Chapter 70: Red pill (1)

[Manager: Are you really okay?]

[Yuki: Yes.]

[Yuki: It was bound to happen someday…]

[Yuki: I’m glad public sentiment isn’t as bad as I thought.]

[Manager: ……]

[Manager: Our company will also manage it from our side, so please do your best and hang in there.]

[Yuki: Okay. Thanks, Manager.]

I never thought things would blow up this quickly.

Back when I was a streamer, I wasn’t very popular, so I thought any controversy would happen much later…

“……”

What if this controversy gets worse?

What if rumors spread among people like last time, and I have to retire as a VTuber just like this?

Such worries began to gather one by one, increasingly cluttering my mind.

And the things I had kept tightly hidden behind a bright facade until now.

The dark thoughts in my heart began to surface.

What if the viewers leave me again?

What if I can’t keep them because I’m not good enough?

What if they unsubscribe and go watch other VTubers’ broadcasts?

And what if I get fired from Lunaverse because of the controversy?

What if I lose my only way to earn money and become unemployed again?

What if I go back to ‘that life’ where I couldn’t even afford proper meals?

Just like before.

If I lose everything again.

What do I do?

“……”

I have things I’ve worked so hard to achieve.

I have memories that I barely managed to create.

To think all of it could scatter like smoke in an instant, and I’d have to fall into the abyss again…

“…I don’t want to.”

I don’t want that.

I hated that kind of thing.

I don’t want to lose anything anymore.

I also hated being pointed at anymore.

To watch the tower I painstakingly built crumble again,

I didn’t have the confidence to bear watching it.

“……”

I got up from my seat and walked towards the bed with heavy steps.

Then I threw myself under the covers and hid.

The feel of the blanket, colder than usual.

Like a beast hiding in a cave out of fear.

I confined myself under the blanket and sobbed quietly for a while.

---

‘Wh-what. Why is my voice like this…?’

It was the day I first became a woman.

A changed voice.

A lowered eye level.

And something missing.

The first thing I felt was fear.

The fear that everything from now on had changed.

‘…Ah. I have to sit down to use the toilet now.’

‘S-suddenly, blood…!!’

‘Being shorter is inconvenient in many ways…’

Clumsily, I began to adapt to life as a woman, and after about a month, I was able to manage daily life to some extent.

But what came next were practical problems.

I quit my part-time job after becoming a woman, and since I only knew manual labor, I couldn’t find a suitable job.

As I scraped by day by day, my bank balance dwindling.

I came up with an idea.

‘That’s right. I’ll do broadcasts.’

Internet broadcasting.

That was the first job I chose after becoming a woman.

Because it seemed like the easiest job from watching Newtube.

And because the appearance of my new body was prettier than I expected.

‘What the heck, let’s give it a try.’

At the time, I challenged it without much thought.

[Seoeunღ has started a broadcast!]

[3 viewers watching]

And it failed.

Spectacularly.

I was never a witty or entertaining person to begin with.

An introvert, an outcast who stuttered every time I talked to someone else.

There was no way someone like me could suddenly succeed at internet broadcasting, and viewers who didn’t find the broadcast entertaining quickly left.

And one of the reasons was my appearance.

In fact, because of my overly child-like appearance, many people thought I was an elementary or middle school student broadcasting without their parents’ knowledge.

[Kim Seoeun]

971014-2XXXXXX

“Look! I told you I’m not really a minor!!”

–Is this real?

–Isn’t the ID fabricated?

–It was real.

The minor controversy continued for a while, and only after I revealed my resident registration card on stream did people start to believe me.

But it was impossible to reverse the rumors that had already spread, and I had no choice but to continue broadcasting in an even more disadvantageous situation.

After that, I tried really hard.

I looked up vocal correction videos and practiced a good voice, and I also studied popular memes and trends by taking notes.

“Yes, ma’am? A r-refund request…?”

There were bad incidents in between, like the minor refund incident, but I somehow overcame them.

At least the refund incident wasn’t my fault, so even though it was a bit tiring, it didn’t turn the viewers against me.

And perhaps it was thanks to my wholehearted efforts during that time?

The viewer count, which was initially despairing, gradually began to increase over time.

[Seoeunღ]

[Favorites 1831 Fans 832]

The broadcast, having gained momentum, began to grow steadily, and soon the favorites were nearing 2,000.

The number of viewers also increased quite a bit; around that time, I think about 200 people were watching.

And it was right around that time.

That another controversy erupted.

[RoseKnight has registered a new mission!]

Content: Please hold the webcam with your index finger and thumb.

Prize: 100,000 won

“Gasp! RoseKnight has registered a 100,000 won mission!! I’ll do it right away. L-like this, is this right?”

