Chapter 29: Can You Feel Me?
by AfuhfuihgsA clear sky.
The sunlight reflected off the scattered clouds, brightening the ground with a vibrant glow.
Spring was passing, and the day was approaching early summer.
A cool breeze blew in, gently lifting my hat.
Though the flowers had already fallen, as we climbed the overgrown, green-tinged path up the hillside,
we reached an empty clearing with a single tree standing in the center.
Surrounded by rusty metal frames, overgrown benches, and vine-covered pavilions,
we laid out a picnic mat in the shade.
The cold ground tickled my legs.
“How is it? Pretty nice spot, right?”
“Yeah, really… it’s a beautiful place.”
My poor vocabulary and nonexistent sense of aesthetics couldn’t fully express the vivid scenery or the light, floating sensation.
Instead, I just held Yujin’s hand and smiled.
The only sounds were the faint chirping of insects and distant bird calls.
Finally, Yujin pulled me closer and laid my head on her thigh.
“A long time ago, more than 20 years back, this used to be a hiking trail. Just a simple walking path behind the neighborhood.
There were no monsters back then, just peace.
It’s a story from a time we never knew.”
Her gentle voice and the soft touch brushing my ear made my heart hum with a calm melody.
It was a ticklish feeling, something I’d only experienced once before—long, long ago when I was just a child.
“The city wasn’t in ruins, and people would walk this trail with light hearts, taking a break, exercising on the equipment,
napping under the pavilion—just a typical park that any neighbourhood might have.”
I looked at the exercise equipment, now transformed into green structures covered in vines and moss.
Yujin told me more about how it looked back then, but I couldn’t picture it well.
What came to mind instead were dilapidated, musty-smelling walls, twisting alleyways, creaking playgrounds—
The kind of neighbourhood that remained untouched by monsters for a long time, only to be destroyed when one finally appeared.
A rusty swing, a square metal frame whose name I didn’t know, a round, spinning play structure—
and children, glaring at me with hateful eyes.
I didn’t want to remember, so I buried my face in Yujin’s lap.
Her scent mixed with the smell of grass—a sweet fragrance different from lavender.
Her touch blurred those memories.
“A person who showed me this place once told me this story.
They said that tree over there was planted back then—when monsters appeared and people fled,
it was just a sapling. Now, it’s grown into this.”
That person once said that even if the world were to end tomorrow, they would still plant an apple tree.
Just a short distance away from the city ruins, where broken buildings and shattered remnants of human presence lay,
this walking trail remains—now swallowed by vegetation.
Ironically, the only lasting human mark is this lone tree.
“What happened to that person…”
“They passed away last year.”
I couldn’t clearly see Yujin’s face, hidden in the shade.
“That person was one of the first people I cared for when I started working at the Resident Support Center.
It’s sad that they’re gone… but I’m grateful because it’s thanks to them that I could bring you here.”
It wasn’t a vast flower garden in full bloom or a golden, shining field.
Yet, this small, simple spot felt overwhelmingly beautiful.
Was it because Yujin was with me,
or because it was a place marked by someone’s memories, just as she said?
***
“Let’s go on a picnic!”
Late morning.
I was lying on the couch, inhaling cigarette smoke, trying to rekindle the lingering warmth from last night’s hug.
Yujin suddenly barged in and announced it with a bright, cheerful tone.
Guilt from killing two people, warmth, the Apostles of the Black Relic, a bombing attack—
All the turmoil from last night faded to the back of my consciousness, scattered along with the wavering cigarette smoke.
I turned off the TV that had been playing a 20-year-old romance drama without purpose.
Yujin approached, sat down to match my eye level, and looked at me—her face was lovely.
I glanced at the clock. It was already 10 a.m.
“…Aren’t you supposed to be at work?”
“It’s Saturday. A beautiful Saturday, too. We’ve been going to work together all the time lately.
How about we take a real break today and just go out to relax?”
I thought I had gotten somewhat used to a normal routine after spending several weeks with Yujin at the Resident Support Center,
but my sense of time was still hazy.
Living a normal life probably means knowing what day of the week it is.
A picnic… I’ve never been on one.
I wasn’t sure what to expect, but the thought of spending time with her seemed more than enough.
As we headed out, Yujin confiscated my cigarette pack, but it didn’t really matter.
The picnic spot was closer than I expected.
I thought the city would just keep stretching out in its broken, crushed state,
but as we moved further, traces of human presence faded, and the greenery took over.
At the end of it was the entrance to an old walking trail.
Following the path uphill, we reached a small clearing with a single tree—a space too small to call a park,
yet too overtaken by nature to call a rest area.
Yujin laid me down and whispered stories into my ear.
She shared the history of the tree and other stories of the people she had once cared for—
Tales of hardship, stories of elderly people left alone after losing their families,
and people who waited for years to reunite with loved ones separated by war.
Her voice was filled with affection for those people,
but amid that tenderness, a question resurfaced in my mind.
What am I to Ahn Yujin?
To Sanguine Obsidia, Lee Seoa was just a fabricated shell—a false name made up as a quick excuse.
But that’s not the case anymore.
Now, Sanguine Obsidia is the lie, and Lee Seoa must be the truth.
Then, who am I to Ahn Yujin?
A friend.
Like we decided when Yujin first stepped into my broken world—we are friends.
But do we both understand the word “friend” in the same way?
A sharp, stinging feeling pricked at my chest, and a bitter emotion surfaced.
Don’t talk about other people.
Don’t give your attention to anyone else.
Look at me.
…I was the one who tried to keep a distance, afraid that getting too close would expose the horrible truth.
But now, I’m terrified of her drifting away toward someone else.
I fear her leaving me behind to give her affection to others.
I’ve been following Yujin around, learning to interact with the people she helps,
and feeling proud that I’m becoming more like a normal person.
I even felt happy to receive kindness from those people.
And now, I’m feeling jealous of them?
Pathetic.
Disgusting.
Even so,
I don’t have the courage to actively reach out to Yujin and find out how she truly feels.
…I think I finally understand myself a little.
Not as Sanguine Obsidia the murderer,
but as Lee Seoa, fundamentally wretched and unchangeable.
All I can do is hold her hand tightly.
I couldn’t find the words to respond, so I just listened.
“So, that grandfather kept looking for his sister, who he got separated from during the Korean War.
He passed away—or rather, went missing—not long ago.
Even though it’s unlikely that his sister is still alive, I still hope to someday find her and tell her how he lived.”
Yujin finished her story.
It was about an eccentric old man who had lived on the mountainside in a tent, someone she had looked after until half a year ago.
But I barely registered the words.
Instead, I just gripped her hand tighter.
“Me too… I want that too.”
The words came out on their own.
Don’t talk about other people.
Here, in these ruins where civilisation has died, it’s just you and me.
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