episode_0217

Swaaaaaash!

Two days later, the funeral was held on a day of pouring rain.

Yeji stood beside her mother, dressed in mourning clothes. They stood close together, but it was actually very awkward. It had been a long time since Yeji had even seen her mother.

“Huu… Sob, sob…”

Her mother wiped away tears endlessly.

Yeji wasn’t surprised by her mother’s crying. It was familiar. It wasn’t just how she was today. In Yeji’s memory, her mother always cried like this.

This was a very significant event.

After all, her own father had passed away.

Yes, that was definitely the case.

‘I wish I could at least feel *something*.’

But Yeji felt nothing. It was probably because she had never even exchanged a greeting with her father in her entire life. Was that why she was so eerily calm?

…As if a complete stranger had died.

Thinking about it, she might have already considered him dead for a long time. Since Yeji could remember anything, her father had been in a vegetative state.

That wasn’t living.

He was already dead. At least, to Yeji.

“Oh, you worthless child…! You wretched thing…!”

From time to time, her mother would tap Yeji’s body with her palm. It didn’t hurt much, but Yeji felt it. There was a considerable amount of resentment in that gesture.

“How could you not show your face even once during all this time? Not even once! And you, of all people!”

“…”

“Your father lived so hard! His greatest wish was to see your face just one more time…!”

I didn’t visit often. Because I hated my father.

Hong Yeji knows.

He was not a good father, at least. He had been lying down for her entire life and never greeted Yeji once, and Yeji’s family had to suffer from hospital bills.

She spent her childhood in abject poverty.

How could she like the person who caused it?

‘How can I like someone I don’t even know?’

That was all.

“…”

Hong Yeji silently endured her mother’s slaps and quietly lowered her gaze to her toes. How much longer would she have to stay? That’s when something unexpected happened.

‘Huh?’

The number of mourners was surprisingly large.

She had expected the “Alien Game” production team, which was related to Hong Yeji, to visit, but what surprised Hong Yeji was her father’s side of the mourners. The people he used to work with at the factory.

‘Are there this many mourners? What’s going on? What was Dad like before he went into a vegetative state?’

Even Hong Yeji was curious for a moment.

But the question didn’t last long.

Soon, dealing with them became stressful.

“You must be his daughter, you really look alike. So composed.”

“Your father… was a really wonderful person…”

“He sacrificed himself for us.”

“We should have come sooner, we’re sorry.”

Wonderful? That man? Not that story again?

Hong Yeji felt like thorns were pricking her ears. The urge to refute everything she heard welled up inside her.

What was so wonderful about this man? Which part?

And then, from someone else’s mouth again.

“A wonderful human being. A truly shining human being…”

That was the limit.

Hong Yeji brushed her hair back and left her seat. Listening to their incomprehensible words only made her more irritated. No one told her what had happened, they just kept repeating how great he was. She didn’t want to hear any more.

“Haaa…”

Hong Yeji let out a deep sigh.

Her face, a mixture of all kinds of unpleasantness and frustration, was heavy. First, she stepped outside the funeral hall.

Swaaaaaash─!

The rain was still pouring down heavily.

Hong Yeji checked her condition once again.

‘As expected, I don’t feel any pity. Not even a little sad.’

She had secretly hoped that if this situation arose, she would feel dramatic sadness and tears would well up, but there was no such twist.

She still hated her father, and his death didn’t make her sad at all. The people who said he was wonderful just grated on her like thorns. She just felt stifled.

He was the one who drove Hong Yeji into poverty.

Splash─ Splash─

Hong Yeji headed for the smoking area.

Not that she intended to smoke, but this area was good for taking a break without being noticed. But Hong Yeji stopped on the way. Because she heard some voices.

“…So what happens to the Alien Game?”

Mention of the Alien Game. Hong Yeji didn’t approach the smoking area any further. Instead, she pricked up her ears.

“What do you mean, what happens? The Alien Game is fine. Hong *jakga-nim* (writer) had already written all the scripts anyway.”

