episode_0159

1 hour ago.

Today, Yeon-ju was busy on the phone as usual.

“Hello?”

Most of the calls were from the other party, and Yeon-ju didn’t refuse them. She just answered them kindly.

“Yes! My daughter!”

A familiar voice. The caller was Yeon-ju’s father.

“Yes, Dad.”

“What are you doing, honey?”

“I’ve been filming since dawn, and now I’m taking a break for lunch. I’m playing the lead in Director Park Mu-ryong’s film. I need to take good care of my condition.”

“Ah, I see. Director Park Hun-yong?”

“Not Park Hun-yong, Park Mu-ryong…”

But Dad cut Yeon-ju off.

“Park Mu-ryong. I know him too. Anyway, you landed the lead role in a big project and you’re filming well, right? And, what was it? *Special Task Force 808* was a huge hit recently too.”

“Yes, that’s right.”

“That’s great. Then, uh, Yeon-ju, maybe…”

Dad started to drag out his words, and Yeon-ju could roughly guess what he was about to say.

And her guess was, as always, correct.

“…Yeon-ju, could you lend Dad some money? You must have made a lot of money this time, right? Just help Dad out this once. Dad’s in a bit of a bind right now.”

“…”

Seo Yeon-ju pursed her lips for a moment.

Well, she expected it from the moment the phone rang.

A call with her dad was always like this. After Yeon-ju became famous and started handling money that ordinary people couldn’t access, he never failed to ask for it.

But, even so.

“Yeah, of course I’ll help.”

“Really? Ha, Yeon-ju! Thank you so much!”

Her father’s voice immediately perked up.

“Actually, Dad always felt bad for relying on you. I was planning to become self-sufficient this time. But when I tried to do things on my own, it wasn’t easy.”

“Yeah.”

“Just until I get settled, Dad will take some help. I came up with an amazing idea this time, it’s going to be a huge hit. People are already calling me left and right. It’ll be perfect if I can just get the investment. That one thing will set me up.”

“How much do you need?”

“How much does Dad need, um, well…”

Dad stammered for a moment.

“…Yeon-ju, what’s the maximum amount you can give me?”

“Dad, are you really starting a business?”

“Hey! Why else would Dad borrow money if not to start a business? 500 million won. Just 500 million won will do.”

“Okay. Make sure you eat well.”

“Okay! I really love you, my daughter!”

“Yeah, me too.”

“Thank you. Thank you so much. How could an angel like you be my daughter? No one is as blessed as I am.”

Yeon-ju smiled bitterly.

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The incoming calls were endless.

“Hello? Yeon-ju, do you have a moment to talk?”

This time it was Seo Yeon-ju’s mom.

“Yeah, what’s up?”

“Why, do I need a reason to call? I just wanted to see if you’re doing well. We haven’t been in touch lately. Are you taking good care of your health while working?”

Yeon-ju nodded.

“Of course. How about you, Mom?”

“I’m doing well too. What are you up to right now?”

“I’m filming. I got the lead role again this time.”

“The lead? Wow, is our daughter the main character again? That’s great. That’s really great. What’s the project about?”

A little liveliness returned to Yeon-ju’s eyes.

“Mom, do you know Director Park Mu-ryong? This is a project called *Lie, Lie, Lie,* and the story is pretty good. The character I’m playing is kind of funny. She’s a con artist, but…”

But this time, Seo Yeon-ju’s words were cut off again.

“I know, I know. I roughly know what it’s about. More importantly, Yeon-ju, did ‘that man’ call you?”

“…”

The spark in Seo Yeon-ju’s eyes disappeared in an instant. In any case, her mother’s words were not difficult to understand. When her mother said ‘that man,’ she was referring to Seo Yeon-ju’s father.

“…Yeah.”

“You didn’t give that man a single penny, did you? He’s still obsessed with gambling these days. I’m glad I divorced him early. I couldn’t live with a man like that.”

“Ah.”

“I’m saying this because I’m worried as your mother. It would be different if he had a good personality, but he’s always drinking.”

Yeon-ju quietly lowered her gaze.

“I didn’t give him any money. Thanks for worrying about me.”

“That’s good. Don’t give him any in the future either. Um, but Yeon-ju.”

“Yeah?”

“I have a mom’s meeting today after a long time. But I’m really worried about what to wear. I’ve looked around, but there’s nothing I can wear.”

