episode_0045

When it’s said that playing with a child is exhausting, listening to that conversation among middle-aged women felt like a test of patience.

They must have their own discomforts to empathize with, and as women, they must have learned their own social norms growing up, so although I may be speaking out of turn, I have lived as a man for 39 years, as someone’s husband for 17 years, and as the head of a household.

As such, I could understand their complaints intellectually, but emotionally, it was hard to accept.

For example.

“Our husbands are always busy on weekends. Are they the only ones working? Other men work, come home, help with household chores, play with the kids, take them to places like amusement parks on weekends. Sigh…”

“What makes our house different? Hyunsoo’s dad is the same.”

“Dahui’s dad too.”

In fact, just looking at the three people who could be considered a sample, they should know that this is the typical form of a family, but where does that ironclad belief come from that they are abnormal and other normal families are doing things differently?

No, more than that, isn’t it too harsh that after struggling to earn money, one has to come home and take care of the kids and the wife? An ideal relationship is where each cares for the other.

Well, I couldn’t do that myself, so in the end, the family… No. No matter what, it’s unforgivable for a middle-aged mother with adolescent children to cheat and leave her family. I admitted my mistakes, apologized, and even offered a chance.

I will never forgive my ex-wife who left, claiming she found true love in her late years and abandoned her children and husband. It’s not that I hold any hatred or desire for revenge, but I wonder if the wounds my children received can ever heal more than the wounds in my heart.

Anyway, the story went on a bit, but such things are probably the norm in an average family.

How many heads of families dedicate themselves to their families on weekends? How many do you think there are? Of course, I haven’t met all the men in the world, but my career spans over 15 years. Over the years, I’ve encountered numerous bosses, subordinates, and colleagues. Most of them were men. Their appearance? Just ordinary people enduring each day in work and life. Of course, it’s not that there weren’t those who tried to improve their physical strength and dedicate themselves to their families even on weekends.

But in the end, there is such a thing as an average, and most of these people, when you see them opening up about their inner thoughts at gatherings, truly desired to sacrifice what they wanted and dedicate themselves to their families. Watching such scenes, I often had these thoughts.

Why should only the head of the family dedicate themselves? What about the wife? Shouldn’t children also sacrifice something for the family?

Ultimately, the most important thing in building a family is communication, each person fulfilling their roles, and helping each other if there are shortcomings. However, in Korea’s patriarchal society, men are burdened with too many responsibilities socially.

In reality, being the head of the family is tough, and they want to rely on others too. Women gave up the honor of being devoted mothers and supportive wives, so why are higher ideals imposed on men?

These thoughts lingered in my mind as I listened to their conversations.

In the end, going astray and wearing down like that, they might face the same, or even worse, crisis as me.

I turn my head to look at the children.

Children playing joyfully with innocent smiles.

Yes, the children are innocent.

Honestly, I’m not sure if it’s an off-topic behavior. However, before addressing things like private education that they want to know about or ways to make husbands listen well, I wanted to tell them what they should know first. At least, they and those children didn’t want to be hurt in deprived homes.

“Wait a moment.”

I raised my hand as if to ask them to stop and interrupted their conversation.

“Yes, unnie. What did you want to say?”

“Well… I’ve been listening, but it doesn’t seem like this is a good thing.”

At that, their eyebrows shot up in surprise.

“Still, they are fathers of children, heads of households. But haven’t they been busy cursing each other’s heads of households since earlier? This seems a bit… not right.”

Because I spoke a bit firmly, they expressed their discomfort without hesitation on their faces. Then, crossing their arms, they raised their chins as if to say, “Go ahead, speak your mind.”

“Just… listen without prejudice for a moment.”

I explained about the things that had to happen in my family, which inevitably fell apart, and the things I experienced and regretted in the process. Of course, it was a story from a man’s perspective, so I adapted it appropriately.

“To be honest, my feelings towards my kids’…towards my kids’ father have not been good until now. In the end, I left the family, even abandoning the kids. Still, looking back now, I feel sorry. Why couldn’t I have done better, why couldn’t I have communicated more. First of all, Dahui’s mom, do you happen to know your husband’s birthday?”

Then Dahui’s mom answered my question as if it were obvious, full of displeasure as if asking if she didn’t even know that.

“So what gift does your husband want for his birthday?”

She couldn’t answer easily. Usually, when it comes to birthday gifts between couples, it tends to be something that the giver deems necessary for the recipient rather than something the recipient wants. Especially wives tend to put more of their own judgment into gifts, but in reality, was that really the gift the husband wanted?

For example, there is a husband who likes games. However, after getting married and having a child, he eventually ends up giving up one or two hobbies, and unless the wife shares the same hobby, it eventually fades away, forgetting what he used to like.

Therefore, when there is nothing to do during leisure time, one tends to fall into a mindset of conserving energy through sleep. This was the common pattern among husbands. I was like that too.

“You mentioned that your husband just sleeps when he rests, right?”

Dahui’s mom nodded slightly.

“Well… what did you mainly do on weekends during your honeymoon period?”

She seemed to struggle to remember for a while. Then, as if remembering something, she opened her eyes wide and answered.

“Oh, I think he liked playing games. After we got married and merged our households, he brought his gaming console and enjoyed playing games with it every weekend. But after Dahui was born, he just got rid of the game console… Oh, was it from that time? On weekends, he would just say he’s tired and either spend time with family or doze off. He would only do what he had to do and then just sleep the rest of the time…”

Dahui’s mom seemed lost in thought, feeling something.

Having gone through that process and sharing it with other moms, there seemed to be a sense of realization among them.

“You probably become parents like everyone else and form a family, living as someone’s husband, someone’s wife, eventually forgetting your true selves and getting immersed in your roles. It’s common to start feeling dissatisfied if the other person doesn’t perform their role well. As functions within the family start to fail one by one… Bang! The family falls apart like mine did. In reality, dissatisfaction stems more from individual emotions rather than roles. Can you tell me your names?

I never intended to get involved deeply, but since we ended up together, we eventually introduced ourselves.

“Dahee’s mom, or rather, Park Heeju as an individual with desires. Unable to do what I want due to the roles of being a wife, a mother. Thinking that this isn’t who I originally was. It’s common for dissatisfaction to enter the family through such thoughts, right? So, the other person is likely to have dissatisfaction from the same source. Instead of communicating as someone’s mom or dad, if we talk about and understand each other’s feelings and preferences, wouldn’t it lead to a harmonious family?”

As I finished speaking, the three of them stared at me blankly and suddenly held my hand.

“After hearing your words, I think that’s really how it was. I realized that I hadn’t communicated with my child’s father recently…”

“Hehe, I read somewhere that a recommended method is to call each other by name instead of ‘Dad’ or ‘Mom.’”

Since identities often solidify from titles, I once heard a family counselor and professor suggest calling each other by name.

Anyway, seeing them discussing their concerns about their families, not just how to raise their children more effectively but also their worries about whether they are educating them well, made me feel somewhat content.

At first, I thought I was meddling unnecessarily, but looking at their expressions, I realized that sharing and discussing individual concerns for the sake of a better family was crucial.

In the end, I learned after losing. It would have been better if I had known before losing, which left a bitter taste, but the time I can dedicate to my children now is incredibly precious.

Thus, the solution for creating a good family that started unexpectedly came to a successful conclusion.”