Chapter 30: Can You Feel Me?

A child standing alone in the cold.

A child living with a faint smile, burying hope deep inside.

A child leaning against a wall, waiting for someone to call their name, only to collapse from exhaustion.

That’s the impression I got after listening to Lee Seoa’s story about her childhood.

Though calling it her “childhood” is a bit misleading.

If it’s about a year ago, she would have already been an adult by then.

She tried to keep the details vague when talking about her family members and her relationships with them.

She didn’t specify the exact circumstances either.

But I’ve spoken to many people who try to hide their inner selves.

Even without professional counseling training, it was obvious what was hidden behind her words.

Like a child trying to hide a broken toy in the attic, it was plain to see.

Her words and expressions clearly revealed the memories of severe abuse.

She wasn’t just poor—she was treated far worse than mere poverty.

Locked up for hours with her hands and feet cuffed in a cramped room.

Always bruised, unkempt, and neglected, she couldn’t fit in anywhere and was constantly avoided.

It’s becoming clearer now.

No wonder it was so easy.

She had never received affection or met anyone she could rely on.

So just a small, simple kindness from me was enough for her to cling to.

I had my suspicions about her background from the many conversations we’d had,

but hearing it directly from her mouth was a different experience.

It was… satisfying.

So, I tell her:

“It’s okay. You must have had a really hard time.”

I gently stroke her shoulders and head with both hands, pausing for a moment before continuing.

“I know someone with a similar story.”

I begin.

“When she was young, she had a tough life. She was often hit and scolded.

She lost her parents in an accident when she was little, and the relative who took her in was a terrible person.”

I tell a plausible story.

“It was abuse.

Her meals weren’t proper food, and sometimes she wasn’t fed at all.

She endured beatings and exploitation. That’s how she grew up, struggling every day.”

I speak softly, like telling a bedtime story to comfort a sad child.

“But when she became an adult, she met good people at her workplace,
learned to trust others, and now lives happily while sharing that trust with others.”

I continue with a string of meaningless details and hypothetical musings.

After a long silence, where Seoa just fidgeted with her intertwined fingers, she finally opened her mouth.

“Is that… is that your story, Yujin?”

Of course, she would think that.

Naturally, it’s not my story.

It’s no one’s story, actually.

I just made it up on the spot, but I’d say it sounded pretty convincing.

Most of the stories I tell Seoa about other people are true,

but I never planned on sharing anything real about myself.

My parents didn’t die in an accident—in fact, they only passed away a year ago.

But when Seoa asked, I neither confirmed nor denied it.

I just lowered the corners of my mouth slightly and gave a quiet nod.

“I… I…”

I stroked her hair once more.

“Me too… just like you.”

Sympathy is always essential.

The control I want over her heart isn’t born from hierarchical submission,
but from a bond of affection.

Seoa began to speak, her voice trembling as she confessed the pain she had endured—
abuse that continued into adulthood.

She choked on her words and buried her face in my waist, sobbing.

She cried for a long time.

By the time the sun had risen high and the tree’s shadow had grown shorter, her sobs had subsided.

My thighs were getting numb, but it was bearable.

“I… I have something to confess to you.”

After many minutes of silence, her lips parted hesitantly.

“That time when the monster appeared… the reason I stood confidently in front of you,

why I keep going out every night even though there’s nothing special to do,
and why my injuries heal so quickly…”

I placed a finger on Seoa’s lips.

She let out a small, gulping sound.

How much was she planning to reveal?

A typical magical girl wouldn’t even hint at such things—they’d hesitate longer.

And when she met Glacia Azure and Rosa Alisa, her attitude wasn’t exactly friendly.

Even if magical girls tend to be cautious about revealing their identities,
her eyes back then clearly held hostility and murderous intent.

But she would never confess to being a criminal or a fallen magical girl.

She firmly believes that I’m a law-abiding citizen who has never committed a crime.

If anything, she would only admit to being a magical girl.

But that wouldn’t be interesting.

“It’s okay. You don’t have to say it. I understand.”

There’s no reason to let her partially confess and loosen the shackles on her heart.

I won’t give her the chance to rationalise her partial truth.

One day, when she’s truly ready—

when her entire life is filled with me,

when she overcomes her fear of being abandoned and finally confesses her deepest secret to me—

that’s the moment when Lee Seoa will be complete.