Episode 129 – Farewell

*

Perhaps Mella knew all the truth but turned a blind eye to Ed and moved for Robin’s sake.

Even if it was a love full of lies and deception, she had lived as Robin’s wife for a whopping 17 years.

As much as the loss of Ed almost killed Mella, she relied on Robin, who stayed by her side, and at the same time, she gave Robin everything she couldn’t give Ed.

She closed her eyes to Robin’s frequent affairs, saying that heroes are womanizers, and she turned a deaf ear to the bad rumors, saying that they were just trivial scandals.

That’s how much she loved Robin.

So perhaps, the moment she knew that Ed had resurrected and was trying to destroy Robin, Mella could have followed Robin, even if it meant becoming a wicked person, even if she was tormented by guilt.

If Robin had hidden his violent nature until the end, or if he had shown even a trace that he sincerely loved Mella.

Of course, she might have had to consider that Robin was suffering from extreme stress after being subjected to grueling questioning in the Imperial Palace for a week, but Mella was also exhausted from extreme stress, no less than Robin.

If he hadn’t given up on Mella, who was spewing out resentful words, if he had patiently comforted her and asked what was going on, if he hadn’t thrown away the pretentious mask he wore in front of Mella until the very end.

Robin might have remained the victor until the end, avoiding the blade of revenge that Ed had sharpened, despite all his misdeeds.

But the attitude Robin showed to Mella, who was going crazy from shock, was cynicism and ridicule.

Mella had no idea what Ed was going to do to Robin.

Whether he would reveal all the truth, or give him a humiliation that would be shunned by all aristocratic society, or even inflict a terrible death like Jennifer’s case.

But Mella decided not to care what happened to Robin.

No, she resented him and deeply hated him for ruining her life.

The deeper her hatred for Robin grew, the more her affectionate feelings for Ed grew, foolishly.

Memories of the past are usually beautified, but the fresh and cute romance she had with Ed was actually beautiful.

Mella missed those days like crazy.

Despite Ed’s cold gaze and bloodless, pale skin that she saw in the graveyard on that rainy night, Ed was still cool.

Unlike herself, who was old and wrinkled, Ed, who was still the same as he was back then, was still lovely.

However, Mella knew very well that if she had a conscience, she shouldn’t wish for that.

She thought it would be strange if Ed didn’t resent her, let alone wish for it.

In fact, he didn’t even allow Mella to die to escape from her pain.

Not to save me, but because he wanted me to suffer forever.

That’s why Mella was gritting her teeth and enduring the surging suicidal impulses.

This is punishment.

It’s a terribly painful punishment, but even this was given by Ed.

Because she was foolishly deceived and couldn’t stop Ed from dying, and even after that, she was deceived and nestled in the hands that killed Ed, and showed that stupid and disgusting 모습/moseup of living with Robin in front of the resurrected Ed.

Mella was enduring the mental pain, which was greater than when she lost Ed, with her bare body, barely clinging to life day by day.

Resentment, hatred, regret, self-blame,

But resignation, acceptance, shame, atonement.

Mella didn’t expect this pain to end.

She didn’t even dare to think about falling in love with Ed again, let alone being able to talk to Ed again.

Even when Robin came to her last night and said, ‘The Salvie Baron is hosting a party and has invited me and Mella, so get your act together and pull yourself together,’ Mella just nodded with a hollow smile, thinking, ‘Ed is finally going to reap the sweet fruit of revenge.’

She thought that party would probably be the last time she would see Ed.

Ed’s coin that she never found.

In that gazebo where she lost it, Mella was blankly holding a dirty Salvie flower in her lips without a teacup.

At that moment, Mella unknowingly stopped breathing at the presence she felt behind her.

It seemed that Lara had come to find her again.

Ironically, Lara was still watching Mella to make sure she didn’t commit suicide, both 20 years ago and now.

But her attitude and temperature were very different from 20 years ago.

On the day she first appeared in front of Mella, Lara, who had congratulated Mella on her pregnancy to Mella, who showed an aggressive attitude, had since been periodically visiting Mella, avoiding people’s eyes, and whispering about how much Mella had caused Ed pain.

When Mella gave Robin a lovely look, when she comforted Robin, when she walked with Robin in his arms,

How much painful emotions Ed had to swallow behind the mask of the Salvie Baron.

