Episode 116 – I’ll Be Here

*

Though momentarily taken aback by the sudden free time, Deborah wasted no time diving headfirst into a drinking frenzy, as if she hadn’t hesitated at all.

Deborah took me to a rundown bar in a neighborhood quite far from the tavern where I met Ellie; apparently, it was her go-to spot for a drink.

Even though the previous tavern had a fairly common vibe, it seemed pretty fancy compared to this place, which was even more dilapidated and modest.

The wooden walls of the crumbling wooden building revealed the traces of hard-won years without hiding the rotten, mushy wood grain, and the tables and chairs, having lost their unique wooden color and luster, emitted a dull light, stained by the hands of countless people.

The second floor was used as an inn, and the sound of the wooden planks creaking and screaming whenever people walked around upstairs grated on my ears.

There was no music playing, just the crackling of a bonfire and the faint murmur of old men quietly chatting.

Judging by the voices of some of the elderly men inside the bar, it seemed to be an old meeting place where the elders of this neighborhood gambled as a way to pass the time.

I watched Deborah, who had ordered a bottle of strong liquor and was continuously pouring it into a small shot glass, and asked.

“I never expected you to be a regular at a place like this.”

“Why, don’t you like it? The taste of alcohol is all the same, no matter what bar you go to.”

At Deborah’s answer, I nodded, but tapped the bowl in front of me as if to argue.

“Well, since it’s all delivered from the brewery anyway, I guess that’s not wrong. But it’s a bit much that the only thing on the menu is oatmeal porridge, don’t you think?”

“I don’t usually eat anything when I drink.”

Deborah said that and poured another shot of whiskey into her mouth.

I rested my chin on my hand and stared at my teacher.

As she said, when I thought about the fact that I had never had a drink with my teacher when she was alive, I felt regretful, so I was quite embarrassed by Ellie’s sudden suggestion, but I also felt that it was a good thing.

However, Deborah started pouring alcohol down her throat at a terrifying rate as soon as she entered the bar, to the point where we had more conversations while walking here.

I said to Deborah cautiously.

“If you were just going to drink like this, you should have just stayed there.”

“Hmm,”

Deborah stopped for a moment at my words, then slowly placed the glass on the old table.

Even after drinking a quantity of strong liquor that would have left most people completely drunk, she showed no signs of intoxication other than a slightly flushed face.

Deborah took a breath and said.

“Sorry, Ed. It’s become a habit, I can’t help but pour alcohol down my throat when I come here.”

“Is this place special to you, Teacher-nim?”

“I don’t have any affection or memories of this dirty bar, but I used to come to this neighborhood often until recently, and I often stopped by this bar while I was at it.”

“Here…”

I didn’t ask the obvious question of what was going on in this neighborhood that she came so often.

Because I knew where this neighborhood was.

I had been here 20 years ago when I was alive, and even if it wasn’t then, I had been here just a few days ago.

This neighborhood was the most depressing and quiet neighborhood in Sioland.

I asked Deborah, who was looking down, in a low voice.

“Was it because of me?”

“…”

Deborah drank her glass without saying a word.

The brown liquid that slightly overflowed from Deborah’s mouth flowed from her mouth down her chin and neck.

Deborah’s red face slightly frowned at the bitter drink that moistened her tongue.

I waited for her answer without saying a word.

Deborah took a deep breath and opened her mouth.

“Yes.”

“…”

This neighborhood was often called ‘Tomb Village’.

Because it was a village next to the largest cemetery in Sioland.

Gardeners who manage the grass in the tombs, carpenters who make coffins, undertakers wearing black priestly robes, blacksmiths who make shovels to dig up dirt.

All of the old men who live in this neighborhood make a living doing work related to the cemetery.

A neighborhood where people are accustomed to the scent of death and the wailing of people filled with sorrow.

Even for her, who was a brave knight commander, it wouldn’t have been natural for her to visit such a musty neighborhood often, but she seemed to have come to this place quite often.

She opened the swing door, skillfully threw gold coins on the counter where the owner was absent because he was engrossed in gambling, and naturally sat down with two bottles of strong liquor from the liquor shelf.

It looked like she had been coming here for at least a few years.

Maybe it was for the entire 20 years I was dead.

Come to think of it, the tomb I saw when I met Mela a few days ago was quite well maintained.

Even after 20 years.

But I couldn’t even give a thank you, let alone an answer.

