Chapter 225 – Loop (3)

Яеаɗ ​ｏｎ ḰаţṚҽａԁɩɴģ​Саſҽ

Content Warning

A warning, things ahead…

I needed stimulation.

I needed something, anything, to feel alive.

Whether it was saving the world or something else.

At this point, it didn’t matter anymore.

Even the person I once loved so dearly couldn’t provide any stimulation anymore.

Yoo-seong. The Hero of Lucille.
Eugene. The Hero of Lucia.

There was no more excitement, nothing. They were no different from strangers passing by on the street. They felt as fleeting and meaningless as a passing encounter.

Looking back now, it was truly laughable.

That I had once agonized over such trivial things.

Crying, laughing, rejoicing, and grieving over love.

It was all utterly pointless.

I needed something unfamiliar.

I needed something always new and fresh.

In this hellish existence, I needed a sign to remind me that I was still alive.

“Ah…”

I placed my palm on the table.

Then, I stabbed it repeatedly with a dagger.

The little finger was the first to be severed.

It rolled on the table like a piece of tofu.

Blood stained the table. It dripped from the edge, falling in droplets.

Sssk.

The ring finger was cut off.
Next, the middle finger.
The index finger.
Then the thumb.

One by one, I cut off all five fingers. Soon, I looked down at my hand, now devoid of fingers, and smiled faintly.

“It hurts.”

A shiver ran down my spine. The sharp pain brought tears to my pink eyes. It hurts. I hated the pain. But now, that pain felt like a blessing. It was proof that I was still alive.

With trembling hands, I gripped the dagger.

My left hand had no fingers, so I held it tightly with my right.

I pulled it forward with force and stabbed it into my abdomen.

“Kuh…?!”

My body bent. My back arched involuntarily, and a scream burst from my mouth.

My internal organs, protected by the peritoneum, were damaged, and my vision turned white.

Drool dripped down. Blood mixed with saliva pooled on the floor. My lips twisted. Unable to bear the pain, tears streamed down my face.

“Eh, hehe…”

But I didn’t stop. I twisted my wrist. The dagger embedded in my abdomen rotated with it. I turned the blade horizontally and dragged it across.

My stomach was torn open. My mutilated intestines spilled out.

Ah, how grotesque. The inside of a human body is so disgusting. I smiled faintly. It hurts. It hurts so much I might faint.

But I didn’t want to stop. A little more. Just a little more.

The dagger I pulled out was soaked in blood. My hand felt hot. I forced strength into my trembling arm. I aimed the blade at my soft thigh and struck down.

Thud.

Flesh was gouged out, and blood gushed forth.

Once wasn’t enough. I immediately pulled it out and stabbed again. Stabbed and pulled out.

After repeating this dozens of times, my thigh was torn to shreds. It barely clung to my body, and with a little more force, it would have been severed.

“It hurts. It hurts. I hate it.”

I hated it, but I didn’t.

My heart was beating. It was still beating.

Every time I saw my body breaking down, my chest swelled with excitement.

What should I do next? What should I play with? What should I do?

The dagger’s edge was still sharp. I looked down at the blood-soaked dagger. My distorted face was faintly reflected in it.

I was smiling crookedly. My eyes sparkled. It had been a long time since my face looked so alive. I’m alive. I’m alive right now. The pain gave me a sense of being alive.

“Such pretty eyes…”

Yoo-seong used to compliment them often.

He said my eyes were as beautiful as cherry blossoms.

No, was it Eugene who said that? Who was it?

Well, whatever.

“Hee, kuh…”

I brought the tip of the dagger to my face. The pain made my hand tremble, making it hard to aim.

It barely touched the corner of my eye. My back trembled. The impending pain made my lower body damp.

But I didn’t want to stop. I pressed the dagger precisely into my eye and pushed.

Thud.

My vision was halved.

◆

The chilly autumn passed, and a harsh season arrived.

On a deep night when dark clouds swallowed even the moonlight.

The academy, bustling with students during the day, was as silent as a dead mouse at dawn. I walked through the park, so familiar I could navigate it with my eyes closed.

As expected of an academy receiving massive national support, the park was beautifully maintained.

A cold breeze brushed against my coat. I hunched over and tightly wrapped myself in my trench coat.

It wasn’t because of the cold. I wasn’t so weak as to shiver from this level of cold. But I pulled the coat tighter because it was all I had on—this brown trench coat.

Despite the freezing weather, my body was damp with sweat. It wasn’t just my face that was flushed.

The sound of my pounding heart tickled my ears. I walked barefoot on the hard ground, without any shoes. I wandered under the dim lights, with no sign of anyone around.

