Chapter 7: Mayfly That Flew Into Flames

Without any warning, warmth arrived.

It didn’t give me any time to prepare.

But I didn’t hate it.

“All done.”

I looked at my right hand.

Washed thoroughly with warm water, disinfected, padded with gauze,

Wrapped slowly, carefully, and yet without any gaps—

With a bandage, to make sure it didn’t hurt.

Just moments ago, my right hand had been drenched in blood.

“Be careful. If it gets worse, it’ll be a big problem.”

She said that as she closed the first aid kit.

White wallpaper, a clean table, a spotless room without even a speck of dust.

The apartment layout was the same as mine next door, but unlike my place—which looked like a landfill—hers couldn’t even be compared.

The thought that I had shown such a place to a stranger made me feel ashamed.

Just the presence of a close stranger seemed to wipe away the sense of unreality and bring me closer to what a normal life might feel like.

Drifting between haziness and madness,

I must’ve even forgotten to lock the door.

With just three knocks, Ahn Yujin had stepped effortlessly into my little world.

She frowned momentarily at the pungent stench of cigarette smoke,

Then rushed toward me when she saw me.

Broken glass scattered on the floor, a shattered picture frame in the corner,

And a girl standing silently with her right hand covered in blood.

Looking at myself from someone else’s point of view made me realize how abnormal I was.

Because for me, that kind of injury wasn’t even worth worrying about.

That’s the greatness of magic.

Just as Ahn Yujin opened the door, I burned away most of the glass shards and bloodstains with magic.

Fortunately, the blood that had sprayed out from ripping open the tumor was neatly erased.

Maybe it was my instinct not wanting to reveal something that intimate to another person.

That didn’t mean magic was omnipotent.

It couldn’t erase the scars on my right hand,

The mountain of cigarette ash,

Or the heavy smoke that still filled the room.

And she took advantage of that gap.

So naturally.

Before I even realized it, led by the hand she had taken with her left,

I had been invited into her room.

It felt strange.

A place I thought I could never escape,

I had left behind so easily.

“Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god…”

She must’ve been horrified.

Anyone would be startled to see a haggard girl, looking half-dead, just standing there with glass shards stuck in her hand.

Thanks to the tumor that always obsessively monitors my health, I wasn’t going to die.

It was a wound that would heal quickly for me, but to her, it must not have looked that way.

With eyes wide open,

As if handling delicate crystal,

As if caring for a dying baby bird,

She slowly, gently touched my hand, removed the glass shards,

Washed away the dried blood,

And applied disinfectant with such care.

It hurt every time her hand touched my skin.

It wasn’t the sting of the antiseptic.

It wasn’t the pain from the tumor throbbing in my chest.

But a kind of pain that felt like my heart was being squeezed.

A ticklish, faint sensation echoed through my head.

Those soft fingers, that faint warmth—

The small hand, carrying the scent of skin—

When it wiped off my blood, applied medicine,

Pressed gauze onto me,

Brushed over my wounds,

Wrapped the bandage and held my hand—

It felt warm.

And it hurt.

“The wound doesn’t seem too deep, but until it’s fully healed, you need to disinfect and change the bandage every day. Since I live next door, I’ll come by daily to do it for you.”

“…I can do it myself.”

That’s why that warmth scares me.

Because I don’t know what to do with it.

“Hmm… Let’s talk about that later. First, there’s something we need to do.”

Saying that, Ahn Yujin paused for a moment as if thinking,

Then appeared with a broom, several trash bags, and a rag from the back room.

“A deep clean.”

“Seriously, what is going on with your place? I can’t just let this go.”

That was her reaction after looking around my room.

What the hell am I doing.

Sweeping the living room with a broom in my right hand, dustpan in my left—this feels surreal.

Or should I feel fulfilled?

I learned that borrowing someone else’s perspective lets you see yourself objectively.

It’s a step toward living a normal life.

Cigarette butts, butts, ash, piles of ash,

Moldy preserved food block remnants, food wrappers,

All sorts of unknown trash.

“How could there be so many cigarettes…”

Under the TV, in the corners of the floor, under the couch—it’s coming out from everywhere.

I feel embarrassed.

I haven’t felt shame like this in a year.

“…Do you never clean normally?”

Ahn Yujin’s voice carried unmistakable pity.

An apartment as good as abandoned, like a ruin.

A house in shambles.

A haggard appearance.