Every time, Lara’s 모습/moseup was always 악/ak in a fit of anger and exhaustion, losing her usual cheerful 모습/moseup.

Mella even suspected that Lara might be a hallucination created by her desire to punish herself.

Lara, who had been reciting how much Mella had tormented Ed, always disappeared with the words, ‘Congratulations on your pregnancy.’

Every time that happened, Mella would strangle herself until she was on the verge of death.

What did I do so well that I yelled at Lara?

Mella thought that if that Lara wasn’t a hallucination, then Lara was one of the people she had ruined, not just Ed.

Mella couldn’t bear to look at Lara’s face and poured out words like crazy.

Mella, who poured out disorganized words of apology and entreaty to the point where she didn’t even know what she was saying, finally uttered one last word.

“Please leave me alone now… Lara.”

“…What?”

And the moment she heard a voice that couldn’t be heard.

Mella dropped the Salvie flower she had in her mouth.

*

Mella didn’t move the moment she saw me.

Her hair, which was originally curly, was unkempt and sticking out haphazardly, which made her look as if she had broken free from gravity and frozen.

However, her pupils were staring at me intently, repeating expansion and contraction.

Transparent droplets began to form under her pupils, which were growing and shrinking rapidly and irregularly, like the heartbeat of a running horse.

As if that liquid was some kind of magic-releasing drug, Mella slowly shook her frozen body, and finally, when the droplets couldn’t bear the weight and fell onto her cheeks, Mella opened her mouth.

“…I’m, I’m sorry. I really, really wanted to say this.”

“…”

“I’m sorry.”

I was wearing dark, easy-to-move clothes and a black mask.

Even if someone found me, they wouldn’t even think of me as the Salvie Baron, let alone know my identity.

But Mella didn’t seem to be bothered by my mask at all.

Was it because she could see my 모습/moseup clearly even without taking off the mask, or was it because she didn’t even have the shame to ask me to take it off?

For some reason, the mask, which I had been used to since my days as a thief before joining the hero party, felt very stuffy and I had a strong urge to take it off.

But I had no intention of recklessly revealing my face inside Robin’s mansion.

Just as Mella was looking at me with my mask on, I was also looking at Mella in her messed-up 모습/moseup.

I opened my mouth awkwardly after standing still for a long time, at a loss for words.

“…You don’t seem to be taking care of yourself.”

“…”

“You should be careful.”

“…Eup,”

Mella squeezed her eyes shut.

As a result, the moisture that had been gathering in her eyes poured out in a rush.

“As I said that day, you’re not guilty of anything.”

“…No.”

“…”

“I was wrong… I was really, really wrong. Ed.”

“…It seems that what Lara said was true.”

“…Huh?”

“She said you were going to tell Robin everything.”

Mella opened her eyes wide and jumped up from her seat.

But Mella’s body, which was staggering as if she had no strength, tilted as if she was about to fall.

Without realizing it, I quickly grabbed her arm and pulled her up.

Her body, which was pulled towards me weakly, landed against my chest.

Mella, who was almost hugging me, shook her head and said.

“N, no!”

“…”

“No! Absolutely not. Absolutely, absolutely, absolutely, absolutely!”

“Are you saying Lara lied?”

“I, I was going to kill Robin, because I was so frustrated and resentful… At that moment, Lara appeared and stopped me. She told me not to do anything stupid… Ed, please believe me… I, I would never do that. Absolutely, absolutely, I would never Ed again…! No, no! Absolutely not! No, no. No… Please, no…”

Looking down at Mella, who was shouting with such a desperate expression and desperate voice, I was completely horrified.

It was hard to believe that Mella had betrayed me, but it was also hard to believe that Lara had lied to me.

Mella tried to kill Robin?

It was hard to imagine that she would have done that, but Mella’s current 모습/moseup was not what I expected.

In fact, I was also embarrassed because I couldn’t adapt to her devastated 모습/moseup.

Is this the 모습/moseup of Mella that Lara saw 20 years ago?

I had only heard about it from Lara, but seeing Mella’s madness in person gave me a shock that was on a different level than just hearing about it.

I could now truly understand why Lara hadn’t told Mella the ugly truth about Robin.

If I had known about Mella’s 모습/moseup, I would never have revealed the truth to Mella either.

Even if Mella had really tried to kill Robin, there was no way she would have succeeded in killing Robin.