After walking and walking, I arrived at the fountain in the center of the park.

Once, Eugene had confessed to me here. When was it? I only vaguely remembered it was a long time ago.

Was it before the regression began? Or was it in the early stages of the regression? After a brief moment of thought, I shook my head. It didn’t matter anymore.

“Haa…”

I let out a deep breath.

White mist flowed out like smoke.

I lifted my stiffened head, tense with nervousness.

I looked at the fountain and opened my ears wide.

No one was there.

Only peaceful silence greeted me.

The only thing disturbing the stillness was my ragged breathing.

Even though I had come this far, I felt a sense of rejection. Should I really do this? Is this really okay? Isn’t this something a human shouldn’t do? Such thoughts held me back, but I brushed them off. I’ve done worse than this, so what’s the point of hesitating now?

Sssk.

The trench coat slid down powerlessly.

The cold winter wind brushed against my bare skin.

The warmth of my feverish body dissipated in an instant.

But I didn’t put the coat back on.

Instead, I let go of the last bit of resistance holding the coat.

With the coat gone, my naked body was exposed.

Not a single thread of clothing, just as I was when I was born.

Not inside the dormitory, but outside, where anyone could come, I had stripped off all my clothes.

A mix of liberation and shame made my shoulders tremble. My teeth chattered. There was no sign of anyone.

Even though no one could be watching, I covered my body with my arms and hands. I was embarrassed. I couldn’t lift my head from the shame. But that shameful feeling felt incredibly thrilling.

“Heh, heh…”

The night air feels good.

It’s like I’ve gone back in time.

In the distant past, I used to sleep outdoors every night.

I used to light a bonfire with Yoo-seong and gaze at the night sky.

I slowly lowered my hands, which were covering my private parts.

I spread my arms wide and thrust out my chest.

My legs trembled. My thighs felt numb.

I’ve really fallen to the bottom, haven’t I, Lucille?

Once a saintess who worked so hard to save the world, now stripping naked in the middle of the night, thrusting out her chest and buttocks.

I was once a noble person, you know. A saintess. A blessed saintess. A hero who stood against the King of Devil Gods.

But look at this.

Isn’t it hilarious?

The gap between then and now made my chest ache.

Who would think of me as a saintess now?

Wouldn’t they just think I’m some horny slut?

If Yoo-seong saw me like this now.

If Iris saw me in my current state.

If Michael saw how far I’ve fallen.

How would they react? What would they say? What expressions would they make?

Just imagining it sent shivers down my spine.

Ah, what a shame~♡ Two of them are already dead. But Yoo-seong is still alive.

I’ve figured out all of Yoo-seong’s behavioral patterns, but what if I showed him me panting naked?

Wouldn’t he react in a way that exceeds my expectations? What if I spread my legs and begged him to take me? Heh, I don’t know. This is hard to predict.

“Eugene wouldn’t be so bad either…”

After all, he once confessed his feelings for me. I’ve figured out Eugene’s personality too. If I put my mind to it, making Eugene fall for me would be as easy as eating porridge.

It’s nothing special. Eugene is a fool. Just let him grope my chest a little and smile at him a few times, and he’d fall for me in an instant.

Despite that, he’s the type to be loyal once he falls in love, sticking with his feelings until the end.

“…”

My excitement faded in an instant.

It was like cold water had been poured over me, cooling the heat.

…Right. It seems I haven’t fallen that far yet.

What’s wrong with me? Do I still want to hold onto some last shred of dignity?

Even though I’ve already thrown away my beliefs and pride.

A saintess who once prayed for salvation has become a pervert who enjoys exposing herself! I was shouting that, but…

Still, it wasn’t a bad feeling. I picked up the trench coat I had tossed aside and shook off the dirt before draping it over my shoulders.

The late-night naked stroll was thrilling. In a different way from self-harm, it sent shivers down my spine.

Every time I thought someone might catch me, my legs tingled. Exhibitionism is quite a fun hobby. The thrill is so intense, it’s almost addictive.

Even if I were caught, it wouldn’t matter.

After all, once time resets, everyone will forget.

No matter what I do, it’ll all be as if it never happened.

So why hesitate? Why hold back?

I wonder how long I’ll be able to keep this line.

I’m really curious about that too.

I hope it lasts a long time.

Even if it’s pointless.

Author Note

A/N (Author’s note):
She is a (former) saintess.

But now Lucille is gone… all that’s left is Lucia…

Translator Note

T/N (Translator’s note):
There’s the Lucia we all know!