Chapter 8: Punishment Unit – 4

-Clang.

When Vivian set down her utensils, the sound echoed throughout the spacious dining hall.

She bit her lip as she sat at the head of the long dining table.

Silently, she surveyed the now empty dining space.

There was once so much life around this table.

Her father, her mother, and even her older brother.

The maids attending to them would also busily move around, filling the space with the scent of human life.

But now, Vivian was alone.

There was no one to eat with, no one to share a conversation with.

No one to laugh with, no one to share daily life with, and not even someone to have light arguments with.

The contrast hit her too hard.

And it would remain this way.

There was no one left in this castle who could share a meal with the head of House Rondor.

If there was anyone left, perhaps it would be Madam Linne or her other teachers.

But even they had families of their own, so there was no real reason for them to dine with Vivian.

One thing you learn when eating alone is that food becomes tasteless.

For a day or two, you might overlook it, but when you eat alone three times a day, every day, you lose your appetite.

With each bite of food, she felt like she was swallowing emptiness as well, and it was difficult to eat anything at all.

So, as always, Vivian set down her utensils before finishing her meal and wiped her mouth.

“…I- I’m finished.”

Her stuttering hadn’t improved at all.

The only thing that had changed from Madam Linne’s lessons was that she now felt more worthless for stuttering.

-Smack!!

“Ugh…”

Vivian bit her lip as she endured Madam Linne’s lashings.

No matter how many times she was struck with the iron rod, she never got used to the pain blossoming from the bruises.

But if she showed discomfort, she’d be hit even more, so she had to stifle her groans.

“…Again.”

“…A goblin, when left unchecked for too long, causes severe damage to the re…re, re, region-”

-Smack!!

“Ugh…”

“…Again.”

Vivian glanced sideways at Madam Linne.

She had her hand to her forehead, eyes closed, as she evaluated Vivian’s reading.

Recently, Vivian had noticed that Madam Linne’s punishments had become more emotional as her stuttering showed no signs of improvement.

Vivian could feel it clearly.

It was easy to tell whether the punishment was for discipline or merely to vent Madam Linne’s anger.

“Hah.”

Sure enough, Madam Linne soon ended the lesson.

“That will be enough for today, Lady Vivian. It’s time for your economics lesson.”

Though it ended earlier than usual, Vivian did not complain.

She’d do anything to escape this hellish time.

But how much longer would she have to endure this?

Her speech showed no signs of improving, and she couldn’t even complain about the pain.

This lesson would supposedly continue until she became an adult… but could she really endure until then?

It had only been a month, and she was already struggling like this…

“…I hope you do better next time.”

There was no hope in sight, and that made it even harder for her.

“It’s a demand notice.”

The treasurer, Brynden, said as he scanned a document.

“It’s a letter from Count Corrode demanding repayment of the grain and gold borrowed by House Rondor.”

“…B-but we can’t repay it right now.”

“I understand. There’s no other choice but to ask for more time.”

“…It feels like we’ve been receiving more demand notices ever since Lady Vivian became the head of the house. Truly…”

Brynden murmured.

He had been one of the people who opposed Vivian’s decision not to appoint a regent.

Perhaps that’s why his tone seemed to suggest that this situation was her fault.

That all these problems were happening because the head of the house was being looked down upon.

And she couldn’t even argue against that.

In some ways, his words were true.

Vivian sighed.

The pressure weighing on her chest made her head throb as well.

“A, a death sentence?”

“Yes. Lady Vivian, you must stamp it.”

“…Me?”

“Only the lord holds that authority.”

Sir Baelor, the commander of the First Knights, handed her the document and asked for her confirmation.

It was an execution order for a death row inmate.

Once she stamped it, a person would die.

Even though the person had committed a heinous crime, the weight of their life still felt heavy on Vivian.

Her hand trembled at the thought that someone would die the moment she stamped it.

Just a few months ago, she had nothing to do with responsibility.

She used to care for her mother, occasionally admire the flowers, and take in the breeze.

But now, she had to manage both money and people’s lives.

“Please retrieve your seal.”

Sir Baelor urged her.

The maids also quietly watched, waiting for Vivian’s decision.

Under the pressure, she reached for the seal from her desk.

The seal that only the head of House Rondor could wield.

It felt heavier than she expected, and it didn’t feel familiar in her hand.

-Tremble tremble…

As she tried to stamp the document, Vivian’s hand trembled.

Once she stamped it, she would be taking someone’s life for the first time.

“-9!”

-Thud.

Overcome by a sudden wave of nausea, Vivian dropped the seal.

At the same time, tears of shame welled up in her eyes.

“!”

But the nausea didn’t stop.

Sir Baelor, who had been watching her, let out a quiet sigh.

“…Hah.”

That brief sigh made Vivian’s heart sink.

There was an attitude adults displayed in front of her.

It had been building up, little by little.

Lately, it felt like everyone was looking down on her.

No one understood how difficult and sudden all of this was for her.

Madam Linne’s words that showing weakness would only make people look down on her were true, but… she hadn’t wanted to confirm it like this.

-Swish.

“I’ll return next time.”

Sir Baelor, after watching Vivian retch, gathered the documents and left.

Vivian sat alone in front of the Duchess of Rondor’s grave.

There were so many things she wanted to say, but once she was there, she found herself maintaining silence for a long time.

Part of it was because she liked the quiet.

…And part of it was because she hated her stuttering and had grown tired of voicing her weakness.

A month had been more than enough time to instill various habits into her.

