Chapter 130

Chapter 130

Raise Three Idols Well And They’ll Launch a Confession Attack.

Episode 130: I’m An Idiot.

“You’re eating properly, right?”

“Of course, sis. It’s just that I have a lot of free time out here. I’m not really working much. I’m basically a salary thief.”

“Yeah, right. It’s lucky that you’re not doing everything you don’t even have to do, and you’re not killing yourself with work.”

…She knows me too well?

“It’s good to have something you want to do. But don’t try to pour everything you have into it. People aren’t machines. If you use up all your energy just because you can, you’ll break down.”

“I’ll try my best.”

I’m not sure if it will work out as I want, though…

“Alright, please try to make an effort to rest as well.”

“Yeah… I try my best, though.”

After giving a vague response to my sister’s worried nagging, I hung up, sighed, and began fiddling with the keys again.

Honestly, she had reason to worry. I hadn’t even properly stopped by home to say hello lately. My work-life balance had been completely shattered by my schedule, but I couldn’t blame anyone. It was my fault, driven by the desire for a perfect debut, that I had gotten involved in everything related to the preparations, whether it was necessary or not.

I was living such a busy life that the words “weekend” and “leisure” felt distant, but in order to challenge myself in the new field of composition, I somehow managed to carve out time to stay in the studio. Even though it was a late night when the subway had stopped running. But despite this precious time, the work was still slow and sluggish.

“This is really driving me crazy.”

The problem wasn’t that I couldn’t do anything; the problem was that there was so much I could do.

Thoughts came and went like waves, and inspirations bubbled up like foam. These thoughts collided in my mind, each claiming to be the answer. However, all of them didn’t feel like the perfect answer.

“I can’t be satisfied with just this…”

The ideal was high.

What I wanted was quality that could be called top-tier in the industry.

80 or 90 points wouldn’t be enough. It had to be 100 points. If I couldn’t do that, I couldn’t accept it myself. It was about my pride, my expectations, and I would disregard everything else to buy a guaranteed hit song if necessary.

The reality was weak.

I was a beginner, receiving excessive expectations, but in reality, I had only achieved one success by chance. In fact, I even questioned whether that success was real success.

I tapped the keys. The melody rang out.

The performance data went up on the sequencer. I played it back. Then erased it.

I couldn’t even tell if it was good or bad. I just had a vague feeling that it wasn’t enough.

I lacked certainty.

I lacked talent.

I was lacking.

Frustrated, I stood up and wandered down the hallway, and without thinking, my steps led me to the smoking room. I didn’t have any cigarettes, but I felt a strong urge to go in and at least smell the scent of smoke.

A thought popped into my head that the convenience store was about a 5-minute walk away. I desperately wanted just one pack.

I stopped in my tracks, fighting the strong impulse, then let out a deep sigh.

“What am I doing? This is embarrassing, especially with the kids around.”

I was the manager of the kids. For me to not be able to control an impulse and stand around smelling of cigarettes while being near them would be an endlessly shameful thing to do.

I gave up and returned to the studio.

And next to the monitor with the DAW program1 open, I spotted an energy drink with a yellow post-it note attached to it.

[Hang in there! – Fan No. 1]

“…”

Such overwhelming expectations.

“Should I try just a little harder?”

I still wanted to repay that heart.

And so, dawn passed.

“I’m an idiot.”

I slammed my head against the keyboard and said it again.

“I’m a damn idiot.”

Oh Jinwoo, who had been sampling beside me, clicked his tongue and spoke.

“Team Leader Seon has finally encountered the second stage of creation.”

“What’s the second stage again, was it compromise?”

“Bro, that’s stage 4. Stage 2 is anger.”

“Anger? I don’t really see Team Leader Seon as being angry right now.”

“Most people express anger like that unless they’re filled with confidence like you, bro. They feel anger toward themselves.”

“Why have you been analyzing me since earlier?”

“What’s that? Stage 3?”

“No, the stage hasn’t changed. It’s just that the target of the anger has shifted toward me.”

Isabella, who had been listening with an indifferent expression, glared at Oh Jinwoo and spoke.

“Jinwoo, if you know that, keep your mouth shut. How can you make a joke like that when Team Leader Seon is struggling so much? Did you sell your conscience along with your manners?”

“Yes, Bella.”

“James, you should stop him if your little brother is acting up.”

“…I’m sorry.”

The two of them bowed their heads in apology, but honestly, that didn’t matter to me at all. What mattered was the reality that this damn composition was still stuck.

“Team Leader Seon, try to relax and take it slow. It’s very rare that creation comes together in a short amount of time.”

