Chapter 75: I Must Masochistically Train the Family I Haven’t Seen in Years

Gara’s family had finally reunited… but they couldn’t reconcile.

It was only natural. His daughters had declared their intent to “plunder” his love, and not to be outdone, his wife had a monkey’s tail—a sex toy—stuck in her anus. With all three of them violated by these toys, Gara’s household was in shambles. The mother and daughters, who should have been closer than anyone, were constantly at each other’s throats. The daughters, who should have respected their father, now saw him as a sexual object, a fact that was enough to drive their mother mad with fury. One day, they had even gotten into a brawl, grabbing each other by the hair while trying to decide who would attend to him at night. At this point, the very fact that the family structure hadn’t completely collapsed was a miracle in itself.

The atmosphere was the same today.

The three of them, shameless in their naked aprons, were chopping away in the kitchen, their slightly reddened buttocks with the monkey tails swaying. The steady, rhythmic thwack-thwack-thwack of the knives on the cutting boards was cheerful to the ear, but the war of nerves unfolding in the kitchen was anything but.

“Ugh~! Honestly~!”

“Hmph~!”

“Nngghhh~!”

“Hmph, hmph~!”

“I can’t believe this~!”

“Hee hee hmph~!”

Boing, boing~♡ Boing, boing~♡

Rumie, who had claimed the center of the kitchen, shook her hips. As someone who had managed the household for years, her knife skills were superb, and a little hip-shaking wasn’t about to cause any problems. The real problem was for the Remi and Lami duo, who were pressed against either side of Rumie and getting bumped by her rear.

“Ngyahaaa~! Mama! Go over there~! Your needlessly huge butt is getting in the way!”

“That’s right! We’re using this space! You’re in the way, Mama~!”

“Hmph~?! You’re the ones causing trouble! The kitchen is my domain as the mother! What do you girls, who live on takeout and can’t even boil noodles, think you’re doing barging in here!”

“That’s not true~! We can cook if we want to, you know~?!”

“We just started learning recently~!”

“It’s still just a hastily acquired skill! What would you two know about the taste of a home-cooked meal!”

“”What did you say~?!””

“What are you going to do, get angry? You can’t even chop properly, you’re making a mess! Look at this! Look! It’s a waste of good ingredients!”

“Nwaaaaaah?!”

“You ruined what we just chopped?!”

Grrrrrr~!

Even for a kitchen, the sight of them glaring at each other with knives in hand was truly menacing. Gara, watching from a distance, grew anxious. He couldn’t take his eyes off the kitchen, worried a knife fight might break out. Fortunately, the two daughters, Remi and Lami, didn’t go so far as to attack their mother. After a tense staredown, they returned to their stations and resumed preparing their dishes, still maintaining some semblance of a line they wouldn’t cross.

Thank goodness the kitchen is spacious. This could have ended up as more than just a knife fight.

Logically, this was hardly a situation to be thankful for, but it was true that all three were focused on their cooking. They wouldn’t want to do anything that would make them look bad in front of the person they were serving. As a result, the ensuing disaster was directed solely at Gara, yet the three who presented the food were all beaming.

“…………???”

Three cooks.

Three main dishes.

One person to eat them.

Am I supposed to eat all of this by myself?

When he blankly raised his head, he saw that the women had also taken their seats, but it was clearly not an amount that four people could finish. Besides, while he wasn’t sure about his daughters, Gara knew better than anyone that Rumie was a light eater. Indeed, their own rice bowls were infinitesimally small, while several massive brass bowls befitting Gara’s large frame were placed before him.

“Honey, please start with this one.”

“Start with Remi’s dish! It’ll get cold and won’t taste as good, so eat up!”

“Lami worked hard on hers, too!”

Thud! Thud! Thud!

Meat, meat, and more meat.

He ate a lot, as befitted his size, and he did like meat, but even so, this was excessive.

