Chapter 189: Sharing the Stories I Kept Inside

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As the song ended, watching it together with the fans…

I had to struggle to suppress the overwhelming emotions rising within me.

It was only natural—this song carried my heartfelt story, and I found myself too immersed in it.

But today, I had vowed not to cry.

Hiding the tears that kept threatening to spill, I asked the cherries:

“Hehe… S-so, what did you all think? Was the song okay?”

[‘BlanchedBeanSprouts’ donated 10,000 won!]

• It was so moving, Lulu-chan! Thank you for gifting us such a wonderful song!

[‘TINFH’ donated 40,000 won!]

• I could really feel Lulu-chan’s emotions… it was so good…

[‘YellowSparrow’ donated 10,000 won!]

• I’m not someone who cries easily, but this brought tears to my eyes…

Ehehe, I see.

Luckily, it seems the cherries liked the song too.

Some of them even cried for me.

That’s… kind of touching, in a way.

“You’ve always told me, right? ‘You’re such a precious person, why don’t you realize it?’ This song was my response to that. It’s a bit long, but… let me tell you my story.”

Opening up this much about my personal feelings…

This might be the first time and hopefully, the last.

It’s not a happy story, and I’d rather only share good things with the cherries.

“The truth is, I grew up without receiving much love from my parents. I can’t go into details, but by the time I was old enough to understand, they were already gone.”

• Ah…
• WTF
• So they passed away when Lulu-chan was really young…

The chat grew somber at the gloomy introduction.

Honestly, while the cherries said it was sad, I didn’t feel sad about it myself.

Because I never had the chance to form a deep bond with them—I didn’t even know them well enough to grieve.

“So, as unfortunate as it was, I had to rely on others a lot. If we ran out of rice, I’d rush to the community center to borrow some. There was even a time when my shoes wore out, and I had no money to buy new ones, so I walked barefoot.”

• Wow…
• I can’t believe things like that still happen…
• Just hearing this makes me tear up…
• How did you survive, Lulu-chan…

Hehe, yeah.

How did I survive?

I’m kind of curious about that myself.

“Anyway, because of how I looked, people always disliked me. Stores would kick me out. Sometimes, if I went to places like the community center, kind people would let me in… but others would make me wait outside and just throw things at me.”

• WTF, that’s insane
• Are they psychos?
• Actual sociopaths…
• Where was this? I’m filing a complaint right now

No, don’t be like that.

Sure, it was a little sad back then.

But looking back now, it doesn’t really bother me.

“Because of that, I grew up thinking it was normal to believe I didn’t deserve love. So whenever the Star Pieces, the members, or even the company staff showed me kindness, I felt more guilty than grateful. I kept thinking, ‘Should someone like me really be allowed to receive this?’”

• No, Lulu-chan…
• Lulu-chan, you’re precious…
• This is making me so emotional…
• Ah, I’m out of tissues…

Pfft, it’s kind of funny.

Here I am, speaking calmly, while the cherries are drowning in tears.

It’s like they’re crying for me—I’m grateful, but also sorry.

I never wanted to make them cry.

I only ever wanted to make them smile.

I’m such a failure of a VTuber.

“That’s why, after debut, I kept wondering if I really deserved all this love. On the other hand, I also found myself pathetic. ‘Why can’t I properly return the love everyone gives me?’”

I’d accepted that my self-esteem was low.

But there was one thing I couldn’t accept.

That by feeling this way, I was betraying the people who loved me.

I knew that was something I should never do.

Yet, even knowing that, I couldn’t easily change my heart.

No matter how much I told myself I was worthy of love…

Every time I looked in the mirror, another voice would say, “No, you’re not.”

“But funny enough, the answer was actually really simple. I just realized it too late.”

After asking myself the same questions over and over…

One day, I looked deep inside and saw not just my own heart, but someone else’s.

The hearts of the cherries.

Of course, I’m not a cherry.

I’m not someone who loves Lulu the VTuber.

I could never fully understand or grasp their feelings.

But just as they loved me, I realized I loved something too.

And that was Blue LUV.

As I watched myself loving Blue LUV, I caught a glimpse of the cherries within that love.

And then they asked me in return:

“Did you love Blue LUV because they were perfect, without a single flaw?”

The answer, of course, was “No.”

