Episode 62 – Journey and Comfort

*

Ed and Deborah were strolling through the garden of the White Glass Tower.

As befitting a luxury hotel boasting the most lavish accommodations in the Imperial capital, the garden was exquisitely landscaped.

When Baron Salvie, known for rarely leaving his room, came out for a walk, the gardeners and staff managing the grounds hastily retreated outside the garden to avoid disturbing him.

Only a couple of employees remained within sight of the Baron, ready to respond to his beckoning.

Confirming that no one was nearby, Deborah spoke to me as I silently admired the ornately sculpted trees while walking.

,You told me to return, make a name for myself, and repay you, but you didn’t keep your promise to have me return, yet you kept the part about making a name for myself. What kind of guy are you?

,Haha, I’m glad I succeeded in at least half of your orders.

,You haven’t repaid me yet. So it’s a complete failure.

,Hehe, unfortunately, the training grounds where you used to punish me are gone now.

,Shall we do it here?

,…No, I don’t want to.

,You mustn’t neglect your training, you cheeky brat.

Deborah and I paused, looked at each other, and burst into laughter simultaneously.

How long has it been since I laughed like this?

We’ve reunited after more than 20 years, and all we’re doing is exchanging silly jokes like this.

Ah, now that I think about it, it was the same when I saw Lara again.

I was reminded of how cheerful I used to be when I was alive.

Perhaps what I truly lost wasn’t Melana or Lara, but the me from back then.

I was about to feel a bit bitter again, but seeing Deborah still giggling beside me, I thought, ,Who cares?

I looked at her between the chuckles that kept escaping and said,

,Ah, really, I could never have talked back like this in the old days,

,Your memory must be distorted, Ed. You were always cheeky like this.

,Eh, no. Ah, maybe a little at first.

,You were like that until the end, so you,

,No, I wasn’t. Your fist hurt so much, Master-nim. How could I be cheeky?

,Right, starting with that Master-nim. I told you to call me Commander-nim, but you insisted you weren’t a soldier and refused to do it until the end. You useless brat.

,Ah, that’s right.

Deborah giggled again at my spaced-out response.

It was a strange feeling.

I clearly missed Mela’s embrace and the banter with Lara.

I missed those nights when all the party members sat around the campfire, chatting together.

In comparison, I hadn’t particularly missed the days of training with Deborah.

Of course not, it was a really tough and grueling time.

But for some reason, I could find my old self more easily during these few seconds walking with Deborah than when talking with Lara or Mela.

Could it be because she’s clearly my superior, not an equal friend?

I couldn’t pinpoint the reason, but the me that even I had forgotten suddenly emerged so naturally that I was a little surprised myself.

Ever since I was resurrected as an undead, everything has been surprising, but this was a different kind of pleasant surprise.

Deborah gradually stopped giggling and soon spoke in a comfortable tone.

,Are you having a hard time?

,…With what?

,…I see, there’s no word to define it. You’re no longer human to call it life, and you’re already dead to call it living.

,…

,Let’s call it a journey. Is your journey very arduous and difficult?

Journey.

I don’t know if I can call this path of a vengeful spirit, stained with blood and desecrating even Robin’s sons and daughters, a journey, but I liked the expression.

The romantic word she found and uttered so casually felt like a bit of comfort to my weary heart.

My steps slowly slowed down, and I headed to the bench in front of me and plopped down.

Deborah sat next to me silently, waiting for my answer.

,…I was prepared, I planned, and I vowed not to stop, but it’s still not easy.

,I see…

,The hardest part is that I actually know the ending of all this.

,…

,My achievement of killing the Demon King remains, but as an undead, I won’t receive the reward, and even if I kill Robin, the Mela I loved will never return.

I forced myself to utter the complicated feelings I had never shown to anyone in a calm voice.

In Sioland, fifteen was considered adulthood, and it was common to have two or three children by the age of twenty, but even considering that, I was still a very immature young man at just twenty-one.

Silently enduring all this pain was very overwhelming for me, who used to be so talkative.

But who could I confide in?

Lily, who is much younger than me?

Or Mena, who is anxiously wondering what terrible state her daughter might be in?

Lara, who is hell-bent on seeking my affection?

Ellie, who is intelligent but seems to have some ulterior motives?

