Chapter 122: Getting Used to It

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The hallway of the treatment center. In the midst of the pure white silence, someone walked carrying a colorful bouquet of flowers. Holding it tightly in their arms, they headed toward the hospital room to say their goodbyes.

The room was practically an isolation ward. After knocking and entering, they were greeted by a figure who had lost their human form.

“Hello.”

The figure lay still, staring at the ceiling without responding.

Ian stepped inside and placed the bouquet on the bedside table.

“The holiday is over, so I’ll be returning to Steele. I came to say my final goodbye.”

Pulling up a chair, Ian sat down by the bed. Holding the motionless hand of Leon’s mother, Ian began to speak softly.

“It’s going to get busy soon with exams coming up. Speaking of which, one of my friends who came with me hates studying… but still wanted to go to Steele. She worked hard and passed the exams. Impressive, right?”

While talking, Ian held her hand and carefully examined it.

It wasn’t just a haphazard combination of different creatures’ flesh. It was more like a mutation. Her original body had merged with other elements, transforming into something entirely different.

‘There must be a way to reverse this.’

There had to be. Otherwise, this would be too cruel.

Ian thought back to the reason she had left the outside world. Pure admiration. Curiosity. Frustration at being unable to leave on their own.

The outside world was beautiful, but at the same time, it was filthy. It was being tainted in real-time by someone.

The Holy City, under Ione’s protection, was cleaner than any other place.

‘And yet… the reason my sister sent me out.’

‘She sent me out simply because I wanted to go. From the moment I was born, everything had been planned.’

‘This child is a boy. Free him from the duties of protecting the Holy City.’

‘Because of the love I received from both the previous and current saints, I stand here today. I was given more love than I deserved.’

‘As someone loved by the saint, as someone who has gained freedom, as someone who carries the blood of a noble figure, shouldn’t I be able to do something?’

‘Rather than idly playing around, shouldn’t I engage in activities that contribute to the world, even if just a little?’

‘At the very least, I should strive for the freedom of an old friend.’

‘At the very least, I should save the family of a new friend.’

‘…Friend.’

Ian thought of the new friend she had made outside.

They had met through a unique connection. Sugar had taken an interest in Leon because of the staff and through various twists and turns, they ended up traveling together and even sharing a room.

A polite but slightly cynical friend. The painful family history hidden within and the heavy burden bestowed by the saint.

Truly unfortunate. The more Ian thought about it, the more pity welled up. Seeing his dark, sunken eyes made Ian want to comfort him, to hold him and stroke his head.

‘I hope Leon can be happy…’

Even though their friends said things like, “Guys don’t do that with each other!”, as long as Leon himself said he was fine with it, wasn’t that okay?

Because they’re friends, Ian could do the same for Sugar. In the Holy City, Ian often hugged Sugar, and Sugar was the one who usually initiated the closeness.

As for Riley, well… honestly, it’s a bit awkward. Putting aside the issue of whether Sugar would pull out a knife, it’s just uncomfortable.

Come to think of it, Ian rarely had physical contact with men. Even though Ian was raised as a boy, there was a physiological aversion to it. The only man Ian hugged and cared for was Leon.

‘Is it because of the high level of emotional intimacy?’

Was it because they had met through a unique connection, and Ian’s heart had grown attached? Or was it because Leon was younger, like a younger brother?

Ian didn’t dislike touching Leon. On the contrary, even if Leon touched Ian, well, it might be embarrassing, but it wasn’t unpleasant.

“…”

Thinking of Leon touching Ian brought back memories of that day.

When Leon’s breath moistened the soft chest wrapped in thin bandages. When he kneaded it like bread dough—

‘It was an accident. An accident…’

Ian shook their head in front of Leon’s mother.

Ian felt strangely guilty thinking, ‘Your son was buried in my hideous chest. I’m sorry.’

Rather than feeling disgusted by Leon, Ian felt sorry and hoped he would forget. Even now, Leon occasionally looked around, saying he needed to apologize to that female student, but Ian wished he wouldn’t.

‘He’ll never know that I’m that female student…’

As long as Ian didn’t reveal it, it would remain a secret forever.

While Ian felt relieved, there was also a slight sense of regret. Someday, Ian wanted to show Leon her true self.

‘–Wait! Then he’ll find out that I’m that female student!’

Ah, no, right? If Ian just revealed their gender without unwrapping the bandages, it would be fine, right? But what if he didn’t believe it? Would Ian have to unwrap the bandages to prove it? But there aren’t many students with this size at Steele.

He’d figure it out right away!

As Ian rambled, her face began to turn red, and she tightly held Leon’s mother’s hand.

“I’m sorry… Mother…”

It felt like an apology was necessary. Ian felt guilty for corrupting Leon with impure thoughts. On top of that, there was a sense of guilt for having strange fantasies about him.

And so, with a flushed face, Ian muttered apologies.

Leon’s mother quietly tapped the bed with her tail fin.

Meanwhile, outside the hospital room.

Someone was secretly watching the scene.

‘Ian… why are you apologizing…?’

How kind and warm-hearted!