I proceeded with the mission without a second thought.

But the mission was not cleared, and the failed mission money was returned to the person called ‘RoseKnight’.

And that evening.

A picture of me making a ‘pinching hand’ gesture started circulating in the community, and a controversy related to ideology quickly formed.

(TL Note: The “pinching hand” gesture is controversial in Korea as it’s associated by some with a radical feminist group and perceived as misandrist.)

The truth didn’t matter to people.

All that mattered was that there was prey named ‘Seoeun’ to tear apart, and that there was something that looked like evidence, whether it was true or not.

I explained.

I explained countless times.

But only a very few people believed me, and most people just tore me apart using that one photo as evidence.

The situation had long passed the point where it could be resolved with words.

So.

I started to change myself.

No, I had to change.

To ‘prove’ my innocence to people.

“Have I had s*x? …Do you think I have? There’s no way an internet shut-in would have friends in real life, right?”

–Eh?

–Heu-eung…

–Fcking spicy lol.

–Ooh la la…

–Then masturbation?

“Masturbation? Hmm… I do it a f*cking lot.”

–Pervert.

–The lewdness level is insane lololol.

–This… is a non-virgin.

–Lololol.

–Non-virgin!!!!!!

“No, why are you reacting like that? You guys jerk off every day too!!!”

First, I raised the lewdness level of my broadcasts.

I started spewing vulgar words I couldn’t normally say, and I blurted out all the perverted thoughts I had in my mind.

This was the best way for ideological verification.

Since I was originally male, if I just spoke as I normally did, no strange ideology would be revealed.

The viewers watching my broadcast quickly realized the controversy was false.

However, this method couldn’t bring back the people who had already left, and my broadcast started down the path of ruin.

[Seoeunღ]

[Favorites 982 Fans 473]

The channel’s growth stopped, and quite a few viewers left.

Now, I was in a situation where I had to accept all sorts of missions just to earn enough to get by.

“Heeh… Really? Well, I guess that makes sense in its own way…?”

“Anyway!! Thank you, BlueOctopus, for the 20,000 won donation!! I’ll gratefully use this money for living expenses!!”

I changed my way of speaking again.

Because of the already decreased viewership, it was hard to attract attention with my previous gentle tone.

Therefore, I changed to a high-tension way of speaking so I could captivate people as soon as they heard me.

[Seoeunღ]

[Favorites 1106 Fans 527]

Fortunately, it wasn’t entirely ineffective.

Some new viewers came in, and thanks to that, I was able to restore the number of favorites to over a thousand.

However, I had to accept that viewers who couldn’t adapt to the overly high tension would leave.

Losing viewers who had been with me for a long time was painful, but it was unavoidable if I wanted to survive.

Even after that, I struggled as much as I could.

I changed my way of speaking.

I changed my actions.

I discarded my shame and coveted only attention.

I cut out all my negative aspects and always showed only a positive image on screen.

I regarded everything positively, almost as if brainwashing myself, and started forcing a shameless attitude.

I brought in slightly more provocative, slightly more attention-grabbing content.

The frequency of getting banned gradually increased, but it couldn’t be helped because the attention-grabbing was visibly significant.

Thanks to that, when I did a normal broadcast, the number of viewers was less than 10.

Loyal viewers gradually decreased, and the broadcast began to be filled with people who only came for provocative content.

[NongLOL has registered a new mission!]

Content: Broadcast while wearing a swimsuit

Prize: 50,000 won

[RosyBarley Revolutionaries has registered a new mission!]

Content: Cat-speak + Aegyo

(TL Note: Cat-speak (냥체) involves ending sentences with “nya” or meow-like sounds. Aegyo (애교) refers to cute displays of affection.)

[WaterSports has registered a new mission!]

Content: Hold pee for 2 hours

Prize: 50,000 won

[Baedeokgam has registered a new mission!]

(TL Note: Baedeokgam (배덕감) means a sense of immorality or perversion.)

Content: Ahegao + Moans

Prize: 100,000 won

[……]

I accepted every possible mission.

I accepted all humiliating missions, like crawling on the floor and taking off clothes.

Because I urgently needed money for living expenses.

Because I could receive financial compensation in exchange for a moment of shame.

[Baedeokgam has registered a new mission!]

Content: Moaning sounds while wearing a school uniform

Prize: 1,000,000 won

I had struggled in every way I could.

[Your account has been permanently suspended.]

[Reason: Depicting a minor as a sxual object.]

And finally, the end I met.

The broadcast, crazed for views and mission money, eventually reached ruin.

And so, I lost my first job.