No Need to Translate, Really
by Afuhfuihgs
Someone is crying in front of me. I can’t see their face, but I feel like they’re looking at me, tears streaming down. It feels familiar, but I can’t shake the feeling that it’s somehow a little strange. Too far to approach, yet too close to distance myself. It felt like an invisible, transparent barrier was separating us.
“Why are you crying…?”
In response to my question, the other person looked at me with their signature big eyes and asked the opposite question.
“…Then why are you crying?”
Only then did I realize that I was, in fact, crying.
***
When I came to, a familiar ceiling came into view. It was the ceiling of the house I built on Ellie’s island. As I slowly raised myself, every muscle in my body screamed. I looked down to check my condition and found no injuries. I was blank for a moment, then the fragmented memories came flooding back.
“…Ellie.”
As I uttered that name, I snapped to attention as if doused in cold water. I hurriedly got out of bed and headed outside. What happened? Where’s Cassis? Where did Ellie go? No, is she hurt? There was something clearly remaining in my messed-up memories. I remember Estelle dying in my arms. But I have no memory of what happened after that.
I anxiously checked around the island, but there was no trace of the corpse or Cassis’s island that had risen from the sea. Could it have been a terrible nightmare? I’d rather it be that. It’s hard to accept that Estelle died. As I stared blankly at the sea… I saw someone moving on my island.
The moment I materialized a Shadow Spear and recognized the spatial coordinates, I belatedly realized that the someone was Ellie, and I could breathe a sigh of relief. I slowly released the strength in the hand holding the spear shaft.
“Ross? You’re awake!”
Ellie, who found me, was startled and crossed the island to come to my side. Ellie’s obsidian-like, pretty eyes scanned my body. Noticing that her gaze contained concern, I averted my eyes, feeling embarrassed for no reason, and asked.
“What happened? I remember Estelle… exploding in my arms.”
At my question, Ellie flinched and, with a look that said she didn’t know how to start, rubbed her forehead for a moment before saying.
“Right, so you got badly hurt. Thanks to that, I had a good rest while guarding and cultivating two islands alone for days.”
Suddenly, Ellie spread her arms wide as if acting in a play, explaining at length how hard she had worked, and I sighed and said. Anyway, I was glad that Ellie wasn’t hurt.
“Thank you.”
At my heartfelt voice, Ellie lowered her widely spread arms and grinned.
“What’s with the gratitude between childhood friends? It’s nothing. Don’t worry about it.”
Pouting her lips and grumbling for no reason, I asked Ellie what I had been wondering again.
“So, what about Cassis…?”
The answer came quickly.
“I destroyed the remaining book and killed him.”
As expected, the future Archmage is different. To already be victorious against Konfucion. Unlike the pathetic me who let Estelle die because I was careless. Am I feeling inferior to Ellie now? I gave a bitter smile without realizing my narrow-mindedness.
“…What about Estelle?”
Without a word, Ellie pointed to the place where she had suddenly appeared earlier. Using space magic, I moved there with Ellie, and I could find a small grave. Seeing it, I had no choice but to accept the fact that Estelle’s death was real.
“…I gathered what was left and made it. I haven’t been able to mark it as Estelle’s grave yet, though.”
“I’ll… do that.”
I opened the space warehouse and took out the purple dagger I had once received from Estelle. Then, I placed the dagger on the grave. Standing in front of Estelle’s grave, strangely, I didn’t shed any tears. When I was just watching her die, I really wanted to die… but now my emotions were strange.
Estelle’s death is sad, but it didn’t hit me hard. The expression that I am feeling sadness out of obligation is the emotion I am feeling now. Seeing that there is nothing particularly out of place about it… I thought that maybe I had cried so much that my tears had completely dried up. My heart is heavy, but not to the point where my whole body is crushed.
Ellie watched me quietly from the side, as if observing my appearance. She had a look on her face that said she had something to say, but I stayed still because she didn’t say anything first. Turning away from Estelle’s grave, I returned home with Ellie using space magic again.
“You’ve worked hard in the meantime. I’ll do everything from now on.”
But somehow, Ellie didn’t listen to my words and just stared intently at my face. As I scratched my head, Ellie carefully asked.
“Are you okay…?”
At Ellie’s question, I shrugged as if to say I was okay.
“Apart from the muscle pain, my condition is good.”
For some reason, Ellie took a step back at my answer. It was clear from Ellie’s expression that it wasn’t intentional, but a reflexive action. Why is she surprised? I couldn’t quite understand.
“…?”