“Want to send me a picture? I’ll take a look.”

“No, not that kind of feeling.”

Mom continued.

“I’m Seo Yeon-ju’s mom, so I can’t just go out looking sloppy, right? I heard the bag I bought before is already out of style. I don’t want to look foolish…”

Seo Yeon-ju quietly sighed.

The small sigh probably wasn’t heard by her mother. But she must have felt awkward about the lengthening silence.

“No, no, Yeon-ju. I’m not bringing this up to ask you to buy me something. You’re busy filming these days anyway, right? I’m just chatting.”

“No, Mom. I’ll buy it for you. Go with your shoulders held high.”

“Oh my, really?”

Her mother’s voice rose an octave.

“You really don’t have to go that far, really? I feel like a bad parent every time this happens. I’m happy enough just seeing you succeed…”

“I’m doing it because I want to. How much do you need?”

“Ummm, that bag seems quite expensive.”

“I’ll send you 20 million won. Buy whatever you want, Mom.”

“20 million won? Oh my, you’re so kind, my daughter. How could such a kind daughter be born? I love you!”

“A kind daughter…”

A kind child, a kind daughter, a kind person…

Seo Yeon-ju repeated those words a few times after ending the call. There was no strength in her voice at all.

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“Hello?”

“Yeon-ju, are you coming today? Everyone’s looking forward to it.”

“…No, I’m too busy filming, I can’t make it.”

“Really? Too bad, but oh well.”

“Consider me participating and I’ll send the membership fee. Use it to eat something delicious with each other. Have a good time.”

“Huh? Really? Is that okay?”

“Yeah.”

Yeon-ju turned off her phone completely after finishing the call with her friend. The inside of the van became quiet in an instant, and Yeon-ju finally had some time to herself.

“…Ah.”

She just sighed for a long time.

‘How did it get to this point?’

Seo Yeon-ju asks Seo Yeon-ju.

In fact, she already knew the answer.

Her very first memory was like that. When she woke up in the middle of the night because it was noisy, her parents were always fighting as if they were about to kill each other.

Yeah. Maybe her life was decided at that time.

Seo Yeon-ju grew up the hard way.

At least, she’s sure she didn’t grow up comfortably. Her mother and father fought every single day. Well, it would be different if they had a lot of money. But they were terribly poor.

It was natural for Yeon-ju to care about her reputation.

She was able to realize it quickly at a young age.

Her family was trash, they had no money, and no ability. In order to live in such a harsh world with some comfort, she had to be liked. No matter who the other person was.

─Yeon-ju is so kind.

─I can’t help but help Yeon-ju.

─Let’s help Yeon-ju.

For Seo Yeon-ju, reputation management was survival, and it was a way to adapt to live in the world. Thanks to the help she received from various places, Seo Yeon-ju was able to live day by day.

─…Maybe I should try being an actress.

It was, in a way, extremely natural for Seo Yeon-ju to aim to become an actress. She had never lived honestly even once. Every moment was acting.

She still remembers her feelings during her first audition.

─Are these people not desperate enough? Or did they just practice casually? There’s nothing but amateurs? What’s wrong?

Even though only promising stars gathered to compete, Seo Yeon-ju had no rivals. Everyone else said it was difficult to abandon their honest selves and act out a role, but she couldn’t understand what they meant.

…Rather, I don’t even know what it means to be honest?

She was like an empty hanger, so once she put on a role, that was it. Easy. Easy. It’s so easy.

─Yeon-ju, what’s your secret?

─You… you’re really born for this…

People would occasionally tell Yeon-ju that she was a ‘born actress,’ and yeah, it seemed like that might be the case.

However, unlike their misconception, she had never done ‘method acting.’

She had never felt the need for it, and she didn’t know how to do it.

The establishment of concepts such as if you act like this, people will react like this─ that’s all. Seo Yeon-ju just accepted the role like a mathematical formula. In fact, those predictions often matched up quite well.

That’s why she was always curious.

…What is honesty, what is the real self?

Seo Yeon-ju didn’t know the answer to that at all.

A chameleon changes its color to suit its environment.

Seo Yeon-ju was no different.

In order for her, who had nothing, to live smoothly in the world, she needed to adapt every time. It was breathtaking to paint herself with new personalities and appearances.