“I know that, but we don’t have time.”

“That’s true.”

Perhaps if things had gone according to the original plan, I wouldn’t have felt this much anxiety. The problem was that I had pushed the debut schedule forward.

Choreography, costumes, music videos, stage setup, package design, and all the other steps for debut had to follow one after the other, which meant the song had to be completed as quickly as possible. So, the time I had left was practically nonexistent.

“Really, I don’t know what to do. It feels like there’s no answer.”

“Hmm… Honestly, I think there were a lot of good drafts that Team Leader Seon made. Why not just pick one of those?”

“If I was going to be satisfied with something like that, I’d rather pull it from the album.”

“That’s true.”

Oh James, who had been smiling quietly while watching me bang my head on the keyboard and squeeze out the melody, spoke lightly.

“What is it that you want to say with this song, Team Leader Seon?”

“What do you mean by that?”

“Yes, it might sound a bit basic, but the start of a song usually comes from a small message like that.”

“I just played it without thinking.”

“Is it still like that? Even now, as you continue exploring with ambition for your creation, don’t you have any story to tell?”

“…”“You don’t need to overthink it. It doesn’t have to be a philosophical discussion or a grand political statement. Something as simple as the intention you had when you arranged the music back then—that’s enough. Even a basic emotion will do.”…What is it that I want to do with this song?I didn’t have any aspirations to become a great composer. By nature, I was a manager. Instead of seeking my own spotlight, I wanted to make my kids, the ones carrying the name of the four seasons, shine.

‘…Then I’ll believe in you now. Because I’m already happy.’

A child who bloomed a smile resembling spring in the cold wind.’Just for a moment… just hold me for a moment.’A child who, despite being more delicate than anyone and yearning for warmth, shared her own warmth with others.’Meeting someone as strange as you must be the greatest fortune of my life.’A child who, even in the depths of despair, never gave up and continued to blossom.‘When I see you like that, I can’t help but wish I could bear the pain instead.’A child who, while saying she wanted to resemble someone, ended up becoming even more admirable herself.“…“I just wanted to let them shine.That was all I ever intended, all I ever wanted to say.

“In that sense, the thought Team Leader Seon should have right now is…”

“Stop talking, James.”

“Huh…? Did I say something strange again?”

“No, it was good… But I don’t think anything more is needed.”

“Yeah, I guess it’s not needed anymore.”

Oh James smiled as he watched Seon Taeyang, who was so engrossed in his own world that he seemed completely unaware of the sounds around him.

“Looks like you’ve already found your direction.”

We played the melody stored in the sequencer, and we fell into silence.

“…”

I couldn’t tell if this was worth 10 points, 50 points, or maybe even 100 points.

Despite countless revisions and polish, I still couldn’t be sure if this was a good song.

But I was sure of one thing: this was the song I wanted to express.

Oh James, who had been humming the completed melody beside me, asked.

“So, what title do you think you’ll give the song?”

“A title? Isn’t it a bit early to give a title to a song I haven’t even written the lyrics for?”

“Still, I thought Team Leader Seon might have something in mind.”

“That’s true.”

As he said, I did have a name in mind.

Expecting an answer, the eyes of Oh James, Oh Jinwoo, and Isabella were all on me. In those gazes, I simply said.

“Albatross.”

The name that came to mind when I thought of those kids.

“For now, I’ll call it that.”

“This is the song I’d like to use for this album.”

After Oh James finished presenting the four songs, the staff at TwoBear clapped.

However, some of them had a look in their eyes that seemed to ask, “Is this it?”

The reason wasn’t that the four tracks Oh James presented were of poor quality or lacking. His work, like his reputation, boasted top-tier quality.

But Oh James knew better than anyone why they were giving him those looks. He, too, was waiting for someone.

But that man was not here.

Unable to hold back her curiosity, Jin Yeoreum cautiously asked.

“Um, Team Leader Seon is…”

“I’m sorry for being late.”

At that moment, Seon Taeyang opened the door and apologized as he entered.

Yoo Gaeul, seeing him, smiled brightly.

“Taeyang oppa!”

Taeyang gave her a small smile before taking a seat in front of the computer, which was processing the audio.

“I found an error during the adjustment work, so I was a bit late.”

“It’s okay, Team Leader Seon. Everyone understands that the schedule was tight.”

“Thank you for understanding.”

Taeyang glanced briefly at the four kids, who were staring at him with wide eyes, and at the employees of TwoBear. Then, he spoke.

“Then, I’ll start the playback.”

ED/N: Software used for recording, editing, mixing, and producing audio. ↩️