Episode 23 – There’s No Vicarious Satisfaction in Love.

＊

Lara sat at the table, tapping it with her finger.

She seemed to be tapping in a regular rhythm, but then she’d abruptly stop or suddenly tap in rapid succession, filling the room with irregular sounds.

Perhaps because she mainly used bows unique to desert elves, where finger sensitivity was crucial, Lara would move her fingers incessantly whenever she had something to ponder deeply.

Ed also had a similar habit, so 20 years ago, the two of them would share a few hand-moving games whenever they had free time.

Ed taught her ‘Coin Roll,’ rolling a coin on her fingers, and Lara taught him various techniques for spinning wooden sticks or penholders.

Ironically, Lara missed those days more than the 15 years she spent in the forest, waiting for a chance to find Ed’s dead body.

Lara moved her fingers incessantly, resting her chin on her other hand, lost in thought.

Three days ago, Ed left for the Demon King’s castle to get money.

Since he needed a lot of money, Ed decided to go and come back with Lily to move a large amount of treasure and exchange it.

Lara told him to take her with him, but Ed refused outright.

When she asked why, he explained that Lara needed to stay behind in Sioland as a point of contact for Baron Salvie.

The Imperial Princess had sent a letter directly to Baron Salvie.

Even though it was delivered so secretly that her name wasn’t even written, rumors might still spread,

And there might be more important messages coming, so Ed left Lara in Sioland.

Lara had been all alone in this hotel for three days.

Lara tapped the desk, recalling the day Ed left.

What she witnessed when she brought the letter from the first floor was Lily hugging Ed, and Ed silently leaning against her chest.

Too surprised, Lara didn’t make a sound and eavesdropped on their conversation.

Lara realized it immediately.

Lily had more than just a general liking for Ed.

,Oh my god.’

Lara stopped tapping the table, slowly grabbed her head, and crouched down.

Lara was just trying to comfort Ed, who seemed to be mentally collapsing after meeting Mela.

She tried to think that way, but Lily’s expression as she held Ed in her arms and stroked his hair was like a maiden’s face in full bloom in spring.

It was clearly the face of someone in love.

Lara groaned, clutching her hair.

Fucking elven blood.

Elves evolved to be born with their parents’ memories so they could survive in harsh, dangerous, and deprived environments.

Perhaps that’s why most children of deeply loving elf couples had their parents as their first love.

Lara also remembered vaguely liking her father when she was a clueless child, going back about 150 years.

But normal parents don’t have romantic feelings for their children, especially not preschoolers.

It was just a cute little happening for young elf children.

And naturally, as time passed and the child grew up and reached an age where they could love someone else, their infatuation with their father would naturally disappear.

Lara desperately hoped that Lily’s feelings were just a temporary delusion caused by inheriting her memories,

That it was just a happening, but that seemed unlikely.

Lara’s biggest concern was that there was no clear justification for stopping Lily’s love.

Age?

Ed was stuck at 21 years old. Rather, at 18, she was closer to Ed’s age than Lara, who was 155 years old.

Besides, Ed had become an immortal undead.

The overwhelmingly long lifespan unique to elves was also not an issue between the two of them now.

The fact that he’s someone her mother loved?

To be blunt, so what?

Ed isn’t Lily’s father,

Nor is he my husband.

Lily’s father is Robin.

Ed has no blood relation to Lily.

Besides, I’m the one who was defiled by that Robin.

Isn’t Lily the child born from that?

Also, Lily didn’t have romantic feelings for Ed from the start.

She might have had some liking for him, but her romantic feelings probably developed after seeing Ed’s rage for her when she collapsed from poison in Plavis.

Of course, Ed still can’t even look Lily in the eyes because she resembles Robin.

But wouldn’t it be easier than seeing me, who was ignorant of his death, as a lover?

Wouldn’t loving the enemy’s daughter be much easier than loving an old comrade who slept with the enemy?

Negative thoughts filled Lara’s head.

Lara tore at her hair and banged her forehead on the table.

,Why, why can’t I? Why, why! Ed!’

Robin’s betrayal and Mela and Lara’s ignorance had mangled Ed’s heart like a tattered rag.

Because Ed was so kind, he just endured it, but you could tell that his inner self was a mess just by looking at his bare face without his mask.

What answer did Ed give her when she confessed her feelings?

Ed told Lara that they could never be lovers.

He probably said that Mela couldn’t be either.

Of course, no one could piece together his torn heart right now, but

Even if peaceful days came to him after a long time, Lara was chillingly certain that she would never be the one to play that role.

Lara banged her head hard on the desk once more.

She could feel red blood seeping through her black hair.

Lara stopped with her forehead on the desk and thought.

If my daughter becomes Ed’s lover and comforts him,

What should I do?

Can I just watch?

Lily, who uncannily resembled Lara from 20 years ago.

But no matter how much she resembled her, she wasn’t Lara.

,I can’t be.’

Cruelly, there was no such thing as vicarious satisfaction in love.

Lara began to feel chillingly disgusted by her daughter, who resembled her so much.

And she was chillingly disgusted by herself for feeling that way.

,…Should I grow my hair out again?’

These days, spending time with Ed, Lara wanted to go back to the old days every day.

To 20 years ago.

To when nothing had happened.

She desperately missed the her who laughed with Ed and felt something ticklish beyond her pounding heart.

,Ha, idiot. What good would that do?’

But just because her appearance goes back doesn’t mean what’s already happened will disappear.

Time cannot be rewritten.

Lara regained her composure.

