Chapter 12 – The Thing I Most Want to Destroy (3)

Ｒėα​ԁ​ ȯṅ КɑтЯεɑɗɩṅｇĊаｆｅ​

 

To put it in terms of common knowledge, there’s this guy named Hitler, and I know he was a bad person.  

He was an animal rights advocate, but he hated people—a misanthrope who aimed to normalize Europe… What kind of nonsense is this?  

Anyway, I understood what *Mein Kampf* was about.  

And this was definitely not a good book. It was also a book that had already reached its conclusion in my mind.  

Among countless books—or perhaps, considering this library, it might not even be a particularly remarkable story.  

In any case, it’s just a book, and no one knows what kind of story it contains.  

“May I read it?”  

“As the librarian, no one will say anything.”  

“Hmm.”  

He hesitated for a moment.  

Then, he tightly gripped the book, opened the first page, and said,  

“‘I am happy to have been born in Braunau am Inn,’ it says. Is it okay if I read it?”  

“Hmm…”  

There was no need to think twice. It’s perfectly natural and expected for a librarian to read books, so no deep thought was required.  

I smiled faintly and said,  

“Once you’re done reading, please return the book to the stacks.”  

“Okay.”  

He nodded in response.  

 

About five minutes later.  

While I was sitting at the librarian’s desk on the first floor, reading a catalog of Joseon butterflies, he suddenly spoke to me.  

“Uh, excuse me.”  

Pausing for a moment, I looked up, puzzled, and said,  

“What is it?”  

“I have a question.”  

He had called me simply to ask a question.  

“What should I call you from now on?”  

At this short and clear question, I was momentarily at a loss for words.  

Honestly, before answering, I felt a twinge of pride twisting inside me.  

Somehow, I wanted to be someone who could express myself with just the word “witch” without any hesitation, but every time I said it out loud, I felt a strange discomfort.  

“Ah.”  

I let out a short sigh and said,  

“Just call me a witch. That’s fine. Just call me that.”  

“Hmm…”  

He shrugged and nodded.  

He made an awkward expression and said,  

“A witch? That doesn’t sound much like a name. It’s more like a title than a name…”  

I knew that too.  

What kind of name is that?  

It’s not beautiful, and I was originally a man.  

Well, I’m grateful for the free and leisurely life I’ve been given, where I can observe and feel butterflies.  

But I didn’t ask to be reborn as a little girl.  

What can I do about it, though?  

It’s not like I chose this. I was just reborn this way.  

Being called a witch wasn’t something I wanted either; it was just the most neutral option in this situation.  

“It’s fine.”  

I replied calmly, though inside, I felt a pang of sadness, like a small hole had been punched in my chest.  

“Names are up to the person calling them. Don’t think too deeply about it. My real name… you don’t need to know.”  

But inside, it was different.  

Really different.  

‘Where did my masculinity go? My manhood… my thing…’  

I thought back to my former self.  

Strong, confident, and with a morning wood that rose like a mountain peak.  

But now?  

This damn child’s body with no chest to speak of—just a flat, grassy plain.  

‘If only my chest were bigger, at least I could pass the time by touching it. That would’ve been some consolation.’  

Sometimes, I stood in front of the mirror and screamed.  

‘My manhood! My masculinity!’  

I wanted to vent my frustration, but no matter how much I screamed, reality didn’t change.  

And the injustice I felt every time I faced that reality was indescribable.  

Honestly, if you’re not feeling wronged in this situation, you’re not human.  

Well, maybe it’s okay since I’m not human but a witch?  

“A witch…”  

Yu Hae muttered to himself, staring blankly at my face.  

“Then, I’ll call you that from now on.”  

With that, he smiled and went back to the Floor of History.  

The creaking sound of the wooden stairs echoed cheerfully throughout the library.  

I lowered my head back to the book.  

 

*****  

 

‘Now that I think about it… How long is the borrowing period for books?’  

Actually, it’s unclear whether it’s borrowing or purchasing.  

After all, I received a hefty price in gold coins and even a diamond sword.  

At that price, it wouldn’t be strange if ownership had already been transferred.  

I’d thought about it before, and it suddenly came back to me.  

And that thought still hasn’t changed.  

But what was strange was that at the very moment those thoughts occupied my mind, Yu Hae came down to the first floor and asked me,  

“Are you hungry?”  

“I’m a little hungry.”  

“I see.”  

Having quickly understood the power of the library, he smiled and instantly created a warm meal, placing it in front of me.  

“This is millet rice, and this is salted fish soup. The vegetables aren’t salted, and the radish kimchi is lightly fermented.”  

“Hmm.”  

He briefly introduced the dishes and explained his diet.  

His tone was calm, and his eyes sparkled as if hoping I’d eat.  

I looked down at the food.  

The dishes, known to be gentle on the stomach and not too stimulating, were neatly arranged.  