Looking at her with a puzzled expression, Ellie pursed her lips and frowned as if embarrassed. Ellie, who was trying to say something while moving her mouth, let out a deep sigh and turned away from me, explaining what she had been doing in the meantime.
“I absorbed all the corpses scattered on the islands equally into each island. I also divided Cassis’s island in half and used it as a growth material for the island. Our island is now completely fixed here. It’ll be okay even if a storm comes. There was nothing else special.”
It seems that the feeling that the atmosphere of the island has changed quite a bit was not in vain. The plants growing on Ellie’s island looked much more grown. It was almost ready for harvest, so for others who didn’t have a space warehouse full of food, growing the island was essential to secure food.
After finishing the explanation, Ellie seemed tired, staring at me intently for a while before entering the house without a word. Her slumped back was somehow full of sadness. It seems that Estelle’s death is also difficult for Ellie.
She’s been through a lot for the past few days, so it’s right to rest now. Let’s not bother her for no reason. When I think about it, her complexion seemed a little worse than usual. Thinking that way, I started walking around the island to check it out.
***
Ellie’s attitude was quite strange. Not only had she become less talkative, but she was also burying her face in her legs, which were gathered in front of her chest, in a depressed manner, as if she were looking at the old me. Suppressing her presence was far from Ellie’s usual appearance, so I was worried for no reason.
“Ellie, are you okay…? You haven’t eaten anything since yesterday. If you’re not feeling well, should I make you a light soup that you can drink?”
At my question, Ellie shook her head with difficulty. Then she lowered her head again and buried her face. Well, people sometimes get depressed. Or, if she’s a woman, it could be the magic day that comes regularly. But watching Ellie, who was always bright, look depressed was, well, like feeling terrible motion sickness.
Still, I decided to make soup just in case. There were a few islands nearby, but I had also installed alarm magic around them, and they hadn’t yet developed enough to cross to other islands. The sun had already set, so there was nothing else to do. There was nothing better than cooking to pass the time alone.
As I was taking out ingredients from the space warehouse and preparing them, I heard Ellie getting up. It seemed that she was bored of being still, so she was going to watch me cook. When the water started to boil and I was putting in the ingredients, Ellie suddenly opened her mouth.
“Ross.”
“Yeah.”
I didn’t bother to turn around. I learned that you should look people in the eye when you talk, but right now I’m making soup, and I had a strange feeling that even if I turned around, Ellie would avoid my eyes.
“Are the characters you create inevitably going to be the way you set them up, like fate?”
At Ellie’s question, I stopped stirring the ladle for a moment and thought before answering.
“…I guess so.”
“Then I can never like you, can I?”
I see. No, not necessarily. That’s the case with Lamine and Eunice. Lamine in the novel, who deliberately preferred to fight in crowded places to defeat Roel, is different from the current Lamine. Because Lacar didn’t die, her personality was the same as before. Eunice’s personality is also different from when she was the strategist of the Order.
“I don’t know, stories change, and settings can change depending on the plausibility.”
“Then what if I love you?”
Utteok- I stopped the hand that was stirring the ladle. Slowly turning around, Ellie is quietly looking at me. I wanted to joke back, but I gave a bitter smile at the seriousness in her gaze.
“That’ll never happen.”
“Why?”
“The name of the novel that is the basis of this world is ‘The Hero’s Harem Can’t Help But Win,’ right? It’s impossible for you, who plays an important role in that harem, to love me.”
Yes, it’s impossible. Ellie loves Roel. That’s why we can’t be together. I have Luna, and Ellie has Roel. Each of us has a suitable partner.
“…Are you seeing me as a character in a novel, not as Ellie?”
“….”
I turned away without a word. The soup could burn, so I couldn’t help it. I stir the ladle so that it doesn’t stick to the bottom, and I give a bitter smile. The Ellie in the novel that I knew and the Ellie that I know are completely different people. So she can’t be a character.
“…Would I do that? It’s you.”
“….”
A quiet murmur. Whether that was the answer or not, Ellie was silent for a while.
“Still. I’m not going to love you.”
“….”
Isn’t it that she can’t, rather than that she won’t? I didn’t say those words out loud. Because Ellie knows it well enough.
“I’m, because my heart alone is enough.”
“…Is that so.”
It’s still an incomprehensible word. It’s a word that needs interpretation, but there are times when it’s more comfortable for people not to know than to know. Just like there are no words that can clearly define the relationship between me and Ellie.
“So, you can’t like me too much either.”
So I was silent. Pretending not to notice that Ellie’s voice was watery, I just stirred the soup with a ladle. Because that was the best I could do.
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