The Reason for Getting Stronger
by Afuhfuihgs
At Roel’s words about killing the Fairy King, my head started reading the flow on its own. It wasn’t a difficult problem. Roel even told me the reason he killed the Fairy King. Since I got a hint, it’s not difficult to read the flow.
After a little time passed, I was finally able to understand Roel’s actions. The Fairy King was a necessary ally in the fight against the Demon King. But Roel was planning to save everyone before the Demon King descended into the human realm, so the need for the Fairy King, who would be active in the later stages, disappeared.
According to Roel’s plan, the world would be destroyed anyway. He was planning to end everything before the Fairy King’s absence became apparent, so killing the Fairy King at this point and absorbing his power was, in a way, the most efficient choice.
It wasn’t a choice that an ordinary person could make. It’s a choice that only suits a transmigrator who values efficiency. That’s why it was a choice that Roel, who continued countless dreams with the goal of saving everyone, could make.
While I was silent, organizing my thoughts, Roel, who had placed his hand on the table, rested his chin on it.
,Why aren’t you asking me why I killed the Fairy King… the reason?
At Roel’s question mixed with laughter, I realized my mistake. If it were the original Ross, he would have shouted, ‘Are you crazy?’ and grabbed his collar to argue. But now, I calmly analyzed Roel’s words and chose silence. It’s because I understood Roel’s actions with my head, unlike before.
Roel didn’t miss my change like a beast.
,…It seems that it’s not just the appearance that has changed.
At that small murmur, goosebumps spread from the tips of my arms to my back.
I felt the stickiness as the spilled tea water on my hand dried. After roughly wiping it off with my pants to get rid of the stickiness, I raised my head and met Roel’s gaze.
We’re facing each other with only one table between us, but I couldn’t know what emotions Roel was looking at me with. Also, I didn’t even know what kind of eyes I should look at Roel with. I sighed, already countless times, at the atmosphere where silence was starting to sink again.
,Aren’t you tired?
A thought from the bottom of my heart, without context or intention, unfiltered, popped out of my mouth. It was because Roel’s appearance of losing everything and wailing briefly overlapped.
Rather, that strangely timed question shook the relaxed Roel. Seeing him biting his lip tightly and smiling as if trying to hide his emotions, I suddenly realized that Roel was also a person with a beating heart.
,If I wasn’t tired… that would be a lie.
,But you wouldn’t think of giving up, would you?
,Yeah, that’s right. Because I’m that kind of person.
Roel, who answered with a smile, added.
,But I hope you don’t.
This time, I was caught off guard. Without realizing it, I asked with a bitter expression.
,Do you like my old self, who gave up on everything, more than I do now, who doesn’t give up?
I wondered if he preferred his depressed younger brother, who was floundering in inferiority. Maybe that thought was also caused by inferiority.
,Yeah.
It’s an answer that’s easy to interpret in various ways. If it were the usual Roel, he would have added several kind explanations to avoid misunderstandings. But Roel’s answer was just a firm and short answer.
,…Why?
,Because I know you well, more than you think.
I didn’t understand that answer. Roel, who had been resting his chin on his hand, straightened his posture and said in a lower voice than usual to me, who was slightly frowning.
,The reasons why people get stronger are different for everyone. For some, it’s love, for others, it’s things like honor, dreams, justice, and righteousness. Like a predetermined fate.
Roel, who paused for a moment, took a sip of lemon balm tea and smiled bitterly.
,What do you think your reason will be?
Roel asked with eyes that had sunk seriously. He looks like he’s expecting a serious answer. So I took a sip of tea and thought carefully.
The 고민/gomin (worry/anguish) didn’t last long. The reason I want to get stronger, the reason I want to change the true ending of this world, was simple. It was all because of one person.
Luna is the person who taught me what love is, something I didn’t know and thought I would never know. She’s the person who made me, a worthless lump of inferiority, feel like a special existence. I could do anything for Luna.
,Love. It must be love.