Of course, they would be bland and unexciting, and I sighed inwardly, thinking,  

‘Do I really have to eat this? If I wanted, I could fill my stomach with a sodium bomb like ramen.’  

But I held back because I didn’t want to shatter his earnest expression by saying that.  

At that moment, a sound broke my reverie.  

*Clang—!*  

It was the sound of the library’s main door opening.  

The sound had a strange resonance, creating an odd tension.  

And naturally, I flicked my finger to send Yu Hae to the second floor.  

“Wha—”  

Before Yu Hae could finish speaking, he was instantly transported to the second floor. Then, with another flick of my finger, I cleared the food from my librarian’s desk.  

*Snap—!*  

As my finger flicked, books and a few documents replaced the food.  

“This is the place the mercenaries mentioned…”  

The person who entered was a black-haired woman.  

‘Black suit… simple, but why does she remind me of John Maynard?’  

I observed her, exuding an intense, inexplicable presence.  

She stood at the entrance for a moment, looking around the library.  

“Welcome to the Butterfly Library.”  

As I greeted her with my usual line, she tilted her head slightly and slowly walked toward me.  

Her steps were neither rough nor hurried.  

Instead, she moved like an actor confidently performing on a theater stage.  

She said,  

 

“Excuse me… are you the witch?”  

Her voice was low but clear, with a hint of curiosity at the end.  

I slightly bent my arms, spreading them to the sides, and smiled.  

“Yes, I am the witch.”  

‘Sigh…’  

I sighed inwardly.  

My face still wore the forced smile of a local civil servant dealing with malicious complaints.  

Then, she slightly raised the corners of her mouth and nodded.  

“My name is Kim Shuji.”  

She introduced herself with a gentle smile.  

“Nice to meet you, Shuji.”  

I said.  

“Please let me know if there’s anything you need.”  

She stared at me intently for a moment.  

Then, she looked around as if searching for something.  

“…Has a man named John Menard been here?”  

At that moment, her question carried a strange weight, echoing through the library.  

As soon as the name was mentioned, I felt my mood sour, and the butterflies, reacting to it, flew up from my shoulders and desk, circling around her as if wary.  

Some of the butterflies began to glare at her.  

‘Hmm…’  

I sighed inwardly and briefly studied her face.  

She looked like she knew who he was.  

I slightly bowed my head and answered.  

“Yes, he’s been here. Twice, or maybe three times. The first two times, he came as an ordinary visitor, borrowing books. But the third time…”  

I looked into her eyes and said,  

“He attacked the library. To be precise, he orchestrated the attack and watched from behind.”  

“Wh-what!?”  

Surprise flashed across her face.  

I turned my gaze toward the door for a moment.  

“This is a place of knowledge. Knowledge should be equal for all, and under that belief, this library exists… Yet, a mere human hired mercenaries to attack it. And John Menard fled, but among those who entered the library and were ‘cleaned up,’ I remember there was a mercenary captain.”  

Kim Shuji placed her hand on her forehead and let out a long sigh.  

“That lunatic… did he do all this for one book?”  

“Yes.”  

“Sigh…”  

She sighed.  

Then, she rubbed her face with both hands, wiping away the irritation, and said,  

“That guy, he now insists on being called ‘Pathos’ instead of John Menard. He claims he’s become a being who understands witches…”  

“…Huh?”  

“I don’t know what he thinks he understands, but he’s changed so much since that day that it’s hard to even talk to him.”  

Her words reached my ears.  

But what stood out the most was the part about becoming a “being who understands.”  

‘…Huh? Did he find out I was originally a man?’  

Huh?  

Then, maybe there’s a way?  

But why did he order the attack?  

“Sigh… that lunatic.”  

Her voice was filled with fatigue and disappointment.  

I looked at her and, instead of voicing my thoughts, quietly said,  

“Pathos, so that’s what he’s become. I wonder what happened to make him like that…”  

“I thought you might know…?”  

“…?”  

Shuji said.  

Her gaze turned toward the stacks of books on the second floor.  

I remained silent for a moment.  

I debated whether to talk about the book or not, but eventually, I spoke.  

“Books have no power. They’re just knowledge. It’s the heart of the one who holds them that gives them power.”  

She nodded.  

“True. But what if that heart is no longer human?”  

I looked at her and smiled faintly.  

“That might be an answer you’ll have to find. Those actions were entirely his choice. Ah, that’s right. After the butterflies cleaned up, I read the memories of those corpses. There were quite a few interesting stories.”  

I smiled and leaned forward slightly, getting closer to her face, and said,  

“Would you like to hear the story?”  

“……”  

Instead of answering, she nodded.  

As soon as she gave the signal of agreement, I called a butterfly.  

*Crunch—!*  

And the butterfly bit the back of Shuji’s neck.