It was obvious how I looked in her eyes.

I couldn’t say anything.

After a long, silent cleaning session, Ahn Yujin finally held two giant garbage bags and declared the end.

“You need to take these to the trash yourself. Promise me. And keep cleaning from now on.”

“…Okay.”

I want to hide in a corner.

I’m embarrassed.

Maybe I should be glad there wasn’t any magical girl weaponry or gruesome stuff lying around.

She’d already picked up the broken picture frame and placed it next to the TV.

I should look for a new frame later.

“Oh wow, it’s already this late.”

Beyond the window where the thick curtains had been drawn aside, the sunset was falling.

“Looks like you haven’t had a proper meal either.”

All I’d had was half a cookie, barely.

“How about having dinner at my place?”

Steaming hot stew.

White rice.

Simple side dishes.

Not some preserved rations for survival, but a real meal.

When was the last time I had actual food?

I can’t even remember.

“It’s not much, but eat as much as you want.”

Next time I’ll make something better, she said, placing a cup of water in front of me.

“…Did you make all this by yourself?”

Why are you doing all this for me?

Instead of asking that, other words came out.

“Living alone in a place like this… you kind of have to learn how to clean, cook, even self-defense, or you can’t survive.”

She must have her own reasons.

Ones she can’t talk about.

“And sometimes, just sometimes, when I meet a good person, I like to cook them a nice meal. It’s one of my hobbies.”

My throat tightened.

That pure kindness felt so heavy.

I looked at her face.

Brown hair, brown eyes, a lovely appearance.

A bright smile.

Guilt surged over me.

Do I deserve this kind of treatment, this affection?

Suddenly, something felt off.

Her face looked familiar.

Brown hair, brown eyes, slightly short height.

Lovely appearance.

An image surfaced.

A woman with brown hair, brown eyes, and a petite frame.

The first victim of Sanguine Obsidia’s murders.

I had witnessed the death of my family and wandered alone,

And in a fit of madness, she was the first person I ever killed.

Only her appearance matched, but Ahn Yujin looked just like her.

My chest throbbed.

It was déjà vu.

Guilt questioned me.

The dead asked:

Do you deserve to bask in warmth?

My heart hurt.

I had forgotten something.

Ah.

The tumor.

The thing that had devoured the entire upper part of my chest.

I was wearing a baggy t-shirt and shorts.

Looking down, I could see the mass buried in my chest and the tendrils spreading from it through the shirt.

There’s no way she didn’t see it.

She’ll think I’m a monster.

She’ll realize I’m a killer.

She’ll abandon me.

Ah…

I only just met her.

Only just learned her name.

And I’m already afraid she’ll leave me, just because she was a little kind.

To her, I might just be one of many.

Like feeding a stray cat, just a moment’s whim.

[Just go to her first. She’s not the kind to turn you away.]

Ha,

Why are you saying that now, making me all embarrassed.

Sometimes you’re actually useful.

Or maybe, deep down inside me, I still had a faint bit of hope or courage left.

“Um, here, my chest…”

“Huh? Let me see! Did it get on you here too?”

As soon as I lowered the collar of my t-shirt slightly and spoke, she jumped up like a spring.

Then she pulled my collar wide open and started checking the center of my chest all over.

“U-um… can you not touch…”

It’s overwhelming.

Every time her fingers touched me, a shiver-inducing tickle shot through me.

“Ah…”

It’s a weird feeling.

Embarrassing.

“Oh.”

With that word, Ahn Yujin froze and quickly pulled back, blushing.

“N-no, I mean—it’s not like that! I just thought maybe some glass hit your chest too and cut you or something—!”

She looked so flustered it was kind of funny.

It made me want to laugh a little.

It made me feel stupid for worrying about being abandoned.

“It’s okay.”

Ahn Yujin suddenly widened her eyes, surprised.

Then she smiled—was it relief, or joy, I couldn’t tell.

The tumor-like thing in the center of my chest—it looks disgusting to me.

But her hand had caressed my skin as if she couldn’t even see it.

It seems like, despite having no will or intelligence, it somehow knows how to hide itself.

Come to think of it, my chest has never been seriously damaged in battle.

I didn’t know it had that function.

It’s not a bad thing for me, though.

Relief rushed through me, and I felt like my whole body might collapse.

I haven’t been abandoned.

It was just a baseless fear.

So… maybe, just for a little while longer—I can enjoy this moment.