episode_0049

They trudged along, searching the bleak, gray landscape. Some of the clones dragged their swords or spears along the ground, looking like reservists.

The scraping and clanking of metal against the ground grated on everyone’s ears, but no one paid it any mind.

“So stifling…”

No. 71 unconsciously reached to take off her facemask.

The facemasks we wore only had holes for the eyes. It was suffocating to wear them for a long time.

The temperature in the underground dungeon was chilly compared to outside, so we didn’t sweat, but after several hours of not taking it off, it felt itchy and tight.

No. 14, who was nearby, grabbed No. 71’s hand as she tried to pull the facemask fabric up to her chin.

“What are you doing? Did you forget the rule about hiding your face outside?”

“This is a dungeon! No one will see us!”

The two bickered until the surrounding clones gave them pointed looks, then they returned to their positions.

Lately, this was generally how we hunted. We moved mechanically, fought, got injured, died, and revived.

In the process, it felt as if something within us was being worn away. Just as sawdust flies when you carve wood and stone dust falls when you carve stone, the drive, the passion within me, was fading away.

Was it because we were tired?

Pain could be distributed, but fatigue could not. Not feeling pain and having vitality were different matters.

Because of this, arguments arose. Rarely had we bickered this much among ourselves before.

To counter this problem, we would periodically swap our minds with the disembodied standby personnel in the Violet Network or with other versions of ourselves in different areas. This was to prevent mental exhaustion.

And yet, at some point, the switch for my inner drive had long been turned off.

The Violet leading the way spotted a human-sized object moving among the ruins. It was a two-legged magic beast, twice the size of an adult male.

“Ah, magic beast found.”

“What kind?”

“It’s a Growler. What should we do?”

“Do we really need to get close and fight it? Let’s just shoot it dead.”

All the Violets moved in unison, yet quietly, surrounding the creature. They put away their swords and spears and pulled out their replica crossbows.

Without a word, they moved to their respective positions and aimed at the magic beast. They braced the stock against their shoulders and hooked their fingers around the triggers. They aligned the sparkling red dot in the center of the square scope with the creature’s torso.

They injected magic into their bolts. Unlike swords, this was unfamiliar, so it took a little time. The bolts glowed with red magic.

The moment all their minds synchronized, the triggers were pulled simultaneously. The bowstrings snapped lightly, and over twenty red streaks of light flew towards the magic beast.

Perhaps hearing the twang of the bowstrings, the creature flapped its broad ears and turned towards them at the exact moment they fired. But it was too late to dodge.

“GROOOOWWL!”

Sparkling red beams of light covered its body. In less than a second, the magic absorbed by the bolts burst in small, firework-like explosions. The magic beast collapsed to the ground, looking like a porcupine. The Violets pulled back the levers under their crossbows to reload their bolts, then slowly approached the magic beast’s corpse. Small wisps of smoke rose from where the bolts had pierced it.

“Ah, now we can’t sell it.”

One of the clones grumbled. The Growler’s carcass, caught in the crossfire, was a mess. Unlike other lesser magic beasts, its hide could be skinned and sold at a high price. I didn’t know how to skin it myself, but among the merchants at the dungeon entrance, some would skin it for a fee.

However, if it had holes riddled through it like this, it was destined for the grinder without exception.

“What were you doing when I suggested we shoot it?”

“That’s true, but… it’s a waste…”

The Violets retrieved their bolts. Some were damaged or broken by the magic. Recycling them seemed impossible.

Two or three clones, bored, pulled out their swords and poked at the corpse. Others carelessly hacked off its head with an axe. Magic beasts are strange. When they’re alive, even if you focus your sword energy to pierce them, they feel like solid rock, but once dead, they become so soft.

“What are you doing?”

“Look, its blood is black!”

“You’ve seen it before, what’s new? Stop wasting time and let’s go.”

“Aren’t you going to take it?”

“Forget it. Let’s go get something to eat.”

Everyone was withdrawing, but another clone, who had been staring blankly at the Growler’s rolling head, quietly walked over. Then she gave its head a kick.

“I said, what are you doing? Hurry up!”

“Oh…”

Watching the head roll away, it turned out to be less interesting than I thought. I gave a weak laugh, then joined the procession with a blank expression, as if nothing had happened.

Why was I doing this?

I was doing strange things I wouldn’t normally do.

Each of us went to the edge of an empty ruin, where human presence was sparse and there were no magic beasts.