Ugh…

He glanced sideways, hoping someone might take pity on him, but behind their smiling faces, he could see demons lurking. To put it bluntly, they gave off a “If you don’t say mine is more delicious than hers, I’ll kill you☆” vibe. And so, Gara had no choice but to loosen the front of his robes and his pants, stick out his belly, and open his maw.

“””Heeheehee~♡”””

This is torture. Back when we were poor, I used to wonder why food torture was even a thing. Now I understand perfectly.

In his younger days when he would eat anything, he might have even considered this a reward, but at his age, this much food was just too much. To make matters worse, three warden-from-hell-like women were watching him with smiles. They were nibbling on their own food, but compared to what Gara was eating, it was a pittance. By the time he had emptied the three large bowls, his stomach bulged as if he had swallowed a whole pig, and his cheeks were puffed out.

“Buurp… That was a good meal.”

Even so, he put his hands together to express his gratitude, a testament to his good nature.

“Oh my… that was a lot, but you ate it all. If it was too much, you could have left some of your daughters’ portions.”

“We were about to say the same thing. You eat Mama’s cooking every day, so you could have thrown some of it away.”

“Right~! To put it nicely, it’s the ‘taste of home,’ but to put it another way, it’s a taste you get sick of eating every day~!”

“What are you girls talking about, when you can’t even make that ‘sickening’ taste yourselves?”

“Hmph~!”

“Hmph, hmph~!”

Even in this situation, they didn’t stop their war of nerves, which pained Gara’s heart. He had finally returned from the battlefield only to find his home in a state of pandemonium. Trapped in a harem no sane person would welcome, he let out heavy breaths, buurp, buurp. Rumie just smiled sweetly, sending a chill down his spine.

“…What is it?”

“Oh, nothing~? I was just thinking of bringing you some dessert now that the meal is over.”

“………………”

“You don’t want what I made?”

“…No.”

“Then please, eat.”

“………………”

The way she cornered him, knowing full well he couldn’t refuse, was truly insidious. It was a testament to her cunning, honed by age; she knew exactly where Gara’s weak spots were.

“Urk… Oh… Ooooh…… Buuurrrp~!”

In the end, he had to force that down too. Gara, now bloated like a muscular balloon, waddled away to escape. While the three of them washed the dishes together (amicably?), he had to get away from that trio of little devils. His wandering feet led him to the storage room, a place the women rarely entered as it was filled with his gear. Clutching his swollen belly with both hands, he let out a quiet breath and waited for his stomach to settle, his mind flooding with complaints about the current situation.

I don’t know how things ended up like this. I know I’m largely at fault for what happened with my daughters, but even after I resolved that issue, this is the result. I don’t know if this is the consequence of not giving them enough affection or if there’s some other factor, but I never wanted the three of them to fight like this.

Haaa…

So, what should he do?

Lost in thought, Gara waddled over and scanned his equipment. All sorts of junk he’d brought back from the Demon King’s castle and reward money from the King were piled up. As if drawn by his troubled mind, one particular item caught his eye.

—It was a mirror.

A full-length mirror with an ornate gold frame, it emanated a faint, ominous aura. It was subtle enough that only a warrior of Gara’s caliber would notice, which meant it was no ordinary object.

Mirror Spirit. Come to think of it, I haven’t called on you since the battle with the Four Heavenly Kings.

He had some time, and he needed someone to rely on right now. He reached out his hand. A faint power flowed from Gara’s fingertips and sank into the mirror. The reflection of Gara swirled like a vortex, and soon, the face of a pale white woman appeared in its place.

『—Mmmph! Hmm? Who is it that has awakened me from my slumber?』

“Mirror Spirit. It’s been a long time.”

『This gruff voice… Oh ho, Gara! Has it really been that many years?』

The woman’s face, with no hair and a slightly impertinent look, moved freely within the mirror and smiled at Gara. Her high-bridged nose gave her the look of a queen of some nation, but Gara felt no fear, greeting her happily.