Even if the happiness that barely remained for the torn and broken Ed was just a handful of ashes,

Even if the image left on his cruelly torn soul was just a speck of dust,

My duty to protect that much from being lost again is not to love Ed, but to be helpful to him.

Whether it’s Lily, or anyone else,

Perhaps, even if he overcomes all those adversities and shackles, and in the end, shares his heart with Mela once again,

I must not covet him.

That is the punishment given to me.

Lara roughly wiped the blood flowing from her torn forehead with her hand.

Of course, the blood didn’t wipe away and just spread on her skin, but Lara didn’t care.

Brushing back her blood-soaked short hair, Lara smiled bitterly,

,…Shibal.’

She cried for a long time.

＊

It had been 5 days since Ed left with Lily.

Lara woke up to the sound of the employee in charge of room service knocking on the door.

It was already 2 PM.

It wasn’t a time she would normally be asleep, but Lara had been finding it painful to be awake these past few days without Ed.

When she sat blankly in the empty hotel room alone, she would naturally think of the two people who weren’t there.

When she thought about Lily and Ed getting closer during their trip, Lara would tear at her hair, tap her fingers frantically on the desk, or

She would fiddle with her bow for no reason, pull the string with all her might without an arrow, and release it, creating a whirlwind in the room with its force.

Then, suddenly feeling self-loathing,

,Why the hell are you worrying about that?’

She would curse herself,

And as her self-criticism intensified, she would suddenly find her own appearance ridiculous and drink heavily to escape into sleep.

The employee who knocked on the door told Lara that a guest had arrived and was waiting in the lobby on the first floor, then went downstairs.

She hadn’t even showered yet, but she couldn’t keep the guest waiting, so Lara put on a hooded robe with incense, pulling it down so deeply that it covered her nose, and left the room.

When she arrived on the first floor, the person waiting for Lara was the elegantly dressed servant who had delivered the princess’s letter a few days ago.

He looked at Lara and asked.

,Is Baron Salvie not here?’

,He’s away on urgent business. He’ll be back next week at the latest.’

,Hmm, my employer wanted to hear the reply to that letter…’

,I’m sorry to have made you come all this way. I apologize on behalf of the absent master.’

Since Ed had left to get money, the answer to the princess’s proposal would be positive.

However, it would be awkward for Lara, who was known externally as a maid, to convey the master’s intentions, so she bowed her head and apologized politely before continuing.

,I’ll tell him as soon as the Baron-nim returns.’

,Ah, thank you. Would it be alright to schedule a meeting with the Baron-nim in advance?’

,Please suggest a date.’

When the servant suggested a few date candidates, Lara carefully chose a date, taking into account that Ed would need a day or two to rest after returning.

The servant bowed and took out a letter envelope from his pocket, handing it to Lara.

It was the same yellow envelope as before.

,Please set the date for that day, and the appointment time and place are written in this letter. Please be sure to deliver it to the Baron-nim.’

,Yes, thank you for coming all this way.’

Lara waited until the servant left and disappeared from sight, then went back to the stairs to return to her room.

Lara suddenly stopped halfway up the stairs.

And she turned around and approached the employee standing at the lobby counter and said.

,Please bring some alcohol to my room. A lot.’

＊

Had it been… 8 days since Ed left?

Lara groggily woke up in bed.

8 AM.

It wasn’t that early, but she felt like she had woken up in the morning for the first time in a while.

Lara got out of bed naked and picked up the underwear that had fallen on the floor.

Looking around, she saw empty bottles rolling around everywhere.

The mirror reflected her dry hair and emaciated figure.

It was only natural, since she had only been drinking alcohol for the past few days.

But Ed would be back in a few days.

The thought that he might worry if he saw her in this state snapped her out of it.

Lara started by cleaning up the bottles rolling around the room.

After cleaning for two hours, Lara threw away all the huge pile of bottles and went up to her room to take off all her clothes and underwear.

It might be more accurate to say that they fell off her body.

The underwear covering her lower body passed the thickest curve of her buttocks and fell down without resistance, without her even needing to touch it.

,Haha, at this point, maybe it’s just because I’m not attractive enough.’

Saying the self-deprecating words she had become accustomed to over the past few days, Lara went into the bathroom and filled the tub with water.

The magic engraved on the bottom of the tub, which was filled with water, slowly began to heat the water.

While waiting for the water to get hot enough,

Someone knocked on the door.

It was the room service employee.

,A guest has come to see Baron Salvie.’

,Ugh, what timing,’

Lara scooped up the lukewarm water with her hands and applied it to her head, arranging her disheveled hair.

After putting on a hooded robe, she left the room and went down to the first floor, where the waiting employee led Lara to the reception room.

Lara tilted her head.

Of course, it was a secret that it was a letter sent by the princess, but anyway, even the servants of such high-ranking people had just waited in the lobby.

But who on earth had come that they were waiting for me in the reception room, and the employee was even personally guiding me?

Lara wondered who the guest could be and followed the employee.

When they arrived in front of the reception room, the employee knocked on the door.

,Baron Salvie-nim’s maid has arrived.’

,Yes, come in.’

A soft female voice was heard from inside the door.

The employee bowed and returned to his place.

Whoever it was, they must be a person of considerably high status or wealthy,

Hoping that they wouldn’t freak out at the fact that Baron Salvie was currently absent, Lara slowly opened the door to the reception room.

At that moment.

Lara gasped.

,I… I’ve come to see Baron Salvie-nim. I came without an appointment, but… is it still possible to see him?’

,… Ah,’

Lara looked at her and thought.

She’s changed a lot.

Mela.

.