Because my feelings about this tomb, where even my corpse wasn’t buried, were very complicated.

Of course, I was very grateful that Deborah hadn’t forgotten me, but I didn’t want to thank or affirm anything about that fake tomb.

I took the bottle from Deborah’s hand, filled my glass, and said.

“When was the most recent time you came?”

“…I think it was around the day you revealed your identity to me,”

“That’s pretty recent. Don’t tell me you used to come every week?”

“Don’t be ridiculous, do you think I’m that free? Still, no matter how busy I am, I used to come about once every six months.”

“For 20 years?”

“…”

Deborah nodded without saying a word.

I chuckled and said.

“Ha, what was it about a little kid I trained for a short time that made you do that?”

“…I know, why have you been in my heart for so long?”

Deborah stared at me with eyes full of intoxication.

It was always a sharp, piercing gaze, but her eyes, which were slightly unfocused unlike usual, felt very different.

It was a deep, intense emotion that seemed to be sinking wide and heavy, like a calm lake where not even a little splash of water rises.

It was the kind of look that made me think that eyes that had seen countless battles and deaths would feel like that.

Because there was no time to grieve over all the tragedies and sacrifices that had scratched and passed her countless times, a mass of regret, like tears that had been collected and accumulated without being shed throughout her life, was quietly holding its breath under her eyes.

Was my death one of the sorrows contained in those eyes?

I couldn’t bear to keep looking at those eyes, so I avoided her gaze.

“… Ed”

“…What.”

I answered Deborah’s voice, which called my name in a low voice, in a grumpy tone for no reason.

Deborah refilled her glass and raised it, clinking her glass against the one I had poured.

The sound of rusty copper glasses clinking together, not luxurious glass, rang out unnecessarily clearly.

“Thank you, for coming back.”

“…”

I raised my glass without saying a word and sipped it.

The strong liquor, which made my head spin just by smelling it, burned my throat as it went down.

As if I had swallowed fire, my chest felt so hot that I felt like water would pour out of my eyes to cool it down.

I quickly lowered my head.

Why am I like this?

I wiped away the tears that had finally overflowed so that no one would see them.

“…”

“…The alcohol is too strong.”

“…Yeah.”

It was strange.

Even when I was alive, no matter how difficult things were, no matter how painful and agonizing, I was always able to endure it in the end, but after regaining my human body with the power of the Holy Sword, I became much more tearful.

Even when I saw Mela happy by Robin’s side, even when I saw Mela realizing the truth and begging me to kill her, I felt like something was collapsing somewhere in my heart, but in the end, no tears came out, but in some moments that I couldn’t even fathom, tears that I couldn’t resist flowed helplessly.

I started to think about when I had last burst into tears.

The most recent was probably… Ah, Lara.

The day Lara covered me naked, I shed a tear at the fact that I would never see my friend again.

And before that, I probably cried while sobbing at Deborah’s comfort…

… Ah, that’s right.

I think I finally know the reason for my tears.

Pain or sorrow, betrayal, anger, injustice,

The emotion that makes me cry until the end, even as I become insensitive to all of that, is loneliness.

Everything that Robin took away can be repaid to him someday, but there was no way to get back or repay what 20 years had taken away from me.

The restaurant that used to serve my favorite meat stew when I was alive, which has now disappeared,

That taste that no one else could replicate,

The grandmother at the lodging where I often stayed when I was a thief,

The time I spent with Lara, joking around and bickering,

The happy times I spent with Mela, rubbing my forehead against hers,

The fact that my hometown, which is now nothing but a field of herbs, can never be found again, made me cry.

And in front of Deborah, who treats me with the only unchanged appearance and attitude in the midst of everything that has changed, I would inevitably burst into tears.

I wiped away the tears that were flowing helplessly with the back of my hand and clenched my glass tightly.

Deborah looked at me and said.

Just like 20 years ago.

“You’re always just crying in front of me.”

“Ugh,”

When I return to the mansion, I will pull the damn Holy Sword out of my body and never return to a human body again.

I was trying hard to stop crying while making that resolution.

At that moment, Deborah’s low voice was heard very loudly in my ears.

“…Ed”

“…”

“…Are you lonely?”

Deborah asked as if she had seen through my heart.

Unable to resist that magical voice, I slowly and laboriously nodded.

Deborah carefully put down her glass and got up from her seat and came to my side.