“Ah, on that note, Hong *jakga-nim* (writer) seems like a really strong person. She seemed really unfazed.”

“She’s probably just not showing it because she doesn’t want the production team to worry. Who can be okay when their parent passes away? She’s probably falling apart inside.”

“…So she really is a strong person. Amazing.”

The production team buzzed.

From Hong Yeji’s perspective, this kind of conversation was better. She felt nauseous when she heard them worry about her father, whom she didn’t even know. Yes, reality was better.

However.

There was one uncomfortable thing here as well.

“I saw the number of mourners earlier, it was no joke. He must have been a really good person when he was alive. I’ve never seen anything like it.”

“Hong *jakga-nim* (writer), you have to get through this.”

“Let’s all make sure our attitudes are right. We got this far thanks to Yeji-ssi. We need to help her pull herself together.”

…Even these people didn’t know the truth. They were all mistaken. About Hong Yeji’s father, and about Hong Yeji herself.

‘We got this far thanks to me?’

That’s ridiculous.

But the Alien Game production team always said that. They treated Hong Yeji like some kind of untouchable being. They looked at Hong Yeji with their own eyes, yet they didn’t understand for a long time.

‘At this point, even *I’m* confused.’

Hong Yeji felt a slight dizziness.

‘Is this happening because even I don’t know myself? What kind of person am I? What do I need to do to fix this…’

Thoughts tangled in her head.

Meanwhile, the staff members returning from the smoking area spotted Hong Yeji, widened their eyes, and greeted her respectfully. Yeji quietly nodded.

And a moment later.

Swaaaaaash─!

Yeji felt suffocated and stepped out into the rain without an umbrella.

Even agonizing in the cold rain couldn’t help her find an answer. The raindrops were just cold. Around her, people praised her, saying that Hong Yeji was so grief-stricken over the loss of her father, that she had so much filial piety.

◈◈◈◈◈

Inside the funeral hall.

As the mourners ate, Hong Yeji also sat alone at a table for four. There were several dishes on the disposable plate, but the most noticeable thing was the bottle of alcohol.

“Ugh…”

Hong Yeji emptied three bottles all by herself.

She certainly didn’t have a hobby like drinking, but today, Hong Yeji had nowhere else to turn. Her head hurt.

“This is driving me crazy.”

Hong Yeji muttered.

Her head was full of questions.

‘I’m sick and tired of being misunderstood.’

If she lived like this, she would definitely get a mental illness. The feeling she was feeling now was proof. She was starting to get disgusted. She felt like she was going to throw up every moment, she couldn’t take it anymore.

But human life is not easy.

Just because you have a clear idea of what you want doesn’t mean you’ve found the answer.

Yeji only recognized the problem, but she didn’t know the answer.

‘What kind of person am I?’

First, it started with a simple question.

To tell people, “I’m actually this kind of person,” she needed to know what kind of person she was, but Yeji was at a loss.

Why? Because she didn’t even know what kind of person she was.

‘And what am I supposed to do from now on?’

Since she didn’t know what kind of person she was, she couldn’t know her future direction. There were many tasks in her head, but no answers. The feeling of wandering was very painful.

While she was thinking about that, she saw the Alien Game production team eating together. These were the people who had gathered to worry about Hong Yeji. She was truly grateful for their concern.

‘The Alien Game production team… is amazing. Honestly, I didn’t even think I could save this work.’

Soo-ah had contributed greatly to that.

‘In the end, they’re really going to keep going like this, right?’

They would. They would move forward without wavering.

‘It’s not that I dislike them. I’m grateful for these people, and I envy them for being able to have such passion. I really hope they do well. But. But…’

Hong Yeji put her glass down with a thud.

‘I’m going to quit. I’m tired. I’m really tired.’

She felt like she was lost in the vast ocean.

She had no mental room to spare.

“I… I was just trying to do as well as everyone else. I knew my place, and I did exactly as much as my place required.”

Hong Yeji covered her face and muttered.

‘No more, no less, just the same position as everyone else.’

