Chapter 152: Hey, You Idiot

Read on KatReadingCafe

“…It wasn’t exactly something to ‘hate.’”

It just wasn’t the kind of relationship they had. That was the only reason it felt uncomfortable.

This was about the kiss.

A chapter of reflections from the Saintess, a woman left alone, facing her end.

Somewhere, the sky rumbled like it was collapsing.

Ignoring it, Sugar threw herself onto the sofa and took a moment to confront her own heart. “Now, of all times?” But then again, “Now is the only time.”

The reason things had come to this. Tracing it back, she’d have to return to the moment she was born into this body—but never mind that.

The divergence from the original story. The one who’d had an overwhelming influence.

How many people like that could there possibly be for Sugar? Someone so precious she’d willingly sacrifice her own life for them.

She thought of the blond youth who should’ve returned to reality by now.

Let’s go back to their childhood. The boy who declared he’d leave to train—for her sake.

When she asked him, “Why waste your life for me? Why chain yourself to me?” he pinched her cheek and said:

—”Because I damn well want to, that’s why.”

“Pfft…”

Looking back, that was probably when it all started. When the signs first appeared.

The love of two utterly selfish liars.

Piling up secrets for each other.

Acting in the shadows for each other.

Deceiving one another, stacking anxiety and affection over and over until it twisted into obsession.

And then they became too precious to each other, so they returned to the beginning—piling up secrets all over again.

It was always like this.

Sugar knew Riley would do anything for her.

And she, too, would do anything for Riley. Even lying broken in a crumbling world, reduced to this state—that was the result.

“But Riley doesn’t have to.”

Because he was her junior, her subordinate. It was only natural for the one above to give to the one below.

But even so. How could he be so devoted?

“…Because he loves me.”

Familial love? Platonic love? Or—

“—Does it even need a label? If we just care for each other… isn’t that enough?”

The form of love didn’t matter.

What good was there in naming it? Would it change anything? The way she felt about him wouldn’t disappear, no matter what.

“…”

Sugar buried her tear-streaked face in her hands.

Truthfully, she was scared.

Scared of realizing her own feelings.

Scared that once she did, she’d fall even deeper.

But what terrified her most was something else.

“I’m scared of how heavy my heart is.”

It was too vast, too deep, too dark, too suffocating—she feared it would swallow him whole. That he’d drown, unable to breathe. That he’d be swept away into the black sea and vanish forever.

That she’d lose him for good.

She always ran from her emotions. Fled before she could understand them, before she could acknowledge them.

And yet, a quiet question lingered. A creeping desire for connection.

“What did I even want?”

Now, it was a meaningless question.

Even if she realized it, she couldn’t leave. Even if she understood, she couldn’t say it.

She was only looking back because she didn’t want to disappear like this. Because wasting time doing nothing felt like a shame.

A memoir crafted at the very end—and its contents were embarrassingly fixated on one man and the emotions she harbored for him.

He was her dear friend. Someone she loved enough to gladly lay down her life for and in truth, it had seemed that way.

“…It’s fine. This much is enough.”

She could no longer achieve freedom or anything else in this world.

But being able to die for her family? That was more than enough.

The only regret was not being able to see him live happily.

Someone like him—handsome, talented, brilliant—would forget about someone like her in no time.

He’d meet other wonderful people.

Graduate from Steele and then study on the Sky Island, build connections, travel, meet all sorts of people.

And then, find a good woman to marry.

“Hahaha…”

A hoarse laugh escaped as tears streamed down again.

Once, she’d thought:

“I should set Riley free.”

Just hearing he was living well somewhere far from her would be enough. Imagining him breaking free from the weight of her affection, spreading his wings—that alone would satisfy her.

…Satisfy her?

Really?

—”I don’t want you to leave my side.”

When she heard those words, she’d been overjoyed.

“No! I hate this!… I’d finally made up my mind… Prepared my heart to let go… Why did you have to go and ruin it…?!”

If her feelings for him had been even slightly smaller, she wouldn’t be in so much pain now.

She could’ve closed her eyes more cleanly, more nobly.

Or maybe she wouldn’t have torn her heart apart imagining him marrying someone else.

