episode_0079

After finishing off the remaining wine in a refreshing manner, they ordered another glass of wine each.

“Wasn’t tomorrow the day you start work?”

“Not tomorrow, the day after tomorrow….”

Before he could finish his sentence, his friend raised his wrist to show him the time. The hour hand had passed 12, so in the end, Cheol-su’s statement about work starting the next day was correct.

“Darn it. Suddenly feeling a bit anxious.”

“Well, that’s how it is for office workers. That’s why they say to do business.”

“Oh, for you, it’s more like getting married. Haha.”

They bantered back and forth like this, teasing each other.

“How are the kids doing these days?”

“The kids? They’re doing well in school, playing sports, and overall, they’re doing fine.”

“Haha, do the kids not miss their mom?”

“I am their mom, you idiot.”

“What nonsense is this?”

He asked, tilting his head in confusion.

“Well, if we’re out together, and I’m called ‘dad,’ it would be weird. So I told them to call me ‘mom’ when we’re out, and now we’ve just unified it as ‘mom’ both inside and outside.”

“Are you okay with that?”

“With what?”

“Isn’t it awkward or anything to be called that way?”

“It was a bit strange at first. But now I’m used to it.”

Cheol-su just nodded, lost in thought.

“So, should I call you ‘Doyeon’ too?”

“Well, do as you please. I mean, are you the type to be bothered by titles?”

“Not really… but… it’s just that it’s a name, you know. Even though Dohyun and Doyeon are just one letter apart, the name is still… different.”

“Then let’s just go with Doyeon. It’s not like dwelling on the past will change my gender back, so if you’re going to adapt, it’s better to do it quickly.”

“Okay, well… if you say so… Doyeon… Jung Doyeon… Hmm, it’s strange. It’s just one letter difference, and the pronunciation is similar, but it feels a bit…”

He continued to repeat the three syllables of my changed name as if trying to get used to it.

“Ugh… damn. This might take some time to get used to.”

“Haha, but still, you’re the first among our friends to call me by my new name.”

“I-I am?”

Cheol-su suddenly avoided my gaze and looked outside. Perhaps his cheeks were a bit flushed because he was feeling tipsy?

“So, you’re not planning to date for a while?”

“Well, I’m not sure… maybe for a while. I’m a bit tired now, meeting someone, getting to know them, going back and forth, all that process just feels like a hassle.”

“Well, it’s all part of dating, not just having a partner, right?”

“No, it’s just… it’s a bit different from normal human relationships… anyway, there’s something like that. By the way, you only dated in high school, right? Wasn’t Yeon-ah your last girlfriend? And you got married just like that, with a kid on the way, talking about dating is quite amusing coming from you.”

I was momentarily taken aback by his words, as someone who hadn’t even been married, but upon reflection, dating and marriage seemed to be different realms, so I just kept quiet.

“In times like this, it’s easier to date someone you already know well. Since you know each other’s tendencies, there’s no need to invade each other’s boundaries, and if you date someone you don’t know, you can significantly reduce the trial and error process you have to go through while dating, how great is that.”

“Well, aren’t there any women around you like that? You know a lot of women.”

Honestly, Cheol-su wasn’t incredibly handsome, but he took good care of himself and had a good body, so even at 39, he was quite popular with women. Moreover, his job as a bartender meant he met many people, and especially in such an environment, it was inevitable that his network would expand.

“Just because I know women doesn’t mean they’re all the same. And why should I be the only one who knows that person well? That person should know me well too. If I know and care for them, what’s the difference between that and volunteering?”

“Well, don’t you have any women around you like that? You know a lot of women.”

Cheol-su’s words made me feel a bit emotional, but when I thought about it, dating and marriage seemed to be different areas, so I just kept my mouth shut.

Perhaps it was due to the overwhelming sense of something cynical that came over me within the category of relationships, as if I had to experience everything within the realm of dating.

“Well, then why don’t you try hitting on that girl from the alumni association? What was her name… Miyeong? She seems nice. Though the fact that she’s divorced is a bit concerning.”

“Pfft! Hey, lay off her. Didn’t you skip the last alumni gathering? Ugh…the way she rationalizes what she did to her husband…ugh, gives me the chills. Even though you’re both divorced, the difference between you two is like night and day.”

“What about me?”

“You? You’re, uh…responsible, devoted to your family, good at cooking, comfortable to be around as a friend, pretty, with a great figure…oh? Damn. You’re like my ideal type, aren’t you?”

Just as I took a sip of wine, I choked on the sudden remark from the guy.

*Cough, cough!*

“Hey, hey! Are you okay?”

