Chapter 190: Doubt, Bewilderment, Confusion

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It was so brazen that Sugar couldn’t even find the words to respond.

Sugar had always teased Leon half-seriously—no, mostly seriously—but whether or not he admitted it himself made a huge difference.

On one hand, seeing him acknowledge it so bluntly was refreshing, leaving Sugar with mixed feelings.

“I can roughly guess what you’re thinking right now, but this matter isn’t that important. What matters is my curiosity. I’ll share the doubts I’ve had for a while.”

“Ah… Yeah…”

Leon nodded absentmindedly, still dazed.

“Given my confession earlier, you probably expected this, but it’s about Ian—specifically, their gender.”

“…”

“First, let me explain the initial reason I started suspecting. Their appearance. They’re unreasonably beautiful—impossibly so for a man.”

“That’s just you wanting to think that—”

“Forget the face, let’s talk body shape. Objectively speaking, don’t you agree? Narrow shoulders, waist, lower body… Hm. I’ll stop there.”

“…”

“Well, body types can be unusual sometimes, so let’s move on. There are men with feminine builds and vice versa in this world, after all.”

Sugar silently nodded.

“Second, your reactions.”

“My reactions?”

“More precisely, yours and Riley’s reactions toward Ian. Look, hypothetically—just a hypothetical—if I were to hug you right now—”

Sugar and Riley both instinctively reached for their pockets or waistbands.

“See? Just the suggestion alone makes you radiate killing intent toward me without fail.”

Leon continued with a displeased expression.

“But you don’t do that with Ian. Even when they hug you or pats your head, you both allow it like it’s natural.”

“How is someone we’ve known since childhood the same as you?”

“No, that’s not the point. You wouldn’t act like this otherwise.”

When Sugar retorted sharply, Leon shook his head with utter seriousness.

“You have severe mysophobia. No matter how long you’ve known someone, you’d never tolerate physical contact from a man. I’ve observed you long enough to know. It’s not misandry… but more like you only allow touch from those you’ve personally permitted. Romantically pure, if you want to put it nicely.”

“…Are you a psychology professor or something?”

“Anyone who spends a week around you two would figure it out. And Riley’s the same—no way he’d just watch his woman getting cozy with another man, no matter how long they’ve known each other or how ‘high-status’ he is.”

“…”

“…”

Tch.

Sugar pressed her fingers to her temples in frustration. Riley crossed his arms silently.

If she were really a man, you two wouldn’t act like this. You’re both too possessive to allow it.

The fact that Leon had deduced this from their usual behavior toward Ian was… infuriatingly hard to refute.

“So, what’s your point?”

Wanting to move the conversation along, Sugar spoke up, but Leon added one more thing.

“I’ll ask after I finish my third point. Once… I brought bandages to Ian in the bathroom. At the time, I just thought they were hurt and worried normally.”

“…”

“Then recently, in Zenrock… they were drunk, so I laid them down to sleep and was about to rest too when they suddenly got up and headed to the bathroom.”

*****

“Gotta wash… Wanna wash before bed…”

“Ian. Just sleep. You’re really drunk.”

“If I don’t, I’ll smell…”

“You can wash tomorrow. You don’t smell.”

“But I’m sharing a bed with you…”

*****

“—Then they went in to wash. A while later, they came out with her hair damp and loose.”

*****

“I’ll dry your hair for you.”

“Thanks…”

*****

“Then they laid down to sleep… and hugged me a little too tightly.”

*****

“Sleep well…”

“I-Ian…”

—Squish.

*****

“But, uh… the sensation against my chest was…”

*****

“Mmm… I’ll hold you, Leon.”

“I-I-I-Ian!”

*****

“Again, it was unavoidable… But yeah, that happened.”

“…”

“This… could just be my imagination. Like I said about body types, some men have slight… protrusions there too.”

(Except Ian’s were far from “slight.”)

‘Ian, you were drunk, so maybe you didn’t wrap the bandages tightly enough…’

Sugar clenched her jaw. If Leon hadn’t already been suspicious, this would’ve been dismissed as just another odd incident.

Of course, given that his mental block had lifted, this was inevitable.

The powerful perception-altering magic cast during Ian’s puberty in the Holy City forced anyone who doubted her gender to unquestionably accept her as male. But after wielding the Sacred Staff, Leon had broken free of its influence.

Unaware of this, Sugar hesitated. No one had ever doubted Ian before—this was entirely new.

Still, well… They were friends. If anyone could be told, it was Leon.

But.

“Alright. I get your doubts. But so what? What are you going to do about it?”

Sugar probed, and Leon responded with a faint smile—a rare expression for him.

“Right. What can I do about it?”

“Huh?”

“I just… wanted to cleanly let go of my feelings.”

That smile twisted into something bitterly resigned.

“After all, what good is a mere commoner’s affection for someone like Ian?”

“You’re not just a commoner, though…”

“That kind of thinking is arrogance. No matter how much people revere me as a prophet or whatever, at my core, I’m just Leon—a nobody from the slums with a sick mother.”

Leon lifted his gaze.

“But Ian… is literally untouchable. They stands in the heavens. Kind and humble enough to descend to earth, but in the end…”

His eyes drifted upward, as if staring through the ceiling into the distant sky.

“No matter their gender, these feelings are absurd.”

And if she were a man, it’d be even worse— he added with a weak laugh.

“Knowing the truth will make it easier to move on. Better to end things with clarity than to wonder forever. That’s why I asked. That’s all.”

As he leaned back in his chair and exhaled, Sugar exchanged a glance with Riley.

A silent conversation passed between them. A nod.

“Honestly… we shouldn’t be the ones to say anything. It’s not our place.”

