Chapter 239

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The air was damp.

It had been a clear day with not a single cloud in the sky, but now, after sunset, dark clouds had gathered without warning.

Yoo-seong had returned to the hospital rooftop.

Over the course of his more than a century of life, he had developed various habits.

When he had something on his mind, he would fidget with his hair.

When he felt down, he would seek out high places.

He wanted to go somewhere much higher, but he didn’t have the energy to go far. He had walked aimlessly and found himself on the rooftop.

The hospital had set up a small garden on the rooftop for patients. A few patients were there, but Yoo-seong paid them no mind as he walked.

Standing in front of the safety net meant to prevent falls, Yoo-seong gazed out beyond the rooftop with a distant look in his eyes.

Lights were visible. Countless lights shimmered on the ground, replacing the starlight obscured by the dark clouds. Lights that illuminated the darkness. Lights of humanity. Lights of civilization. Lights that Yoo-seong, as the God of War, had protected.

Every time he saw those lights, Yoo-seong felt a sense of pride. A sense of relief. Proof that his efforts hadn’t been in vain.

The sacrifices of his comrades, the sacrifices of the Celestial Corps members who had died, the sweat, tears, and blood he had shed… it had all been worth it. It had meaning. Yoo-seong reaffirmed his sense of duty as he looked out at the endless cityscape.

That was why he had developed the habit of seeking high places.

Whenever he was in pain, he would look down from above.

He soothed his heart with the achievements built from all that suffering.

This time was no different.

His fingers dug into the gaps of the safety net.

Yoo-seong narrowed his blue eyes as he looked out at the nightscape.

“…I failed to protect her again.”

His dry lips moved.

His deep voice sounded unfamiliar even to himself.

“I lost her again this time.”

It was a familiar, yet not comforting, sensation.

Loss always came with a deep sense of emptiness.

When had he stopped forming attachments to others?

At least in the early days of being called the God of War, he hadn’t been like this.

“Always failing, without fail.”

He had taken on many disciples.

Only a handful of them had lived long lives.

The era of war.

Before the barrier protecting the borders was completed.

Unlike now, when the social system had been established.

With mediocre strength, it was hard to survive for long.

In fact, those who were only moderately strong died faster.

Every time he saw them throwing themselves into danger, Yoo-seong increased the intensity of their training.

By now, the training regimen was closer to torture.

As a result, few sought to become his disciples, but Yoo-seong felt lighter because of it.

He didn’t have to form unnecessary attachments. It was ridiculous. Even he thought it was pathetic.

He had trained them harshly because he wanted them to survive, but in doing so, he had made it so no one wanted to become his disciple.

It was putting the cart before the horse. His mind must have rusted from living too long. Maybe it was time for him to die.

“The God of War can freeze to death.”

The God of War.

Yoo-seong found the title heavy.

It was a title others had given him.

At some point, he had started calling himself that.

He needed an image of perfection.

He needed a reputation that people could believe in and rely on.

He needed a sturdy pillar to restore order.

So he became the God of War.

A god who protected soldiers and brought victory.

It was bitterly ironic that he himself was never included in those victories.

“Repeating time…”

Recalling her words, Yoo-seong furrowed his brow. He leaned his head against the safety net. The sound of his teeth grinding echoed.

In the endlessly repeating time, had there never been a timeline where she asked him for help? That couldn’t be. Lucille must have asked for help.

The fact that time kept repeating meant that nothing had been achieved. Even if he couldn’t remember, he had failed to protect her.

The girl had deliberately avoided mentioning that part, but her consideration only made Yoo-seong feel worse.

“…”

What was even more painful was the dark, sticky thought that had crossed his mind for a moment.

If only Lucille had consumed the girl.

Then his saintess would have returned as if nothing had happened.

No, was it still not too late?

If he subdued the girl now and found a way to bring Lucille back…

“Have I gone senile?”

Yoo-seong slapped his own cheek as hard as he could.

The sharp sound made his ears ring.

His cheek stung, but Yoo-seong didn’t even blink.

“Are you planning to insult Lucille’s will? To tarnish the courage of that girl who told you the truth?”

If Lucia had wanted to, she could have pretended to be Lucille.

With Lucille’s memories, it wouldn’t have been hard to deceive him.

Yet she had confessed the truth.

Out of guilt, out of Lucille’s wish, and for Yoo-seong’s sake.

Moreover, she was also a victim.

A victim whose life had been upended by the Four Seasons.

Judging from her reaction when they first met, she had mixed with Lucille and even lost her original self.

To try to take everything from a girl who had already lost so much…

Yoo-seong let out a hollow laugh. It was a bitter, self-deprecating smile. Delusional. Maybe he really had lived too long.

