Chapter 46: Sexual Desire Expression – 1

After a while of swinging my sword, ignoring Lani Dubois, I found it increasingly difficult to focus because she kept getting on my nerves.

It seemed like she’d decided she wouldn’t lose a staring contest today; even when I glared at her, she just stood there, watching me without wavering.

If she had something to say, she should come over and say it, or else leave—either one would be fine.

But instead, she just kept observing me, as if she was keeping a close eye on me.

Eventually, I sighed and approached Lani Dubois.

She flinched when she saw me coming but stayed put without running away.

“What?”

“…Pardon?”

“What’s your purpose? Why are you just standing here?”

“Well, uh…”

I didn’t have the patience to wait for her to gather her words, so I cut her off.

“Aren’t you worried about Vivian finding out you’re here like this? It wouldn’t do you any good if she did.”

Lani frowned deeply again, asserting.

“I told you before to mind your manners.”

“You’re the one who hasn’t been following proper manners. Today, too, here you are watching me without permission.”

“Th-that’s because…”

“Besides, it seems you keep forgetting my standing. In the Kingdom of the East, our family holds a status on par with the Rondor family. Someone like you isn’t in a position to lecture me about manners.”

My words seemed to leave Lani speechless, her lips trembling like waves.

“Sniff!”

Suddenly, she crouched down, sniffling in a small, pathetic way.

I clicked my tongue and rolled my eyes.

I was used to dealing with Vivian’s stubbornness and hadn’t expected Lani to cry so easily.

Vivian would’ve fought back with fiery eyes no matter what I said, but Lani didn’t.

At that moment, I realized that I really didn’t like it when women cried.

With Vivian, it was bearable somehow, but with someone as immature as Lani Dubois, it was just annoying.

“Fine, fine.”

I tried to calm her down, mainly because I couldn’t stand the sound of her crying.

I approached her, pushing her forehead up with my finger to make her look at me.

Then I clumsily dabbed at her tears with my sleeve.

Her tears dampened the fabric, making it feel slightly dirty and unpleasant.

My rough gestures seemed to catch her off guard, and she immediately stopped crying, looking up at me in surprise.

“W-what are you doing…?”

“Just don’t cry. It drives me crazy when you cry.”

“…You’re the one who made me cry…”

“Alright, fine. Just tell me why you came here in the first place. How am I supposed to do anything if I don’t know what you want?”

At my words, Lani averted her gaze.

Her lips quivered slightly as she mumbled.

“I just… I just wanted to thank you for yesterday…”

“Alright, I heard it. Now leave. Stop interrupting my training.”

“When… when did I ever interrupt you?”

“This is an interruption.”

“Sniff…”

“Ugh.”

Even my smallest outburst made her tear up again, so I pressed my fingers to my forehead in frustration.

I’d often thought of myself as a somewhat patient person, but perhaps it was all an illusion.

Maybe the only reason I’d been able to hold back before was because I was acting for Vivian.

With anyone else, my patience quickly wore thin.

There must be something unique about Vivian.

Could I actually be cursed?

Seeing Lani still sniffling, I gritted my teeth one last time.

I set my practice sword aside, crouched down to her level, and patted her shoulder.

“Alright, fine. I’m sorry. Thanks for coming to say thank you. Now, can you please go?”

“You… you’re accepting my thanks?”

“Yes. I’ll accept it.”

At that, Lani stopped crying, sniffing as she looked up at me with a puzzled expression before asking something strange.

“…Then, can we be friends?”

I closed my eyes tightly.

It seemed Lani Dubois was one of those people who couldn’t be reasoned with.

I didn’t understand why she was bringing this up, nor did she seem to consider that I might refuse her.

I felt completely cornered.

“…Why? Why would you think that?”

Looking away, she wiped her eyes and answered quietly.

“…You seem… kind.”

“What gave you that idea? And do you think everyone nice should be friends?”