“Hic… Hah… Hahaha… Sob…”

Just the thought felt like a dagger stabbing into her.

Her chest shattered.

What was already broken split again, and again, until it felt like it would crumble into dust.

No—she wished it would. She wished it would just disappear.

“Hic… Aah…”

With nowhere for her heart to go, she hugged herself and cried helplessly.

Closing her eyes on the sofa that still carried his scent, curling into herself.

“Riley… Riley…”

She called his name in a broken voice, shaking her head violently.

Even though no one was watching, she was ashamed. Even though she’d rot here, these feelings felt disgraceful.

“You have to be happy… Please…”

After everything she’d done, he had to be happy.

Happiness. Peace. Farewell.

Maybe this was for the best.

If Sugar stayed by his side, Riley would keep getting dragged into the same mess. Over and over and over.

And if he ever stood at a crossroads, he’d do exactly what she’d done today—turn away without looking back and sacrifice himself.

“No… Absolutely not…”

If anyone was going to do it, it’d be her. She couldn’t let him do it.

Her love was selfish, destructive.

“It’s fine… Someone like me… Sob… can just… stay here forever…”

She was the reason he’d get hurt, the reason he’d sacrifice himself. a wall blocking his path. So if she disappeared here, Sugar’s wish would come true.

Riley living unharmed, doing what he wanted, healthy and free.

Rumble— The sound of the end grew louder.

Cracks spread across the walls, the tremors intensifying.

This space was meant for one person. A divine mystery created by an Apostle’s sacrifice, all for the Saintess’s trial.

Now that the trial was over and the “one person” had left, its purpose was fulfilled.

How unfortunate. After raising a Saintess, she ended up unusable.

With a bitter smile, Sugar buried her face in the sofa. The sheets were soaked with tears, her eyes stinging from crying so much.

The place still faintly carried his scent. She was grateful, even in a dream, for such meticulous details.

She always slept in his shirts. Without his scent, she couldn’t sleep. She’d done all sorts of things just to get one in the beginning.

She just wanted to fall asleep peacefully.

As everything returned to nothingness. As it all disappeared.

“What’s going to happen to me now?”

Would she shatter along with the collapsing world? Or would she vanish in an instant, like a flame snuffed out?

Either way, this was the end.

The final act.

Fragments of Steele’s walls soared into the sky. Shattered debris rose with a deafening roar.

Trees, clocks, desks, chairs—every little thing broke apart, scattering into the air.

Under the flickering black sky, as if gravity had reversed.

A scene straight out of a dream.

A gust of wind blew in. The outer walls began tearing away, letting in streams of air. Sugar’s hair fluttered softly.

To say she had no regrets would be a lie.

“But it’s okay.”

She’d made up her mind.

Like a child exhausted from crying. Like a child finding comfort in their mother’s arms. Sugar curled up small and closed her eyes.

Like this, it almost felt like he was beside her. Soothed, she clung to the sofa and embraced the sleep from which she wouldn’t wake.

—BOOM!!

A large fragment must’ve torn away.

—Flash!

…

—CRASH!!

Lightning struck too.

Even this noise could be a lullaby.

—Crackle… Bang… Rumble…

“…”

—Smash!! Thud! Boom!

By the time the construction-site-level noise started grating on her nerves—

—KABOOM!!!

“Ow! Don’t you know how to set the mood?! You’re supposed to keep it dreamlike, with just some ambient rumbling!”

She yelled at the window, furious at the explosion that ruined the moment. She wanted to go out with some dignity, but the collapse had no sense of atmosphere.

Just as she turned to lie back down—

“…Huh?”

She blinked, wondering if it was a dream. A hallucination.

“Ah, but this is already a dream…”

Then what was he doing here?

Why was the one who should’ve returned to reality still here?

Sugar stared at the familiar blond youth, her thoughts oddly calm. Sometimes, when something was too shocking, the mind went the opposite way.

“Ah, is this the dream’s final mercy?”

Maybe her subconscious had conjured this for comfort. But since when could a mere illusion wield a grimoire?

As she pondered, the displeased figure in front of her spat out some very pretty words:

“Hey, you idiot.”