episode_0165

After my response to Ethan’s confession, another awkward silence filled the hospital room.

…Maybe I made a mistake in the response I just gave.

A conditional acceptance of Ethan’s confession, stating that I would accept it under the condition that if Ethan still wanted to maintain a romantic relationship with me until graduation.

Perhaps this answer was sufficient for Ethan to understand.

In addition, I believed that I could maintain the loyalty between Ethan and me that had been built up over the past five years.

Feeling slightly relieved, thinking that it was a pretty good answer.

Unexpectedly, Ethan posed a serious question in a solemn voice.

“Lilith.”

“…Yes, Ethan Young Master.”

“So, if Lilith says she will consider us as lovers, how far does that permission extend?”

“What do you mean?”

“Like, holding hands, saying ‘I love you,’ those actions that lovers do.”

“…?”

“What are you willing to allow?”

“Uh, well… that… ”

…I hadn’t thought that far ahead.

I had only been thinking about maintaining loyalty with Ethan, and hadn’t considered those specific details.

I had only vaguely concluded that it would involve acting like lovers.

However, the biggest problem was that I had never had a lover in my past life.

I had no basis for determining the boundaries of physical contact to allow after starting a relationship without even knowing about dating.

After casually suggesting to become temporary lovers, I was suddenly taken aback by the fact that I knew nothing about it.

“Um, that is… ”

“… ”

Avoiding Ethan’s gaze, which seemed to be silently waiting for my response, I desperately racked my brain.

Well, for now, it would be appropriate to allow holding hands, right? Oh, no, it seems ridiculous to only allow holding hands at this point.

If it’s just holding hands, we’ve held hands before at the ball, and you can hold hands anytime.

If not holding hands, maybe a hug? But thinking about it, even friends can hug each other.

If not that, then, well, surely not allowing a kiss…

“Uh, um, ah, ah… ”

“Lilith?! Are you okay? If you’re not feeling well, I can call Sister Serista… ”

“Oh, no. It’s not that kind of issue, so I’m fine, Ethan Young Master.”

“…Well, that’s a relief.”

As soon as I imagined kissing Ethan, my mind momentarily went blank.

I had already had my first kiss due to artificial respiration, so why was my head spinning again when I imagined kissing Ethan?

No, thinking about it, it wasn’t even my first kiss, as it was a simple medical procedure…

‘No, it’s not important when my first kiss was.’

Pushing aside all the distracting thoughts that confused my mind, I seriously considered how far I could allow Ethan.

So far, the most intimate physical contact with Ethan had been ‘touching the chest.’

Originally, I had no intention of allowing it, and even if I did, I had planned to only allow it on a special day when Ethan beat Harold.

But Ethan had been winning against Harold too often in their duels, making it a regular occurrence.

The strongest physical contact between a master and a full-time maid was touching the chest.

So, in a relationship that was one step closer to being temporary lovers, wasn’t it necessary to take this chest-touching to the next level?

But if the next step after chest-touching in physical contact was, without a doubt…

“Th-th-that, that’s going too far!!”

“W-what?!”

“Ah, even though I’ve become a temporary lover with Edan, I think it’s inappropriate to go that far as a student…”

“…Lilith, calm down. And if you say ‘that’ or ‘there,’ I don’t really understand what you mean.”

“…Excuse me.”

In a moment of panic, I blurted out a flustered response after inadvertently thinking about the next step after touching his chest.

Well, if I speak vaguely like this, Edan won’t understand, of course.

I need to make it clear to Edan that certain things are off-limits in specific terms so that he can understand… but it wasn’t easy.

Especially in a situation where I’ve already given in to his chest, I’m not sure how to tell Edan a convincing reason not to cross the ‘final line.’

…It’s a bit of an old excuse, but I have no choice but to use this method.

“S-s…”

“…S-s?”

“Ah, no, sexual… no, educational… ugh, ugh…”

“…It’s okay, Lilith. I roughly understand what you’re trying to say.”

“No, I’ll make it clear.”

It’s better to speak clearly now rather than blurting out vague words and causing a misunderstanding.

I couldn’t bear to experience embarrassment due to unnecessary misunderstandings.