A diplomatic refusal—but the answer was obvious. If they were dodging the question like this, it had to mean the secret was significant.

Leon simply closed his eyes. He didn’t press further.

“Look. As Ian’s friend, I’ll say this: I do think you should ask them directly.”

“…”

Sugar offered him another path.

Because she knew. She knew exactly what that “untouchable” woman felt for this self-proclaimed nobody.

“But hey, Sugar… Would I have done this if it were anyone else?”

“Leon… I don’t know why, but I can’t help but care about him. Enough to defy her…”

“What’s wrong with me?”

The heartbeat she’d heard that day. The trembling voice.

The heat of a woman in love.

And when Sugar had been asked, “What do you think about when you remember Riley?”—

She clenched her fist, refusing to look at the blond man beside her.

“…Hey. I’m saying this as your friend too. Feelings and secrets… you gotta face them head-on. That’s the only way to avoid regrets.”

“Is that so?”

“It is.”

Now that Sugar knew how both of them felt, all she could do was give them a push. She didn’t outright say “Confess,”—what happened next was up to them.

“Well… still, you did work up the courage to ask. That’s impressive.”

Sugar grinned, her smile almost patronizing—like praising a child for speaking up.

Leon’s face twisted in discomfort. He rubbed his arms, as if shaking off a chill.

Yet Sugar didn’t scold him. Instead, she doubled down.

“Hey, listen. I mean it. You’re seriously amazing.”

That courage. That honesty. That boldness.

“Really. From the bottom of my heart.”

Because I could never do the same.

***************

After the conversation, the two headed to the market to prepare for tomorrow’s departure—their original reason for going out.

“—Oh, and… I agreed to exchange letters with Praline again. She wants to hear about our adventures.”

“Not bad.”

“Right? I’ll write about our daily stuff too. Maybe send gifts sometimes.”

On the way back, they walked side by side, chatting about nothing in particular.

But their voices and moods were slightly forced. Both were deliberately avoiding the topic of Leon and Ian.

Romantic feelings. Confessions. Love between a man and a woman.

That kind of talk doesn’t suit us.

They were tacitly pretending things were “normal”—yet this was even more awkward than waking up tangled together after a drunken night.

As the sun dipped below the horizon, Sugar suddenly yawned, pausing mid-step to stretch her jaw wide.

When she wiped the tears welling in her eyes, Riley reached over to dab the other side.

“…”

“…”

“These are just tears from yawning, you know.”

“Still.”

The sunset painted their irises—already unusual in color—with another layer of light.

Riley cupped Sugar’s face, staring endlessly into her eyes. Memorizing them.

“…Riley, you’ve always wiped my tears.”

“Have I?”

“Yeah. Since we were kids.”

When Sugar smiled softly, Riley’s expression softened too.

Since we were kids.

The moment they mentioned it, memories surfaced—

The deep bond that tied them together as friends, as family.

“I want to wipe your tears too.”

“So you want me to cry?”

“That’s not what I meant.”

Sugar headbutted Riley’s chest lightly.

I never want you to cry. I just want you to always be happy and safe. Don’t even joke about sad things like that.

That was all Sugar ever asked of Riley.

Really.

She didn’t ask for much.

We’ll just stay like this forever—precious childhood friends, always together—

…

“…Actually, maybe I want a little more.”

“Huh?”

As if swept up by a sudden impulse—

Sugar yanked Riley’s tie.

Rose onto her tiptoes.

And kissed him.

When she pulled away and turned around, a familiar gray-haired knight was standing there with a scowl.

Surrounded by other holy knights, a young girl stood beside her—cloaked in a white mantle embroidered with gold thread. Despite her youthful appearance, she was one of the Holy City’s guardians, like Cedric and Nova.

Natasha seemed to be accompanying her as an escort.

“What do you want? Say it.”

“Dunno.”

Sugar and Riley exchanged brief words as they passed by.

But just as they bowed their heads and moved on—

“You there. Are you Sugar?”

The guardian called out to her. Her tone was oddly weighty for such a soft voice.

“Yes. Do you need something?”

The girl scrutinized Sugar with sharp eyes, then dismissed her with a curt, “No, never mind,” before continuing on her way—as if that brief interaction had settled whatever business she had.

The holy knights followed. Natasha, too, remained solemnly focused on her duties, not sparing the pair a single glance.

Sugar watched them go, her face unreadable.

Then she clung tightly to Riley’s arm, as if claiming it for her own, and stood perfectly still.

***************

“I have romantic feelings for Ian.”

She ran away.

The moment she heard those words, she panicked—and just ran.

She hadn’t even been trying to hide her presence outside the door.

‘He likes me? Not Riley…? Leon… likes me…?’

As she sprinted, Ianne’s thoughts raced.

What’s happening? Why?

She couldn’t tell if her heart was pounding from running or from something else.

The sight of His Holiness sprinting full-tilt across the cathedral grounds drew bewildered stares, but she didn’t care.

She just wanted to get away. To outrun this overwhelming feeling.

Her lips curled up on their own. Her cheeks might’ve ached from smiling.

She wanted to scream with joy.

To realize the person she’d loved secretly loved her back—how could the world feel more beautiful?

But then—

A sudden, crushing thought smothered her elation.

‘…Wait.

He thinks I’m a man.’

Ianne skidded to a halt.

“Hah… Hahhh…”

Gasping for air, she felt the ground vanish beneath her feet.

Ian was a man. Leon loved that Ian.

But Ianne’s true gender was—

“…”

Ianne slumped to the ground silently, as if all strength had left her.

Hugging her knees to her chest, she wore an expression of utter despair.