A Tender Smile

Ellie cried. Not a lie or an act, but genuine tears. Her pretty face was ruined with snot and tears, crying like a child. For a long time, she tried to utter fragmented words, and she also clutched her skirt tightly with both hands to hold back her sobs. In the end, neither was of much use. It was a long time that made Ellie stop crying.

I didn’t do anything until Ellie stopped crying. I didn’t look at her, nor did I comfort her. I wasn’t thinking about something in my head, nor did I plan anything. I just felt her crying seep into the emotions I couldn’t erase in a corner of my heart.

I turned my head and looked at Ellie, who had stopped crying, and somehow I laughed at her shrinking her shoulders like a frightened little animal and meeting my gaze. It was hard to believe that a girl who had reached the realm of the Archmage was crying like a child in front of her childhood friend.

At that thought, I laughed out loud, and Ellie sighed and then chuckled softly.

,,My face is a mess, isn’t it?”

Her eyes are swollen, and her face is covered with snot and tear stains. Compared to her beautiful appearance before crying, it is naturally a mess.

,,You’re the worst Ellie I’ve ever seen.”

As I nodded and answered with a smile, Ellie, who had cleaned her messy face with her sleeve, narrowed her eyes and came closer to me.

,,…You’re mean.”

Ellie’s expression saying that was not convincing at all. That’s because the corners of her mouth were twitching because she couldn’t hold back her laughter. At that sight, I stared at Ellie silently for a moment. Suddenly, I wondered what Ellie, four years after experiencing Ross’s death, would think of Ross.

But somehow, asking that directly felt embarrassing and awkward. In the end, what came out of my mouth was a stupid thing that I regretted as soon as I said it.

,,Am I a mess in the other world too?”

I regretted that there could have been a better question. But Ellie, hearing my answer, blinked her eyes and then smiled brightly.

,,You’ve become more handsome than I always missed. Is it because it’s been a while since I’ve seen you? You’ve become more handsome. You’ve gained muscles like a man, and you seem taller. Did you eat a lot of delicious food in that world?”

I couldn’t help but laugh along with Ellie, who was chuckling softly.

Ellie suddenly remembered something and asked me.

,,By the way, why did you come to this world?”

Ellie’s question made me realize that I had only explained that I could create a passage to another world, so I additionally explained the current problems. Ellie was horrified with an unbelievable expression at my explanation that I didn’t know how to return to the original world.

,,You used magic to go to another world without any suspicion, without even knowing where you were going?!”

,,It was an unavoidable situation….”

I avoided her gaze, stroking my chin for no reason at Ellie’s reaction as if she was hearing stupid things for the first time.

Ellie, who grabbed my wrist with a *teok*, told me to look at her and put strength into her hand. Somehow, I desperately stared at the wall, thinking that I would be scolded greatly if I turned my head, and then I found something that looked familiar.

,,That’s… a closet, isn’t it?”

I couldn’t mistake it for something else because I had used the closet with the exact same design every day for several months. That was definitely the closet that led to another place connected to the Messiah club room. But Ellie thought I was talking nonsense to change the subject, so she got up from the sofa, put her hands on both hips, and looked down at me with scary eyes, saying.

,,Ross, don’t change the subject. Any magic must go through hundreds of safety tests before it can be used. But how can you use magic that suddenly fell from the sky without any suspicion, without even knowing how to use it?! What if you go to the wrong world and never come back?! Haven’t you ever suspected that it was someone’s cunning trap?”

It seems that this is definitely a few years later. Ellie, who used to be cute and sulky, has turned into such a nagging person. I didn’t even have a good excuse, so I just had to get scolded.

After nodding diligently at the explanation about the safe use of magic and the lecture on my naive choice, saying ‘You’re right, I made a mistake’ dozens of times, Ellie finally calmed down and gave me an answer about the closet.

,,That closet has been here from the beginning. Rather, it’s strange that you know that closet? No student has ever entered this room.”

I brought up the story about the club room to Ellie, who was tilting her head. I talked for a long time without sweet snacks or a glass of cool drink, but strangely, I enjoyed telling Ellie my story. Ellie also listened to my story as if she was interested, and she resolved the questions that arose in my insufficient explanation by asking questions in between.

