Summer

Before I was Ross, I was an author who imagined this world.

To turn what happened in my head into writing, a rich imagination was essential. The characters in my head converse according to their personalities and the situation.

If it were Roel, he would have spoken cheerfully. If Bella agreed, Flavia wouldn’t accept it right away and would be grumpy and nitpick.

Ilia would stare silently with a sulky expression, and Rosalyn would smile awkwardly, her chest bouncing.

I wrote the story by guessing the situation in that way.

Therefore, to write naturally, it was important to fully understand the character.

So, I could understand Roel and guess his thoughts.

I could also understand why Flavia was being grumpy with me, and why Bella could kill someone for Roel without hesitation.

Because in my head, their actions were perfectly natural.

But Ellie was different. I thought I understood her arbitrarily. I thought it was natural for her to like her older brother more than Ross, who was self-deprecating and felt inferior.

But as time went by, I couldn’t understand her actions more and more.

The Ellie in my head had lost her childhood friend Ross, became Roel’s lover, and was an enthusiastic and cute junior who wanted to help Roel by training hard under Nelson.

But the current Ellie was different. Now I couldn’t predict Ellie’s actions at all. Even if I desperately worried and assumed the situation… I couldn’t figure out what Ellie’s heart was like when she kissed me on the day she became my brother’s lover.

And now, Ellie’s actions of smiling prettily, saying that she bought me chocolate after hearing that I was admitted to the hospital room, confused me even more.

,This is really delicious here. Everyone lines up to buy it because it’s handmade chocolate made by a very famous chocolate artisan. I also stood in line for over an hour.”

As she said that, I clenched my fist without realizing it at Ellie’s appearance of handing me the chocolate box.

,Why….”

,Huh?”

I asked, spitting it out, at Ellie’s appearance of tilting her head with a pure expression.

,Why did you come.”

I wanted to ask. No, I wanted to argue. Why did you kiss me, and why did you share love with Roel?

What on earth was the meaning of that kiss, and what on earth was the reason for visiting the hospital room today?

If Ellie was quick-witted, she would have realized the meaning of my words.

She would have realized from my cold voice that she was not welcome.

But Ellie didn’t care.

,Of course, because I’m very worried about Ross.”

I bit my lip at Ellie’s appearance of smiling softly and saying that visiting the hospital room was her duty.

,Why… why are you worried about me.”

Ellie didn’t answer the question and turned her gaze to the window. Unlike me, who was serious, Ellie smiled as if she was enjoying this situation and said.

,The weather is nice today, shall we go out to eat together?”

,You…!”

If it hadn’t been for Professor Joy, who opened the hospital room door and came in at that moment, I would have poured out my emotions to Ellie.

I might have screamed and punched the wall with my fist as if threatening her.

Professor Joy said with a face close to expressionless and a businesslike voice.

,If you’re awake, leave the room.”

Thanks to that, I was barely able to suppress my bursting emotions.

***

,So this is the club that Ross made. Wow, it’s a really nice club room, huh?”

A sigh flowed out at Ellie’s appearance of looking around the club room as if it was amazing.

The reason why Ellie was in the club room was simple. I wanted to continue the conversation that I couldn’t finish in the hospital room after being discharged.

So, I made a suggestion to Ellie, and on the condition that we continue the conversation, Ellie wanted the place of the conversation to be the club room.

Ellie, who was returning to the sofa as if the tour was over, deviated from my prediction again and suddenly lay down on the bed.

Ellie, who was lying on the bed that Aria often lay on, was wearing a short skirt instead of a school uniform, so her pure white thighs were clearly visible.

Was she trying to seduce me, or was she not caring about me?

I turned my gaze away and said bluntly, pretending not to care.

,I’ll get you something to drink, so let’s sit at the table and talk.”

,I don’t want to. We can have a conversation while lying down.”

Ellie, who rejected my suggestion and moved her head as if she was uncomfortable, adjusting the position of the pillow, added cutely.

,Heuung, Ross. I’m uncomfortable, can you give me a pillow on your arm~?”

I let out a ridiculous laugh at Ellie’s appearance of pushing the pillow aside while saying that.

The emotions I had suppressed exploded at Ellie’s gaze that was quietly looking at me.

,Do you still want to play with me? Do you miss the kind Ross who you used to use as you pleased?”

I asked Ellie in a low voice as if threatening her.

,Heuum…. Do you want to know? Then give me a pillow on your arm. Then I’ll answer Ross’s questions diligently in the meantime.”

It was a sweet offer.

The only person who could clear up my head full of questions was Ellie, the person who made it that way.

