episode_0030

Seraphina Serion, today she learned a truth more shocking than anything else.

One was that she had been caught in a foolishly happy delusion, freely misunderstanding his proposal.

The second was that the object of her affection was already taken.

Whichever way, these shocking truths simultaneously entered her mind.

Her heart, which had reached a state beyond happiness, bordering on ecstasy, just that morning, fell into the abyss in an instant.

Indeed, after seeing Ropel and Lilith off after the meal as they departed, she remained shut away in her chamber.

From there, only the sounds of things being thrown or broken, or muffled sobs, could be heard.

As Seraphina Serion was someone who never stopped her training, day or night, the servants of the mansion couldn’t help but be abuzz at her state.

. . .

I saw Ropel Teufel and Lilith Tistina off.

I watched the figures of the two, growing further away, endlessly.

And that sight, even now, lying in my bedroom as night falls, cannot be forgotten.

The man I once loved more than anyone else, the man who has now become someone else’s.

He left the mansion with the woman who has now become an utterly detestable existence.

Right up until that final moment, the two of them held each other’s hands tightly.

Surely, that must be an action stemming from affection, not friendship.

Yes, because those two are lovers.

Unlike me, who is merely a friend.

Because they are lovers who are thinking about marriage in the near future.

I must admit it.

He is not mine.

…

But…

My heart feels like it’s boiling over.

I want to run to those two right now.

Even though I don’t know what I would actually do to him and her.

How long has it been since my emotions have surged like this?

Since I met Ropel, I have never been swayed by such negative emotions.

I could laugh and talk with him, and I could meet him anytime.

Just thinking of him, just being connected to him, made every day joyful and gave me cause for thanks.

But right now, I absolutely cannot control this hatred burning within me.

I hate it.

Lilith Tistina.

I hate her so much.

Our first encounter began with me taking away her love, Mark Vice.

I took away the love and attention of her unrequited love.

Embarrassingly, although I did have my father’s orders at the time, I was also keeping an eye on the man named Mark, so I didn’t hesitate to commit severe actions filled with malice towards her.

Now that I think about it, it was all so shameful that I want to completely erase it from my life.

However, at some point, beyond overtaking, the situation from back then was completely reversed.

The love of the man named Ropel Teufel, whom I loved more than anything else, was taken away by the woman named Lilith Tistina.

…Perhaps this is a form of karma, but that doesn’t make my anger disappear.

And.

Truly, shamefully.

The feelings Seraphina Serion myself feels towards Lilith Tistina are not just anger and hatred.

Beyond those emotions… jealousy and.. envy were greater.

Lilith Tistina, her actions towards Ropel at the banquet come to mind.

More accurately, it is correct to say that even if I try to forget them, they don’t simply disappear from my mind.

The scene where she personally fed food into his mouth, which was open like a cute boy’s.

The scene where, whenever a chance arose, she placed her hand on top of Ropel’s, intertwining their fingers and holding hands.

The scene where her hand movements, close to a caress, stroked him from Ropel’s knee towards his groin area.

The scene where, with her hand on his chest, she buried her nose in his neck, inhaling his scent and licking with her tongue.

And more than anything.

The kiss she gave Ropel without hesitation.

Pressing deeply together to the point one could call it vulgar, and furthermore, mixing their tongues to the point a sound could be heard.

And doing it right in front of me.

So intense was the act that even after it ended, a thin white string stretched long between their lips, connecting them.

There was no awkwardness in Lilith’s actions.

Clearly, it must mean she was already used to it.

Not only the obscene kisses of lovers, but perhaps even beyond that, various sexual acts between a man and a woman, including sleeping together.

Yes, that must be the case.

Looking at Ropel’s appearance or personality, one could call him a perfect man.

He speaks gentle and kind words casually into one’s ear with a sweet voice.

Furthermore, his body, overflowing with masculinity and honed through diligent training, resembles a beautiful sculpture.

To have such a being as a lover, if I were the one, I would surely request to sleep together every night.

Not caring about time like day or night, if only a bed were prepared, no, not just a sofa, but even if just a blanket were laid out, I would immediately throw myself into his wide embrace to my heart’s content.

