episode_0167

This was the content of the phone call I received from a place I could never have imagined.

These days, while I was organizing a current affairs program related to the increasingly frequent controversy over school violence among celebrities and athletes, I watched a video of me apologizing on stage and a video of me kneeling and being silently beaten, which suddenly became a hot topic on the Internet, and I gave interviews and filmed my day. I want to do something.

I said it didn’t matter, handed the phone over to the teacher, and came back to report this.

And as soon as they heard me, Yuri, Eunji, and Suyeon answered at the same time.

“Do it no matter what!”

“Why are you more excited?”

“Isn’t this an opportunity? You can show others that you have truly reflected and changed! Then at least there will be fewer kids coming for revenge like they do now, and we don’t have to watch that happen. Accept it unconditionally! No, even if you don’t want to film, you have to catch it and do it!”

Yuri passionately appealed to me about the necessity of filming and encouraged me to be diligent about filming.

Soo-yeon and Eun-ji were the same, and the kids in our class, who had nothing to do with it, looked excited and asked, ‘So, am I going to be on a broadcast now?!’

And after a while.

“Seongjin, are you here?”

“Yes.”

” Come to the teacher’s office for a moment. Let’s talk with the teacher.”

I followed the teacher back to the teacher’s office, where the teacher told me the details of the phone call.

“The filming has been confirmed and is this Thursday. Since they said they would film how you live your day, they will probably film our classes as well, and the principal and vice principal gave permission.”

“It was decided very quickly. The shooting date is also fast.”

“You have to film it that quickly to have time to edit it. Anyway, Seongjin, you come out neatly on Thursday, participate in class faithfully, huh?”

“I’ll try my best.”

“You must not do anything that will harm the image of the academy.”

“So, are you afraid I might punch you in front of the camera?”

“Well, since I’ve been quiet this year, I guess I’ll see if the teacher can trust me… And the teacher also saw those videos on the internet. Don’t ever do that when there’s a camera. Teachers will also tell their classmates.”

“Yes.”

#####

And that Thursday.

The filming team that contacted me in advance followed me in front of my house from the moment I went to school and moved with me.

During class, I attached a camera to a tripod at the back of the classroom and continued filming unmanned, and the teacher and classmates were very nervous just because there was a camera, so the class had an extremely awkward atmosphere.

I tried my best to show that I was faithfully participating in class, but…

“Han Seongjin! I told you not to fall asleep during class!”

Because my nature wasn’t suited to studying, I ended up falling asleep consistently during class even though the camera was filming me.

At lunchtime, a filming team was again attached to me while I was eating with Yuri, Eunji, and Suyeon.

“Are you friends like this?”

The four of us’ eyes crossed at the same time in response to the filming team’s question.

Even if I tried to hide it, there were rumors about our relationship in the academy anyway, so I couldn’t hide it even if I tried to hide it, so I just told the truth.

“These are my girlfriends.”

“Girlfriends’…?”

“It’s a long story, but it just happened to be like this… It’s a relationship that all four of us have accepted. No, I’m more embarrassed than I thought because I’m going to say this to the camera… No, I’m embarrassed… Yes, whatever… Well… this is private, so I won’t go into too much detail…”

Although the filming team was taken aback, they quickly came to their senses and continued working again.

“Actually, I heard that it was a famous group of people. Looking at it now, it doesn’t seem like much, but was there a change of heart?”

“Well, there are many reasons… but first of all, I felt like there was nothing I could do in the future if I lived like a trash like before.”

And I continued my answer while holding the hand of Yuri, who was sitting next to me.

“My girlfriend is the student council president and ranked first in the whole school… Anyway, she’s really amazing. At least I didn’t want to be a man who would embarrass my girlfriend. If your girlfriend is this great and your boyfriend treats her like a bully, you’re insulting her too.”

“Is it the power of love?”

“Yes, I guess you could say that.”

After lunch, Yuri was summoned separately for a brief interview, and after that, the film crew again filmed my life at the academy.

After afternoon class, after cleaning, I went to the convenience store.

When the filming team saw me leaving my bag at home and heading straight to the convenience store, they asked again.

” It’s been less than 20 minutes since the academy ended. Are you coming back right away? Do you have somewhere to go?”

“I work part-time at a convenience store on weekdays. I didn’t do it originally, but I started doing this early this year when I decided to change my life.”

The filming team filmed me working at the convenience store and Suyeon, whom I saw again, and also brought Suyeon in for an interview.

10pm after taking pictures of myself working for 6 hours.

This time, the filming team followed me to my living room.

When the front door opened and a shabby apartment suitable for just one person appeared, the filming team was clearly embarrassed.

“Do you… live here? Alone?”

“Yes.”

“What about your parents?”