Ellie nodded with a satisfied smile as if she understood everything.

,,Now I understand why the closet is familiar. This place is now called the Black Magic Tower Master’s room, but before that, it was a warehouse used by the first headmaster. I inherited it from my teacher -nim.”

Ellie’s teacher -nim would naturally be Headmaster Nelson. If she inherited it from him… this was definitely a place I used to look for with the members. But before I could say the thought that came to mind, Ellie said first.

,,That’s right, the secret room of Transcendence Academy that you mentioned must be this place. I didn’t know at all until you told me.”

At Ellie’s words, I looked around the room. The old wallpaper had been changed, and the beds and bookshelves in the room had been moved or disappeared, but… I could see that it was the same as the structure of the club room in my memory. Even the fact that the starry night sky was visible as if the ceiling was뚫린 was the same.

,,I see.”

Nowhere in the novel did it say that Ellie used the secret room as the Magic Tower Master’s room. It seems that plausibility has worked. Certainly, the club room was a very useful place for everyone, so it was natural to pass it on to a disciple who could become an Archmage. We got the club room before Ellie was Nelson’s disciple, so we didn’t deliberately aim for it and take it away.

,,You could have gone to a better place than this.”

She is an Archmage who can handle all elemental magic. If she wanted, she could build a magic tower in the middle of the capital that was high enough to pass the clouds.

,,I’m still a student. And I’m planning to stay at the academy even after I graduate.”

I tilted my head at Ellie’s words. When I think about it, I had never thought about what kind of life Ellie would live after the ending.

,,Why are you trying to stay at the academy?”

Ellie would be able to get everything she wanted. She could sweep up all the gold coins on the continent, and she could create a place several times better than this. What reason would Ellie have to stay at the academy?

At my question, Ellie sat next to me with a smile on her lips.

,,Headmaster Leora promised me the vice-principal position. She also promised that lectures would only be once a week, so there would be no inconvenience in researching magic.”

As if that wasn’t the end, Ellie looked at me for a moment and hesitated, pursing her lips. When I waited without urging her, Ellie finally opened her mouth.

,,…And I’ll be able to do even a little bit of atonement to you as I please.”

I flinched without realizing it at Ellie’s words.

,,What…?”

,,I realized how bad of a bitch I was only after losing you. And how precious you were to me. I regretted it every day, hated myself, and even thought about suicide. I’m not lying. If Roel hadn’t persistently persuaded me, I would have definitely committed suicide. Losing you hurt more than losing half of my soul.”

Ellie looked at me with a sad smile. I couldn’t deny that her eyes were sincere.

,,I made a vow to myself on the day I decided to live. To protect the academy so that victims like you don’t appear…. I thought that was the only way someone who can never be forgiven could do atonement as they pleased.”

I vaguely thought that Ellie would meet Roel, forget her pain, and live happily. But even after becoming an Archmage, she couldn’t forget Ross. The heart about Ross, which remained like an indelible scar deep in her heart, could not heal even after time passed. She repeats the days, regretting and hurting every day. The chain of guilt called Ross has become the reason why Ellie cannot leave the academy.

Suddenly, I had this thought. Ellie and I are very similar. Our outsides are very different. There was nothing similar about us. But the stupidity of not being able to let go of emotions, even though a corner of our hearts is rotting and festering, is hard to tell who is superior. Maybe that’s because we’re childhood friends.

But there was also a clear difference from me. I was afraid that I would eventually lose my heart to Ellie and be hurt again, so I chose to escape by forgetting everything about Ellie.

Unlike me, Ellie chose to stay at the academy instead of running away. Even if she did that, Ellie knew better than anyone that she would not have a chance to be forgiven by me. But Ellie chose pain instead of oblivion. Knowing that the pain would prevent her from ever forgetting her sadness, regret, and suffering, she refused to lose her feelings about Ross.

The academy was hell for Ellie. It is a place that endlessly reminds her of her unforgivable mistakes and hateful ugliness, and plunges her into a swamp of regret and depression. That’s why Ellie can’t leave the academy. This hell was the only place where Ellie could atone as she pleased and not forget Ross.

I sighed. And I said it as if I was sincerely confiding.

,,You’re more of an idiot than me.”

Ellie, hearing my words, gave me the most tender smile.