was using me as a windbreaker.

For someone from the South like Vivian, the weather here must have felt chilly.

Because of that, our shoulders occasionally touched.

I couldn’t understand why such a small point of contact was bothering me so much.

In the dream, I boldly grabbed here and there, but now…

“You’re overthinking it, Kailo. But… there’ll probably be a storm of blood soon. When that happens, I’m sure you won’t be wandering around so carelessly like this.”

“…A storm of blood?”

Vivian looked at me.

Her expression was now the exact opposite of the flustered one she had earlier, replaced with a firm resolve.

“…I’ve made a kill list.”

She said.

At those heavy words, I could only close my mouth.

The atmosphere grew heavy in an instant.

“I’ve divided people into those who’ll stay with me, those I have to get rid of, and those I should give another chance to. I’m trying to manage people accordingly.”

“Which side am I on?”

Vivian smirked and replied.

“…Someone who must be eliminated. Someone who deserves to suffer.”

I lightly smiled back and continued asking.

“Other than me, who else has to die?”

“Not someone who has to die, but someone who needs to be eliminated. I can’t kill them all.”

“…So, who is it?”

Vivian sighed and began listing names.

“Finance Officer Brynden, Spymaster Nestor, Scholar Crellin, Head Butler Pippin, several maids, some guards, a few soldiers, the First Knight Order, Baelor.”

“What about your uncle or Count Corrode?”

“I need to make them lose interest in my land. For now, flipping Rondor Castle comes first.”

“…Are you really planning to go that far?”

“This is already a trimmed-down list. But yes, I plan to go this far.”

“You said there are people you’d give a chance to.”

“Yes, but not the ones I just mentioned. They’ve had plenty of chances already, so now they’ll all be eliminated. Of course, I can’t kill them recklessly… I’ll have to endure until I find justification. Evidence of their betrayal, or something like that.”

“What if they haven’t betrayed you?”

“I’ll get rid of them anyway. It’s unsettling.”

“If execution is the only way to eliminate them? Will you kill them then?”

Vivian looked at me firmly and answered.

“I will kill them.”

“…In that case, sorry, but it seems you’ll have a hard time.”

Her face held a determination I hadn’t seen before.

It was hard to believe she was the same person I knew.

She was no longer the girl who cried years ago.

“Kailo”

Vivian called me softly.

She placed her hand gently on my thigh.

A shiver ran down my leg.

Vivian’s hand rested deeper than I expected.

Someone like Vivian, who would jump in surprise at just a touch, couldn’t possibly not realize what she was doing.

“…As I said, a storm of blood will come.”

Vivian’s words carried a chilling reality.

I nodded in agreement.

“Before that happens, you should take some rest too. Things could get very complicated.”

I nodded again.

Before we knew it, our faces were very close.

Our breaths mingled, and our eyes wouldn’t part.

In the deep night, an owl hooted somewhere.

The sound of a trickling stream joined the chorus of chirping insects and rustling leaves in the breeze.

The cool wind and the soft moonlight added to the atmosphere.

I couldn’t tell how long we stayed like that.

Amidst it all, we just looked into each other’s eyes.

Quietly, without a word.

“…What?”

I finally asked, unable to endure the tension any longer.

Vivian answered in a hushed voice, as if sharing a secret.

“…What… do you mean?”

Her hand on my thigh shifted slightly.

She didn’t pull her head back at all.

If I leaned in just a little more, our noses would touch.

She pretended not to notice, but just as I felt it, she surely felt it too.

Time to pull away had passed, and the moment to break eye contact had long gone, yet we continued staring into each other’s eyes.

It was the first time we’d ever shared such an intense gaze in all the years we’d spent together.

Vivian gulped, her gaze subtly lowering until it landed on my lips.

Her stare made it hard not to mistake it for longing.

She couldn’t take her eyes off my lips, and her mouth slightly opened.

She seemed about to say something but didn’t utter a word.

Then, she gently bit her lower lip.

Her lips, now moistened, glistened softly.

Something snapped within me.

An urge to feel those soft lips overcame me.

Maybe it was because of the dream I’d had earlier.

My body moved on its own.

Slowly, I brought my lips closer to hers.

My hand moved toward the back of her neck.

“Uh…”

-Swish.

But just as I was closing the distance, Vivian blinked, as if coming to her senses, and pulled back.

The moment she moved away, her breaths came slightly heavier.

…The hand I had extended to hold the back of her neck curled into a fist.

I too returned to my senses belatedly.

What had I just been about to do?

To her, of all people?

Between us, of all things?

Our families had been at war for years.

Vivian acted as if nothing had just happened.

“Uh, anyway. Get some rest before the bloodstorm starts. I’ve decided to give the Punishment Unit members some rest too.”

I spoke, shaking off my awkward feelings.

“…Even if they rest, it’s still confined rest. Doesn’t feel much like resting, does it?”

“I’ll let them go out.”

Vivian said.

Her shocking statement made me ask again.

“What?”

“I’m going to permit the Punishment Unit to leave the base.”

“…Then it’s not really a Punishment Unit anymore, is it?”

“That’s true. But I’m going to allow it under my initiative. After all, it’s my decision, isn’t it?”

“There are many who joined as boy soldiers but are now adults. They must feel stifled, living confined like this. They’re on my side, so I should look out for them.”

After pondering for a moment, I asked her.

“…Do you even understand what that means?”

If the Punishment Unit members were allowed to leave, they might visit their families, but there was one place they would inevitably go.

The brothel.

They’d surely go to satisfy their overwhelming sexual desires.

That’s what bothers them the most about being confined.

And unless I was mistaken, Vivian seemed fully aware of this when she made that comment.

Just like the atmosphere between us moments ago.

“I know.”

She said.

Was it because of her slightly taller height, her more prominent chest, her longer legs, or her increasingly beautiful face?

Or was it because of what she had just said?

Vivian seemed more mature than usual.

The girl I remembered was fading from my memory.

“Do you really understand what you’re saying?”

I indirectly asked again.

She used to claim that sexual desire was filthy.

I couldn’t understand this change.

Vivian nodded even more firmly and replied.

“Yes. I now…”

She looked at me.

Just as she had earlier, keeping her gaze locked on me, she quietly answered.

“…I think I can understand those desires now.”