Response to the Confession (1)

-Thump, thump, thump.

Facing Ethan in such an unsettled state was utterly bewildering in many ways.

The sound of my heart racing uncontrollably in response to the sudden crisis.

It seemed the pounding that had started during the Abyssal Kraken subjugation battle at the lake still hadn’t calmed down.

The flustered feelings about receiving a confession, the guilt over not being able to give a proper response, the gratitude for having my life saved-

All these emotions swirling violently within me had thrown my heart into complete turmoil.

And as Ethan’s face drew closer, the beating of my heart felt even faster and heavier.

“You seem fine on the outside.”

“Ah, yes… Saintess Celista took special care of me…”

“Thank you for your care, Saintess Celista.”

“Oh, no. It was my duty.”

“……”

“Is there something you wanted to say… Ah!”

Noticing something in Ethan’s quiet gaze, Celista reacted as if she’d realized something.

Without hesitation, she quickly walked to the door and stepped out of the hospital room.

“Y-you two must have a lot to talk about! I-I’ll leave you alone for a while, so feel free to talk comfortably!”

“W-wait, Saintess…”

“Thank you for your consideration, Saintess.”

“I-if your condition suddenly worsens, call for me anytime!”

-Click, thud!

With those final words, Celista closed the door behind her, leaving only Ethan and me in the room.

Thanks to Celista’s noisy exit, an awkward atmosphere began to fill the small space.

Between the two of us, unsure how to start the conversation, only the sound of my heartbeat quietly reached my ears.

“……”

“……”

-Thump, thump, thump.

…Calm down, calm down.

It’s a face I’ve seen almost every day for over five years. Why does it suddenly feel strange now?

It’s just my heart playing tricks on me because he saved me from a life-threatening situation.

Surely, this awkward feeling will fade in a few days. If not, I’ll deal with it then…

“Are you really okay?”

“Huh?!”

“…Lilith?”

“Ah, yes, yes! O-of course I’m fine! I’ve always been healthy and sturdy-that’s my specialty, remember?”

“First time I’m hearing that…”

“Haha, i-is that so…”

…I keep stumbling over my words because I’m overthinking.

I never imagined I’d be facing Ethan again so soon.

I only narrowly escaped death and regained consciousness yesterday evening, and I’ve been busy with other worries for the past two days.

While I was agonizing over how to start the conversation, Ethan was the one who broached the topic first.

“Lilith.”

“…Yes, Young Master Ethan.”

“About what happened last time… I’m sorry.”

“…Yes, I’m grateful for that time… Huh?!”

When he mentioned “what happened last time,” I naturally thought of expressing my gratitude, but the words that came from Ethan’s mouth were an apology directed at me.

I couldn’t understand what part he was apologizing for, so I just tilted my head in confusion.

“You’re sorry? For what, exactly, Young Master Ethan?”

“I’m sorry for putting you in danger because of the nonsense I said last time, Lilith.”

“…What does what you said have to do with me being in danger?”

“If I hadn’t tried to confess to you, you wouldn’t have suggested we take a boat out on the lake. In the end, it’s my fault you were put in danger.”

“W-what are you saying, Young Master Ethan! Going to the lake that day was entirely my idea. I was just overly conscious of other people’s eyes…”

“No. If I was going to bring up something important, I should have arranged a place where we could talk privately from the start. Not rely on alcohol to bring it up on a park bench by the lake.”

“N-no, that’s not…”

No matter how I looked at it, Ethan’s reasoning was completely illogical.

It was me who suggested taking a boat on the lake because I was self-conscious about others watching.

It was me who recklessly entered the lake, forgetting it was an Abyssal Kraken spawning ground, and nearly got both of us killed.

It was me who abandoned the boat, relying solely on water-walking magic, and almost died after defeating the Kraken.

There wasn’t a single place where Ethan was at fault. From start to finish, the crisis was entirely due to my mistakes.

And Ethan was the one who compensated for every one of those mistakes, saving my life twice in that brief battle.

For that fleeting moment, when Ethan blocked one of the Kraken’s tentacles with his sword, he even seemed heroic to me.

“No, Young Master Ethan. That incident was definitely due to my carelessness…”

“Let me ask you one thing, Lilith. Answer me honestly.”

“…Yes.”

“If I hadn’t tried to confess to you that day, do you think you still would have gone out on the boat with me?”

“That’s…”

“……”

“…Probably not. But that’s…”

“That’s enough, Lilith. That’s all the answer I need.”

…Huh?

What? Enough of an answer?

Didn’t he still need to hear my response to his confession?