“My mom ran away from home because she had an affair when I was young, and my dad was an alcoholic, so I was angry with him every day. When I was 11, I left home and lived in a facility, and now neither of us know where we are or what we do.”

“You’ve been living alone since you were 11? Then, when did you start living here and what was the monthly rent…”

“Oh, that’s it… When I was no longer able to stay at the facility, I came out and found a cheap room. That monthly rent… until last year… you know. How do guys like me usually get money? I gathered people who were just like me and received tribute, and when I didn’t have enough, I had ordinary kids take advantage of it… I used that money to pay rent. I started a part-time job to pay off all that.”

“Are you making a living?”

“It’s hard. There were times when I didn’t even have 100,000 won in my bank account. During summer vacation, I work two jobs morning and afternoon… I just live as if I’m paying for my karma. Once you get used to it, you can live well. Now I have even saved some money.”

“If you see that video going around, you can see people kneeling and getting beaten for doing something wrong. Don’t you think it’s too much for you?”

“The people who suffered because of me suffered even though they really didn’t do anything wrong. I did something wrong, so even if I get hit, there is a reason. Considering what other people suffered because of me, this is actually cheap.”

“Still, since I was young, I’ve lived without my parents… Even now, I’m having a hard time. Don’t you feel unfair? You could blame it on the environment.”

“Just because they lived like me doesn’t mean that everyone becomes a guy like me. Some people will still live well in the meantime. There’s nothing to blame, it’s just my fault for living like that.”

The filming team, who had been talking about me for a long time, selected a scene for the final comment and asked me to leave a message to others.

After thinking for a moment, I faced the camera and opened my mouth.

“The people who have suffered harm because of me, from middle school to now… I can’t count them, and honestly, there are many I don’t even remember. I was really wrong, I’m sorry. I won’t ask you to forgive me, but I’m really trying to live like a human now.

You can treat me like trash for the rest of your life and you can’t forgive me. Just… please believe me that I am truly reflecting and that I am struggling to change. Please.”

#####

The filmed episode aired the following week.

Meanwhile, Eunji won a gold medal in the 100m and a silver medal in the women’s 400m at the National Sports Festival, and our academy produced a medalist at the National Sports Festival following the last broadcast team filming, so the teachers’ pride was sky-high.

While the banner celebrating Eunji’s grades was still hung at the entrance to the academy and the surrounding fence, the documentary that was filmed last time was aired late Thursday night, and most of the people at our academy seemed to have watched the broadcast.

“Hey, Han Seongjin! Is it true that you appeared on TV?!”

“It’s so fucking pathetic… Hey, if you’re having such a hard time, just tell me, I should at least provide you with a PC room…”

People other than my girlfriends didn’t know what my personal life was like, so when they saw my situation revealed through the documentary, they felt sorry for me and offered words of comfort.

What the teacher didn’t know was the same thing, so the day after the broadcast aired, he called me out and reprimanded me with regret.

“If this guy’s family circumstances were like that, he should have applied for the tuition support system! You have a teacher to consult on such things, but you hide it until the end of the year?!”

And the boy who was the one-time victim who first came to me and beat me with his school bag also came to see me.

“Han Seong-jin…”

“Uh.”

“No matter how much I think about it, I just can’t forgive you.”

“……”

“But I will believe you when you say that you really decided to change.”

The boy left those words and went back to his class.

After that day, other kids, including him, suddenly stopped coming to me to seek revenge for the past.

Is it the aftermath of the broadcast itself, or is it because it was revealed in that broadcast that my life was already fundamentally unstable…

And strangely enough, after that broadcast, quite a few anonymous items began to be delivered to our Jinsu Bridge.

Inside the delivery box, with the recipient’s name written as Han Seong-jin, were various types of daily necessities, including toilet paper rolls, towels, used clothes and shoes.

These were sent by viewers who felt pity for me after seeing me, a virtual orphan since I was young, struggling to be rehabilitated.

“Look at this. People are cheering you on so much to cheer you up. So you can’t do that anymore, okay?”

Yuri held my hand and patted me.

I haven’t yet heard all the words of the children who were directly harmed by me, but I wondered if it was true that people who had never harmed me freely forgave me and supported me, but since that boy said that even if he couldn’t forgive me, he would believe that things had changed…

‘Seeing as no other kids have come to visit so far… I guess this is it for now.’

Victims from middle school days came to see the video in the academy hallways, on the playground, and sometimes on their way home after school.

I had been beaten on my knees by so many kids, but it felt like it was finally over.

I couldn’t give a clear answer to the question of whether this was really enough, but I decided to stop doing this for the sake of my girlfriends who were having a hard time watching it.

Now there are a lot of people who believe that I have really decided to regenerate and change as a person.