“For now, I don’t think it’s appropriate for there to be sexual intercourse between a man and a woman.”

“Can I ask for the reason? Oh, I’m not questioning Lilith’s decision.”

“That’s… because I was raised with the teaching that I must maintain premarital chastity.”

“…Premarital chastity?”

“It was a teaching I heard from my mother since I was young. Our mother was a follower of the Aurelia Church, so she made me vow to maintain premarital chastity.”

“…I see. If it’s a teaching from Lilith’s mother, then it can’t be helped.”

I momentarily felt repulsed by my own lie to avoid the situation, but it was an unavoidable choice.

If I hadn’t come up with this excuse, there was a possibility that Edan and I might cross the line at any moment.

Even though I didn’t possess the potential of a saint, it would have been a waste to give up this potential that might help Edan and me in the future.

But it wasn’t appropriate to tell him ‘I’m a saint’ either.

“Okay, I’ll be careful about that… I mean, about the sexual intercourse between a man and a woman.”

“Thank you for your consideration, Edan.”

Edan, who had some understanding, thankfully understood my impromptu excuse of premarital chastity.

And as soon as he heard my answer, this time he leaned a little closer to me.

“Edan? Your face is close…”

“So, is that the end of the precautions, Lilith?”

“…Huh?”

“I’m asking if it’s only the sexual intercourse between a man and a woman that’s off-limits, and everything else is allowed, Lilith.”

“…Uh, yeah?”

Wait a minute.

Come to think of it, is the conversation really heading in that direction…?

No, seriously, I haven’t allowed it to go that far yet, have I?

Saying that sexual intercourse between a man and a woman is off-limits means it’s the absolute line that should never be crossed.

I didn’t mean to imply that I allowed any other actions…

“…”

“…”

Edan, almost touching noses with me, pulled his face closer.

In that moment, I thought our lips might actually touch.

As I tensely closed my eyes, I felt a slightly rough sensation against my lips.

It wasn’t the sensation of lips, it was probably…

“It’s a joke, Lilith.”

“…Huh?”

Carefully opening my eyes, I found Ethan in front of me, pressing his finger lightly against my lips.

His eyes held a calm emotion, as if he understood me.

“I won’t rush, so don’t worry.”

“…What?”

“Lilith doesn’t need to worry. I won’t rush things from the beginning.”

“…Okay.”

“Regardless of our past relationship, let’s start fresh as lovers from today. It will put Lilith’s mind at ease, don’t you think?”

“Yes, that’s true.”

Phew.

I almost thought he was going to kiss me for real.

I hadn’t not considered this situation since I proposed the temporary lover idea to Ethan, but even so, it was still surprising to think we would be kissing from today.

It’s still a bit early. Still. I need some mental preparation if we’re going to kiss…

“I never knew Lilith would be so nervous about a kiss.”

“…What?”

“Yeah. We’ve done more than just kissing a few times, but it’s funny how you’re weak when it comes to kissing.”

“…Okay.”

“I didn’t mean it in a bad way, Lilith. I also wanted to take it slow and get closer to you from the beginning. I’m just glad to see a different side of you.”

“Ethan.”

“Yeah?”

-Smack.

Feeling like Ethan’s smiling face was somewhat smug, I lightly kissed his lips as his head turned.

…Really, just a light touch.

“…Hmm.”

Ethan looked at me with a dumbfounded expression in the awkward silence.

I also felt like I wanted to run away in the heat of the moment, but since I boldly kissed him first, I needed to act nonchalant on the outside.

“Don’t misunderstand, Ethan.”

“Lilith? What did you just…?”

“I’m not so weak that I tremble just from a kiss.”

“…Okay.”

“I just did it to show you that, nothing more.”

…He should understand by now.

That I’m not a woman who trembles just from a kiss.

“Okay, Lilith. I understand…”

“Yes, that’s right.”

“… … … … … … …”

In the awkward atmosphere that quickly settled in, Ethan and I only glanced at each other, avoiding eye contact until Serista returned to the room a few minutes later. For a while, Ethan and I shared nothing but an uncomfortable space.