Ropel.. Sleeping with you… What would it feel like, I wonder.

Would you lead the atmosphere gently, being considerate of the other person just as you are in your usual demeanor?

Or would you show a weak side, being hesitant, and give cute and lovable reactions?

Or perhaps, unexpectedly different from your usual self, would you tease me mischievously with a forceful and dominant appearance?

Either way, it would surely grant me great happiness and ecstasy that I would never forget for a lifetime.

…

It is shameful.

Now, at this very moment, feeling jealousy and envy towards Lilith more than hatred.

To be in a state of just fantasizing about a man who is taken, whom I can no longer obtain.

I could confidently say to anyone that I was close to Ropel at the academy, and be sure of it.

But that was merely closeness as friends, not as lovers, a man and a woman.

I could somehow make excuses and hug him, feel the warmth of his embrace and his hand, which was rough yet soft, and touch his well-trained muscles, but that was the extent of it.

Never once was there a loving kiss between lovers that occurred with mutual consent, let alone the act of pressing bare skin together sexually.

…I want to feel it.

I want to feel it too.

Ropel, whom I adore and love more than anyone, I too want to press my lips against his lips.

Furthermore, I want to insert my tongue and exchange our sticky bodily fluids.

Gazing into each other’s eyes wet with desire, I want to exchange our hot breaths.

I want to touch and caress his bare skin as I wish, and watch his reactions.

Finally, I want to hold his most masculine yet dependable thing within my most precious crevice.

I want to embrace him with all my might and fully savor everything of that lustful body.

Ah

Truly pathetic

Even though it’s already over, have I still not abandoned my lingering attachment?

Thinking back, how many chances were there from the first time I met him until now?

I was so happy and enjoyed the time spent with him immediately that I was neglecting the most important part.

I am not the only one aiming for that lovely person, Ropel Teufel.

Not only the daughters of other renowned ducal families, but even the Imperial Princess was aiming for him.

If only I had been a little more proactive.

If only I had approached him a little sooner.

Perhaps it would have been me holding his rough yet soft hand tightly next to him now.

I knew the fact that other vixen bitches might snatch him away anytime, anywhere.

But I had become too arrogant on my own.

Believing that surely Ropel would ultimately choose me.

That thought was a misjudgment.

In the end, Seraphina Serion, myself, ended up being stolen from another woman, Ropel Teufel, a man more charming than anything else.

Hatred

Sorrow

Jealousy

Shame

Regret

All sorts of emotions belatedly constrict me.

So many emotions in my head are mixed up, making me feel nauseous.

I was aware that I was falling for Ropel, but I never thought it would be this much.

…If I were to confess these feelings to him, what would he answer?

If it were you…

Seeing me disheartened like that day when we had just met, you would surely not pass me by.

Surely, you would give advice, speaking as if to lift me up while inappropriately putting yourself down.

Saying that there are plenty of better partners than someone like him.

Saying that someone as capable and attractive in appearance as you can surely meet a new fated partner.

…Perhaps you would hope that I forget you and rise from this despair and move forward.

Because you would know that is the path for me.

But shamelessly, even in this situation, my heart could not bring itself to abandon him.

Even if I let go of my grip on reality for just a moment, happy memories with him surge forth.

This cannot stand.

If I truly love and care for him, I must shake off this obsession and love towards him.

Burying these great loves I held for Ropel in my heart, I must move forward towards somewhere else.

Whether that is another love, or my own growth.

At the very least, Ropel would wish for this.

But even as I repeat that to myself, like a moth seeking light in the darkness, my heart slowly escapes into the sweet nostalgia of the past.

As if I need a pain reliever for this painful truth.

That memory goes back to around the time a year after returning to the academy was ending.

Yes, that was the time.

When, as a knight, I could reflect once again on my ‘martial path’ and gain new enlightenment.

Furthermore, when I could firmly establish my own life.

Decisively, when I acquired ‘love’ as a new goal in life.

To that moment back then, when I was first able to meet Ropel.

. . .