Surely, he must be expressing the guilt of the Saint’s family. As someone of the saint’s bloodline, they must feel a deep sense of regret for not being able to protect those from the heretics.

‘To think that someone so compassionate would…’

Leon’s heart ached as if pricked, and he wiped away tears.

Once again, he lamented his own inadequacies.

***************

The exhaustion after returning from a trip is indescribable.

Even though Sugar had slept soundly on the train ride back, she was still drowsy. Since it was early evening, they all went to the dining hall to eat, but Sugar kept yawning.

“Haaah…”

As she opened her mouth wide, Riley stuck his index finger in. Sugar closed her mouth and began to lick it, wrapping her tongue around it and sucking. Riley quickly apologized, “Sorry, let go,” and she released it.

Why was Riley so quick to back off? He was usually the one who took pride in teasing her.

Come to think of it, since staying at Leon’s house, the frequency of his teasing had decreased significantly. Probably since the night she sneaked out. It had been like that since the next day. Even though she slept in his arms every night, the physical contact had been limited to just that.

It felt like he was being cautious, handling something delicate.

‘Hmm…’

Maybe Riley had a lot on his mind too.

Sugar clicked her tongue in dissatisfaction and sipped her drink.

They returned to the dormitory around sunset. How welcoming. It felt like they hadn’t been gone for months, the familiarity setting in quickly.

After showering in the familiar bathroom and changing into fresh pajamas, Sugar dove into bed.

“Ah… a real bed is the best…”

During the holiday, she had slept on the floor of Leon’s living room. Lying on the soft bed for the first time in a while felt wonderful.

The regret of the holiday ending and the fatigue from the trip weighed heavily on Sugar, and she quickly fell asleep.

And then, she entered the world of dreams.

“Here again…”

A dream with vivid consciousness and realism. She had them occasionally.

But this time, it wasn’t night but evening. Usually, the background was a star-filled night sky, but now it was the sky was tinged with a faint sunset.

As if it were synchronized with the time she had fallen asleep.

Lately, even dreams were synced in real-time. Sugar tilted her head and started walking down the path.

As usual, the path was blocked by moss-covered white walls. Walking further, she found a wooden chair sitting alone.

Not today? There used to be a presence sitting here. Something colorless, neither black nor white. But now, there was nothing, just a single lantern placed on the chair.

“Something keeps appearing.”

What a strange dream. Before, it was a wooden chair. Today, it’s a lantern.

Sugar picked up the lantern and examined it. It wasn’t very large. A dark metal body with a glass partition inside.

Opening the lid, there was no visible mechanism to light it. Maybe it was the type that converted magic into light? That didn’t seem to be the case either. She tried it, but it didn’t work.

After finishing her observations, she sat on the chair. It was an ordinary chair, nothing special. Sugar placed the lantern on her lap and swung her legs as she looked around the forest path. The pale crimson sky above was hazy.

“…Is anyone here?”

It was a funny thing to shout in her own dream, but since it wasn’t an ordinary dream, she called out. But it was quiet. Only the rustling of leaves could be heard.

‘I just want to sleep deeply.’

There wasn’t much to do. Since her consciousness was vivid in the dream, it felt like she wasn’t really sleeping.

Sugar decided to wake up from the dream. And then, she would go back to sleep.

The moment she thought that, her consciousness wavered, and her eyes opened.

“…Huh?”

It was still sunset. Relieved that not much time had passed, Sugar felt something moving in her arms.

‘What is this… what’s in here?’

Feeling around, it seemed to be a complex object. The material was metal, glass?

It felt strangely familiar.

Sugar quickly pulled the object out of her arms. And then, she pinched her cheek. She wondered if she was still dreaming.

It wasn’t very large. A dark metal body with a glass partition inside.

A lantern had appeared.

What a strange thing to experience.

A mysterious snake. Louveci’s eyeball. The lantern from the dream.

Scratching her head, Sugar placed the lantern on the bedside table and lay back down. There was no point in agonizing over it now. She decided to sleep first and think about it later.

And so, Sugar closed her eyes again.

“…”

But sleep wouldn’t come. Having woken up once, her mind was now fully awake.

‘It feels strangely empty.’

Then, something strongly came to mind. A feeling that something was missing. Earlier, she had been so sleepy that she just fell asleep, but now that she thought about it, it was true. The bed felt empty, cold, and lacking.

Uncomfortable, she tossed and turned but couldn’t find relief. She tried hugging a bundled-up blanket, but it was the same.

Rolling around the wide bed, Sugar suddenly jolted and buried her face in the pillow.

She had realized the source of her discomfort.

During the entire stay at Leon’s house, she had slept with Riley. For nearly a week, she had slept in his arms every night, feeling his warmth and hearing his breathing. Now that she was sleeping alone, it felt incredibly lonely.

Once she realized it, sleep became impossible.

‘…I’ll get used to it.’

‘I’m not a child. I can’t sleep without someone next to me? Seriously.’ Sugar chided herself mockingly and closed her eyes.

If she slept alone for a few days, her body would adjust. Even though she had gotten used to sleeping together after just a few days, she would get used to sleeping alone soon enough.

After all, she was an adult.

She repeated this to herself over and over again.