episode_0042

*

Back in my room, I pulled a cigarette from the drawer, put it in my mouth, and slowly lit a match.

The warm smoke filling my lungs seemed to warm my soaked body, even if only a little.

I threw off my seawater-drenched clothes and picked up a fresh set, then turned to the mirror hanging on the wall.

“…”

The mirror reflected a surly man with a cigarette clenched in his teeth.

Eyes gleaming fiercely from beneath heavy, shadowed eyelids,

a nose broken and crooked from fighting demons, and lips downturned in perpetual dissatisfaction.

The man’s face, with its blunt features barely concealed by a beard saturated with saltwater, stared back at me from the mirror.

“Ugh, so ugly.”

The unkind words slipped out before I could stop them.

But it wasn’t some pointless self-deprecation;

it was actually a fairly objective assessment.

My face is objectively ugly.

To put it another way, it’s a rugged face, or, to be as kind as possible, a masculine one,

but I couldn’t deny it was an appearance that inspired more fear than fondness.

It wasn’t just my opinion; the way I’d been treated and perceived throughout my life made it clear.

Bartenders and waitresses at new bars always flinched when they saw me,

and even the most wicked heretics trembled and confessed their hidden truths before my threats.

“Hoo…”

My voice, mixed with the exhaled smoke, was heavy and deep.

A voice that suited me, perhaps, but one that was far from the sweet tone considered attractive to women.

Furthermore, my body, covered in large scars and wounds like tattoos, as if to prove I had spent my entire life battling demons, exuded a menacing aura.

I kept the cigarette in my lips as I swept my still-damp hair back and said,

“Anna… Lucia… Why do they…? What, do they just have unique tastes or something?”

I had never been dissatisfied with my appearance.

As a Priest, I’d never yearned for the attention of women to begin with,

and my threatening appearance had been more of a help than a hindrance in my life spent fighting the wicked.

I had never experienced any trouble involving women.

Perhaps that’s why I was utterly clueless about how to deal with Anna and Lucia’s affection.

Of course, I had no intention of accepting their feelings.

I’m a Priest, a Father, and the Monastery Head, their protector.

They are nuns, young, and beautiful enough to have their pick of good matches.

Ethically, doctrinally, rationally, and emotionally, I had more than enough reasons to push them away.

However, my attempts to handle them were clumsy and awkward.

I tried strong refusals and persuasion with Anna, but it had no effect, and just a while ago, she even… kissed me.

In Lucia’s case, rejecting her strongly seemed to cause something to go wrong with her body.

I chewed on my burning insides with the cigarette, and pressed on my throbbing temples.

“No… In the first place, what could they possibly like about an ahjussi like me…”

You need to know the cause to derive the result, but I couldn’t find any basis for their affection toward me.

Lucia, in particular, is a girl who wouldn’t be wrong to harbor resentment towards me.

She became disabled because of me and is trapped on this island because of me.

Although I saved her from the Pirates, I was also the reason she couldn’t escape and was captured by them.

Lucia said that she realized that all my violence was for her sake, and that was clearly true, but I didn’t know if that was enough to develop into love.

Anna was the same.

The reason she ended up trapped on this island was also related to me.

She even praised my appearance.

Saying I was cute…

“… Bullshit.”

I exhaled the embarrassed feeling with the cigarette smoke.

What’s with being shy at my age?

I’m not some teenager.

“Teenager…”

Come to think of it, Lucia is just a young girl in her teens.

Adults seen through the eyes of a child often seem bigger and more trustworthy than they really are.

It’s like a young girl blushing when she sees a well-dressed middle-aged gentleman.

No man would consider that to be a woman’s sincere affection.

Lucia’s case must be the same.

It just means that, like a young girl, she’s mistaking her trust in me for affection.

Anna… I don’t know.

Maybe she has a unique taste.

Perhaps she’s attracted to rough men because she worked at the Blacksmith.

I turned away from the mirror and said quietly,

“That’s it.”

I exhaled a cloud of cigarette smoke at the mirror.

Then, with the cigarette in my mouth, I put on the clothes I was holding.

The long ash hanging from the end of the cigarette fell weakly to the floor and scattered.

