episode_0090

My body, which had received ominous diagnoses such as permanent aftereffects, death during treatment, retirement, was recovering splendidly beyond expectations.

Even the broken and shattered bones were healing, and the ruptured internal organs were functioning properly.

Muscles were slowly recovering, allowing me to not only walk but also run.

My body would soon be fully healed.

It wouldn’t be long before my strength was restored enough to attempt regenerating my arm. I was still contemplating that possibility.

And my mental faculties for moving my body had also greatly improved.

Now, even in moments of wakefulness, I could think rationally.

But there were side effects.

As my rationality gradually returned, behaviors that had been suppressed by emotions resurfaced one by one…

My face flushed with anger. Despite not showing any signs of fear, I felt like my body was burning up. It was embarrassing. I wanted to disappear into a hole…

I wanted to eliminate any possibility of being observed from the outside. I pulled the blanket over myself.

‘How long was I stuck in the healing room…’

It had been several days since Hong Yeonhwa and Baek Arin came to visit. Since that day, my condition seemed to have improved slightly.

It was probably because I had received some of Yeonhwa’s warmth.

Yeonhwa… Perhaps due to sharing the Changhaedo with her, there had been some issues with my body temperature.

My body temperature, which had been fluctuating between hot and cold, had returned to normal to some extent since that day.

The transfer of warmth through Yeonhwa. As that method came to mind, my face flushed with heat once again.

The inside of the blanket felt hot. Feeling like I was in a sauna, I nervously threw off the blanket.

– Hweeing

‘Ugh…’

Even though the temperature inside the healing room was regulated, cold air rushed in against my body temperature.

I shivered. Pulling the blanket back with trembling arms, I covered myself adequately.

The embarrassing memory of being embraced by Yeonhwa… I didn’t like the person I had become, but it wasn’t to the extent of throwing off the blanket.

However, being touched on the stomach was a completely different matter. Being touched on bare skin instead of clothes was even more embarrassing.

There were too many embarrassing memories before that. I had acted out too much in front of Professor Atra.

It was embarrassing and shameful. Not only the actions themselves, but the fact that I had thought it was good at the time made me feel ashamed.

I wanted to reject it. I wanted to forget that memory and deny that I wasn’t in my right mind at the time…

‘But I can’t do that now…’

I might have denied it in the past, but not anymore.

Taking a deep breath, I turned my body over. The soft touch of the bedspread was felt through my back.

My face turned upwards.

I couldn’t see the sky. It was natural since there was a ceiling. If I used my observational abilities? If I did it well, I might be able to see.

I moved my remaining right hand. I reached for where my left arm should have been.

The emptiness of my left arm felt endless.

‘Damn it…’

When I was fighting with Aerus and Draphijil, I had naturally thought I would die there.

Since I was on the road to recovery, that bastard would die with me. I had thought of giving up one arm in the process since I was going to die anyway.

But I survived. With one arm missing.

Sometimes, when the phantom pain of my arm being torn off haunted me, I felt like I was going crazy.

‘No, if I was going to survive, I should have been more careful…’

It was a pointless regret.

If I hadn’t used my arm as bait, if I hadn’t closed the distance by reaching out with my arm, Changhae might have missed.

It was impossible to use Changhae twice. Once it missed, I had no means to restrain him.

Of course, the white arrow I shot afterwards didn’t hit, and I probably died alone there…

Regret was overwhelming. As I lay here comfortably thinking, many things that could have been better came to mind.

I should have just run away… Even now, as the only one left alive, I regret it.

But…

“Even if I had run away, I would have regretted it.”

Regret would have been the same. No, would it have ended with regret? Did I really want to live, becoming a monster similar to my parents?

“…I must not deny it.”

I realized my unique ability.

Magical affinity and omnidirectional beauty.

The unique ability I thought was related to the System or something associated with 〈Savior〉 had been bestowed upon me. I was completely off track. The spatial perception and observation abilities I thought I had were granted, but they were not at all what I thought.

It was an ability I had from the beginning.

It was not interference from anyone. It was not an ability granted from outside. Even if it was induced to develop, it was an inherent element that I had from the beginning.

The reason I realized it now? It was clearly because I was going through hardships.

More precisely, it was because I was going through hardships that I realized the ‘uniqueness’ of my individuality.

I had a slight and small uniqueness that set me apart from others, as well as a significant uniqueness that represented me, such as omnidirectional beauty and magical affinity.

Therefore, from now on, I must not deny my uniqueness, the elements that make up who I am.

“Lee Hayul.”

My name.

A name that fundamentally represents me, regardless of who gave it to me.

Lee Hayul, who couldn’t abandon his conscience and ran around foolishly looking for people, was me.

I wanted to run away, crying, but in the end, Lee Hayul who did not run away and faced the monster was me.

Even now, as I survive and things are somehow resolved, Lee Hayul who regrets the choices made back then is me.

And.

Lee Hayul who whimpered in Professor Atra’s arms was me.

Lee Hayul who refused to take medicine for a topic he didn’t even taste, and Lee Hayul who didn’t like the cold and sought warmth in someone’s embrace was me.

