episode_0058

The sharp wind obscures the face. The swirling, heavy snowfall was so thick that it obscured the view in front of one’s eyes, and the snow piled up around the lower body as if stubbornly blocking any further progress.

Due to repeated rough breaths, the throat felt dry enough to make one’s voice crack, and there was a sensation as if the lungs were being pricked by thorns. Jin couldn’t feel anything from his nose, feet, and hands for a long time.

Snow-covered mountain.

“… A dream?”

That was the only way to think about the scene.

Unbelievable amounts of bleeding that made it hard to believe someone was alive, the shattered remnants of a carriage, and the familiar screams of people coming from all around.

“…”

Rachel looked down at her body, staring at the broken armor and empty scabbard.

What on earth is this-

Is this some kind of nightmare? Just as she harbored doubts, a ringing sound so loud that it felt like her eardrums would burst made Rachel’s gaze involuntarily turn towards it.

-Kroooaar…!!!

“…!!”

Ice Dragon.

A bit further away from here, barely visible through the mist. A silhouette of a dragon and someone. Engaged in combat.

As evidenced by the multiple avalanches that followed. Their battle was fierce enough to shake the distant ground.

An otherworldly presence.

A monster so formidable that it was impossible to face alone no matter how much one reached out, such a creature.

The sensation was so detailed that even the slightest movements and glances felt palpable. What ended up being revealed after the thunderous fight between the two in the sky.

“…Ian?”

The face of a man who had fallen a few steps beside her was someone she knew very well.

But what mattered now was his condition.

His lips turned pale, skin blackened, not a single part of his body intact, with more than just a couple of missing limbs. It would have taken a long time to realize he was Ian if his head hadn’t been relatively unscathed.

“…!!!!”

Despite momentarily feeling shock and anger rising within her.

Meeting the blue eyes of the dragon.

Her consciousness faded as if being submerged in water.

She saw beneath.

The people of the village.

Being devoured by a monster.

The mansion burned. The proud symbols of noble families crumbled. Helpless citizens, no different from nobles, were being killed by unknown monsters. Among them, she recognized some familiar faces. The guardians who always stood by her side, the steward Harzen, who could communicate slightly better than others, they were all there.

Turning into ice sculptures, they shattered.

“…”

The nightmare was far from over.

….

“!!!!!!”

Silently screaming into her unmoving lips.

Rachel reflexively sat up, grabbing her hair and shaking her head.

The cold air settled in the room, the well-kept bedsheet soaked with her cold sweat. Unable to hide her bewildered expression, Rachel desperately tried to get up, but whether it was due to immediate relaxation or tension, she stumbled and fell several times trying to get up.

Feeling shortness of breath. Unsettled thoughts scrambled her mind.

She needed to see his face.

With half of her body slumped on the floor, Rachel, pushing back her white hair, seemed to give up going beyond the door, exerting all her strength with a weary look.

Her body naturally lay down on its side.

“…Ha, I keep doing this after hearing that sound, huh. It feels like it’s been a while since I saw Ian’s face… Is it because of that?”

Perhaps that’s the reason she frequently dreams of nightmares.

Strangely, holding Ian’s hand while sleeping seems like it could fix everything. But is that just wishful thinking?

If only she could hold his hand and sleep peacefully.

“Sigh, what’s wrong with my head?”

Ian.

Ian, I can’t think of anyone but that man.

“…”

If you truly desire it.

You could have it in your hands right now.

Having grown so desperate for the mere chance to spend time alone with him, willing to abandon everything else, Rachel’s feelings had swelled to the point where she would even consider herself a pet, collared and ready to receive a bit more love by Ian’s side.

Wasn’t she just a fallen soul, having long since finished playing with the smoke, simply seeking a little more affection from Ian’s side?

Yet, she wondered why he didn’t reciprocate.

“…”

Rachel unconsciously stared at her own hand, which kept clenching and unclenching repeatedly.

It’s frightening.

To her.

Speaking to him about her actions up to this point is terrifying.

More precisely.

That their relationship cannot progress any further. Turning completely hostile, if she were to see hatred in his eyes…

“Gag,”

The mere thought made her feel nauseous.