“It’s been a year and a half since the battle with the Four Heavenly Kings.”

『Has so much time passed already… I recall you captured Magak, one of the Four Heavenly Kings, and freed me. Thanks to you, I’ve slept peacefully for this past year and a half. To wake me now must mean the time has come when you need the knowledge of this Mirror Spirit, yes?』

“That’s right, but…”

Gara gave an awkward smile. Just as Tei had captured one of the Four Heavenly Kings and obtained an item with clairvoyance, Gara also possessed such an object. His was far noisier and more talkative than Tei’s clairvoyance item, but that was precisely why it had the ability he needed right now.

『What could it be? The Demon King is dead, and the world should be at peace. Or has the Empire made its move, just as I predicted?』

“It’s not that. There’s some commotion abroad, but it’s not a problem yet.”

『Oh? Then is it the other event I foresaw! Yes, have the remnants of the Demon Lord’s Army begun to move?!』

“That’s not it either. It’s a plausible event, but nothing major has happened yet.”

『Hmm? I wouldn’t think you would summon me for personal reasons, Gara…』

“My apologies. It is a personal matter.”

『Well, this is a surprise! The great Gara has a personal matter for me! If this were one of the Four Heavenly Kings, I’d be displeased at being put to work again, but you are my benefactor! I am delighted! So, for what knowledge have you awakened me?!』

The spirit’s eyes crinkled as it urged him to speak, pushing its face toward him. It couldn’t come out of the mirror, so its face just got bigger, but that alone was overwhelming enough. Despite looking like a beautiful, haughty woman, her behavior toward Gara was like that of a puppy with a wagging tail.

“Mirror Spirit. I wanted to ask you, the one once called the Spring of Knowledge, about a certain sex toy.”

『A sex toy! I wouldn’t have thought it an item that suits a stoic man like you… Does that mean an acquaintance of yours has fallen victim to one?』

“My family has, and I want to know how to remove it.”

『I see… I know you would not misuse my knowledge. Then I, too, shall answer the questions of my friend. What sex toy do you wish to know about?』

“It’s an item called the Monkey’s Tail. Not one, but three were found, and they’ve been attached to my two precious daughters and my wife.”

『The Monkey’s Tail… and on your family, no less… That is a most unpleasant affair……』

“Do you know of it?”

『I am the Mirror Spirit! There are no gaps in my knowledge concerning the Demon Lord’s Army! I recall it was an item the Demon King created in his lifetime to toy with the Hero’s party, but he never had the chance to use it, so it ended up circulating on the market!』

The spirit puffed out its chest—or would have, if it had a body—and recited the details about the Monkey’s Tail.

『That sex toy is a type that sustains its effect by siphoning the wearer’s excrement and a small amount of their life force. It’s not life-threatening, but it’s designed so that once attached, it cannot be removed without a special procedure. If you try to remove it by force, a parasite attached to the anus will tear the intestines apart while releasing poison. If you try to use magic, it will resist and release poison all the same. It is, after all, a parasitic sex toy that feeds on excrement and life force, so it’s constantly accumulating poison. If left alone, the wearer might die once the poison reaches a certain level.』

“…Die?”

『You shouldn’t underestimate it just because it’s a sex toy. It was originally meant to be used on you all. For the Hero’s party, it would have been an item that merely forced you to commit indecent acts, but for an ordinary person, it’s no different from an execution device.』

“………………”

At those words, Gara’s expression turned grim. What had been a somewhat funny romantic comedy just moments ago had instantly plunged into a horror story.

“What do I do? How do I remove it? The poison? How do I save my family?”

『Don’t ask so many questions at once! Fortunately, the poison can be removed, so you can rest easy!』

“…Which means?”

