episode_0073
by adminI feel like I was just absentmindedly spending time, to the point where I didn’t even realize how the day had passed.
I no longer have a clue as to how to become close to a child. I know what I did wrong, but that made it worse.
Because I didn’t know what kind of condition the child was in, I had the possibility of becoming close to the child. But… the child… .
“Sigh… .”
How did it feel to see my child doing well without me? I even thought that maybe he really didn’t need me.
I thought that if I just taught my child how to cook, he would live without any problems. If things went on like this, I wouldn’t mind going back.
Of course I know. If I go back, I might die. It’s true that I took the child away. But I didn’t want to make the child go back. So then…
Wouldn’t it be the most appropriate way for me to go die alone? I’ll tell the child who I am, what happened to lead to this, and then I’ll go back… Anyway, the child will be friends with the guy next to him. I don’t need him…
“No, what are you thinking?”
My mother was me. I wonder if it would be better if she became the child’s wife. I would have been happy to take her in. Isn’t it an act of betraying nature for a mother to abandon her child? Sadness took over me, and made me have countless absurd thoughts.
“… Sigh… .”
In times like this, the best thing would be to work without thinking about anything… Even though I knew that better than anyone else, I couldn’t make it happen.
Now, I have stepped down from my position as deputy commander in the war at that time. Now, I have no more work to do. Then, I have to do my job as the head of the household.
But I couldn’t do that. My husband wanted me to do only what he wanted, and I wanted to help him, so I learned housework and internal affairs instead of embroidery. To stand by this foolish man. So, I didn’t know how to do those things.
The only thing he knew how to do was a roughly made stew that he had learned during his military days. The child seemed to like it, but…
I didn’t like the situation where I had to give my child things that were definitely not good for the body. I knew better than anyone that there was no point in assuming that I had learned a little more about cooking… so I went to pick up my child.
There, I couldn’t help but see something a little more disconcerting.
*
eve.
I closed my eyes and waited for her to change her clothes.
The emotions I thought I shouldn’t feel toward Jujak were erased while she was changing clothes. Nevertheless, the emotions that were rising were ones that made me feel embarrassed.
I’ve always killed my emotions the same way, so what’s the problem with that? The emotions I get from her can’t be killed that way.
The boy didn’t know.
How much the boy’s heart was drawn to that young geezer. No, he couldn’t have known. What on earth could a child who had lived his life killing all the emotions he felt know?
The boy still didn’t know what that feeling was. There was no way a child who ignored even the voices coming from within himself could know that.
“Krrrr… .”
It was uncomfortable. I don’t know why I feel this way. I didn’t like the fact that my heart was pounding because it was her house. I didn’t even know what I had to do to make it all go away.
I shouldn’t have had this. If I had had it- if I had had it… what would have happened?
I couldn’t remember why. Obviously, if I had it, I would… . Huh… ?
It’s strange. Why? Why do I have feelings…?
“Kreuk… .”
My head started to hurt a little. The reason wasn’t clear. Why had I been doing this? I clearly remember hearing an explanation. What did I-
-Seriously.
There is a master in front of my eyes. There is a master who is trying to kill me.
What was it? What did I do?
“Krrrrung… !”
It hurts. Why, why did I have to be hit like this, beggar?
“Ugh… … ”
I suppressed my voice as much as I could. I didn’t want her to worry. I don’t know why. It’s not what I want.
What the boy was facing was a memory of when he had run wild.
Why on earth did it come to him now? Why did he instinctively avoid power? Why did he not rely on that powerful force that others would rely on and use?
That was a simple story.
The twins’ powers were running wild, which was what the ancestors had feared, and it was the scariest thing of all. The child recalled each and every one of them. What he had done, and why.
“… … .”
In that way, the child, who was becoming increasingly reluctant to handle his abilities, began to go deeper inside himself and suppress those emotions.
-“Yeo-yeon-ah! Stop it! Please!”
“It’s noisy… .”
I don’t want to take away such a life without meaning. It was a separate story from ability. Isn’t it something I can do to somehow get rid of the emotions inside me? If I do that, then the things I, no. worry about above won’t happen.
In order not to be eaten by the devil, I must be emotionless. Not even the feeling of my own injustice, not even these emotions.
Just as I was organizing them one by one, someone shouted loudly outside.
“What?!”
I woke up in a state of confusion.
-“… Thank goodness… .”
The ability has been saying such things, but this much is enough. … Because I have succeeded in completely cutting off one emotion.
Still, why does this sun look so dazzling to me?
*
I followed her to her room. Today, I said that we should play together and then go to sleep, so Si-dong was flustered and started talking about things like boys and girls not sitting together at the age of seven.
“… ?”
I tilted my head because I didn’t know what it was. Then the two looked at each other and laughed again. … What on earth did he mean?
“No, no. I can sleep. What can I say to such a pure young master?”
“Right? Isn’t it cute?”
“Why are you so proud, Miss?”
“Because you’re like my little brother!”
“… Really? Huh~”
It sounded as if he was waiting to see how long he could do that.
“You… Aren’t you being too disobedient to the lord you serve?”
“Oh my, what am I?”
“Sigh… .”
Something, something happened in my mind as I looked at the two. I also wanted to play around with the girl like that. I don’t know why, but such thoughts dominated my mind.
“… . Over there.”
“Huh? Yeah! What’s wrong?”
She looks back at me. … That alone makes me feel like a light is shining on me.
Was it because of the power she possessed, or was it because she seemed to shine? I gave up trying to understand. I just thought about what I wanted to do right now.
He grabbed her by the collar.
“… . I’m bored too.”
“… .”
“… . Wow.”
I don’t know why such words came out of Shidong’s mouth. What kind of expression am I making? First of all, I know that it’s an expression I don’t usually make.
Most of my facial expressions are expressionless.
“That- That’s right! N-I, didn’t pay attention to you! Yeah! ”
“… . Hmm… . Should I call this a fox or a cat… .”
The starter let out an unintelligible slur, but it was sincere. He wanted her to give him a little attention, even if it meant being held or being stroked.
There, for some reason, Jujak was moving his arms and legs as if he was snapping. … I guess I must have made him feel bad.
“If you felt bad, I’m sorry-”
“No no no!! What the heck?! Absolutely not! Okay- Okay! Should we hurry up and do it?!”
She took my hand and led me in a friendly manner. It was unusual behavior, but it was also good. Even though she was unusual, she felt a little better when she thought that I had made her do it.
The fact that he created that kind of atmosphere because of me… made me feel a little good. It felt good to have the feeling that this person cared that much about me.
“Grrr… .”
Strangely enough, a smile seemed to form on my face.
What should I say? It felt like a warmth rising up inside me, like the soup I had eaten the other day, that Madam had made.
…it was an echo of emotions I didn’t want to forget.
*
The child’s oldest friend, who had been watching over the child for a long time and who had always spoken to him in his heart, was still in so much pain.
Because the child was expressing his emotions.
They were also thoroughly cutting it down so that it could never be restored. Watching all of these actions, I realized how damaged the child was.
It felt like they didn’t know how important emotions were to being human.
“I have to block it… .”
There is no stopping it. The words of power that were feared to be consumed by the liquid have now no longer reached the child.
“I don’t know what to do… .”
The brilliant light still had no idea how to deal with the boy who did not receive its light.
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