On the contrary, she would have been killed or Robin would have found out about the identity of the Salvie Baron.

Lara’s decision to stop Mella was a great one, but I thought that Lara might have misunderstood what she said about Mella trying to tell Robin everything.

“Okay.”

“…You believe me, you believe me? Me?”

“…Okay.”

“…Ed, th, no, I’m sorry… Really.”

Mella tried to express her gratitude, but she stammered and apologized again.

I couldn’t return any words to Mella like that.

It wasn’t okay to say it was okay, and Mella looked so weak that she looked like she was about to die if I treated her coldly.

As silence enveloped us, Mella seemed to realize that she was hugging me.

She was so surprised that she took a clumsy step back from me with an expression that couldn’t hide her embarrassment.

“Don’t… touch me.”

“…”

“Because I’m dirty.”

“…”

It was true that she couldn’t say she was clean, even as a 빈말/binmal.

Skin covered in scabs, scratches, and numerous bruises, and hideously distorted fingers.

And the rapidly increasing gray hair and wrinkles made her look 10 years older in a few days.

Mella, who looked much younger than her age when I saw her at Daniel’s funeral, now looked like a woman in her 40s to anyone who saw her.

But I knew very well that the reason she said she was dirty wasn’t just about her appearance.

I silently approached Mella and gently lifted her hands with both hands.

Mella, who saw her hideous fingertips with all her nails missing, struggled to pull her hands out and said in a trembling voice.

“Let go, let go, please, don’t look… Ed, please. Don’t look.”

“…”

I held her hands, one in each hand.

The day I died.

It was the same posture as when Mella poured divine power into me right before entering the Demon King’s castle.

“Ah… ah,”

“…”

“Ah, heuk,”

Holy prayers and blessings flowed through the clasped hands.

Mella’s divine power, which always healed me, permeated her like iron filings sticking to a magnet.

Mella’s chin, who was looking at her golden glowing hands, trembled slightly with sobs, and her tears fell from the tip of her chin.

Slowly, clean and white nails sprouted from Mella’s fingertips, and her bent fingers slowly straightened.

Slowly, golden mist climbed up her hands to her wrists, elbows, and shoulders.

I closed my eyes.

I remember the last day, before everything was ruined.

Is Mella also remembering that time?

Finally, when her arms revealed their fair skin again, Mella slowly opened her mouth.

“…Ed,”

“…”

“…Can I… let go of your hand now?”

Mella said with a sad smile.

Her words didn’t mean to let go of her hand.

Even without any further explanation, I could immediately realize what that meant.

The day I died, the last day we were lovers.

That it was the last conversation we had.

Mella was smiling 힘겹게/himgyeopge.

Her expression seemed to be asking me if we could go back to that day before everything was ruined.

I knew what answer she wanted.

But I lowered my head and said.

“…Okay.”

“Ah… ah,”

When I let go of her hand, her hands couldn’t stay in the air and fell 힘없이/himeopsi.

Mella distorted her face for a moment, then smiled faintly again and slowly lifted her hands, putting them together in front of her chest.

Although she didn’t get the answer she wanted, Mella seemed to have escaped a little from the 광증/gwangjeung she had been suffering from for days, feeling her divine power that she hadn’t seen in a long time.

I said, looking at Mella’s expression.

“You remembered. Even after 20 years.”

Mella shook her head and replied to those words.

“…I’ve forgotten a lot. From some point on, I couldn’t even remember your face…”

“…”

Well, it’s been 20 years.

Even if we were lovers, it was natural that she couldn’t remember the details of my face after that long.

Even Lara shot an arrow at me when she first saw me.

I nodded silently.

Mella looked up at the sky and began to speak.

“The commemorative coin you gave me. It doesn’t look like you at all.”

“…Haha… It did.”

“But… I looked at that coin really hard. I cleaned it every day, and I cleaned it again because I was afraid it would get dusty.”

“…You did something useless.”

“…Well, the statue of you in the square doesn’t look like you even more than this coin. Because you, the model, weren’t there.”

“Yeah, it doesn’t look like me. I didn’t even know it was me.”

“Then… when the coin was so worn that your face became blurry, I couldn’t remember your face either. I really… I didn’t think there would ever be a time when I hated myself as much as that day…”

“…”

“I lost that coin here…”

“Oh dear.”

“I looked for it really hard. I looked for it until my hands became like this… But I couldn’t find it.”

