Chapter 313

Ｒｅａ​ｄ ｏ​ｎ Ｋ​ａｔＲｅａｄｉｎｇＣａｆｅ​

I can’t rely solely on Lucia.

Even though I’ve been forgiven, the fact that I, the perpetrator, am depending on her, the victim, is just too much. There’s a limit to how shameless one can be. Even if she seems calm on the outside, Lucia must still be suffering from the nightmare of that day. She even attempted suicide, so it’s not even worth mentioning.

Trauma must be resolved on one’s own.

I shouldn’t act like a child.

I can’t cause any more trouble than this.

For her sake, and for my own.

I couldn’t stay trapped in the past forever.

That’s why I refused Lucia’s kindness and returned to the dormitory.

Forcibly dragging along Seri, who was whining about not wanting to part, was an added bonus.

Seri, greatly sulking, went back to her room with a pout, and Regina was left alone.

At first, it was okay. Bearable. Even without being near Lucia, I was surprisingly able to maintain my composure. Maybe I could overcome the nightmare more easily than I thought. My heart fluttered with excitement.

How arrogant that thought was became clear very quickly.

The symptoms appeared less than an hour after parting with Lucia.

An endless sense of anxiety washed over me like a tide.

A non-existent fox mask flickered before my eyes.

Even the slightest sound was heard as a scream.

Regina drove herself into a corner and covered her ears.

Teeth chattering. Her pupils shook like a small boat in a stormy sea.

I tried hard to endure, desperately resisted, and persevered through the delirium.

Then, suddenly, when I came to my senses.

I couldn’t hear the hallucinations anymore. 

Regina breathed a sigh of relief. She slumped her shoulders, thinking she had finally succeeded in enduring it. But something was strange. The floor was damp. Was there a leak somewhere? Regina looked down and realized that what was staining the floor wasn’t water, but blood.

In her hand, she was already holding a box cutter. Blood droplets streamed down her forearm. It wasn’t endurance. Once again, she had escaped through pain. Regina burst into a hollow laugh of absurdity and self-pity.

…That was the situation Regina explained just now.

At first, she adamantly refused to explain, but after waiting patiently, she eventually waved the white flag. Since she had already been caught self-harming, she seemed to have judged that there was no point in hiding it now.

“Sorry. I ended up causing trouble again.”

As I bandaged the forearm marked with cuts, Regina said in a self-deprecating voice. I shook my head. What trouble? This doesn’t even count as trouble. No, come to think of it, it is trouble. I’m holding back even though I want to do it. This scent of blood should have been my blood.

Yeah, but you’ve grown more than before. Back then, you just neatly slashed with the knife, but this time, you twisted your wrist to make the wound worse. As your senior, I’m happy. Yeah, this way, more blood will gush out and you’ll feel much better… What am I saying? Is this the time to be saying such things?!

“Pathetic… After acting so high and mighty, I’m showing this kind of mess again…”

Regina’s voice was deeply submerged. Like someone holding back tears. But her expression was utterly emotionless. As if she were wearing an invisible mask.

“I thought I could do it if I tried… That if I just stayed mentally strong, I could somehow…”

The bandage quickly became stained dark red. There were fewer cuts than before, but they were deeper. She almost cut an artery. If it had been a little deeper, blood wouldn’t have been flowing, but spurting out. That level of bleeding wouldn’t be a big problem for a Supernatural, but even Supernaturals have their limits. If she kept repeating self-harm and the bleeding continued, something terrible could happen. Regina doesn’t have super-regeneration, does she?

“I know in my head that I shouldn’t do this, but when I come to my senses, I’ve already done it.”

“…”

“When it hurts, I can’t think of anything else. Nothing but the pain. I hate being in pain, but it makes me feel better.”

“Regina…”

I frowned at the déjà vu. I know a similar logic. Because Lucille was like that. Trying to forget reality through pain. Regina and she were in different situations, but the conclusion they reached was similar.

“Should I quit the academy and go to a mental hospital or something…”

Supernaturals entering the academy is not a choice, but a duty. Students can’t quit whenever they want. But there are exceptions if the person has a fatal flaw. A student with mental problems is obviously an exception.

Supernaturals are, in layman’s terms, bio-weapons created by God. A Supernatural with mental problems is an uncontainable bomb. No one knows when it will explode, so it must be handled with extreme care.

“But you’re in Class D, right?”

“Right. I might end up in jail instead of a mental hospital. But there’s nothing I can do about it.”

Class D is originally for criminals who can’t enter the academy. Problem children who have committed crimes using their Supernatural abilities. They were able to enter the academy as a special privilege because their talents were recognized, but if they were to be expelled, they would be imprisoned again in a Supernatural-only prison. If she quit the academy due to mental problems, she might be locked up in a cage instead of a mental hospital.

It might seem too harsh to a minor suffering from mental illness, but it can’t be helped since she’s a criminal with Supernatural abilities. If a Supernatural decides to go on a rampage, non-ability users can’t subdue them. If she has a criminal record and mental illness, she’s practically a subject for isolation. Of course, they’ll provide mental care even in prison, but… Yeah, I can’t send Regina to a place like that.