The moment I answered that with a confident voice, I realized that Roel was looking at me with kind eyes. It wasn’t the secret mind game of trying to read each other’s thoughts until just now, but just the eyes of an older brother looking at his younger brother.
Roel stared at me blankly, sighed, and closed his eyes. When he opened his eyes again, the kindness that had lingered in Roel’s eyes had disappeared. It was as if I had 착각/chakgak (mistaken/deluded) it, not even a trace remained.
Roel said, shining his cool blue eyes as if to see through me.
,No, it’s not love. That answer is wrong.
I felt embarrassed rather than dumbfounded at that definite denial.
,What’s wrong?
,My question wasn’t the reason you have to get stronger, but the 계기/gyegi (opportunity/trigger) for getting stronger.
Roel’s answer was true. Being able to do anything for Luna was the purpose for me to get stronger. Purpose is not the 계기/gyegi (opportunity/trigger). Then what is the 계기/gyegi (opportunity/trigger) for me to get stronger?
Inferiority? Jealousy? Or is it just simple desire?
,Hyung-nim, are you saying you know the answer that I don’t know?
Roel quietly lowered his eyes and answered.
,I know.
,….
I raised my hand and swept my face once.
,You get stronger every time you lose something.
If it’s Roel’s words, who has experienced various Rosses in numerous worlds, there’s no room for doubt.
,Every time you lose a loved one. A colleague. And every time you lose a friend.
Funnily enough, this time, Roel’s setting of conveying sincerity in his voice seemed to be on my side. Unlike speaking firmly with a cold face and cool eyes, I could clearly feel that his voice contained an undeniable worry for me.
There was something I could know from that worry. Roel must have killed me countless times in several worlds. There were times when he didn’t, but the Saintess, who possessed me, Ross, to stop Roel, must have used unseen hands to push my back and make me confront Roel for that purpose.
But I could see that Roel had never gotten used to my death even once in those countless deaths of mine. The fact that Roel is genuinely worried about me is proof of that.
In any world, to Roel, I was an unchanging, beloved family and younger brother.
I wasn’t moved by that heart. Rather, I just realized how firmly Roel thinks his actions are right.
Roel isn’t a psychopath. 개연성/gaeyeonseong (Plausibility/Probability) made Roel steal my emotions that he couldn’t experience, but through that, Roel was able to empathize with the weak and shed tears for sadness.
Roel is just willing to endure even killing his beloved younger brother for the sake of everyone. Because that’s the setting of a utilitarian hero.
,So, are you saying I shouldn’t get stronger so I don’t lose anything? What is it, sounds like a threat?
,I’m saying don’t be impatient. You’re doing well enough now.
Roel, who said that, continued with a clear will.
,I want you to forget all about the Order and other things… and have fun every day with Luna and your club friends. I’ll take care of everything you’re worried about.
At those words, a flash of realization struck my mind. The reason Roel had been showing an obsession with my safety all along.
Surely, Ross would have acted to save the world in other worlds as well. Just like the mad Jamie kidnapped the portal and attacked me, Ross in other worlds might have been caught in unexpected variables.
Ross, who wasn’t lucky, would have lost his life in the conflict with the Order. Roel, who found a way to not kill his younger brother and make him happy forever, would he have just stood by and watched Ross die before he became one with himself?
The warning Roel gave me before came to my mind.
,I’ll do anything to protect you. If you don’t keep your promise… I’ll force you to leave the academy. Even if I break your arms and legs and make you a cripple and lock you in the basement, I’ll never let you die. Because I’m your 형/hyeong (older brother).
Maybe that wasn’t just a simple warning. Roel wouldn’t have just left Ross alone, who ignored his warning and was exposed to life-threatening situations. Before he was ready, he would have broken his arms and legs and locked him in the basement like a warning.
Because that was Roel’s way of not killing his beloved younger brother with his own hands and saving him with eternal happiness.
I didn’t want to be dragged into the basement and wait for destruction for nothing, so the answer I had to give was as good as decided.
,…Then I’d be happy to.
At Roel’s appearance of smiling with satisfaction, I also wore a fake smile on my lips.
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