“Not exactly, but… you seem lonely.”

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.

Was she the type who wanted praise for being kind?

“I heard that those taken as hostages from East Kingdom are all lonely and troubled… So…”

“So you decided to become my friend?”

“Well… after what happened yesterday… and, um, I’d like to have a dragon-slaying knight as a friend… and… I’m curious about your relationship with Lady Vivian…”

A laugh escaped me.

Just how full of flowers was her mind to make such a proposal?

She was clearly a sheltered child from a good family.

“You keep misunderstanding—I’m not a knight. I’ve never received a knighthood, nor will I here. I think the whole knight business is foolish.”

“Even so…”

I glared at her, giving a clear warning.

“…If Vivian sees us like this, it won’t end well. Every maid who’s tried to do something for me has ended up in her bad books. Vivian hates seeing me happy.”

Lani paused, seemingly pondering something, before she looked at me again.

“Then… can we be secret friends?”

Her persistence left me no choice but to sigh in exasperation.

It seemed what she really wanted was to be friends with someone who’d slain a dragon.

If I’d known slaying that dragon would bring such a headache, I might have reconsidered.

“You’re heading back to your hometown tomorrow anyway, so what’s the point of being friends?”

“Well… since I’ve gotten close to Lady Vivian, I’ll be coming here often from now on. We can see each other then, right?”

It was obvious she had no intention of leaving until she got what she wanted.

Whatever I said, she’d find another excuse or reason.

“…If I agree to be friends, will you leave?”

“…Yes.”

At her definite answer, I sighed and thought it over.

My desire to get her to leave was stronger than anything else.

After a long silence, feeling fed up, I finally replied quietly.

“…Fine, let’s be friends.”

“Really?”

“…Yeah.”

At my answer, Lani wiped her tears and smiled brightly.

I couldn’t understand why she was so happy.

She was entirely different from me.

I waved her away.

“Go on now.”

“Yes!”

Having achieved her goal, she left without any further fuss.

It was hard not to wonder why she hadn’t just done this in the first place.

But after she was gone, I felt a strange sensation.

‘Lonely’ she had called me.

Had anyone ever said that to me before?

I didn’t want anyone’s pity, but it felt strange knowing that someone thought of me that way.

***

The next morning, Vivian was once again baffled as she watched Lani, who seemed to have completely transformed.

Yesterday, she’d seemed lost in thought all day, but today she rushed to call out to Vivian the moment she saw her.

Vivian felt confused by this strange inconsistency and shrank back.

But Lani, oblivious to Vivian’s discomfort, grabbed her hand and begged with sparkling eyes.

“Lady Vivian…! Would it… be alright if I stayed a few more days at Rondor Castle?”

“What?”

“I… I don’t want to go back home just yet… And I’m already sad about having to say goodbye to you…”

Vivian looked at Asha, her gaze clearly asking for an explanation.

But Asha was just waiting for Vivian’s answer, already looking exasperated.

It seemed Lani had already filled her in.

Out of courtesy, Vivian asked,

“How many days… are we talking about here?”

“Two, um, no, maybe three days…”

At Lani’s suggestion, Kailo’s face flashed through Vivian’s mind—someone she wouldn’t be able to see while Lani and her group stayed.

“…That would be difficult.”

Vivian replied simply.

She didn’t need long to consider.

“My schedule is a bit busy… It would be hard, unfortunately. Let’s save it for next time.”

“…I understand.”

Lani answered, noticeably disappointed.

Her look of dismay gave Vivian a small sense of satisfaction.

To think she’d be disappointed at the thought of parting!

It felt as if they had formed a close friendship in just a few days.

“Let’s just enjoy ourselves today instead.”

Vivian suggested.

Lani nodded.

“Lani, is there something you’d like to do? I’d be happy to oblige if I can.”

Lani shook her head with a polite smile, as if trying to make up for her earlier request.

