Chapter 8: The Guardian’s embrace

A thought struck me. Why couldn’t I accept Hyeji? I liked her. If the opportunity arose, I probably would have dated her. So why did I push her away?

I couldn’t remain trapped in fear forever. And I felt guilty about Hyeji speaking up for me to the teacher that day. I kept replaying the events in my head. The fear still lingered, making me tremble, but it wasn’t as intense as before. And I wasn’t even sure if I should be scared anymore.

“…”

I was already the fox’s… plaything, both in dreams and, recently, in reality. I didn’t particularly want to continue our physical relationship in the real world. Because somehow… somehow, after being intimate, the relationship felt… different. Like the dynamic would shift, become distorted. Not just with that person, but with everyone around me.

That’s why I’d resisted. I cherished my friends, and I cherished the fox. These relationships were the first time I’d truly felt happy. Something I’d never felt with my family. Something they’d never given me.

So, so… that’s why I was going out.

“…”

Early. Earlier than my usual time for school. I realized I couldn’t change the fox. So I had to change myself. Fear was a fleeting emotion. Only results mattered.

If I was brave, I could overcome this. The important thing was…

“An unyielding spirit…!”

I felt a surge of my remaining masculinity. I could do this.

Hyeji always arrived early. I wanted to talk to her, just the two of us, to clear the air. We both knew how we felt about each other. It was time for a reconciliation. I wanted to go back to how things were, the four of us—me, Hyeji, Taeyeon, and Yura.

“…It hasn’t even been that long…”

It had only been a few days. Mom had told the school I was sick. I’d just gone to work and… spent two days being… with the fox. That’s all. But even that short time felt like an eternity.

That’s how close we were.

Tap, tap

Lost in happy memories, I arrived at the classroom…

Rattle

…and felt a pang of unease.

“…Huh…?”

The door was locked.

“…It’s not a holiday…”

It was a regular school day. And Hyeji was never sick.

“…Why…?”

Why wasn’t she here? Was I too early? No, Hyeji was always here by now. The days we met up to walk to school together were considered “late” by her standards.

“… “

What was going on? Was this because of me? Was she avoiding me? But wouldn’t it make more sense for her to be here, waiting for me, watching me? Wouldn’t that be more nerve-wracking?

“…”

Click

I unlocked the door and decided to wait inside.

Slide

“Let’s take attendance~”
“Yes~”

But Hyeji didn’t show up. After class, I asked the teacher.

“…Hyeji? She’s not coming back~”
“What…?”

The teacher’s words confused me.

“She got accepted to Seoul National University. She’s taking time off to prepare… Amazing, isn’t it? What about you, Semin? You applied too, right? Did you get in?”
“I… I guess…”

I’d applied with Hyeji and the others, but I hadn’t checked the results.

“…”

My goal was to start my own business. I’d been developing ideas and plans for a while now. And I was about to get my accounting certifications. College didn’t matter to me.

“…Hyeji…”

But Hyeji… She was so much smarter than me. To think she’d drop out of school just to prepare for college… Well, Seoul National University was a big deal, but still…

“…”

Where… how… could I talk to her now?

“…Haa…”

The day felt…

Tap tap

“…Goodbye.”
“Oh? Uh, yeah, bye.”

…so long.

**

Flop

I felt listless, overwhelmed. I’d used all my energy trying to face Hyeji, only to find her gone. The thought of trying to reach her again was exhausting. I slumped onto the sofa, texted the boss that I was sick, and closed my eyes.

“…”

What should I do? I could call her. Text her. Ask to meet. Talk to her.

“…”

But I couldn’t. That’s why I was in this mess.

“…”

Ring

I called someone.

Click

– [What’s up? You never call.]
“Hey, Taeyeon…”

It was Taeyeon. She was the only one I could rely on right now.

– [What’s wrong? Didn’t you say you were sick?]
“…It’s…”

I didn’t want to tell her everything. They were all there that night, but this was between Hyeji and me. I just said we had a fight and left it at that.

– [Heehee~ Hyeji tried to jump you, didn’t she~?]
“Wh-what?!”

Taeyeon was more perceptive than I thought.

– [Honestly, I thought she’d snap. She kept saying how much she missed you, even when you were a guy.]
“…”

I realized Hyeji cared about me more than I’d imagined.

“…Where is she?”

I asked.

–[ …You’re going to look for her?]
“…Why? Where is she?”

Taeyeon hesitated.

– […Semin…]
“…”

She asked me a question instead.

–[ Has Hyeji ever tried to distance herself from you like this before?]
“…”

I couldn’t answer.

“… “

Never. Not once. And everything else… Everything that had happened… It was all unprecedented.

“…”
– [I don’t think you should look for her, Semin.]

That’s what Taeyeon said.

“…”
– [She seems… determined this time… Her voice was different.]

“…”

Drip

I knew. I’d already sensed it.