“…No. I shouldn’t depend on him anymore.”

Struggling to stand up from her seat, Rachel steadied herself against the wall before returning to bed.

If she could just finish that task.

If she could somehow sever that contract… She firmly believed that she could peacefully close her eyes, having wagered everything.

Selling off everything she had, almost a lifetime’s worth, in exchange for a freedom she had never truly possessed since birth. The existence of chains binding her was as natural as breathing to her. Now, imagining those chains disappearing. She envisioned Ian in the distance.

Now, there are many people to protect.

She wanted to protect everyone who recognized and accepted her, even if it meant losing everything.

She must protect that man at all costs.

Watching him, she felt anger, sadness, and ultimately harbored emotions she shouldn’t entertain. But what could she do? She tried to push them away. Yet…

Him.

My entire life.

Meeting one person had led her to contemplate erasing it all.

“…Karman.”

Every time she thought of those who joined hands with him, her mind darkened. A mix of hatred and a hint of fear coexisted. However,

When she thought only of Ian.

Even the slightest feeling of loss crept in, causing her to secretly avoid him. Every time their eyes met, her head turned white, a painful emptiness piercing her chest followed by a storm of fear that tore through her heart.

Forcedly covering herself with the blanket, she momentarily escaped those futures.

She must be happy.

She must be happy…

The tightly bound world felt constricting, suffocating. Speaking to herself in the darkness, questioning if she deserved this, every mention of being a sinner weighed heavily on her.

It was terrifying. As the days drew nearer to her journey towards the snowy plains.

Instead of growing stronger, she found herself crumbling. Growing weaker to the point of shedding tears.

Trembling, Rachel gazed at her reflection in the corner of the room with a quivering voice.

-“Who created the pawns? Your words to them aren’t purely for their benefit, nor are they lies of good intentions solely for them. You continue to lie out of necessity, driven by your ‘purpose.’ Sitting there, claiming to be their advocate, isn’t it because you have your own goals in mind? Without coercion or force from anyone, you persist in using tools for your ambitions.”

No.

“It’s easy to label someone as a villain. From the perspective of a victim, a woman traumatized by war due to her commoner background. And a master with ambitions to sacrifice all citizens to inflate the family’s status. Ignorant humans who judge people based on short snippets in the newspapers would easily fall for this ideal topic. If anyone saw this, they might think that this was carried out without your consent.”

Incorrect.

“If only she could escape from that. A person willing to kill using various means with their own hands. Haha, it’s amusing. Yes, shamelessly, like a long-lived horse.”

As the voice echoed endlessly, cold sweat ran down her body like rain once again.

Dislike.

Her mind felt like it would crumble every time that voice reached her.

She swayed like a candle flame in the wind.

And then suddenly…

-Thunk-

The door swung open abruptly without warning.

Following that, before she could even pull back the covers and raise her voice—

Tap, tap, tap. With cheerful yet rough footsteps, the person who appeared was none other than.

“…Huh, you?”

“Huff… huff, are you okay?”

He seemed extremely anxious.

“I heard from Yuria. It seems like you’re not in a good state, so it’s probably best to go check on you.”

“…I’m fine. You can go now. I’m really okay.”

“It’s when you seem fine that you’re usually at your breaking point, I’ve seen it many times.”

“…”

Ian’s face, wet with sweat and tears, as he wiped it with a handkerchief pulled from his pocket, showed a worried expression. There was no trace of composure left.

It was unbearable.

“What happened again?”

Please.

Don’t ask.

“Ian, this is none of your business.”

It was an obvious lie. As evidence, Ian held his left hand and said,

“When lying about sensitive matters, you always scratch the nail part of your little finger with your thumb. You need to fix that habit. Do you know you have this habit?”

“…”

“It matters.”

“…”

“Is it because of someone else?”

With reddening cheeks and a bewildered look in her eyes.

“Oh, no!”

Rachel hastily threw off the covers and reflexively stood up.

Ian, who was silently watching her, gently pulled her shoulders towards him with a smile, as if understanding everything about her mood.

Silently.

As if he understood all of her feelings.

Quietly.

Continuing. Continuously…

…If it weren’t for the holy woman and maid who came from behind, they would have spent the night alone.