After getting dressed, I kicked the ash with my foot to scatter it, then slowly approached the window.

I opened the window, leaned against the frame, and slowly drew on the remaining cigarette, exhaling the smoke outside when…

“Ah!”

Sola, holding a small trowel, cried out as she passed by the window and made eye contact with me.

Sola waved her hand excitedly as she approached me.

“Father, are you smoking?”

“Yeah.”

I exhaled smoke away from Sola and nodded quietly as I stubbed out the cigarette in my palm.

The cigarette was made by rolling herbs soaked in Holy Water, so it wasn’t bad for the body, but it didn’t smell very good, so I couldn’t smoke it carelessly.

Besides, it wasn’t good for education either.

Sola approached me with an innocent expression.

“Father, are you sick?”

“Huh? No.”

“That cigarette, you only smoke it when you’re hurt.”

“Ah, no, it’s not that. I smoke it when I have a lot on my mind.”

Sola tilted her head.

“Do you have something bothering you?”

“… Yeah.”

“What is it? Tell me everything. I’ll solve your problem in an instant!”

Sola shouted confidently, raising both arms.

I chuckled and shook my head.

“… No, it’s okay.”

“What! Don’t you trust me?”

Sola said, pretending to be angry, stomping her right foot on the ground with a *thump thump*.

She was exaggerating her anger with exaggerated expressions, but in my eyes, she just looked like a cute little child.

I held back my smile and said,

“Sola. You’re just trying to get out of doing field work, aren’t you?”

“Whoa, how did you know?”

Sola asked, her eyes wide.

I pointed to Sola’s hand with a nod.

“The trowel.”

“Ah! Father is so smart.”

Sola hid the trowel behind her back and smiled sheepishly.

Seeing her like that, being so innocently bright, I smiled back at her.

“Anna won’t scold me if I’m with Father.”

“You’ll get scolded even if you’re with me.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m going to tell on you.”

“Whoa, that’s so mean.”

She was too pure to lie or scheme.

Perhaps it was because of her nature, which was as bright and transparent as sunlight, just like her name.

She had the opposite personality to Kunat, who would lie as soon as he opened his mouth and was always scheming behind the scenes.

I felt somewhat comforted by Sola.

“…”

Anna and Lucia.

Their affection towards me wasn’t just burdensome.

To be honest, I was a little happy too.

However, the discomfort was greater than the joy.

The world is currently destroyed, and Demons are trying to take advantage of this to dominate the world.

In this situation, as I struggled with the role of religion and religious figures, Anna and Lucia were threatening my role and ethics, and constantly trying to cross the line.

Kunat was constantly urging me to join hands with him, whispering that the world was already hopeless.

All these things were happening at once, and I was overwhelmed.

Moreover, my skills, which I had spent my life fighting demons with, weren’t of much help in overcoming this situation.

The confidence as a Demon Hunter.

The doctrines that a priest must uphold,

the mindset that a Father must possess.

The attitude that a Cleric should have.

The pressure to completely change all my thoughts and beliefs was coming from all directions.

A gloomy situation in which the values of the past that I had revered were being denied in an instant.

But even in the midst of all that, Sola was still Sola.

Still an honest, foolish, and pure girl.

The child who had been on this island the longest, and the only one who had never been involved with Demons.

Sola remained just as she always had been.

“… Haha.”

I reached out the window and stroked Sola’s bushy red hair.

Sola closed her eyes tightly and accepted my touch as if she felt good.

“Hey… Sola.”

“Yeah?”

Maybe Sola is the one who can solve my problems.

Not because she is wise, but because she is pure.

Sometimes, solutions that adults can’t see can come from children.

“You’re going to tell me your problem!”

“That’s right.”

Sola smiled at me.

Her face seemed to say, “Just trust me.”

Well, honestly, I don’t expect her to really solve my problems.

But, at least, I wonder if I’ll get a cute answer that will blow away this frustrating feeling.

With that expectation, I slowly opened my mouth.

“Honestly…”

“Yeah.”

“What do I look like?”

Sola answered without even taking a breath.

“Ugly!”

“Yeah… Thanks…”

“What! That was all it was? Ahahaha!”

See?

At least, she definitely changed my mood.

Haha, fuck.