I had been enduring, and when I couldn’t endure it, I exploded.

I can feel it.

It’s been getting harder and harder to control my impulses lately.

I was actually an impulsive person when I was alive, and my confused mind after resurrection was even more impulsive.

But ironically, after meeting the Goddess and obtaining a human body, I was surrounded by even more impulsive feelings and a radical personality.

The human body was full of stimulation and pleasure, but at the same time, it was difficult to hold back anger, and the swollen emotions subsided surprisingly quickly.

I was swayed by the erratic feelings and had difficulty coming to my senses for several days.

It was the same just now.

As my head started to ache from the conflict between Lara and Ellie, I was suddenly annoyed and imagined swinging my chains and smashing both of their heads.

That’s why I brought Deborah out of the blue.

Because at least she could resist me.

However, she was helping me in a direction and manner completely different from my intentions.

,I may not die, but the divine power in my body is all the amount that Mela poured into me for an hour in front of the Demon King’s castle, so it will eventually run out, and my body will be taken over by the Demon King. Before that happens, I’ll probably destroy my own body,

,…

,I know very well that what happened to me doesn’t change or disappear. I know that I’m going to die miserably in the end. Of course, a miracle happened to me, and I’m talking to Master-nim like this, but I know very well that this miracle only allows me to choose my companions on my way to the afterlife.

,…

,But do you know what, Master-nim?

,…

,Actually, I don’t want to die.

Perhaps, I will never admit it in the future,

After that last word, I sobbed for a long time and spewed out the words I had accumulated in my heart.

I didn’t even know I had been accumulating such things, and all the hidden feelings came out without leaving anything behind.

Tearful sentences popped out between my teeth and fell and scattered into the air.

Deborah nodded, patted my back, and occasionally brushed my hair back, silently listening to everything I said.

Deborah silently listened to my complaints that lasted for a long time.

The way she helped me wasn’t really that special.

She did just one thing.

She was just there as an ,adult, beside me.

For me, who lost my parents at an early age and grew up in a den of scum, Deborah might have been a master and the only adult I could trust.

Deborah waited until my sobs subsided.

But I swear I didn’t shed any tears.

Really, if I ended up just sobbing after receiving such a big emotional stimulus with this human body that I still can’t get used to, then it shouldn’t be counted as crying even considering the penalty.

Deborah said to me, who was fine again, or rather, who had been fine from the beginning.

,Just listening to it makes it sound like a very arduous journey.

,Yes.

,You’ve walked well, Ed.

,…Really?

,I don’t know, at least you appeared in front of me. I won’t evaluate anything other than that.

,…You still have a very straightforward way of thinking.

,I don’t know how to accept your fate either. I can’t even imagine what it would be like if it were me. I would have blamed everything I could see first. Then I would have blamed everything I couldn’t see,

,Things you can’t see?

,Things like fate or goddesses.

,…Ah,

,Come to think of it, what is that Goddess thinking, giving you back your body now?

,I wonder.

I smiled bitterly.

Certainly, I received something like a holy sword-shaped ticket from the Goddess that allowed me to transform into a human body.

But the excitement was only temporary.

I was honestly wondering why the Goddess gave me the right to experience a human body.

What is the Goddess’s intention, or rather, does she even have an intention?

Since the Goddess doesn’t seem to care much about humans, there was a good chance that she just gave it to me without much thought.

Can it be said that it’s wrong for a god not to be very interested in the lives of humans?

According to the Goddess, it seems that she didn’t even create them in the first place.

Haha, shit.

I recalled the conversation I had with the Goddess and said to Deborah,

,The Goddess didn’t kill me, Master-nim. Fate didn’t betray me either, and the world didn’t take away my lover. Misfortune didn’t curse me either.

,…

,Robin betrayed me, killed me, and took away my lover.

,…That’s right.

Deborah looked away from me and stared into the air.

Perhaps she was thinking of Robin, another of her disciples.

I also looked at the clouds in the sky and said, thinking of him.

,When I was young, I thought life was complicated… But after meeting Master-nim, my life became very simple.

,Is that so?

,Yes, after learning how to fight from Master-nim, the world is divided into just two categories: enemies and non-enemies. When I was alive, my enemy was the Demon King, and now it’s Robin.

,You have a straightforward way of thinking as well.