Dinner tonight was combat rations. Each of us took a seat and pulled the strings attached to the pouches. Steam rose. After waiting for the designated time, we tore open the pouches and poured the food into temporary paper bowls.

“It’s pasta.”

“It’s pasta.”

I picked up a fork and shoved the pasta into my mouth. It tasted good the first time I ate it, but it became less and less appetizing. Perhaps I was just sick of it.

“I don’t want to eat it.”

One by one, we tossed aside our food.

“How about beer? There’s vodka and whiskey too…”

When someone suggested it, everyone pulled out the alcohol they had bought the day before yesterday from their inventories and drank it. That wasn’t great either.

“We’re tired. Should we call it a day?”

“Let’s…”

After carelessly discarding what we were eating, we walked back up to the exit.

After walking for a long time, we felt something shaking in the distance. The ground vibrated.

“What’s that sound?”

“It must be an armored vehicle or a truck.”

Inside the dungeon, we often heard the sounds of trucks going up and down to transport minerals or magic beast carcasses.

But the truck sound was too loud. The vibrations grew closer.

“Huh? What is that sound?”

“Look! Look there!”

With a roar, something massive was seen cutting through the ruins of a building. It was approaching us.

“Surely that’s… a Crawler?”

“Looks like it?”

Realizing the situation, we gasped and started running at full speed. Soon, a gigantic figure burst through a wall and appeared. It was a large, caterpillar-like magic beast, about three stories high.

A Crawler, the dungeon’s only mid-tier magic beast and the boss monster that marks the end of the tutorial. Why was a magic beast that should only appear deep in the canyon here?

We shot bolts at it. The magic-infused bolts flew, but bounced off its steel-like gleaming hide without piercing it. No. 9 and No. 23 approached with their swords.

The Crawler simply trampled No. 9 and No. 23. It felt as if we had rushed directly into its path. We could do nothing.

“Let’s run…”

We fled frantically. Even from this distance, we could see the dust spreading as the Crawler rapidly traversed the canyon far away.

“Should we… take a break for a while?”

“Let’s…”

From the next day, the dungeon team stopped working and holed up in the dormitory.

They were exhausted.

***

Lately, we had been lying lethargically, not doing the work assigned to us. Even the clones attending classes quietly slipped out of the classroom after their attendance was marked.

“Hey! Are you paying attention?”

As I was idly swinging my sword in the air, Frederick approached. I braced myself for a scolding after seeing him scrutinize me, but for some reason, he spoke in a cautious tone.

“…Hey, you rude punk. Are you sick?”

“Me…?”

“You look like a corpse. Is there something wrong with you?”

Do I really look that bad?

I was lying lethargically in the dormitory, bothered by everything, when Daphne spoke to me from under the bed.

“Miss Ruzilin? Are you sleeping?”

“No, I’m not.”

“Then I can come up, right?”

Without waiting for my answer, she climbed the ladder. Like that night before, with her body half-perched on the ladder, she gently placed her hand on my head, looking worried.

“…What’s wrong?”

“Weren’t you having a headache?”

“No. I’m fine…”

I didn’t have a headache. I just felt powerless. It was tiresome. Boring. I didn’t want to move.

“Did something bad happen? Is there anything I can help with? Anything you want to eat…?”

“…It’s annoying.”

“What did you say? I can’t hear you well…”

“…Be quiet. Just go!”

Why did she keep bothering me like this?

I didn’t want to answer her. I pulled the blanket deeper over myself.

Beyond the blanket, I heard a voice that sounded disheartened.

“I’m sorry, Miss Ruzilin. You’re tired, and I bothered you for nothing. See you tomorrow.”

Her footsteps descended the ladder.

Only then did I realize my mistake. What had I just said?

I cautiously peeked my head out from under the bed. Our eyes met, and her expression was troubled.

The moment I saw those clear, blue eyes, a feeling of shame washed over me.

“…I’m sorry for being irritable.”

Hearing my apology, she smiled gently.

“Sometimes, when you’re really tired, it can be annoying if someone talks to you. For today, just rest well.”

I lay back down and thought.

I was getting really strange, losing my temper for no reason. Why was I like this lately?

We thought silently, not exchanging a single word.

It wasn’t simply because we had done too much work.

We became fatigued slowly, like clothes slowly getting soaked in a drizzle.

No, the word ‘fatigue’ wasn’t enough to explain it. Why was this happening? Nothing particularly bad had happened…

-Me. I think I know why we, the other versions of me, are like this.-

No. 2, who had been lying still, spoke.