“Maybe I should…”

Join you?

The thought crossed his mind, but Yoo-seong dismissed it with a bitter laugh.

Not yet. At least not yet. Nothing had been resolved. Even if he kept losing, over and over, there was something he couldn’t lose until the very end. His sense of duty.

He couldn’t die before the war with the devil gods was over.

Even if he died, he couldn’t die in such a pitiful way.

I wouldn’t be able to face the ones who went before me.

“It’s okay, I’m used to it.”

I want to collapse, but I’m used to it.

It’s not comforting, but I’m used to it.

In all those long years, were you the only ones I held dear?

It’s just that those were the happiest times of my life, so I miss them especially.

When Iris died.

When Michael died.

When my son died.

When my daughter died.

When my grandchildren died.

When my friends and disciples died.

When my subordinates died.

It hurt so much I thought I would break, but in the end, I endured.

Yes, I endured.

Time was always the cure.

Wounds heal and become scars.

It’s okay. So it’s okay. I’m okay.

“I have to be okay.”

Just for today, let me be the Chosen One, Yoo-seong.

Starting tomorrow, I’ll go back to being the God of War, Mars.

The pain, the suffering, the sadness, the hesitation.

These are luxuries allowed only for this moment.

“It’s okay, Lucille.”

Even without you, I’ll be fine.

I’ve lived over a hundred years without you, after all.

I’ve spent more time without you than with you.

It’s okay.

I’m strong.

I’m the Hero who cut down even Bael.

Hardships have always tried to break me.

But I’ve never been broken, not even once.

Because I lost you.

Because there’s nothing left to protect.

Because I can now exist even more as the God of War.

Because I can’t take off the mask of the cold and ruthless God of War.

“So it’s okay, really.”

Plop.

A drop of water fell.

Yoo-seong looked up at the sky.

It seemed the dark clouds had finally begun to scatter rain.

Staring at the dark sky where neither stars nor the moon were visible through his blurred vision, Yoo-seong bit his lip gently.

“…What do you mean, ‘okay’?”

Truthfully.

It’s not okay at all.

It should be okay, though.

Even if others aren’t, I should be okay.

Because I can’t afford to falter.

Because I’m the pillar.

The pillar that supports the Celestial Corps, that supports humanity.

Always.

At any time, no matter what.

I should be okay.

“…It’s hard, really.”

By now, Yoo-seong was the only one left on the hospital rooftop.

Unintentionally, the energy he had emitted had driven people away.

Thanks to that, in the now-deserted rooftop, Yoo-seong quietly held his breath.

He couldn’t show weakness to others.

I must always be strong.

I must always remain the strongest, at least.

My heart feels like it’s about to burst.

Yoo-seong placed a hand on his chest and closed his eyes.

Without even thinking to wipe his damp cheeks.

He listened to the faint sounds of the city.

I wish today would just pass quickly.

Then, I can return to being the God of War.

“Ah, found you.”

A small sound of footsteps accompanied the opening of the rooftop door. Yoo-seong let out a sigh.

‘I drove everyone away with a faint pressure, so who is it? Just for this moment, I wish I could be alone… Wait a second.’

He opened his eyes.

Yoo-seong didn’t turn his head.

Pretending nothing was wrong, he wiped the corners of his eyes.

After checking the state of his throat, he spoke in a monotone voice.

“…What is it? No, more than that, what do you mean ‘found you’? How did you know I was here?”

“Yoo-seong, when you’re troubled, you always seek high places, right? So I thought I’d check, and I felt an unusual presence.”

Lucia smiled awkwardly as she spoke. Yoo-seong pressed his throbbing head firmly. Did she use the energy I emitted to drive people away as a clue to find me? Well, I adjusted it to be nothing more than a slight discomfort for supernaturals, so…

“That I have such a habit… Ah, of course you’d know.”

The habit of seeking high places started after I became the God of War. I never told Lucille about it. At least, not in my memory.

He couldn’t remember the repeated time. He didn’t know what happened during that time. And Lucia was a girl who had inherited a significant portion of Lucille’s memories.

“Sorry, did I interrupt your thoughts?”

“…Not really, but why did you come looking for me?”

“Isn’t it obvious?”

The rooftop door closed with a soft creak.

The hinges squeaked, poorly maintained.

Lucia scratched her cheek as she spoke.

“I was worried.”

Was it unnecessary meddling?

Author Note

A/N (Author’s note):
150 years.

It might be a drop in the ocean compared to Lucille’s hundreds of millions of years, but it is still a very long time.

Especially if all that time was filled with war and deaths.

Translator Note

T/N (Translator’s note):
Time to get corrupted by Lucia!