episode_0008
by adminAs the days passed, Baek Yi-yeon’s treatment did not improve.
On the contrary, there were many parts that remained the same.
Rather, sometimes it even makes you think that things might have gotten worse.
That’s understandable, since the headmaster started to take care of him and watch over him. People who dislike Baek Yi-yeon started to harass him in more secret ways.
In a way that would never be discovered unless Baek Yi-yeon said so.
-Whew.
“… ”
Like spraying shit water while in the bathroom…
This was not a world where even if you said something without knowing who did it, it would be considered evidence.
“Is this what you really rolled?”
“Yes.”
“… . Got it.”
I know.
Let’s say I did whatever I felt like doing.
Let’s say this person takes care of it.
But in return, all I got was more bullying.
Even if you report it to your superiors, they won’t solve the problem just because you report it.
At best, they’ll just transfer you to a different position.
‘Besides, he’s an illegitimate child that I don’t really care about.’
If I wasn’t an illegitimate child, I wouldn’t know, but I was an illegitimate child.
There is no one in this world who cares about an illegitimate child.
Treating someone like a disgrace to the family doesn’t change no matter where you go.
From my perspective, knowing that, I didn’t really want to tell anyone about my condition.
‘Why do something that causes more damage? “
So if it only causes losses, then it is a piece of trash that should never be done.
Besides, it’s true that I don’t really feel anything for those kinds of things anymore.
Including the time spent practicing controlling my emotions that had decreased for some reason, during martial arts classes, the teacher was absent and I spent more time meeting with Madam.
… . It’s always hard to understand when Madam says something that seems to suggest doing something different.
‘I don’t know if we’re that close, but why are you so hung up on me?’
What, are you my biological mother?
No, that can’t be. I’ve heard for a long time that my biological mother died.
I heard a story that said she was too weak to give birth to me.
I think the reason for that was probably because he couldn’t handle the energy of the white tiger.
Is that my part-time job?
If I was going to die, I should die with him.
Why is it so good to live like this, to cling to this family and live like this?
‘I’d rather just fall asleep completely.’
Extremely early and fast thinking for a five year old.
It’s actually funny that at this age I’m already thinking about death.
As for him, I wonder if that kind of education will start until he is 8 or older.
It makes no sense that I’m only thinking about that now.
‘Let’s learn basic arithmetic properly.’
There was no need to go any further since he wasn’t going to ask me about the calculations anyway.
If you just practice more without any skills and spend more time on your daily routine, nothing much will change.
And as if my thoughts were right, I just kept learning martial arts.
-Fit.
Most weapons now send a signal that they have been swung properly.
… Of course, even if that had happened, I wouldn’t have any feelings for it… .
“You are amazing, my lord.”
“I told you to stop calling him that young master.”
Anyway, no one thinks of you as a master, so what’s the point of calling you a master?
-Pusuk.
When I look at the rags that fall slowly because they were cut cleanly, I think that maybe I am in that kind of state.
Now that I had eliminated all my emotions, it felt like all I had left was an empty shell of nothing.
“Yeah, even if you’re an illegitimate child, who would say anything to you?”
Now, for some reason, I just nodded as I looked at the madam whom I occasionally saw outside.
I nodded, meaning that what she said was right.
Even if she knew, she must have said it out of jealousy.
It means if someone is bothering me, tell them.
But that couldn’t be the case.
It was something that should never have been done.
If I had the perception that someone higher up was looking at me, it would be natural for everything to diminish, and then other people would look down on me in different ways.
‘If it’s going to seem cheap anyway, then there’s no point in saying it.’
Because of that simple criterion, I really didn’t say anything to them.
And that won’t change as long as I live.
I couldn’t get along with the child.
Well, in a way, it was an obvious story.
Indeed, Lee Yeon was a child who no longer knew what emotions were.
No matter what he did, he never showed any sign of smiling and he just did everything as a duty.
It was the harm of throwing all of my emotions out there.
I watched that scene for almost a year.
Over the course of a year, I had countless conversations with him.
“Why can’t we raise Lee Yeon here normally?”
“… . That’s because you can’t feel that child’s power.”
“Is that really that important?! Isn’t it more important for that kid to just grow up normally? If being so strong is the problem-”
“Because I haven’t seen a successor to continue the family!!!”
“… !”
-Kudduk.
It was the first time since I stopped going to battle that I saw him clench his fist that hard.
“You know that too. We need a successor to the family! These reapers are the foundation of this country!”
“… .”
“The strength of ability is not the only criterion for succession. That’s true. But if they start fighting over the succession, what happens then? The successors will fight! By imperial command! Then, the successor with the strongest ability will definitely win!”
“… So the best option is to raise them as illegitimate children?”
“Yeah… . So-”
“I still don’t understand. Wouldn’t it be better to raise him as a knight of the family? Why do I have to kill my emotions?”
“That way, he won’t use his powers as he pleases!”
“… … I don’t understand.”
These were remarks that I really did not understand.
That’s why I chose to stay close to the child.
“Yeah, you don’t have to understand. I hate that I made this decision!”
“… That’s what I’m saying now-”
“But, Jin-ah. You too, later… . Later, when you see what happens when that child can’t handle his abilities properly, you’ll change your mind.”
“… .”
“So, you do whatever you want. I won’t stop you from getting close.”
“What are you saying now-”
“As for the child’s education policy, neither of us will ever bring it up again.”
So, he ended the conversation by unilaterally ending it.
I could only shed tears at the fact that I could do nothing.
There was nothing I could do except take better care of the child.
“… .”
But the child I tried to approach and care for did not move as I wanted.
that is….
It was even more heartbreaking.
If we talk about everyday things to find emotions… .
“No.”
He said he wouldn’t do it.
It seemed like he came back badly injured, and whenever I asked him about it, he always shook his head.
There wasn’t really anything I could say about him.
I could not always find the scene where the child was being bullied.
That was happening in the room where the servants were staying,
I’ve heard that people started harassing me without my knowledge, before I even came forward and found out.
‘In that case, unless it’s really this kid talking… .’
There was no cause for which I could stand up.
… That is the meaning of a class society.
I was in a miserable position, unable to completely break it.
Just, just.
If only I were royalty.
The child must have been taken far away.
It’s a world where that can’t happen.
My position is too low.
too….
It hurts so much… my heart aches.
“Selection.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“By any chance, what will the child learn after this?”
“Once you master all the weapon skills, you will learn how to use your abilities.”
“Ability… Yeah, I understand.”
“… What are you planning to do…?”
“Now that you’re familiar with the weapon, it’ll take a little more time for the child to learn all the prey.”
Somehow I had to teach the child martial arts a little more slowly.
That was the best I could do.
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