But suddenly, something came to mind, and she froze for a moment.

Then, her tone shifted, brimming with excitement.

“I, I want to see the knights training!”

Vivian looked at Lani blankly in response.

For a moment, an odd feeling of unease passed through her.

She couldn’t quite put her finger on it.

Lani’s request sounded natural enough since she’d mentioned her interest in knights before, but…

What was it?

Vivian stood still for a while, trying to read Lani’s expression, but eventually, she turned and called the head steward.

“Pippin.”

“Yes.”

“Which knight unit is using the training ground today?”

“The Punishment Unit.”

Of all units, it had to be that one.

Vivian paused, then gestured for Pippin to lean in.

He bent his head in a respectful manner, bringing his ear closer.

“…Tell Sir Vergor that Kailo Alan should not be included in today’s training.”

Kailo hadn’t shown up much recently anyway, but it was best to make sure.

Pippin nodded.

“Understood.”

***

“Why didn’t you show up for training today?”

Lani sought me out that evening and pelted me with questions she was curious about.

I answered,

“Because Vivian told me not to.”

“Why?”

“Because you guys are here.”

“What does that have to do with us?”

—Thud.

I set down my wooden sword and answered,

“Vivian expected to meet with you guys, and she probably didn’t want me to spoil the mood.”

“…Did she really think that?”

“Even if she didn’t, Vivian and I fight often. I wouldn’t want you all to see that.”

“Aren’t you scared of fighting with Vivian? I’d be nervous doing that in enemy territory.”

No matter what I said, Lani just kept asking question after question.

Eventually, I started to get dazed, overwhelmed by her relentless curiosity.

Would she ever stop talking?

I wondered.

I wasn’t sure I was meant to get along with such a talkative person.

The longer I spent time with her, the more drained I felt.

“Alright, go to bed now.”

I suggested to Lani, who was still chattering.

But she didn’t seem happy about it.

“…Why?”

“Why? Because you’ll need rest if you’re going back tomorrow.”

“That’s exactly why I should stay up and have more fun!”

She looked at my stern expression and then turned away, exhaling with a pout.

“…You never meant it when you said you wanted to be friends, did you? Who treats their friend like this?”

She was naïve, but Lani had her own kind of social intuition.

Perhaps it was a skill nobles were supposed to have.

“…After saying that, you’re not even going to comfort me?”

But her persistence was something I could never quite get used to.

I sighed and asked back,

“Why would I?”

“…Ha.”

Lani sighed and fell backward, lying on the dirt floor without hesitation.

I wouldn’t have expected a girl raised so delicately to act like that.

Seeing her do so was surprising enough that I had stopped training, staring at her without realizing it.

“Hey, Kailo. Now that we’re friends… Can I tell you a secret?”

“We’ve only just met, and you already want to spill your secrets? Are you crazy?”

Her lack of boundaries was still odd.

Once again, I was reminded of how vast the world was.

Lani giggled and replied,

“Actually, it’s because we’ve only just met that I feel like I can tell you. I don’t think you’ll judge me, or spread it to anyone. I just want someone to know.”

“Aren’t there plenty of young noblewomen you know? Why don’t you tell them—”

“I… I want to run away from home.”

Lani said with a bright expression.

It didn’t look like she was hiding any pain.

Instead, she was looking at the stars with a look of anticipation and yearning.

“Adventure… That’s what I want. I want to grab a sword and see the world. I want to meet dragons, fight battles, climb high mountains… It’s so boring to be confined to a mansion all the time.”

Lani grinned and looked at me as she spoke.

“Now you understand why I can’t tell other young ladies about this secret, right? They’d just laugh at me for having such unladylike dreams.”

For a moment, I was taken aback by her confession, but I quickly collected myself and replied,

“…You don’t think I’d laugh? You’ve been sheltered and loved all your life, so you have no idea how tough the outside world is. After swinging a sword a few times and getting blisters on your hands, that flimsy dream of yours would disappear in no time.”

