Chapter 12: Watch Me – 4

The expression on my face, which had been mocking Vivian’s class, gradually stiffened.

Smack!

Every time the cane struck Vivian’s forearm, I couldn’t help but grit my teeth.

Hearing about it and actually seeing it were entirely different experiences.

Vivian was being hit more than I had expected, and the cane seemed harsher than I had imagined.

Smack!

But Vivian didn’t flinch at all.

She didn’t even let out the faint moans I used to hear through the wall.

Instead, she occasionally glanced at me sideways, as if to check whether I was watching properly.

Her expression was complex.

There seemed to be a degree of shame on her face.

Smack!

That made 32 strikes.

Bruises were inevitable at this point.

I looked at Mrs. Linne.

She listened to Vivian’s recitation without any change in her expression.

Feeling more frustrated than I expected, I continued to let out quiet sighs.

“…Hah.”

I couldn’t understand why watching her get hit made me feel so uncomfortable.

After what felt like a long time, the lesson finally ended.

“Miss Vivian, I’ll see you later. Go have your meal and return.”

With those words, Mrs. Linne glanced at me.

Clicking her tongue, she sent me a contemptuous look.

I responded with the same look of disgust.

I found myself wishing my father had killed a few more members of her family.

Now that the lesson was over, I stood up as well.

I had intended to tease Vivian a bit as payback for her recent torment, but I decided to drop it.

More than the punishment, it was Vivian’s expression that wasn’t particularly pleasant.

She stood there, as if on the verge of tears, ready to cry at the slightest provocation.

Her ears were red, whether from shame or anger, I couldn’t tell.

So I silently moved to leave the room.

“…Where are you going?”

But she spoke.

When I turned around, Vivian was rubbing her eyes with the back of her hand, wiping away tears.

Only after Mrs. Linne had left did she allow herself to cry.

“I said I’d give you my life.”

“…What do you mean by that?”

“Do you know how many times I got hit?”

“…41 times.”

Vivian looked up at me, still rubbing her eyes. Her tears, smeared across her eyes, filled her gaze.

Unable to hide it, she moved her lips, as if to ask how I remembered how many strikes she had received.

Then, as if regaining her composure, she finished wiping her tears.

“You, you get hit that many times. Let’s see if you can still say the same thing afterward.”

She walked over to her desk and opened a drawer.

She pulled out a spare cane, identical to Mrs. Linne’s.

I spoke to her.

“It wouldn’t even hurt if you hit me.”

Vivian froze for a moment, then immediately called in one of the waiting maids.

“You called for me?”

“Senna. Hit Kailo Alan 41 times with all your strength.”

“Yes…?”

“It’s an order.”

The maid, Senna, looked at me with an uneasy expression.

I, on the other hand, wavered.

I wondered if I shouldn’t have come here, but at the same time, I was curious if getting hit would ease Vivian’s expression.

Her smile, which I had glimpsed while she was doing laundry, flashed in my mind.

Would it comfort her if I went through what she did?

Would sharing the same pain make things better?

Whatever the case, I didn’t want to run away from the burning look in Vivian’s eyes.

So, when I saw the maid hesitate, I nodded.

Only then did Vivian seem slightly flustered, as if she hadn’t expected me to accept so easily.

Senna took a deep breath and swung the cane at my arm.

Smack!

A sharp pain ran up my arm.

But without changing my expression, I continued to look at Vivian.

Smack!

Vivian watched me as well, her gaze fixed on mine.

We stared at each other without looking away as Senna struck me 41 times.

Smack!

We just kept staring, gazing into each other’s eyes for what felt like a long time.

Toward the end, I could see a faint hint of guilt creeping into Vivian’s expression.

I didn’t particularly like that.

I didn’t want to see her weak like this.

Her life was already hard enough—how could she do anything if she was this weak?

“…It’s over.”

Senna, drenched in sweat, declared the end.

Vivian glanced at my arm and frowned.

“…You…”

It seemed like she had something to say.

I waited for a while, giving her time to speak first.

After a long wait, she whispered.

“…Doesn’t it hurt?”

I didn’t know how to respond.

I couldn’t tell if it was pure curiosity or if her question stemmed from guilt.

It probably wasn’t guilt.

It did hurt.

But should I say that?

Wouldn’t it be better to act tough for Vivian’s sake?

Or maybe she wanted me to sympathize.

Maybe she wanted me to feel the same pain she had.

I didn’t know.

Unable to find the answer, I chose to remain silent.

“…Forget it, then.”

Vivian spoke weakly.

After hesitating for a moment, I turned and left the room.

I could feel her gaze following the back of my head.

As I wandered the castle, making my way back to the punishment unit, I could hear the maids’ whispers echoing along the walls.

“They’re both really pitiful. I hated them at first, but watching them over time…”

“They’re both still so young, but because of their families…”

“What else can they do? If they don’t do this, they’ll be in danger in no time…”

“Especially Kailo Alan… He must’ve been treated like royalty before…”

“Miss Vivian should just give up…”

As I turned a corner, I saw maids cleaning the castle.

They were startled when they saw me, scattering in all directions.

I sighed.

Even though it was a small thing, their whispers irritated me.

Pitiful, dangerous… all of it.

Vivian must be feeling the same pressure from those whispers.