But I didn’t want to give Ellie a pillow on my arm. No, the truth was that I was afraid that I would be secretly satisfied with it.

The one I love is Luna. I couldn’t accept that other emotions existed within me.

Ellie, realizing that an answer wouldn’t come back, said as if persuading me.

,It’s not like I’m asking you to kiss me like last time, I’m only asking for a pillow on your arm. Just… don’t think too deeply about it.”

Like a fire was lit on gunpowder, I couldn’t stand the momentary impulse and blurted out.

,There’s no way it’s just a small thing to be on the bed with your brother’s girlfriend and give her a pillow on your arm.”

Ellie closed her mouth for a moment. She turned her head and stared at my face with her obsidian-like eyes shining.

,…I thought you’d like it even more because of that.”

It was an incomprehensible murmur. Before I could ask what the meaning of that word was, Ellie said.

,Still, give me a pillow on your arm like in the old days. Please. Anyway, it’s just the two of us here without anyone else?”

I frowned. Even if it’s like in the old days, I don’t know the past that didn’t appear in the novel. I can’t even confirm if Ross actually gave her a pillow on his arm.

But to get some kind of answer, it might be natural to pay the price.

I’ve already bet my life on Luna’s love. I sincerely love Luna with all my heart.

That’s why I want to completely shake off Ellie, who has now become my brother’s lover. I don’t want unwanted emotions to linger in my memory for a long time.

To distance myself from Ellie, I must first fully understand her.

I repeated inwardly.

This is for Luna, an action to get answers without any selfish intentions.

It may be hypnotizing myself. But what I wanted was not hypnosis. It’s to use indomitable courage.

After repeating it several times, a message appeared in front of my eyes that indomitable courage had been activated.

It felt like the blade of emotion that filled my chest was becoming dull.

I approached the bed where Ellie was lying. She looked attractive, but I didn’t feel any dirty emotions like lust or possessiveness.

What I want now is only a complete understanding of Ellie.

I lay down next to Ellie. The strawberry scent that I smelled on Ross yesterday tickles the tip of my nose. I naturally put my arm under Ellie’s neck as I did with Luna.

Ellie, who had been slightly raising her head, leaned her head comfortably when my arm was in place.

I felt a heavy weight on my arm along with Ellie’s warmth. Suddenly, Luna’s concave back of the head came to mind. I wondered if she arrived home safely.

Ellie turned her body to the side and looked at me. We met each other’s eyes at a distance close enough for each other’s breath to touch our chins.

A strange emotion flickered in Ellie’s eyes, which resembled obsidian.

,It’s been a while. Looking at each other like this.”

,Even if you say that, I don’t remember.”

It wasn’t a cold voice. However, it wasn’t a considerate voice either. It was just an emotionless, indifferent voice that was just telling the truth.

Ellie’s eyes were slightly wet, but I can’t sympathize because I don’t have any memories. While Ellie was controlling her emotions, I calmly checked the plan.

I can’t ask questions impulsively as they come to mind. If I don’t organize what to ask in advance, I don’t know when Ellie will make excessive demands again.

To get the answers I want, I have to ask questions that can lead to that.

After organizing my thoughts for a moment, I looked into Ellie’s eyes and asked.

,Do you really love my brother?”

The reason I asked that was because I wanted to ask if it was okay to be in bed with me and give me a pillow on my arm while being Roel’s girlfriend as I had hoped, and why she kissed me while loving my brother.

Perhaps noticing that, Ellie smiled prettily after hearing my words.

,I really love him. It’s a feeling I’ve never felt before. I’m happy just being with him, and I can’t stop laughing.”

Ellie answered without much thought. With a comfortable smile as if she truly loved Roel.

So, I had no choice but to ask.

If that feeling was really sincere, I couldn’t understand her actions towards me even more.

,If you really love my brother… you shouldn’t have kissed his younger brother.”

Ellie smiled bitterly at the words that pierced her lungs. I continued to speak.

,And on the day you kissed his younger brother, you shouldn’t have shared love with your brother in that way to shake off your guilt.”

Ellie’s eyes widened. She seemed surprised that I knew that fact.

No, my guess was wrong. Ellie wasn’t surprised, she was just taken aback by my words.

Ellie raised her hand and gently stroked my cheek, speaking in a gentle voice as if soothing a child.

,Was that what you were worried about? Pfft, you’re such an idiot. Don’t worry. I really love Roel, but… I’ve never shared physical love with Roel yet.”

And then, as if telling a secret, she brought her face close to my ear and said in a small voice as if whispering.

,I’m going to give you my first time.”

With those words, Ellie smiled as purely as a child.