After coming to my senses, Lee Hayul who felt embarrassed and ashamed of himself was me.

It was all me. I must not deny it. I must acknowledge that Lee Hayul, who makes me up, even if he is ashamed and pitiful.

“I don’t want to regret.”

As long as people live, there are moments when they must choose one of several inevitable options.

The moment of choice does not end with one decision, but will come countless times throughout life.

Someone like me, who is indecisive, will regret at every moment.

But I want to regret less.

I regret not running away from Sifna Ha, but if I had run away from there, I would have regretted it enough to want to end my own life.

It was an event that entered my perception.

It was a level of crisis that I could help enough.

It was a crisis that only I could help.

So I faced it.

Now, what should I do next?

I searched through the original knowledge.

The Tower of Command.

The Tower of Frost.

The Tower of Flames.

The disasters I arbitrarily considered as my ultimate goal.

I knew that those towers would be active in the near future.

Also, I know that the level of damage will exceed a few fathoms.

The incident was recognized. I realized that I could help a little.

So, can I be the only one to solve that? There are many people better than me, so do I really need to do it?

Lost in thought, I continued to ponder.

‘Ah.’

After a moment of hesitation, I reached out my right arm as a thought suddenly came to mind.

I grabbed the box that was lying on the floor next to the bed. Carefully, I pulled it into my arms.

A box of a size that fit snugly in my arms. As I rummaged through it, the texture of countless papers was conveyed.

I became quite famous due to the Sifna incident. My appearance, where the magic of perception disorder was released with a magical tool containing the power of observation, was quite well captured.

It was said that I edited it to a level where I wouldn’t be embarrassed and broadcasted it.

As a result, my fame and reputation had increased significantly, and letters flooded into the box to the point of overflowing.

But this box is not the only one.

There are many letters from people who were directly saved by me, as well as those who just heard the news and sent letters from around the world.

I absentmindedly caressed the letters.

Slightly crumpled, with a cold surface being touched.

But at the same time, I felt warmth.

‘…I.’

I didn’t want to die. I was more precious than others. I wanted to live peacefully after lifting the curse. I wanted to eat delicious food, just play and live.

‘I want to be happy.’

That’s what Yiharyul said.

I want to be happy.

And if possible, I want others to be happy too.

I preferred the sound of happy laughter over the sound of sad crying.

When I heard that a hand-written letter full of gratitude had arrived in the modern era where the internet was restored, a feeling of pride also came to mind.

If possible, I want others to be happy too.

If it’s possible for me to be happy and for others to be happy, I want that.

Is it possible? The letters provided the answer.

Professor Atra told me. Those who came to visit me also told me.

There are those who couldn’t be saved, but there are also those who were saved. They were people who would not have survived if I hadn’t intervened. Many of those who were supposed to be dead survived because of me.

‘I’ve decided.’

I set my goal again.

Regardless, in order to survive, I must prevent disasters that are close to annihilation.

I don’t want to die unhappily. I don’t want to live happily but die quickly.

Let’s make an effort as much as possible.

Even if it’s just a little to have fewer regrets.

So that I can justify that I did my best at that time.

The sky still couldn’t be seen. It was natural because it was blocked by the ceiling.

Also, it was natural that I couldn’t see anything because I was bowing my head.

It was foolish to think that I would see the sky above when looking down.

From now on… I will make an effort to raise my head.

Facing death, I felt many things.

It was ridiculous to be caught in the shadow of deceased parents for so long. It was time to shake it off.

I gathered my determination and reorganized the direction of my growth.

Since the plan to acquire the confession necklace failed miserably, I came up with a new plan.

Assuming that the Hidden Pithis, including the confession necklace, with an easy acquisition difficulty, had already been exposed, I thought of elements that I could use.

‘Ah, but the necklace is too precious…’

If I had sold it, I would have made a lot of money…

I regretted it. If I had just obtained the confession necklace, I wouldn’t have to worry about the curse of silence in the future.

But what can I do about reality? I just had to swallow my regret.

– Buzz

“Is everything okay?”

After a few hours, Professor Atra, who had left for personal business, hurriedly entered.

Approaching me briskly, she sat on the bed and hugged me.

The soft yet warm warmth enveloped my body.

‘…I’m happy.’

I accepted myself.

So, I shouldn’t deny this feeling…

* * *

It was the day after being discharged and returning to Siyolam.

“Our family isn’t from a prestigious lineage, so this is all we can offer, hehe… But I believe it will definitely help Hayul!”

Elia extended her hand… On her palm lay a neatly arranged necklace.

Through the power of observation, I could sense the appearance of the necklace.

A simple silver necklace that suited a rustic charm more than a flashy one.

Furthermore, my inexperienced ability to observe also partially grasped the fate contained within the necklace.

Reading the wearer’s psyche and expressing it outwardly through sound…

‘This…’

The same appearance. And a sense of something eerie in the ability…

‘The Confession Necklace…’

Why would a friend who had just sorted out their feelings be here…

I stood there dumbfounded.