“…So that’s why the garden is such a mess.”

“…Yeah, I did something stupid. I thought it was proof that I hadn’t forgotten Ed. Like a 병신/byeongsin.”

I was surprised that Mella had used profanity and looked at her.

Funnily enough, the scene of her using profanity, more than the fact that she was married to Robin or had two children, was a 모습/moseup that made me feel more vividly that Mella was no longer a saint.

A sense of feeling the weight of the changed 20 years.

The feeling I felt when I saw Lara, who had lost her 여유/yeoyu and humor and was scarily obsessed with me, spread through my body again.

Mella’s 모습/moseup, who was using a fairly strong level of profanity, was unfamiliar, but for some reason, it also seemed very natural.

I could clearly see Mella, who was soaked in self-reproach, blaming herself.

How much profanity had she spewed at herself?

Mella lifted her head as if trying to find her clean and beautiful 모습/moseup from 20 years ago in the clouds floating in the sky, and then slowly opened her mouth again.

“But I thought I shouldn’t forget that conversation, so I groped through my memories and recorded it here and there… Because it was the last conversation we had… It was practically your will, too.”

“My will, which is known to the world, is ‘I will sacrifice myself for humanity’ or something like that.”

“…”

“Now you know, but I didn’t say those words.”

“…Yeah, if I think about it, Ed wasn’t the kind of person who would say those embarrassing things. Why didn’t I realize it?”

“…That’s right, you weren’t as smart as I thought you were.”

“Yeah, I’m a 바보/babo. Ed. I’m a stupid and pathetic 년/nyeon.”

“You’re good at swearing.”

“…Yeah.”

After that, we mixed in some jokes and had a long conversation, as if we were trying to have the conversation we hadn’t had in 20 years.

We unconsciously avoided topics like Robin and Lara, and we also avoided cheesy comments that lovers would make, and we spent time reminiscing about each other’s memories like old friends from our hometown.

Well, we were old friends from our hometown who had met after a long time.

All sorts of thoughts flashed through my head throughout the conversation, but none of them stayed in my head for long.

A strange feeling that felt empty yet cool swept through my chest and wrapped around my body.

I could somehow tell that Mella was also feeling a similar feeling.

At that moment when our conversation stopped for a while.

Mella slowly turned her gaze to me, pressed her arm hard with her grown nails, and said to me.

“…Thank you.”

“What for, that hand? It’s your original divine power.”

“Besides that. Everything.”

“What, helping Edward or Tess? Those were things I did to get close for revenge.”

“No, for coming back.”

I answered 발끈/balggeun.

“…Ha, what kind of 착각/chakgak are you,”

“I’m not 착각/chakgaking anything. I don’t have the 염치/yeomchi to expect you to come back to me. I haven’t forgotten that Ed didn’t come back as a human.”

“…”

Mella cut me off and said with a firm expression.

For a moment, her expression from 20 years ago flashed slightly over her wrinkled face.

Mella recited again with a sad face.

“…I don’t know what to say. It’s too difficult. Just, thank you, Ed.”

“…”

“Ed.”

“…Why.”

Mella said with a faint smile.

“I didn’t think I’d be able to have a 진정/jinjeong된 conversation with you like this again.”

I didn’t know either.

That we would have this kind of conversation.

As if she didn’t want an answer, Mella continued without giving me a chance to speak.

“Ed, I really don’t have any 여한/yeohan left now.”

“Mella.”

“Can’t you let me die?”

“…”

Mella said that with a bright smile.

For some reason, I couldn’t help but laugh when I saw that smile.

I shook my head.

Mella nodded as if she knew I would.

It was a bizarre 모습/moseup.

It seemed that both of us were somehow broken and 맛/mat gone.

“Mella.”

“…Yeah?”

“Let me check one thing.”

I took off my mask.

Mella was surprised by my sudden action, but she stared intently as if trying not to miss my revealed face.

I looked into her brown eyes, reached out, and cupped Mella’s cheek.

Mella looked at me with eyes mixed with embarrassment and anticipation.

My yellow eyes were reflected in her eyes.

I closed my eyes and slowly kissed Mella’s lips.

Mella also closed her eyes naturally.

Tchup

A childish kiss without even mixing tongues.

But even that was my first kiss.

Her lips, which I thought would be soft, were rougher than I thought, cracked and scarred.