And that’s when the solution became clear.

Flaws don’t matter when it comes to loving someone.

“Looking back, trying to change myself was the same as not trusting the cherries. The me they love is this me, right? So why was I so desperate to change that?”

I may be bad at comforting myself.

I may feel awkward receiving love.

But even that version of me is the one the cherries love.

Once I realized that, there was no need to overthink it anymore.

Okay, I’ll accept it.

Okay, I’ll let go.

The pathetic me is still me, and the me the cherries love.

I don’t need to change.

And that’s the feeling I poured into the lyrics.

“While writing, it got a little funny. I wanted it to sound like a confession, but instead, I just listed all my flaws and shortcomings. I kept thinking, ‘Is this really why the cherries love me?’”

• LMAOOOOOO
• She’s not wrong tho
• More like a repentance speech than a confession

“Yeah, that’s exactly how it felt.”

“But at the end, I wanted to ask the cherries to like me—I just wasn’t sure how to phrase it. After overthinking it, I timidly wrote, ‘Could you love someone like me?’ And when the composer saw that, they loved it.”

• Sooo Lulu-chan coded lololol
• How did you even turn songwriting into a clumsy axolotl moment smh
• When I heard the lyrics, I thought, ‘Yep, that’s so Lulu-chan’—guess the composer felt the same way too

Guess so.

Honestly, even I hesitated while writing it.

But the composer loved it and only tweaked minor details, saying, “Keep it like this.”

[‘Jisss’ donated 1,000 won!]

• Wait, Lulu-chan—I just checked the credits. Wasn’t the composer VN this time?

“Ah, right! I should’ve mentioned it earlier. Yes, the composer for this song was VN. They’ve worked on Yang Ye-in’s latest hit and songs for top idols too.”

• NO WAY
• VN WAS THE COMPOSER?!
• That’s insane clout????
• Yang Ye-in’s song is still topping charts omg

Thanks to a cherry’s sharp eye, I got to explain what I’d missed.

The chat exploded with question marks and shock, scrolling twice as fast as before.

I’ll admit—I didn’t know much about VN before this.

Turns out she’s one of Korea’s top five composers.

And she volunteered to work on my song. It still feels surreal.

“I’m so grateful to them. Originally, my song was scheduled for a later release… but VN composed it first and reached out. They said, ‘If you don’t like it, reject it—just give it a listen.’”

• Holy——
• VN’s the kind of composer even major agencies beg to work with??
• They’re a legend who turns down big-money projects, yet they volunteered for this???
• LULU STANS RISE

Hehe, and here’s a secret:

VN waived all fees—production, recording, everything.

I’d assumed they’d at least charge for studio time, but nope.

When I later asked why, they quoted my own words back at me:

“I don’t want to monetize my passions.”

I remember laughing when I heard that.

After sharing all these behind-the-scenes stories, I realized it was time for today’s second main event— my very first birthday party.

“Ehehe~ Anyway, enough about the song. Shall we start the birthday party now?”

• YES!!!!!!!!
• SOMEONE BRING THE CAKE HURRY
• LMAO we’re celebrating at home instead of the birthday café
• RIP Star Pieces sweating at the café in this heat

Alright, wipe those tears first.

If I host a café event next time, I’ll invite more of you.

For today, let’s enjoy it together from home!

BANG! BANG!

With virtual fireworks, the party officially begins— my first-ever birthday celebration, shared with all of you.

Translator Note

Hi hi everyone!!! It’s your translator LegoMyEggo here, I hope you have been enjoying following our cute axolotl as she struggles with gradually raising her self esteem. I know I sure have!

I am also here to recommend one of our café’s other novels, I have Doll Friends translated by our beloved Esthr/Placeholders!!!

I have Doll Friends is a novel that features one of the tried and true tropes! A TS Girlfailure protagonist!! Our protagonist is Mari, a introverted, cautious girl who doesn’t really know how to talk to people. Oh and she has wooden dolls that she controls with magic threads, (but she struggles a bit with that whole thing). We follow her adventures after she gets summoned to another world, travels around repairing her dolls, making friends and meeting people all along the way!

It’s a super cute, super fun novel, that is more slice of life fantasy!

You can find it on the main page of the Café and on Novelupdates!! So please go ahead and give it a look!!

LegoMyEggo