Chapter 12. Honor and Sacrifice (2)

Since there was nothing we could do about the awkward atmosphere between Gloria and Dabi, we decided to leave it as it was for now.

What’s more important to me right now is the relationship between Ria and me.

No, well, there is one officially defined relationship.

A Saint candidate and her escort knight.

In fairy tales… it’s not a relationship that would appear. If it were a Saint and a knight, perhaps, but a ‘candidate’ Saint and a knight, the nuance is quite ambiguous in many ways, isn’t it?

Setting aside the ambiguous nuance, I truly consider Ria to be my knight. At least, Ria, who is by my side, has fought solely for me until now. Even when protecting others, it was because I was present at that location.

And, well.

I know it would be wrong to misunderstand. What Ria does is literally her job.

Wouldn’t it be problematic in many ways to have personal feelings just because a female bodyguard is helping me?

But unfortunately, for me to not feel any emotions at all, or rather, to not have any fantasies about Ria, Ria’s appearance was too attractive.

Her personality is good, and her abilities are excellent.

No, think about it. In my past life, I was an otaku who read everything from manga, anime, web novels, and light novels since childhood. I even went to manga cafes to read them despite my family’s opposition, so isn’t it a bit too much to ask me not to have those kinds of fantasies now?

A beautiful girl who fights to protect the protagonist at the risk of her life. Well, in this case, she was just a beauty, but anyway, that’s a common trope.

The problem is, I also fell into the category of ‘beauty’.

“Ugh.”

I writhed, burying my face in the pillow. My body felt ticklish all over. And if I were to compare that sensation to an emotion, it would be close to embarrassment.

Embarrassment felt alone.

Yes, that’s why I know.

I know that Ria treats me casually because she considers me a close friend. And the reason she dressed me in a bikini was partly because she wanted me to play freely, and partly to tease me.

There were many times when our bodies touched out of necessity. It was when I collapsed, or when I had to hold onto Ria’s body tightly.

So… all of those actions are not meant to contain any feelings.

Considering my personality, even if I had been born a handsome man, I wouldn’t have confessed to Ria. My timid personality wouldn’t easily change just because my appearance changed.

Moreover, it’s even more so now that I’m a woman.

I don’t even know if this feeling is one that ‘can be confessed’. I don’t know if I’m just feeling simple lust by being attracted to her appearance.

This might have been resolved if I had just been a man.

Because I know that feelings in heterosexual relationships aren’t always that serious. If I confessed frankly and got rejected, that would be the end of it. It wouldn’t be strange if Ria had a lot of such experiences.

“…”

No.

I know that I can’t do that.

In other words, I’m extremely timid in that regard.

So, after going in circles, I’m back to square one.

Damn it.

*

Ria had a very big worry lately.

And naturally, that worry was related to Anna.

The reason the word ‘naturally’ is attached here is quite simple. Anna was the only person around Ria lately that Ria would worry about.

However, the content of the worry was not as simple as the reason for the worry.

Splash.

Under the hot water pouring from the showerhead, Ria was lost in thought for a long time.

There is only one shower in the shower room. The reason there is only one shower when two people share a room is not difficult to imagine. Even in dormitories with multiple rooms, it is difficult to match all facilities for individual use simultaneously. In fact, even in single-family homes, there are many cases where there is only one bathroom with a shower.

Still, it’s better than a communal shower room, isn’t it? Perhaps because it was designed for one person to wash, there was also a bathtub inside the shower room.

The reason Ria suddenly fell into thought within this shower room was that the thought, ‘Even if there’s only one shower, can’t two people wash together?’ suddenly occurred to her.

“…No, no matter how you think about it, that seems a bit much.”

Muttering to herself, she shook her head to get rid of that strange idea.

Very young sisters might have had such thoughts. They might play together in one bathtub. If it were a time of complete innocence, perhaps she could have entered with a boy. Ria had no such experience.

However, for an adult woman to think of entering a place designed for only one person to wash, with two people, is strange.