Yeji didn’t feel severe inferiority even if she lagged behind others, and she didn’t have a strong desire to get ahead. However, she had one simple thought.

Still, I need to be at least average – an abstract thought, the thought of fulfilling my basic responsibilities wherever I go.

But this is the result now.

Since when, she had a crown on her head that was too heavy for her to bear. As if the crown would break her neck if Yeji couldn’t bear it even a little bit.

“…Ha.”

Yeji suddenly burst out laughing.

“Am I just spoiled?”

Because she also had that thought.

In fact, Soo-ah had advised Yeji not to do anything, and the production team didn’t force Yeji to do anything. She could just stay still in the future.

“I can just keep doing nothing and keep my mouth shut in the future. Then I can succeed. And I’m going crazy because I hate that… Am I crazy? Right?”

But.

But…

Why? She felt like she shouldn’t do that. It felt like she was losing something really important.

‘Ah, I don’t know. I don’t know…’

Hong Yeji slumped over the table. She had been drinking alcohol non-stop, so she was very drunk and her body was very heavy.

‘I wish I could go back to the past.’

When she was working part-time at a convenience store, when she was working at a PC bang, even though they weren’t great jobs, at least she didn’t have a strange crown on her head.

Hong Yeji back then had ordinariness.

‘How much longer do I have to drift like a buoy?’

She felt like a buoy being tossed around by the current.

Of course, there was no answer.

“Huu.”

Hong Yeji emptied all the remaining soju in frustration. And she hit her forehead with a thud and slumped down.

Sssessss─

At some point, her vision seemed to turn pure white.

◈◈◈◈◈

When she came to, she was in an unfamiliar space.

‘The middle of the road? Suddenly?’

She was on a road stretching out in a straight line, and it wasn’t even a familiar road. It felt like a wasteland. What’s worse, the structure forced her to move forward.

Because there was a huge wall behind her.

‘…’

Hong Yeji was unknowingly flustered.

It wasn’t because she had been dropped in an unfamiliar place.

It was just that it was too realistic to be a dream.

It was obviously a space that couldn’t exist in reality, but the sensations she felt were eerily unfamiliar. To the point where she couldn’t deny that it was reality.

She stared blankly at the palm of her hand.

“I was at the funeral hall. But why suddenly…”

But Hong Yeji’s words trailed off.

─Who are you?

Because a voice suddenly boomed too loudly.

“Ugh…!”

She unknowingly covered her ears.

But it was no use. It was slightly different from shouting in her ear. A feeling that resonated in her head? At the same time, information flowed in even though she didn’t want it to.

Only by answering that question can she escape this place.

─Who are you?

‘I’m… Hong Yeji…’

─Who are you?

It was no use. It was as if that wasn’t the answer.

Honestly, there was no way she could answer it.

She remembered. She had been pondering this question and couldn’t find an answer, so she had been drinking, hadn’t she? Then she fell asleep.

‘Who am I?’

But the question was only temporary.

Yeji soon had her attention stolen. Because something nearby was tugging at her ears. A very familiar sound.

Bee-boop bee-boop─

“…Arcade?”

Yes, the background music unique to an arcade.

It definitely wasn’t there until just now? No, that doesn’t matter now. Hong Yeji moved as if possessed.

“…”

After entering, she swallowed hard.

There were only games that Yeji liked, and they were even free.

─Who are you?

‘I don’t know, shut up.’

Hong Yeji shook her head and sat in front of a game console. Before long, she skillfully started a rhythm game.

Bee-boop─ Bee-boop─

Of course, it wasn’t without interruption. The voice persistently clung to her. As if telling her to answer right now.

─Who are you?

─Who am I?

“…”

But Hong Yeji stubbornly ignored it.

How much time had passed?

At some point, Hong Yeji stopped even hearing the question. She wasn’t thirsty and wasn’t hungry. She didn’t get tired, so she could play games as much as she wanted.

Bee-boop bee-boop─

Hong Yeji thought.

She just wanted to stay here forever.