Chapter 117 – Mom

“…Mom.”

“Why are you calling me?”

“…Are you not mad anymore?”

“What are you talking about? I’ve never once been angry, dear.”

That’s a lie…

Though I didn’t say it out loud.

“Come to think of it, it’s been a while since we’ve sat like this together, hasn’t it?”

“Yes…”

Mother’s gentle hand brushed over my head.

“When you were little, you used to beg to sit like this. And now you’ve grown so much, you sleep alone, bathe alone. I wonder if it’s because you take after me?”

…Yeah.

Right now, I’m sitting on my mother’s lap.

And we’re not even in the drawing room.

We’re in my room.

…The process wasn’t anything special.

As soon as Mother pulled out that pure white mask, she stood up and picked me up like a handbag.

Then she said this wasn’t the kind of conversation for the drawing room and strolled into my room.

On the way back to the dorms in her arms… I ran into a lot of students.

The door? I don’t know how it opened.

She simply turned the doorknob, and it opened.

As if it had never been locked in the first place.

Once inside, I saw that the lock mechanism was dripping bright red blood.

Locking it was the same.

She shut the door and turned the knob, and it locked.

The door looked a little dented, though.

After seeing that… I kept my mouth shut.

Then for about two hours? Maybe three?

I got scolded. A lot.

But it wasn’t even in a scolding tone.

It was calm, soft, just like always.

And that made it even scarier.

If she had just gotten angry… maybe it would’ve been easier.

…Though looking at the door, maybe not.

“Were you really surprised?”

“Saying I wasn’t… would be a lie.”

“Just like you were surprised, Mommy was very surprised too.”

“Ugh… I’m sorry.”

“No, dear. I’m sorry for keeping it from you.”

Mother, who had been stroking my head, pulled me into a tight hug.

“I really struggled over whether I should tell you or not. But… in the end, I thought it would be best for you to know. It was a bit sudden, wasn’t it?”

“…A bit? A lot, actually? I almost had a heart attack when you pulled out that mask.”

I’m not exaggerating, I now understand exactly what it means to feel your soul drop.

Those leather gloves. The brooch of the Nameless.

That pure white mask. Mother’s smile.

Seeing it all at once… it was dizzying.

All the things I’d done in front of Shadowless, my words, my expressions… the cursing… everything… it all flashed through my mind…

Ugh.

“I got to see just how well-behaved you were around me and your father. It was actually kind of amusing. I even thought about teasing you more… but I held back because I was worried you’d actually get mad at Mommy, you know?”

“…Please don’t play scary pranks like that.”

As I trembled slightly, Mother chuckled softly.

“Truthfully, Mommy was very jealous too. You called me ‘Mother’ while calling Turrius ‘Dad.’ If you didn’t have friends around that day, I might’ve taken off my mask right then and there.”

“…S-Sorry…”

“No, dear. Mommy’s even more sorry. I was testing you. And even after all that, you didn’t hate me, that alone makes me happy.”

“Ugh…”

It happened again.

That feeling where my heart goes soft, my whole body feels tingly, and my lips start to purse… that weird sensation.

Being in her arms and hearing her gentle voice always brings it out.

As I fidgeted with my lips, I shook my head hard and changed the topic.

“…So, how were you able to hide your identity so perfectly? Your body shape, your presence…”

“Pulse, bone structure, muscle tone, mana flow, scent, eyes, all of it. Everything between me and Shadowless is completely different, right?”

“…Yeah. Right now, you just seem like a regular… Mom. But Shadowless looks like a fighter, like a seasoned martial artist.”

“If you’re really curious, I could tell you right now, but Mommy wants to wait until you’re a little older.”

“Okay… Got it. Just tell me when you feel ready.”

“Thank you.”

Her warm breath brushed the top of my head.

A quiet silence filled the room. It lasted a while… but it wasn’t uncomfortable. It was actually kind of nice.

“You’re… much stronger than I expected, Ellie.”

Just then, Mother’s hand gently slid down my left arm.

“Right? Even though I look all soft like this, I’m actually, ”

“You must never use something that damages your body like that again.”

Chills shot through me.

“…Huh? Wha… ?!”

Mother’s hands slipped under my armpits. In a flash, she lifted me and spun me around into a sitting position.

I was now facing her directly.

“Did you think Mommy wouldn’t notice?”

“W-Wait…”

“Your left hand.”

Mother’s delicate hand grabbed my left wrist. I didn’t even have time to react. The movement was no joke. Was that a grappling move? Just to grab her daughter’s wrist?

“Fingers, maybe. Five of them… The thumb, huh?”

Mother opened my fingers one by one, then gripped the thumb firmly. The air thickened with the smell of blood.

“This is far too dangerous.”

Her voice was heavy. The kind smile was gone, those crimson eyes now stared coldly at me.

“…H-How did you know?”

Until now, no one had ever noticed.

Not demons, not the World Tree, not the spirits.

Not even the elves or dwarves who no longer exist.

No one had ever noticed what was bound to my finger.

Except for two people.

Malphramis Herman, the emperor from 400 years ago.

And The Demon King.

Aside from those two, no one else had ever realized it.

But how…?

Did she see my finger bent in the Labyrinth? Even if she did…

I even wrote down that I felt like I was getting better back then…

– “Right now, Eliaernes’s soul appears to be weaker than usual, you know?”

Adelia had sensed that I was weakening.

She could perceive the shape of my soul and spoke of it with certainty.

So then, did Mother also deduce it from the form of my soul…?

“Mom, do you… see the shape of my soul, ”

“That’s not what matters right now, is it?”

Mother interlaced her fingers with mine, gently locking her hand around my left.

She leaned her forehead against mine.

“Promise me.”

“…Uh…”

“The other four… if absolutely necessary, I understand. But this thumb, never. Absolutely not.”