Though it was all meant to prepare her to become the head of House Rondor, Vivian felt like she was losing herself.

“…I-is this what you wanted?”

Vivian couldn’t manage to speak clearly in front of her mother, whom she hadn’t seen in so long.

It was her mother who had appointed Madam Linne as her tutor, and there was even a final wish that harsh punishments were allowed.

“You… you’re so cruel. W-why did you… do this?”

Vivian softly stroked her bruised arms.

Since it had been her mother’s final wish, it was difficult to rebel against Madam Linne.

That’s why she foolishly endured it all.

Vivian hugged her knees and buried her face in them.

“…I-it’s okay to be in pain, Mother.”

She whispered.

“…I can even endure the pain.”

After a long time, she finally voiced her weakness.

“I, I guess I’ll get used to… being, being lonely, right?”

Vivian’s voice was gradually filled with tears.

“But… it, it’s so hard… sob… It hurts… being lonely… it’s so, so painful.”

Tears streamed down her face once again.

“…The, the adults… sob… they’re, they’re so scary.”

Earlier today, as I was walking around the castle, I heard someone’s whispering as it flowed along the walls.

It might have been a maid, one of the retainers, or perhaps one of the teachers.

I couldn’t be certain who it was, but they whispered.

That it should have been Vivian Rondor who died, not Lois Rondor.

That if it had been her, the Rondor family, and even Loctana, wouldn’t be so shaken.

It was a remark that deserved severe punishment and exile from the estate, but… Vivian, whose self-esteem was utterly shattered, didn’t do that.

Instead, she immediately ran away.

Perhaps part of her agreed with the sentiment.

If her brother had been alive instead of her, he would have managed this place well.

He was called the future of Rondor, after all.

Vivian wiped her tears with the back of her hand and quietly gazed at the grave.

This was the Rondor estate, but no one from the Rondor family welcomed her.

No one understood her circumstances.

To them, she was nothing but a tool.

And from that perspective, Vivian was a broken tool.

A tool with no use anywhere.

Lost in silence for a while, Vivian slowly asked a question she had been pondering for a long time.

“…Mother.”

A question that always came to her whenever she had to endure and endure.

“Is it… okay if I go there too?”

The grave gave no reply.

“…Is it… okay if I go there too?”

***

I happened to overhear Vivian’s lament.

I couldn’t react.

I didn’t know how to respond, or what to do.

Confused, I pretended I hadn’t heard anything and turned my body away, walking in the opposite direction.

Vivian, sitting in front of the grave, looked like a candle.

Her red hair fluttered in the wind, but she gave off the impression that she might go out at any moment.

When someone says a person looks like a corpse, it must be at moments like this.

Ever since I noticed the bruises covering her arms, her transformation became even clearer to me.

Her complexion had worsened noticeably lately.

And the worse her condition became, the more I found myself seeking her out.

Not long ago, I had a thought.

I couldn’t decide whether I preferred the angry expression she showed me, or the sorrowful one she wore now.

But now I know.

I’d rather see her angry at me.

At least when she’s angry, I don’t feel this unsettling weight when I turn away.

When she’s angry, she doesn’t seem like she’s going to drop dead at any second.

A sharp ache formed in my chest.

I’ve been watching her every day recently.

I witnessed her trying, struggling with everything she had.

Each one of those pitiful struggles shook me deeply.

Lately, I’ve felt an undeniable sense of guilt.

Our family can’t completely wash its hands of responsibility for the life she’s living.

I can even understand her hatred toward me.

It was war, after all, so I don’t have any reason to apologize or make amends.

…But I still felt human compassion, and that wasn’t something I could control.

Was this the feeling my father talked about when he said we should protect the weak?

For the first time, I vaguely understood it here.

‘…Is it okay if I go there too?’

Even after I lay down on my bed in my quarters, her words wouldn’t leave my mind.

I could still clearly recall the tremble in her voice when she said them.

I knew.

If she followed through with those words and chose death, I would never forget this moment for the rest of my life.

Her death would haunt me, like a curse.

Though she was neither my family, nor my friend, nor even an acquaintance, but an enemy… her death would undoubtedly leave me with deep discomfort.

Maybe that’s why my eyes kept drifting toward her.

But what could I possibly do?

We aren’t close enough for me to offer words of encouragement, and I’m not in any position to do so.

Besides, such words wouldn’t help her anyway.

And I, too, am not strong enough to confront the adults, so I can’t ask Lady Linne or the Rondor retainers to improve her treatment.

But…

‘Kailo, if I’m gone… could you protect our daughter? Like a knight would.’

The voice of the Duchess echoed in my mind.

‘I showed you mercy. If you have any conscience… Alan… please, show mercy to our family as well. When I’m gone, if you win the war and crush our family… please don’t let my sister and mother be disgraced.’

Then there was the voice of Lois Rondor, who was 19 at the time.

“…Hah.”

In the end, I made up my mind.

I was going to Vivian’s room.

I didn’t know what I would say, but… I didn’t want to suffer from indecision any longer.

“Hey, young master, where are you going?”

At that moment, three boys blocked my path.

They slowly rose from their beds and stood in the doorway of the quarters, blocking my way.

All three were bigger than me.

They were two or three years older as well.

I knew their names vaguely.

The fat one was Valon, the lanky one was Wallace, and the one with a face full of acne was probably Martin.

They approached, tilting their heads left and right.

…It seemed like today was the day.

Big smiles were plastered on their faces.

Valon spoke.

“We’ve been meaning to say hello, haven’t we?”