It’s also cramped. Even if one person sprays water and the other lathers soap, it’s clear that unwanted water and soapy water will get everywhere.

Moreover, it’s obvious that their bodies would touch while moving.

Ultimately, for the two of them to wash efficiently at the same time within this space, there is no other way but to spray water together-and lather soap together.

“No, no, that’s even weirder.”

Ria murmured weakly and stood with her forehead against the shower room wall.

If you spray water, how do you spray it? Do they stand under the showerhead together? If you lather soap, how do you do it? It’s not like they’re going to apply it to each other.

What if, going into the bathtub?

“…Ha.”

Thinking about it again, it’s absurd. What on earth is she thinking about her roommate?

Ria lifted her head and stared blankly at the water-dripping ceiling.

“Have I accumulated too much sexual desire?”

There haven’t been many opportunities to release it lately. Group living is difficult for that reason. Because there is no way to resolve personal matters. The doors and walls of this shower room are too thin.

By the way.

Has Anna ever released her sexual desire in that way…?

“…No, that’s going too far.”

Ria lightly bumped her head against the wall again.

Could it be that these thoughts keep coming because of the one time they kissed? If not-

…Perhaps it’s simply because she’s been living closely with Anna, and her heart has become too comfortable. Because, among the people Ria has met so far, Anna was a being whose inner self could be transparently seen.

At first, it was out of pity, and because she was worried about this child going out into society immediately.

Now, it’s simply enjoyable just being together.

Anna becoming a Saint is something she dislikes. Anna must have her own dreams, and she thinks it’s better to go out and live freely. Above all, if she becomes a Saint, Anna seemed like she would just crumble and disappear alone.

At the same time- she also wished for this life to continue for a little longer.

A feeling so contradictory that it’s hard to define.

In the end, Ria couldn’t come to a conclusion until she stopped delaying and went outside.

*

As soon as Ria finished showering, she went straight into the shower room.

It felt more awkward to watch Ria with her hair still not fully dry.

Ria’s hair wasn’t as long as mine. The time it took to dry was also much shorter. Of course, it took much longer than drying a man’s hair.

In fact, when I finished showering and came out, Ria had already dried her hair to a moderate extent and changed into her clothes.

It was similar in design to a nun’s habit, but in reality, it was closer to a thin nightgown.

Even though Ria’s usual nun’s habit felt somewhat loose, this outfit was even looser, as if designed for comfortable sleep. The clothes that flowed softly below Ria’s protruding chest fluttered like thin curtains.

Although I didn’t intend to look, I know what the body underneath looks like. I saw it clearly at the sea last time, I hugged it tightly, and I even lay my head on it.

“Here, come and sit.”

As if waiting, Ria gestured to a seat and spoke.

“Yes?”

“Your hair is long. I’ll help you dry it.”

Her expression and voice were devoid of any ulterior motives.

But this was the first time Ria had said something like this.

Could it be that she thinks we’ve become even closer?

There was no reason to refuse.

I slowly walked over and sat on the chair, feeling strangely nervous.

Anna’s hands gently touched my hair. She turned on the hairdryer, and a soft, warm breeze, just the right temperature, brushed through my hair.

“…”

“…”

For a while, neither of us spoke.

I felt like I should say something, but I wasn’t sure if the atmosphere was awkward or not, but still…

“R-Ria?”

“Yes?”

When I called her with a slightly off-key voice, Ria answered.

“That…”

After a moment of thought,

“We’re friends, right?”

I asked.

And immediately regretted it.

No, what kind of question is that lame?

And it was an incredibly abrupt question.

“Uh, we-well, aren’t we?”

It was indeed a very abrupt question, as Ria replied.

“Why are you asking something like that?”

“…”

Exactly.

What on earth was I thinking?

Feeling my face turn bright red, I closed my mouth tightly.

Even though my hair had been touched by Ria’s hands several times already, I honestly thought it was nice to feel a bit ticklish like this.

…

No, what am I thinking again? I’m really strange today.