Chapter 2 – Two Red-Flavored Giga-Chads

Ȓеａ​đ​ ө​ո ḰаţŔεαｄｉɴ​ǵ​Ｃα​ſ​ė

 

It happened suddenly.  

I had simply borrowed a book from the library and, out of curiosity, flipped through its pages.  

But then, two mysterious old men appeared and started shouting at me.  

“Kyaaah! Monarchs! Capital! The powerful!!! The trinity of evil, kyaaah!!!”  

“Red Power! Burn the cross, wear the red armband, and throw yourself into the revolution! Religion is the opium of the people!!!”  

“Huh?”  

*Thud!*  

I was so shocked, it felt like I had been struck by lightning, and I dropped the book onto the table.  

Frankly, encountering strange ghosts while reading a book is not a situation covered in academic reports.  

Wait.  

Why are there even ghosts here?  

“Wait, wait a second!”  

“What?”  

“Who are you people!?”  

The two old men glanced at me, exchanged looks, and then started giggling softly.  

“You don’t know us?”  

“Keu, this is killing me. A Prussian prince with a face like this.”  

“What? W-what are you talking about?”  

I was too stunned to speak.  

“Wait, what do you mean by the King of Prussia? And who are you?”  

What was even more absurd was their answer.  

“Karl Heinrich Marx.”  

“…What?”  

“Huh? You really don’t know? The Prussian Monarchs didn’t like us much, but you should’ve at least heard our names. They called us instigators of rebellion threatening the state and all that.”  

He said with a laugh.  

The other old man next to him chimed in with a bored expression.  

“Friedrich Engels. If you don’t know this name either, you might want to reconsider your education system. Or maybe replace the pigs feeding you information.”  

Even after hearing their names, I still had no idea who they were.  

Marx? Engels?  

Honestly, I had never even heard of them before.  

“What?”  

“You really don’t…?”  

Judging by their expressions, it seemed like the fact that I didn’t even know their names was quite shocking.  

“I really don’t know. I just borrowed a book from the library!”  

“A book? What book?”  

“T-this one!”  

I showed them the book I had borrowed from the library, titled *The Communist Manifesto*.  

At that moment, Marx and Engels’ faces lit up with a strange satisfaction.  

“Ah, look at this guy. Finally, the winds of history have reached even you.”  

“Right. We’re the ones who wrote that book. Co-authors, you see. Written with our blood and sweat!”  

As soon as I heard that, I felt like I had been hit on the back of the head.  

“Wait, you wrote the book? As ghosts?”  

Marx laughed heartily.  

“Ghosts? What ghosts? We’re the embodiment of ideology. We were summoned into your mind the moment you opened that book!… Nonsense, what ghosts? Can’t you see we’re alive?”  

Engels nodded and added,  

“Though, it’s probably hard for a ruling-class brat like you to understand the true meaning of our revolution. Should we start by explaining materialism and the surplus value theory?”  

I was at a loss for words.  

The conversation was rapidly spiraling out of control, leaving no room for me to speak.  

“This is why Monarchs are useless. They read books but don’t understand the content!”  

“That’s why the upper class can sip wine without a care, even as factory workers lose their fingers.”  

Their voices grew louder, and their accusations against me seemed endless.  

I desperately tried to stop them, but they didn’t even give me a chance to breathe.  

“Wait! Wait a second! I don’t understand! What did I do wrong?”  

“Wrong? Wrong? Being born a noble is the wrong itself. You’re destined to sit on your throne and suck the blood of the people!”  

“…I just borrowed a book!”  

Marx and Engels glanced at each other.  

Then, the two old men, who had seemed so dignified just moments ago, suddenly started shouting and cornering me.  

“Kyaaah! Lackey of capitalism! Try being Jesus, you bastard!!!”  

“The state owns everything and makes wise decisions!!! Kekekeke!!!”  

I dropped the book in shock and stumbled backward.  

What did I even do to deserve this?  

I had just borrowed a book.  

That’s all.  

And I had even opened it with reverence.  

At that moment, Marx and Engels’ eyes gleamed, and they both smiled with satisfaction.  

“Damn, did we really appear as ghosts?”  

“Seems like it. Well… at least we won’t have to run from the Prussian secret police and dive into sewers anymore… right?”  

“We don’t have to go to Paris anymore!!!”  

“Kukakakaka!!!”  

Suddenly, for some reason, they seemed to feel an inexplicable joy and burst into laughter.  

Then, they stared at me intently and said,  

“Finally, we have a chance to spread our ideology without resistance.”  

“Right… and our first target is none other than the son of a noble!!! He’s worth ‘enlightening.’”  

“Churp.”  

The two old men looked at me, a young man, and seemed determined to pounce.  

Their gaze was almost predatory.  

“P-please, stop!!!”  

“Your time for salvation has come!”  

“It’s the duty of revolutionaries to guide even ruling-class scum like you onto the right path of revolution!!!”  