,I told you, it’s been like that since I met Master-nim. Who do you think I learned it from?

,You cheeky brat. You don’t give in even with one word.

Deborah and I laughed again without purpose.

After the short laughter ended, I asked her quietly.

,Is it okay? Even if I kill Robin.

,Why are you asking me that?

,Robin is also Master-nim’s disciple.

,If I say no, will you not do it?

,Of course not.

,…Do as you please. That son of a bitch.

,Ah, come to think of it, I heard Master-nim was pushed out by Robin…

,No. I quit.

,…?

,What are you looking at? Just take it that way.

,…Yes.

Giggle giggle.

After spending some time like that, a much colder wind than expected blew in.

The human body.

Stroking my shivering arms, I felt it was time to return to the room and opened my mouth to finish the conversation with a joke.

,Well, it’s about time for Master-nim to retire.

,What did you say?

,Hehe, that’s right. I think you said you were in your 30s when you were teaching me, so that means you’re in your 50s now.

,Do I look like I’m in my 50s to you?

,Ah! Ah, no, not really… Uh, wait a minute, you really don’t look like it.

I looked closely at Deborah’s face for the first time.

She clearly had the same face as she did 20 years ago.

Still the same green hair and slightly fierce-looking woman.

How could I not have noticed this until now?

Was it because I was vaguely stuck in the idea that she was older than me?

I blurted out another nonsense.

,If you’re the commander of the Imperial Knights, do you eat something really good for rejuvenation?

,Oh, you stupid brat.

,Master-nim… What is your true identity?

,Here,

Deborah lifted her hair and showed me her ear.

I gasped for a moment.

Her ear, which had been hidden by her hair, looked like a human ear at first glance through the fluttering strands, but it wasn’t.

It was an elf’s ear that had been cut off, leaving only the size of a human ear.

The ear, which was rough and coarsely healed on the outside, clearly had a tremendous amount of stories behind it.

I was ashamed of my actions just now.

The scar, which proved that she had lived a journey as arduous as mine, was a terrible wound that seemed to symbolize the adversity of her life.

,…You were an elf…

,Yes, it’s a different hometown from the archer in the hero’s party, though.

,Well, Master-nim’s skin was too white for a soldier.

,No, I’m more dumbfounded that you didn’t know until now. You really weren’t interested in anyone other than that Saintess.

,…Ehehe,

,Oh, you brat.

I scratched my head awkwardly and laughed.

Somehow, when I crossed swords with her at the Os Gravi tavern, I felt a huge difference in skill.

I couldn’t understand how she was still moving like that despite her age, but if she was an elf, everything made sense.

Moreover, I understood how she was in charge of educating the princes and princesses despite her free-spirited personality.

As an elf, she must have accumulated a lot of knowledge.

I changed the subject for her, as she seemed uncomfortable with the age talk.

Age seemed to be a sensitive topic for elves as well.

,Let’s go up now. Your successful disciple will treat you to dinner tonight.

,Are you going to end it with just buying me one meal?

,No, I’ll buy you every time we eat together.

,That’s a bit lacking too.

,Oh, I’m so wronged that I have to find that dagger and return it.

,Hahaha,

That’s when it happened.

Mena was approaching from afar, crossing the garden.

,Mena?

,Baron-nim! Baron-nim!

,What’s wrong? Mena.

,The… The Princess-nim has received a message.

,What? What message?

,Th… That is,

,It’s okay. Take your time and tell me.

,The Emperor’s soldiers have been dispatched to the mansion to arrest Jennifer.

,What?

I looked at Deborah.

Deborah glanced at my face, got up from the bench, stretched once, and said,

,Let’s go now.

,Yes, I have to get back on the road.

,…That’s right.

I followed Mena. Deborah naturally stood behind me.

She couldn’t hear the conversation we were having, but it would be a natural sight to those employees who were still watching us.

As I was walking, I suddenly stopped and turned around.

,What are you doing? Why aren’t you going?

,Master-nim.

,?

,Thank you.

,For what,

,For training me. I realized I had never said it, so I was going to say it after going to catch the Demon King…

,…Ed,

,If I don’t say what I want to say in advance, I might end up saying it twenty years later.

I turned forward again and started walking.

She would deny it, but I clearly saw tears welling up in Deborah’s eyes this time.

.