“B-But…”

“Please, Ellie.”

Mother’s voice trembled.

The voice that was always calm and gentle wavered, so much that even I could tell.

“This is… far too, too dangerous. It’s not something my daughter can handle. Honestly, I want to tear that finger off right now. But I know if I force it when the process is already underway, it’ll be even more dangerous. So… promise me.”

Tears welled up in Mother’s red eyes.

“My precious daughter. Ellie, no matter what happens, you must never die before Mom does.”

“…Okay.”

Holding my hand, looking into my eyes, feeling my heartbeat, sharing our breath, Mother finally smiled softly.

It was a smile that said she knew I was lying.

And still, a smile that said thank you for saying yes anyway.

“…Mom, you’re weird.”

“Oh my? Weird, how?”

“How do you know me so well?”

Mother put aside her flustered look and smiled brightly, like she was truly happy.

“Because I’m your mom. I’m Ellie’s mom. A mother always knows what her child is thinking.”

“…Dad doesn’t.”

“Ellie came from my womb, remember? We spent almost a whole year together. That’s how I know. Besides… hehe. Your dad’s a bit oblivious.”

“Hehe… yeah. Dad’s pretty clueless.”

“Just look at the birthday gifts he gives you.”

“Still, that doll he made himself… I really like it. I always sleep with it by my pillow.”

I pointed at the Ellie doll that always stayed at my bedside. Seeing it, Mom let out a giggle.

“The arms and legs are all torn up.”

“…Yeah. I sewed it back together myself.”

Seeing a doll that looked like me with its limbs ripped off… wasn’t exactly pleasant.

“Then I guess I’ll have to give him a secret tip. Tell him to make this year’s gift a more delicately crafted doll.”

I didn’t reply, just gave a bitter smile.

In contrast, Mom wore a sweet smile.

After a moment, she stopped smiling, stroked the back of my neck, and asked,

“There’s nothing else you’re hiding… right?”

What? If I hide anything else, will she rip out my neck?

I pushed that thought aside.

Since I was little, I’d always loved when Mom stroked the back of my neck. Why? I don’t know. I just did. Whether that was something Ronan liked, or Eliaernes, I’m not sure.

“If something’s troubling you, you can always talk to Mom. Or Dad.”

I closed my eyes and savored her touch.

Our heartbeats, our scents, so similar. It was comforting.

Then I thought.

Should I tell her? That I used to be Ronan Lujarak in a past life, should I say it? If I did… what kind of reaction would she have?

I opened my eyes.

Mom’s expression had returned to normal.

I don’t know. I still can’t read what she’s really thinking.

Not Dad, not Uncle, not Silina, not Fabiana, not the Emperor, not Yurasia, not Pina.

I could always read everyone else’s hearts easily. It had become second nature, ingrained like calluses.

But I couldn’t read Mom.

Even though I supposedly spent almost a year in her womb… why is she the only one I don’t understand?

In some ways, I’m older than Mom, older than Julie Eustetia, so why?

Who knows.

“…Mom.”

“Yes?”

“I, uh…”

I avoided her gaze and slowly opened my mouth. Tried to let the words roll off my tongue.

When I told Pina, the words came out so easily, but now they felt stuck.

“…Actually, I, ”

At that moment, Mom’s slender index finger pressed against my lips.

“Mm?”

“My daughter.”

“Mmph…?”

“Eliaernes Eustetia. My beloved daughter.”

I didn’t understand what she meant.

“Ellie is Ellie.”

And then she smiled, glowing with the light of the setting sun behind her.

“And I am Ellie’s mom.”

Just for that moment, Mom looked happier than anyone else in the world.

“So, it’s okay.”

“…What do you mean, it’s o, ”

“Our Ellie has never changed. I know that. From the beginning till now, you’ve always been the same. So it’s okay. Don’t worry. Neither Mom nor Dad will ever deny you. Never.”

Her finger, once pressed to my lips, now tapped the tip of my nose lightly.

“Even if the whole world becomes your enemy, Mom and Dad will always be on your side. So don’t be afraid.”

Since when? Since I first regained my memories?

Over time? During a duel? In the Labyrinth?

Has she known all along who I am, who I was?

Is it just a guess? I don’t know. I can’t tell.

My vision blurred.

My nose was stuffy, and my throat tightened.

“Wherever and whenever, today, I love you more than I did yesterday. My daughter.”

Because of the sunset, because she pressed my nose, because I was young, because I was tired, because of this damn period, hormones, emotions, illusions, cherry blossoms, 

I don’t know anymore. My brain just went dumb.

My heart itched like crazy.

My emotions were two steps ahead of my reason.

“…Me too.”

For the first time, 

I thought maybe I didn’t hate this feeling.

* * *

After I’d calmed down and saw how soaked Mom’s collar had gotten… I seriously considered suicide.

Calling her Mom and calling him Dad… It’s dangerous. In every possible way. Seriously.

“All done crying?”

“I’m… hic I didn’t cry though…”

Mom chuckled and continued stroking the back of my neck.

“I’ve been meaning to say this, but I kept missing the timing. There’s something Mommy needs to tell you too.”

Sniff “What is it?”

“I’m sorry, Ellie, but… I’m going to have to leave for a while.”

That sudden and absurd statement made me look up.

The scent of blood hit me. Thicker than ever before. Rising, strong and intense.

“Where to?”

“Gevihenum.”

“The Demon Realm? Is it something to do with the Nameless?”

“Mmm, if I had to say… this is more of a personal matter. But, Mommy is Shadowless, right? So, yeah. You can think of it as a Nameless mission. After all, the Nameless belong to me.”

“Well… that’s true. But why are you going?”

A sinister glint rose in her crimson eyes.

“To punish the bad people who laid a hand on my daughter.”