So ‘Seo Yeon-ju’ was actually closer to a role that she had cultivated throughout her life. A role that had to be loved while hiding her flaws. An act to live in the world without being hated.

So now she’s forgotten.

What color was I originally?

I don’t know. I really don’t know.

Of course, just because Seo Yeon-ju worked this hard doesn’t mean the whole world fell head over heels for her. Even if you just look at her phone, there were anti-fans of Seo Yeon-ju.

Even now, when she closes her eyes, they come to mind easily.

Comments that are like thorns in Seo Yeon-ju’s heart.

[ She’s so obviously pretending to be innocent, it’s disgusting ]

[ These kinds of girls are much dirtier behind the scenes ]

[ None of the girls who push the pure image haven’t gone out to entertain customers ㅋㅋㅋ She must have given it up at least once ]

Seo Yeon-ju didn’t explain them one by one.

There are things in the world that are best left untouched. They vented their desires through comments, so they will be quiet for a while.

Yeah, these kinds of comments are nothing.

There are many more people who like Seo Yeon-ju. It’s enough to live by looking at the good things rather than the bad things.

There are people who support Seo Yeon-ju, and working as an actress is fun in its own way. So she can endure it. She can live while finding happiness.

Yeah.

Okay.

She definitely thought so.

It was recently that she faced an unexpected wall.

“…”

Seo Yeon-ju unfolded the script she had placed on her thigh.

*Rustle* – *Rustle*

The finger turning the page stops abruptly at some point. Yeah, this page is the problem. Just seeing it again makes her heart pound and her hands tremble.

S # climax

Park Si-yeon’s (Seo Yeon-ju) unreasonable demands continue to increase, and Im Su-hee (Lee Soo-ah) hesitates but eventually complies.

However, the demands increasingly cross the line. Im Su-hee prioritizes helping Park Si-yeon over the organization’s orders, and eventually the leader of Gyeilpa orders Im Su-hee’s purge.

Im Su-hee helps Park Si-yeon even while being purged, and Park Si-yeon finally comes to her senses. She faces her true self while watching the dying Su-hee. She finally becomes honest.

‘Honest? Finally becomes honest?’

Honesty.

It was an element that was driving Seo Yeon-ju crazy.

Is she supposed to get angry? Or is she supposed to shed tears? Anything is fine. The problem is that ‘finally becomes honest’ is the end of the instruction. Why on earth?

It was an inexplicable instruction for Yeon-ju, who had learned human appearances and emotions like mathematical formulas. How is she supposed to know what honesty Park Si-yeon will choose at the end?

She had to admit it.

She cannot act out ‘honest feelings’. Seo Yeon-ju is a human who has lived her life worrying about how not to be hated in all situations.

She has never been honest. So she doesn’t know how to be honest.

She has never been honest while wearing the role of ‘Seo Yeon-ju’, so there is no way she can be honest while wearing the role of ‘Park Si-yeon’ who is not even herself. It was an insoluble problem.

“…”

She slowly needs antidepressants.

Now that she knows that she is not perfect as an actress, the despair is bound to be great. She has lived her life acting, but she has not even conquered this field.

Seo Yeon-ju hesitated to take antidepressants.

Rather.

Wouldn’t it be better to quit altogether?

Wouldn’t it be better to tie it all up completely rather than endlessly enduring it like a patient who is barely on a respirator? She doesn’t have the ability to understand this instruction, and she’s slowly getting tired of living like this.

*Click*.

Seo Yeon-ju quietly raised the blade of the box cutter.

The moment she looked back and forth between her wrist and the blade.

“Unnie!”

A familiar voice.

“…!”

Seo Yeon-ju hurriedly fell forward as if collapsing. It was to hide that she was holding a box cutter.

Her senses must have deteriorated because she didn’t take her medicine. She didn’t even realize that the door was slightly open, or that Soo-ah was approaching. Seo Yeon-ju barely suppressed her pounding heart.

She was going to die quietly, and she couldn’t show it to Soo-ah, even more so. But if the other person is Soo-ah, she also had the thought that she had already seen through everything even if she tried to hide it.

‘…Soo-ah.’

When she thinks about it, Soo-ah was the strongest person Yeon-ju had ever seen. She has a firm grip on complex human relationships, and at the same time, her beliefs are also clear.

Yeah, she can admit it. If she doesn’t die and lives, she wants to live like Soo-ah.

Soo-ah would definitely act out this scene too.