Then, she slowly and gently hugged and stroked my head.

*

It was difficult to explain how high the status of the Hero’s party that defeated the Demon King was in this empire.

That achievement, which was no different from the founding myth of this empire, was so great that no matter how much I talked about it, my mouth would hurt.

Even if some nobles ridiculed him as a country bumpkin, the popularity and support of the people for the hero Robin was truly amazing.

Even with Jennifer’s suspicions and the conflict with Baron Salvier, his popularity among the people showed no signs of declining.

Rather, among the voices in the tavern, there were many people criticizing the emperor and nobles who were pressuring Robin.

That’s why Robin was subjected to a harsh investigation for nearly a week, even though the suspicions came from the mouth of a foreigner.

In fact, Robin wasn’t the only one who received such great popularity and respect.

Of course, Jennifer and Mela were also treated as living legends whenever they appeared in front of people, and Lara, who suddenly disappeared, was also remembered by many people.

A fictional novel about Lara’s disappearance being a journey to defeat the remnants of the Demon King was even a hit.

However, the party member who had popularity comparable to the hero was Edward, the thief who heroically sacrificed his life in the battle against the Demon King.

He was a kind of problem solver position who joined late when the Hero’s party’s journey was slow, and he had a heartbreaking romance with the Saintess, and his heroic end.

The fact that he was one of only two members with a huge statue built alongside Robin was also one of the factors that made his popularity a reality, and even within this empire full of the influence of the Goddess Church, there were rumors that a local religion that revered Ed as a god had sprung up in the rural villages that they had visited during their journey to defeat the Demon King in the past.

Ed was practically treated as the guardian deity of the empire.

But do people know?

That the guardian deity of the empire is just a weak young man sobbing in her arms.

Deborah hugged her disciple, who was shaking her shoulders and pouring out her sadness in her arms, tightly.

Even if they were talking about a hero or a guardian deity, Ed was only a twenty-year-old boy.

He would be just a kid even among humans, so how much more would he be to Deborah, an elf?

Deborah realized once again how mercilessly the waves of fate that he had to endure had covered and driven Ed.

She had trained countless soldiers, and some of her subordinates had died honorably in battle, but none of them had been tormented by such a terrible fate as Ed.

His journey to defeat the Demon King was already a march of hardship, he was betrayed and lost his life, he woke up as a monster, his lover was in love with the enemy who killed him, and everything he knew and loved had been changed by the relentless handprints of time, leaving him all alone.

Deborah wondered if she would have been able to endure all of that.

Ed, whom she met today, seemed very different from usual.

Not his appearance, but his attitude and appearance seemed somehow empty.

A strange sense of incongruity, like a strangely twisted tree, surrounded him, making him feel uncomfortable.

But isn’t that understandable?

Isn’t it strange that he’s not crazy?

Ed was changing rapidly, as if trying to catch up with the world that had changed slowly but relentlessly over the past 20 years.

However, Deborah was very sorry every time she saw Ed changing in an increasingly bizarre direction every time she met him, perhaps because of the speed of that sudden change.

Deborah guessed that the reason Ed was changing in a twisted and collapsing direction was because of the conflict between all the terrible emotions he felt and his nature.

Even if he wanted to become a crazy bastard who would kill, burn, and destroy to his heart’s content, his nature would stop him until the end.

Ed, who ran towards the goal of revenge and acted as if he had no regrets in life, but sobbed that he didn’t want to die in front of her, Ed, who acted as if he had shaken off his lingering feelings for Mela, but in fact, the reason was because he was despairing at seeing Mela happy next to Robin, all Deborah could do was hold his trembling hand tightly and hug his head as he shed tears.

What can I do to be a strength to this poor child?

How can I save my beloved disciple, not a soldier?

Even Deborah, who had lived for a long time, couldn’t find the answer no matter how hard she thought about it.

Deborah kissed Ed’s head and said.

“I heard that this bar has been here for over 80 years.”

“…”

“They said that cemetery is almost 100 years old.”

“…”

“And I’ll be here longer than that.”

“…Teacher-nim.”

“Since you have become an immortal body, until my life allows… I guess I have about 200 years left. I’ll be here until then.”

“…Ha,”

“What’s a mere 20 years? Right?”

“Ugh, ugh,”

Ed hugged Deborah’s waist tightly.

Deborah also tightened her arms around Ed’s head.

.