“Let’s just pretend you never heard my confession that day, Lilith.”

“…What?”

“I was too thoughtless. Given your and my circumstances, confessing my feelings to you would only be a burden.”

“N-no, that’s not…”

“I won’t burden you anymore. Sorry for making you worry unnecessarily, Lilith.”

“……”

Wait.

What’s happening here?

So, Ethan genuinely believes my near-death experience was his fault?

That because he tried to confess, we ended up fighting the Abyssal Kraken and nearly dying?

And now he’s declaring he won’t confess to me again out of a sense of responsibility?

‘…What do I do?’

I couldn’t quite process how to take this conversation.

When Ethan confessed to me last time, my mind had been filled with thoughts of wishing I hadn’t heard it.

And I’d agonized over how to respond in a way that wouldn’t hurt Ethan while still honoring our bond.

Yet now, even though I didn’t have to give an answer, I felt an inexplicable tightness in my chest.

‘Saying he won’t burden me anymore…’

In other words, I’d never receive another confession from Ethan.

I wouldn’t have to worry about how to reject him in the future.

That was the future I’d secretly wished for, wasn’t it?

But the thought of never having another chance to hear Ethan’s confession made my chest ache unbearably.

‘…Huh?’

No, no.

I don’t have romantic feelings for Ethan.

I’m just grateful he saved my life, and my heart raced in that moment because of the circumstances.

…And maybe, for some reason, Ethan seems a little more attractive now than before. That’s all.

Perhaps, just maybe, there’s a one-in-a-million chance.

If I spent a little more time with Ethan, I might develop some romantic feelings for him.

After all, even as a man, I could admit Ethan was incredibly handsome.

Not that I’m in love with him now, but the possibility wasn’t zero.

The problem was-if I did miraculously develop feelings for Ethan, would he still feel the same way about me by then?

For a moment, a feeling of not wanting to let this slip away flashed through my mind.

Now that Ethan had said he wouldn’t burden me anymore and indirectly declared he wouldn’t confess again.

That meant this was my last chance to respond to his confession.

Seeing Ethan about to leave, I quickly grabbed his arm.

“Sorry for bothering you while you’re recovering, Lilith. I’ll head back now, so take your time and-“

-Tug.

“W-wait, Young Master Ethan…”

“Lilith?”

“Y-you haven’t… heard my answer yet… to what you said on the lake that day…”

Summoning momentary courage, I tried to give Ethan my response, but he seemed reluctant to hear it.

Seeing him shake his head hesitantly made my heart sink.

“It’s fine, Lilith. You don’t have to force yourself to answer my pushy confession-“

-Squeeze.

“N-no! I’m not forcing myself. I don’t think it was pushy at all.”

“……”

“I-if you truly don’t want to hear my answer, then I won’t press, but… I don’t think you’d want to leave your confession unresolved either, right?”

“…That’s true.”

Fortunately, my persuasion seemed to work, as Ethan nodded with a slightly serious expression.

With this last chance to respond, I carefully delivered the answer I’d prepared on the boat.

…This time, with a little more of my changed feelings mixed in.

“T-to be honest…”

“…Yeah.”

“I… I still don’t really understand love between a man and a woman…”

“…Huh?”

“I-I don’t know if this pounding in my chest is love for you, Young Master Ethan, or just temporary gratitude for saving my life.”

“…I see. If that’s your answer, then I guess-“

“B-but…!”

“……?”

“F-for the next four years at the academy… I-I’ll do my best to develop feelings for you, Young Master Ethan!”

“…Lilith?”

“S-so, just for the rest of our time at the academy… c-could we be temporary lovers?”

“…Temporary lovers?”

“Yes. For the remaining time at the academy, you can think of me as your lover. A-and of course, I’ll think of you as mine too.”

“…So, in the end, you’re accepting my confession, Lilith?”

“Y-yes… Just for our time at the academy.”

This was the best answer I could give Ethan.

It couldn’t be helped. Someone of Ethan’s status would naturally face many restrictions in marriage, and there was no way he could marry a commoner-born baronet’s maid.

So, spending our days as lovers-even if only during our time at the academy-was the best way I could honor our bond.

And if, by some miracle, Ethan’s feelings remained unchanged after graduation…

“What happens after we graduate? Since we’re temporary lovers, do we break up then?”

“If, by the time I graduate, I’ve come to love you, and your feelings for me haven’t changed…”

“…And if they haven’t?”

“…Then, you can do whatever you want with me, Young Master Ethan.”

“Whatever… I want…”

“…Yes, whatever you want.”