Looking back, I’ve been oblivious.

That night, I shook her, oblivious to what she was truly going through.

I was desperate too, but the more I thought about it, the harder Vivian’s life seemed.

Just pushing her to compete with me, just enduring more than her, wasn’t going to solve anything.

She needed real help.

Would sharing her pain like today be of any help?

“…Hah.”

I shook my head, trying to erase my worries.

I didn’t understand why I was even having these thoughts.

I shouldn’t care whether Vivian gets hit, ignored, or even dies.

Why can’t I just leave her alone?

I’m struggling to take care of myself, after all.

As I stood there, frozen in my thoughts, someone approached me.

“Kailo Alan!”

A sturdy man raised his hand to signal his presence.

A red armband wrapped around his arm.

It was the Punishment Unit.

His name was probably… Coleman.

He was Vergor’s lieutenant.

“Kailo Alan, Sir Vergor is calling for you.”

Coleman said.

“…Me?”

***

Vergor was in the room, trimming his nails.

He blew off the nail dust as he filed them.

When I entered the room, he glanced at me and said,

“…Did you finish the laundry I gave you?”

I hadn’t.

It was still left by the riverside.

Vergor sneered.

“You’re really living it up now. Just because I gave you a bit of freedom, you act however you please.”

If I didn’t finish my tasks, Vergor wouldn’t even feed me.

I didn’t want to go hungry, so I said,

“I’ll do it now. I almost finished, but something interrupted me.”

“Forget it, that’s not why I called you here.”

“…?”

-Thud.

Vergor put down the tool in his hand and looked at me directly.

Furrowing his brow, he spoke.

“Your shoulders seem to be reaching the sky lately.”

When I showed confusion, he explained.

“I heard you’ve been constantly knocking down your comrades with your sword. And every single day at that.”

Lately, I had indeed been crushing all my sparring partners.

Otherwise, I felt like they wouldn’t stop looking down on me.

I shot back at Vergor.

“You’re the one who makes me spar every day.”

“I made you spar, not commit assault.”

“And is it my fault that they’re all so weak?”

“Stop tormenting those ‘weak’ kids any longer.”

His words sparked anger within me.

“Tormenting? Have you not seen the size of the guys who come at me? If anything, I’m the one getting attacked, not the other way around. Besides, I fight alone.”

Vergor laughed mockingly at my response.

“That’s tormenting. The eldest son of a knightly family beating up a baker’s kid, a fisherman’s son, and a farmer’s child with a sword.”

I was momentarily speechless.

“The kids in the punishment unit had never even held a sword before they came here. And you’re saying beating them down with a sword isn’t tormenting?”

Swallowing my belated embarrassment, I responded.

“…They shouldn’t have started something with me. Who was it that came at me with fists in the middle of the night?”

“They came with fists last time, sure. But what if it’s a dagger next time?”

Shaking his head, Vergor stood up and took a step toward me.

“No matter how rotten a knightly family gets, I thought you’d still have some sense of chivalry.”

“…If there’s an idiot who preaches chivalry in enemy territory, tell him to come out.”

“Enemy territory, huh…”

-Tap.

Vergor placed his hand on my shoulder.

It carried a heavy weight.

“Still don’t get it? This is your home now.”

“The ones by your side are your comrades, not people you should be beating down.”

His words brought me a sense of reality.

There was some truth to what he said, and I blinked as I stared at the floor.

-Thud.

Then I brushed his arm away.

His heavy hand reluctantly fell away.

“I’m only giving advice because we don’t want you to die too easily. Otherwise, we’d have nothing to say to your father.”

“…Why would I die?”

I also sleep with my ears open, staying vigilant for any threats that come my way.

I had no intention of dying easily.

Vergor laughed at me again.

“I’m not talking about your comrades. Though it’s a possibility, they won’t try to kill you unless they want to spend their whole life in the punishment unit or get executed.”

“…?”

“Maybe you forgot, but we’re still a knightly order. Soon, we’ll be deploying to subjugate the Loctana monster. Do you think you’ll be safe during the subjugation? Will you survive when your comrades abandon you?”

“At that time, you’ll definitely need comrades you can trust to watch your back.”

Vergor left me behind and approached Coleman, who had been waiting outside the office.

“Coleman, we’re going to see Baelor. Prepare the documents. And also…”

While I stood there in thought, it occurred to me that I hadn’t considered the upcoming deployment.

Come to think of it, didn’t Vivian say she hoped I’d naturally die while subjugating monsters here?

After finishing his conversation with Coleman, Vergor approached me again.

“You’ve beaten each other enough, so make up already. Who knows? They might end up being the comrades who protect you in the future.”

These were kids who had lost their fathers and had to take on the role of the family head without even knowing why.

“The kids in the punishment unit are pitiful victims of war, just like you.”

“Take Valon, Wallace, and Martin, who share a room with you, for example.”

I quietly replied.

“…I’m a war victim too.”

“I know.”

Vergor said.

“If that weren’t the case, I wouldn’t be giving you advice like I am today.”

I looked back at Vergor.

After living together for several months, his attitude toward me seemed to have shifted.

“…Anyway, if dying is your dream, go die somewhere else. I don’t want the responsibility.”

Vergor looked down at me with a slightly sympathetic expression for a moment…then blew his nose with a sniff and left the room.