He quickly pulled out a handkerchief from his pocket and offered it to me.

*Cough! Hey, you! Cough!*

After the coughing fit subsided, I used the handkerchief he gave me to tidy up around my mouth and took a deep breath.

“Phew, I almost died there.”

“Why did you suddenly choke like that?”

“It’s because of you, dude! Suddenly saying unnecessary things.”

“What, about the ideal type? Don’t you look in the mirror? Ask random guys passing by. 90 out of 100 would say you’re their ideal type.”

“Is that so?”

I’ve been looking at my face in the mirror every day lately, so now I can look at it indifferently. But when I think about it, I used to think I had a really pretty face with an unbelievable figure. Oh, of course, my body still seems to be like that.

“By the way, the other 10 would be a pervert, gay, or lolicon.”

“You’re unnecessarily detailed.”

“Haha, right? Anyway, just by looking at you now, one could believe you’re a celebrity, right? If only the past with Jung Dohyun didn’t exist, I would have made a move right away. Too bad.”

“That’s why I consider it extremely fortunate that I’m not Jung Dohyun.”

At least I won’t fall for that guy. Ugh, thank goodness.

“If we don’t meet anyone by the time we’re 40…”

“It’s next year…and there’s only 4 months left! Who would recognize you as a fool?”

Cheolsu found my reaction amusing and burst into laughter.

“Hahaha! Oh, you didn’t fall for it. Hehehe, too bad.”

“Anyway, the guy who just said he’s tired of dating is now all confident…”

“I told you. If I were to date, I’d rather do it with someone I know well.”

“But why me of all people?”

“Oh, because you’re the only one who fits the criteria.”

“Jeez. What a load of crap.”

Of course, it’s just a joke, but imagining being in a relationship with this guy gave me goosebumps.

“Oh, I’m feeling the alcohol rush now that I have a fever.”

The amount of alcohol I drank tonight is not much by my standards, but I was starting to feel a bit fuzzy.

“Oh, it seems like my strategy is working well.”

“Ah, no matter what, can you outdrink me?”

Again, my alcohol tolerance varies depending on my condition, but at least I can handle a minimum of 5 bottles of soju. Even back in my 20s as a college student, the alcohol content in soju was higher than it is now, but my tolerance was even higher back then, so now that I’ve aged and my liver function has improved, is it even meaningful to compare the number of bottles? So, just a few cocktails, a few glasses of wine, and I wasn’t about to get drunk from that.

“Heh, I’ve known your alcohol tolerance since high school.”

The kids decided to rebel and bought a few bottles of soju from the hole-in-the-wall convenience store to try it out. Even though it was their first time drinking, they found it sweet and kept drinking without hesitation. I still remember the struggle of cleaning up after everyone else got drunk and passed out.

“Don’t get involved with alcohol like that.”

Confidently saying that, how many glasses of port wine did he order after that? As his mind became more and more hazy, it seemed that getting drunk was inevitable when the amount of wine increased.

No, rather, it seemed that everyone had different alcohol tolerances depending on the type of alcohol they drank. Since I had never drunk so much wine before, I didn’t know that I was weak against it.

“What, are you already drunk?”

“What~ Me? Drunk? No way! I’m Jeong Dohyun, Jeong Dohyun! I can’t get drunk from a few glasses of wine… hic!”

Oh, my tongue is out of control.

Has it really been years since I got this drunk?

The last time I went on a business trip to China and went crazy with the employees there over baijiu, it seems like it was the last time. Who would have thought I would get this drunk at a wine bar?

“Haah, haah.”

My breathing was heavy. My head was spinning slightly.

“Chulsoo~ Chulsoo! I’m noooot drunk! I’m noooot drunk!”

“Okay, okay. I get it, so please stop making a scene and let’s just go out for now.”

“I’m not maaad! I’m just a little tipsy!”

“Ugh, I get it. Just stay here quietly. I’ll pay and come back.”

And with that, Chulsoo got up from his seat and disappeared from view.

“Hoo, hoo.”

My breathing became rough, my head was spinning, and my eyes were closing.

“Ung, tired… sleepy…”

It’s been so long that I finally remembered, my habit was falling asleep after getting drunk.

And as my mind became hazy, consciousness faded away.

***

A hazy feeling. But as I slowly opened my eyes in a state mixed with uncomfortable headache, what filled my vision was not the patterned beige wallpaper of my home’s living room ceiling, nor the plain white wallpaper of my room back at my parents’ house.

It was a wallpaper with a large grid pattern forming diagonals, a pattern I had never seen before.

Yes, that’s right. That thing people commonly talk about.

It was an unfamiliar ceiling.