“Regina, don’t be too impatient.”

I stroked Regina’s hand and said.

“Wounds don’t heal easily. They don’t heal quickly either. It’s easy to forget because you’re a Supernatural, but wounds originally take a long time to heal slowly.”

Even if you’re not a Regenerator, Supernaturals have a hard time understanding the struggles of non-supernaturals because most injuries are easily healed unless it’s a fatal injury like a defect. Originally, wounds and scars, once etched, last a long time. They don’t disappear quickly.

“It’s the same with emotional wounds. Where would there be a wound that heals in just a day or two?”

“But I…”

“I told you before, it’s not your fault.”

She obsessively hates causing me trouble because of her guilt. That’s why she overdid it today.

“There’s no need to rush. Slowly. Little by little. One step at a time. Let’s get better gradually. It’s okay. Don’t think of it as trouble.”

“Lucia…”

“But if you’ve done something bad, you have to be punished, right?”

“Huh?”

I pulled on Regina’s cheek with my fingers. It’s not as soft as Alice’s, but it’s still a decent texture.

“How could you self-harm? Carving wounds into your precious body yourself. Mama is angry. Reflect on your actions.”

“Luushiaaaa It hurthhhh…”

“It hurts? You’re hurting from just this much, but you slashed your wrist with a knife? Ugh, I’m even more angry! Here!”

“Eek?!”

I said that, but I didn’t really pull hard. I stroked her soft cheeks and made a very angry face. Hmph, how harmful is a self-destructive act like self-harm to mental health? I’m really angry. I’m completely angry. It’s definitely not because I can’t do it but you’re the only one self-harming that I’m angry. I’m angry at the act of self-harm itself. Really!

I pictured the act Regina committed in my head. Scraping her delicate wrist mercilessly with a sharp box cutter. The skin tearing and blood gushing out. A tingling and chilling sensation, I stroked my forearm. Past experiences recreated the tingling of non-existent wounds. I’m so jealous… If it weren’t for Arin’s surveillance… Really, why would she detect my self-harm as a crisis?

‘…Huh?’

As I was smiling while looking at Regina, who was making a tearful face while stroking her cheeks, I bit my lip at the flash of inspiration that suddenly struck my mind. I had a good idea. A really good idea. Oh, am I a genius? It’s such a perfect idea that I’m starting to get scared of my own genius.

“Regina, promise me. That you’ll never self-harm again.”

“O-Okay… I promise…”

“Come on, pinky promise.”

“U-Uhm.”

Regina made the promise without saying anything. Of course, the act of self-harm is difficult for Regina to control with her own will. Until her trauma is completely peeled away, she might impulsively hurt herself at any time. That’s why I decided to put one restriction on it.

“If I ever catch you self-harming again…”

I picked up the box cutter lying on the floor.

It was covered with Regina’s still-warm blood.

Regina looked back and forth between the box cutter and me, puzzled.

Smiling a selfless, kind smile at her, I forcefully slashed my wrist with the box cutter.

“Lucia?!”

Regina screamed my name in horror.

She had a blank expression from the sudden act of self-harm.

I had to desperately hold back the groan trying to force its way out of my throat.

Because a scream that was completely out of place with the current situation was about to come out.

Starlight twinkled before my eyes.

Colorful, shining stars.

The vision contracted and the light was compressed. It was dyed pure white. The vision was all sparkling with light. The stars in the night sky shone brightly. Hello, stars. Long time no see. I’m glad to see you again. How have you been?

“I’m going to self-harm too. As much as Regina hurt herself.”

“N-No, d-don’t, don’t do it… Bl-Blood…”

“Regina, this is what you did. You can do it, but I can’t~?”

“That’s, but, I…”

Confused, Regina moved her lips. She fidgeted, not knowing what to do, and then shouted, almost in tears.

“O-Okay. I won’t do it. I won’t do things like self-harm anymore. I won’t, so… Don’t hurt yourself anymore…”

“Yeah, you promised.”

I slowly pulled out the box cutter stuck in my wrist.

The blade scraped against the skin and blood gushed out.

Ehehe, it’s been a really long time since I’ve experienced this hot pain.

I really missed it.

“Haa…”

Regina hurriedly examined my wrist. Unfortunately, I cleanly regenerated it with super-regeneration. Only after confirming that there were only bloodstains and no wounds did Regina breathe a sigh of relief.

It was a kind of shock therapy. Now, every time Regina tries to self-harm, she’ll remember this time and try to hold back. I think it’s a good prescription even if I say so myself.

Moreover, even if Arin finds out about this self-harm, I have Regina as an excuse. It’s killing two birds with one stone.

Hehe, I really had a good time for the first time in a while.

It’s just a shame it was so short.

Author Note

A/N (Author’s note):
Lucia was able to self-harm for the first time in a while!

How desperate was she to get it off from a single wrist cut!

Translator Note

T/N (Translator’s note):
Guilt-tripping hell yeah, more Regina torture!

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