“…Is that how it is?”

“There’s a difference between romance and reality. If you really want to travel, it’d be better to just marry some rich man and let him take you around.”

“Do you really think that’s possible? My father would use me as a political tool. Once I’m married, I’ll be completely trapped. How could I even suggest adventuring to my husband?”

Seeing Lani being so serious made me feel like I could take her a bit more sincerely.

She continued,

“Being sold to someone I don’t love and living my life as a captive… Don’t you think that’s too much?”

“So, what do you want more? To avoid being sold off or to go on an adventure?”

Lani gave a sheepish smile.

“Honestly, I don’t know myself.”

“Kailo, I… To be frank, I admire you. Training so diligently in a foreign land, wielding your sword… everything. Living so steadfastly, even slaying a dragon… The way you carve out your own path is really inspiring.”

“So that’s why you approached me.”

“…Not just because of that…”

“…?”

Lani’s face turned red as she cleared her throat and stood up.

She brushed the dust off herself and came up to me.

“Kailo, could I… could I try swinging that sword, just once?”

This request wasn’t one I could easily refuse.

It wasn’t really something that would cause any harm, after all.

Silently, I handed her the wooden sword.

Lani’s eyes went wide.

“Is it… this heavy?”

She wobbled as she lifted it with both hands, nearly losing her balance.

Before long, she set it down with a sigh and chuckled awkwardly.

“It’s true, isn’t it? This really isn’t a realistic dream.”

“…You never had a chance to hold a sword before?”

“My father strictly forbade it.”

As much as I tried, I couldn’t help but feel some sympathy for her.

We weren’t exactly enemies bound by hatred, so there was no reason to force myself to despise her.

I felt sorry for her, but it still wasn’t my problem.

“…If confiding in me made you feel better, then go on back now. Honestly, I can’t even say your worries are of much concern to me. We aren’t that close…”

I trailed off, looking up at the sky.

Lani did the same.

She stretched her hand slightly, as if trying to catch something.

“…Oh, it’s raining.”

***

• Ssssshhhh…

Vivian quietly watched as rain poured down.

She noticed the road to Loctana getting muddy in the downpour.

She couldn’t understand where this sudden rain was coming from.

Vivian normally didn’t mind the rain.

On hot, stifling days, a good rain would cool everything down for a few days.

…But today’s rain, even for Vivian, wasn’t welcome.

Her cold gaze narrowed at the rain that kept falling.

-Knock, knock.

Someone knocked on Vivian’s door just before breakfast.

“Come in.”

At her command, the door opened, revealing the head butler, Pippin.

Behind him, as she expected, stood Asha and Lani.

Pippin spoke with an apologetic expression.

“Lady Vivian, the Lady Dubois were preparing to depart, but this rain…”

These Dubois ladies were now nothing but a nuisance.

She disliked that she couldn’t return to her usual routine because of them.

How long would they stay now?

Three days?

Four?

As she calculated the time, a very, very faint voice inside her heart posed a question.

…When could she finally have a meal with Kailo?

When would she get to see him again?

How long would she have to pretend he didn’t exist, feigning disinterest around the Dubois ladies?

It was awkward to visit him while they were here.

…She wanted to see him…

Vivian shivered, startled by her sudden thoughts.

Her heart began to pound from the shock of realizing what she had been thinking.

As her body matured, she was beginning to experience strange reactions.

Vivian shook her head vigorously.

Asha and Lani looked at her in confusion.

She couldn’t let herself think such odd thoughts in front of them, especially not when they had come to her aid.

Vivian composed herself and smiled as she spoke.

“Traveling in this weather would be dangerous. It’s best for you to stay until the rain stops and the ground dries.”

“Really?”

Lani cried out with excitement.

Vivian smiled and nodded, though her mind was elsewhere, wishing with all her heart that the rain would stop soon.