-What is it?-

-How many times have we died so far?-

-I don’t know. I haven’t counted…-

How many times had I died so far? How many times had I been injured?

As I tried to count and retrace the past events, a wave of fatigue, incomparable to my current state, washed over me. My heart ached.

My arms trembled. My head throbbed. When I came to my senses, I realized my whole body was shaking uncontrollably.

Only then did I understand.

I knew I hadn’t forgotten. I couldn’t forget.

-We were remembering. Even if we didn’t realize it ourselves…-

We all had no choice but to agree with someone’s words.

I had died countless times.

Fighting magic beasts, my neck was severed, my head was blown off, I was crushed, and holes were torn through my chest. There were also times when I was unlucky enough to be dragged among magic beasts and have my limbs torn off.

Even with pain distributed, the experience of having my belly split open and my intestines spill out was bizarre. Losing limbs was not uncommon.

After the pain distribution ability appeared, we charged in more recklessly, and despite our improving skill, injuries continued to increase. It was because it didn’t hurt. From then on, losing fingers or toes wasn’t even considered an injury.

However, it must have been unconsciously imprinted on my mind.

Was I breaking down?

Perhaps I had just buried it. Apart from the pain, the sensation of a missing body part or losing strength as blood gushed out was unpleasant, so I didn’t want to recall it.

These were things I had never experienced before my possession. It would be normal for a well-adjusted person to almost never experience such things in their lifetime.

-Honestly, we didn’t have any sense of purpose or will. But we pushed our bodies too hard, so our motivation just vanished.-

-Sigh, should we rest a bit?-

-Yeah… Honestly, we’ve been too reckless with our bodies. Let’s close up shop for a while.-

That’s what we needed to do.

Now that I realized I wasn’t invincible, I needed to be gentler with my body. Die less, get injured less.

Now that I knew the reason, the solution also became clear.

-For a while, let’s skip school a bit, slack off, and live as if we’re on vacation!-

-Yeah, since we’ve entered a game anyway, there’s no reason to live so seriously, right? We’ve earned a lot of money too. Let’s play!-

As a positive solution appeared, a ray of light pierced through our shadow-filled hearts.

-Let’s just play from now on! Let’s buy game consoles and set up tons of computers at home. There are some good games here too!-

-Hehe! Let’s make a PC bang!-

Now that I think about it, maybe I’m floundering so much because I became a girl.

Wouldn’t my old self, before possession, have thought more positively?

Of course, my male self had never died or had limbs torn off.

Still, I prided myself on having lived a reasonably diligent life. I was busy studying for employment and looking for jobs.

Unfortunately, every application I submitted was rejected, often failing to even pass the document screening.

-Weren’t we going to an interview right before possession?-

-That’s right, we applied for a temporary administrative support position to utilize our major.-

Everyone chuckled quietly, thinking about the past. We never thought we’d die from being hit by an outdoor air conditioner unit.

-If I’d known I’d be possessed like this, I should have just half-assed the interview prep.-

-Right! Who prepares their greeting from scratch? ‘Hello! I am interviewee number 10, applicant…’ Who was it? I can’t remember.-

-Are you an idiot? Interviewee number 10 applicant…-

-Oh right, that’s our name…-

-Our name? What are you talking about. Our name is Violet.-

Everyone’s thoughts came to a halt. Suddenly, I couldn’t remember. What?

-Hey, why is everyone silent?…-

No. 1 slowly spoke. No. 1 herself was confused.

What was it? Why couldn’t I answer?

No, why?

The most important thing wouldn’t come to mind.

I clearly remembered my life right up until possession.

What school I attended, what military unit I enlisted in, what I did after graduation. What I liked, when my birthday was, I knew all of that.

But it wouldn’t come to me. As if someone had erased it with an eraser.

-Our name is Violet…-

-Idiot, not that. Our *real* name! What was it?-

-We are Violet!-

-No, the name before Violet!-

We screamed in our minds. I couldn’t remember my name.

My name, what was it?

I can’t remember my name.

Why? Since when?

I knew I had forgotten something. But I thought it was nothing important. Because I remembered everything else.

But my name wouldn’t come to me.

I am Violet. That’s right, I’m Violet.

But I was someone else too. I was a Korean man in my late twenties. I had that memory. Who was I?

“What was my name?”

Among so many things, only my name wouldn’t come to mind.

At that realization, I froze.

I finally understood what I didn’t know.

“Ah…”

When I came to my senses, tears were unknowingly streaming down my face.