『The Monkey’s Tail, true to its name, makes the wearer’s buttocks so sensitive they become like a masochist aged for centuries! As I just said, it was originally an item meant to be attached to you all to make you commit indecent acts!』

“I know that. So the removal method—”

『—Let me finish! It’s designed to react to orgasms from being spanked, releasing the poison in response! To be more specific, they likely intended to attach it to the Heroine or Reina and force them to do things like, ‘Masturbate your ass if you want to live!’ The Heroine and Reina were particularly beautiful… Ah, that blond pretty boy would have been a fine sight, too…! Seeing you, Gara, masturbate your own ass would be a bit much, but that’s why it would have been perfect for blackmail! Hmmm… those Demon Lord’s Army bastards… now that I say it, they really created a terrifying item…!!』

“I didn’t want to hear your review.”

He meant it.

He had no reason and no desire to imagine such a “what-if ending.”

『So, about the important removal method. You just need to find a cleric on the level of that blond pretty boy who used to follow you around and have them cast Purification Magic.』

“It requires a cleric of that skill level?”

『Indeed. A half-assed purification spell won’t be able to cleanse all of the parasite’s poison, and it will kill the wearer. You need someone skilled enough to purify the poison and exterminate the parasite at the same time. Any purification magic that strong will do, but a half-hearted attempt will lead to disaster, so it’s best not to try anything foolish. The parasite will release a potent toxin just before it dies.』

“Can’t you just kill the parasite and then purify the poison?”

『The poison is released inside the intestines, you know? You’re aware that a person can die from drinking alcohol through their anus, right? It’s similar to that.』

—Instant death if not detoxified immediately.

After laying down the threat, the Mirror Spirit offered Gara some comfort.

『Fortunately, as long as you don’t try to forcibly remove it, it’s a safe sex toy otherwise. If you make them orgasm before the poison builds up in the tail, they can live their whole lives in that state without issue. In fact, it could be seen as a benefit, since they no longer need to excrete.』

“What part of that is a benefit… You’re talking nonsense……”

『They say the poison is expelled more effectively when a member of the opposite sex does the spanking, rather than self-masturbation. It’s family, but if you treat it as a medical procedure, it should be less embarrassing. It’s not like you’re the type to have strange thoughts about your own daughters, and even more so since your wife is also a victim. For your family’s sake, if you just do what needs to be done with your usual stoicism, no one will lose their life.』

“………………”

His conscience pricked him at the part about not having strange thoughts about his daughters, but he couldn’t bring himself to say anything.

“Are there… any other tips…?”

『Your palms are deadly weapons that can kill people, so if you’re going to spank their buttocks yourself, I recommend using a tool to disperse the damage. Perhaps something with a blunt end that won’t leave scars would be good?』

“So, something like a club… or a paddle would work…?”

『A whip would be good, too.』

“…A whip.”

As Gara’s headache intensified, the spirit delivered the final blow.

『The poison must be expelled five times a day… and you must get it all out within four days at the very least. Letting it accumulate for more than a week is not an option. They will absolutely die.』

“…A week?”

『What is it?』

“No, it’s just that today is already the fifth day… which means……”

『It might be getting dangerous… Depending on the situation, it might have already reached its limit. You should do something quickly.』

“Ah, ahh… Thank you so much… Truly… I don’t know what would have happened if I hadn’t heard this from you……”

『Think nothing of it~! This is what friends are for! Well then, I shall return to my slumber. Please wake me only when you need me. I’m not fond of being woken up repeatedly, so if you’re mindful of that, I will gladly respond.』

“Understood… Mirror Spirit. May you have pleasant dreams.”

『May you have pleasant dreams as well~! Hahaha~!』

With those final words, the mirror returned to being an ordinary object. Gara’s bleak expression was reflected perfectly on its surface, and he paced back and forth, wondering what to do. Amid his anxiety, it seemed the others were also getting restless, as he could hear them calling for their missing father from outside the storage room.

There’s no time… I have to spank their buttocks and get the poison out now… I don’t want to, but this is a medical procedure…

Ironically, he now found himself in the position of having to train the buttocks of his own two daughters and wife with his own hands.