episode_0231
by adminEpisode 231 – Princess, Ariana Crowfield 44 –
I hated you.
Among countless other emotions. I was able to say this much clearly.
I am Ariana Crowfield. You hated Abraxas Mentutihotep.
Why did that happen?
I never thought about it. I thought about it for a moment based on what the butler said.
Until the first time we met… I didn’t know it would be ruined this much.
[uh? Is this your first time seeing this face? Can you tell me who you are?]
Although I speak informally now.
Obviously, the first thing to start was with respect.
No. Until recently, I used it respectfully.
only. As the trial officially opened, they slowly started to lose respect.
[My name is Abraxas Mentutihotep. He is the second son of Marquis Mentutihotep.]
It was okay until then.
No. It was fine for a while longer.
Abraxas was born with the blood of a marquis.
It is the third most noble lineage in the empire.
That is why.
I think you and I have been friends for a few months.
[How can you be born under a marquis and act like that?
His blood is the third most noble in this empire, but his actual actions are no different from those of a civil servant… What do you mean?]
[What does that matter? no. I wasn’t born because I wanted to be born in the first place. The princess and I are not actually related, so it would be beneficial to not pay attention.]
[It’s a problem because I can see it. Unlike other dirty things, you can’t ask an attendant to clean them up, so wouldn’t I be asking you to do it myself?]
[Usually, if there’s something you don’t want to see, it’s right to clean it up yourself. If that’s not possible, covering your eyes is the fastest and most efficient way.
There are many things in the world that are inherently impossible. It would be good to learn that in advance.]
As I said those things, things ended up going wrong.
‘Why did you say that?’
I still don’t know.
As it was my childhood. It was a time when I didn’t know myself very well.
Since I haven’t thought about it since then, I have nothing left to say.
I just hated it.
I’ve never thought about the reason at all.
“… ”
And I thought about it for a long time.
Have everything planned out.
When you no longer need to think about your next plan.
It seems like my mind is filled with you.
What was the problem?
Yes, what was strange?
What was it that gave me disgust when I was young?
‘… ‘
After thinking about it for a long time, the past came to mind.
I want to go back, but I don’t want to go back because I’m afraid of what happens next.
It was a good time.
‘At that time… It was okay… ‘
My mother was alive.
The Duchess was alive.
There was still someone to rely on.
‘If you think about it… It was the same back then… ‘
Abraxas has not changed in the past or present.
People’s personalities usually mature as they go through puberty.
Abraxas matured from a young age.
It’s been the same since I was young.
As if I had ever been an adult.
As if it were fully grown.
But I didn’t hate you at first.
It seemed like he just thought of me as a strange clown.
However, the mother died at some point.
When the place for me to lean on disappears. Eventually, my peace of mind disappeared.
My father’s corporal punishment became more severe.
I looked forward to the day when I could meet other people.
My father usually hung out with other nobles.
Likewise, at least I could feel at ease when playing with noble children.
And you…
[Do you not want to stay at home?]
That would have been when Abraxas ran away from home, was caught on the other side of the Republic, and returned to his family.
[Then get out. In the end, you are the only successor. Even if you just leave, the duke won’t be able to stop you.]
[that is… What does it mean… ?]
[Because he is a person who really cares about dignity. The heir is fine, but there is no way he could pass on the dukedom to someone else. Well, if there are multiple brothers like other noble families, it might be okay.
Ariana only has one younger sister, with whom the age gap is very large. Since the age difference is large, as long as Ariana survives, the dukedom will not go to her younger sister.]
[Then the employees will scold me. It will be restricted somehow. I have no legitimacy or power. I don’t know if the power was strong enough… ]
[Network? You already have it.]
[…] to?]
[If you think about it, it’s simple. Right now, the duke is scolding you with all sorts of things, right? So I even said that I like being here. But I am against it. I get scolded every time I meet someone else.
Well, it’s my fault. anyway. You have to be more careful outside the house than inside, but Ariana gets scolded less when she’s outside.]
He was smart from a young age.
So I listened.
[The reason is simple. If you apply the standards inside the house outside. Ariana will be scolded even more. But it doesn’t. Because the duke is not here.
Since the duke is not here, I will hear the story from the employees. The employees have no intention of reporting Ariana, who is the next duke and who is overly polite. In the end, this is what fame is all about.]
thinking back. I wondered what would have happened if I had followed him back then.
My mother had already passed away.
My younger brother had not even spoken.
If I had decided to rebel, if I had acted to isolate my father as he said.
I wouldn’t have had to suffer so much.
He was that kind of person.
Why am I…
‘ah… ‘
Maybe I… I might have admired you.
Even though he acts differently than me, as he wants. To you who are going up.
‘If you think about it… how… Was it possible… ‘
Wouldn’t the Marquis and Marquis Mentutihotep try to correct such a child?
Why does Abraxas act like that and still be liked by so many people?
Why am I failing in some areas compared to that kid?
A person who barely meets the minimum standards of dignity. Why are you better than me?
I was older.
I also had a higher family rank.
I saw you doing it. It didn’t seem like he was studying any more than me.
I was superior in everything, including dignity.
however. It was shining brighter than me.
I am the one who will rise to the highest position among the imperial nobility. Abraxas shined much brighter.
I am nothing but dull iron.
He seemed to shine like a gorgeous jewel.
It was definitely rude.
It means to abandon your father and just leave.
He even said that my younger brother was insurance in case something went wrong.
Nuyangs says that everything the duke did was in vain.
It was extremely rude.
But that’s why it looked shiny.
And the thing that shines is beautiful. If you stare intently, your eyes hurt.
I think I hated it.
“Haha… ”
In reality, an absurd laugh came out.
How long has it been since you laughed like this?
After my mother died, I lost my peace of mind.
Ironically, that freedom was only regained after the family disappeared.
No. It might not be leisure, but resignation.
Anyway, I was at peace now so it didn’t matter.
The reason I disliked him was very simple.
He was the exact opposite of me.
So that doesn’t mean I didn’t like it.
Rather, I think I admired it.
[Doing it and regretting it and not doing it and regretting it. If you’re comparing these two, I think it’s better to try it. You won’t know if you don’t try it, but if you do, you’ll know for sure.
If you didn’t do it… The thought will never leave my head. If you try it, you will be able to use that experience as a stepping stone to grow further.]
Unlike me, he is free.
So I hated it.
Because it was proof that I had failed.
[So why not give it a try?]
his existence. It’s proof of my fears.
It’s proof that I have no courage.
I am a witness that what I believed was not everything.
That’s why I hated you.
I wish you would disappear from this land.
As you said, this land is overflowing with undignified people.
If you really cared about dignity…
Rather, I had to learn to understand and embrace them with dignity.
But I tried to ignore it.
If I admit that I hated you because you were too bright.
Because I thought there was nothing so miserable.
if… I am like you. If you fought back courageously.
If I had to face my fears to become like you, without repeating the past.
Will the future really be different?
Could I at least have an amicable relationship with you and remain as an acquaintance?
“No.”
Nothing would have changed.
There are no ifs in history.
Because I am a person who just ran away without courage.
Even if it had existed, it would have failed.
Because I, Ariana Crowfield, am that kind of person.
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