“Kyaaah!”  

Whether these two were sane or not no longer mattered.  

Ignoring my protests, the two old men started lecturing me like professors.  

“First of all, the worker is important!”  

“Important, indeed. But you Monarchs never understand that. Because you’re born with more money than you’ll ever need!”  

“Wait, I’ve also struggled…”  

“Don’t lie! You probably had servants changing your diapers the moment you were born!”  

“No, that’s a bit…”  

The conversation had already crossed the line of rationality and was heading into the mountains.  

Every time I tried to speak, Marx and Engels interrupted and attacked.  

“That’s why, you ruling-class scum, by exploiting workers, has led to this situation today!”  

“Do you even pay your servants properly? No, you probably don’t even handle that yourself, do you?”  

“I’m still a noble, so I don’t have the authority…”  

“Don’t make excuses! Think about what your ancestors did! You wouldn’t even have enough land to apologize for their sins!”  

I was starting to feel suffocated.  

And from then on, it was a one-sided lecture.  

The student (me) had to sit quietly, take notes on the paper on the desk, while the professors (them) passionately lectured, spitting as they spoke.  

“From now on, we’ll teach you how to become a revolutionary!!! Reichreichchachacha!”  

“…A revolutionary?”  

“Exactly! You must become a revolutionary to ‘purify’ that rotten capitalist spirit!”  

Engels chimed in without missing a beat.  

“Right, how about working alongside the workers first? A noble like you should pick up a hammer to understand the value of labor!”  

“Wait, I’m a noble. That kind of thing…”  

“Noble! What use is that title! Humans are all born the same way, from sperm and egg meeting, fertilization, implantation, growth, and birth!”  

“You and a kid who lost a few fingers are no different!”  

I was left speechless by their tirade.  

Engels then started speaking again.  

“First, to understand *The Communist Manifesto*, you need to read *Das Kapital*.”  

“W-what’s *Das Kapital*?”  

“Wow.”  

Engels gasped in amazement.  

Then, he closed his mouth, sighed, and shook his head while clutching his sides with both hands.  

“Really… it’s like we’ve woken up in a completely different world.”  

“Exactly. They call themselves ‘von’ Prussians, but it’s practically a different world. Hey, what country is this?”  

“T-the Hanseatic Empire…”  

Hearing that, Engels frowned in confusion.  

“The Hanseatic League?”  

“Huh?”  

“Ah, never mind. Let’s continue.”  

To continue, there was only one thing to do.  

I had to bring them the so-called *Das Kapital* they so desperately wanted.  

And to do that, I had to return to that lawless wasteland between the Empire, the United States, and the Holy Kingdom.  

The place where wars broke out on a whim.  

*****  

“Huff, huff… I’ll never go back to that place again!!!”  

The first time, I had stumbled into it by chance, thinking it was a place to hide.  

Now, I had to go back to get a book for these two hairy lunatics.  

“You really brought it?”  

“Well, he’s a bit different from the other Monarchs we’ve seen. At least he takes action.”  

“Kukukuku, he’s worth ‘enlightening.’ He’s got potential.”  

“Churp.”  

I couldn’t help but shudder.  

“Stand up! You too!”  

Engels shouted.  

“Ah, ah!”  

“Good!”  

Satisfied with my response, Engels nodded and, for some reason, dragged me back to the desk.  

Marx spoke.  

“Now, Mr. Bourgeois who witnessed the miracle of the Trinity? Would you like to hear our words?”  

“You’re going to keep following me anyway…”  

“Exactly! And since we don’t face resistance, we can do this every day!”  

“Ah, ah…”  

I had to endure this madness.  

This, too, was the duty of a noble.  

“Your Highness, I’ve brought cookies and milk.”  

“CoOoOoKieEeEs!?”  

“MiIiIlKkK!?!”  

Seeing the cookies and milk brought by the butler, Heisenberg, Marx and Engels immediately latched onto him.  

Strangely, the butler didn’t even seem to notice their presence, let alone react to them.  

And then, the curse began.  

 

“Is this real food!?”  

“Every time you eat, children in factories lose their fingers, and adults get new hands to replace the ones they lost without even realizing it!!!”  

“If I were a noble, I’d make more cookies and distribute them to the factories.”  

“I’m Engels, and I agree with that~”  

“Sigh…”  

The butler couldn’t see them, but I could.  

To even slightly reduce their noisy ramblings, I had to do something, so I ordered the butler.  

“That’s enough.”  

“BaaAaaNmAaaAal!?!”  

“You bastard!!!! Have you forgotten that all humans are born equal!?!”  

“…That’s enough. Just make more cookies and distribute them to the local orphanage.”  

Hearing that, Marx and Engels crossed their arms and nodded in satisfaction, going “Mhm! Mhm!”  

“Ah, understood, Your Highness…”  

Heisenberg, flustered, gathered the cookies and milk and left the room.  

“Sigh…”  

This is exhausting.