“…”
– [Semin…]

Drip, drip

Even after everything that had happened, even though I knew it was selfish to even hope…

“……….”
–[ …Semin…]

This pain… How was I supposed to endure this?

“…Sob…!”

Drip, drip, drip

The realization that we couldn’t go back, that those happy times were gone… It hurt so much.

How was I supposed to handle this?

What was I supposed to do now?

Don’t leave me alone. You always acted like we’d be together forever. You even tried to… to do that to me…

Where are you going in such a hurry?

***

It was cold.

A sudden cold snap had arrived. That afternoon, a biting chill seeped into the house.

“…”

My face flushed, I sat on the sofa, sniffling, staring at Hyeji’s number on my phone.

“… “

Thinking back, it wasn’t that big of a deal. Or rather, I’d convinced myself it wasn’t. Compared to this… this separation… it was just a small mistake. Something we could have moved past.

After experiencing what real violation felt like with the fox… I finally understood. I understood what I’d put Hyeji through. That night… It wasn’t just the fox’s fault, or Hyeji’s. It was my fault too. I truly understood that now.

“…….”

If I’d been in my right mind… If I’d known how to stay calm in the midst of chaos… Regret gnawed at me.

I wanted to run to Hyeji, to hug her, to tell her it was okay, that I wasn’t scared anymore, that we could go back to how things were, hanging out together, holding hands… Maybe even dating… No, I wanted to ask her out. I wanted to tell her…

But I couldn’t reach her. That’s what hurt the most. This bitter taste in my mouth, in my throat…

Everything felt bitter.

“…”

Rustle

It was cold. But the chill soon faded.

Slide

“…You’ll catch a cold, Semin.”

The fox closed the window. She was wearing her usual hanbok, holding her folded fan, her arms crossed. Such a familiar sight.

“…Seriously…”

Seriously…

“…Do you even realize… what a terrible guardian spirit you are…?”
“Heehee~? I don’t know~”

I was grateful, but also angry.

“…You did that on purpose… didn’t you…? To make her leave…”
“I didn’t do anything~? I just left a little mark, and suddenly everything went crazy!”

I was grateful that she was here with me when I felt so alone.

“…But you knew what would happen… didn’t you…?”
“The future depends on your choices~ I guess I… trusted you? Well… I still like you Semin~!”

But I was angry that she was the reason I felt so alone. We could have talked things through, like we’d tried to before.

I seriously wanted to kill her.

“…Maybe… Maybe if I’d handled it better… But did you really have to… leave those marks…?”
“Mm~ Maybe~”

She was deliberately provoking me, answering my questions with that infuriatingly casual tone, her tails swishing back and forth.

She was playing with me.

“…Do you even know… how much this hurts…?”

I felt so wronged. Even if someone else had been in my situation, I doubted they could have handled it any better. To say that I could have, so casually, so thoughtlessly…

It was infuriating.

“Even if I hadn’t done anything, it would have happened eventually. You know that.”
“…”

But I fell silent. Or rather, my voice failed me. I couldn’t close my mouth.

“Murphy’s Law. Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong… Even without my intervention, you would have provoked her eventually, and she would have tried to… to do the same to you.”
“…”

The fox’s tone shifted, her words hitting a nerve.

“I warned you several times, didn’t I? I told you to stay away from her.”
“…”

I couldn’t respond. I just bit my lip. I’d messed up again, said the wrong thing, gotten swept away by my emotions. Again. And again. I was so disappointed in myself.

“I just gave you the best possible outcome, Jeong Semin.”
“…Uh…”

Slide

The fox caressed my cheek and wrapped her arms around my waist.

“…That’s my role as your guardian spirit… It’s what I wanted to do.”
“…”

The best possible outcome… Meaning things could have been worse.

“…”

I closed my eyes.

“…Thank you…”

I whispered, my voice choked with tears, once again overwhelmed by the rollercoaster of emotions.

“…I do it because I like you, you know?”
“Huh…?”

Thump

The fox pulled me into my room.

“You still have so much energy left… If you resurrected me… I could make you even happier… You wouldn’t be lonely anymore…”
“…Such a typical fox…”

She started unbuttoning my shirt.

“…Heehee… Semin…”

Tonight… I couldn’t lose. I wouldn’t.

“…You’re not even that good, you know. Later on, I’ll be able to chase you away even in my dreams…”
“…Oh…?”

I tried to provoke her, to ignite my male spirit, but her eyes narrowed.

“Tonight, I’ll…”

I tried to push her down, to take control…

Thrust, thrust, thrust

“Hngh… Oh… Ahh…”

…and then my memory went blank.

Damn it.

Thrust, thrust

“You were going to push me down~?❤”
“Gah… Hngh…❤”

This was insane. She was deliberately trying to break me, to crush my masculine pride.

Slide

“Heehee~?”
“I-I’m not… giving up…!”

But the important thing was an unyielding—

Squirt

“Haaaa…❤”
“Here I come~❤”