Chapter 56: The Third Downfall (6)

[56] 8. The Third Downfall (6)

My room.
In the depths of night, the light of a blue magic lamp cast a circle in the darkness.

“A love potion?”

Betty nodded and then pulled out a thick book from her bag, handing it to me.

It looked more like a notebook than a book, with its tattered pages and black smudges.

Although confused, I took the notebook and opened it. My eyes scanned the first line.

[This notebook belongs to me, Pan-Voyager, a servant of the great beast with 666 names.]

“…!”

A chill ran down my spine.

My hand instinctively reached for my staff. Pointing it at Betty, I said,

“Y-You… just who are you…!”

But Betty simply stared at me with an indifferent look.

“Why are you acting like that? As if you’ve seen something you shouldn’t have.”

“Th-This… This is a cultist’s book…!”

The great beast with 666 names.

That’s the name of an outer god worshiped by one of the cult’s branches, The Named Mages.

In other words, she was suggesting that I use a cultist item.

But Betty was brazen.

“So what?”

She shrugged and bent down to pick up the book.

“D-Don’t move!”

I screamed, waving my staff.

*Bang-!*

An invisible force slammed into the space between Betty and the book.

She flinched, and then, straightening up, she looked at me with tired eyes.

“I don’t understand why you’re overreacting. It’s just a book, isn’t it?”

“D-Don’t give me that bullshit!”

Heresy has always been the greatest temptation for mages.

So many of my kind, drawn by curiosity, had fallen into the path of heresy…

Memories of their tragic fates flashed before my eyes, and my wavering heart hardened.

Glaring at Betty, I began constructing a magic circle in my mind.

“I’m handing you over to the magic tower guards.”

“Hah…”

Betty rolled her eyes; annoyance was on her face.

It was obvious that she found me ridiculous,
and a heat surged within me.

“Get down on the floor! Right now! Or else…!”

“Or else what? Are you planning to live like a pathetic, insignificant worm your entire life?”

Some words have weight. Words that hit you right in the gut.

I was speechless, my mouth opening and closing repeatedly. Betty picked up the book and handed it to me again.

“You can’t possibly believe that your lover and your own mother abandoned you for no reason, can you?”

Her voice was soft.
It seeped into my ears and twisted my brain like a thread.

“Ms. Parsley, you know it too. They won’t come back to you, no matter what you do.”

It was a truth I didn’t want to accept, a truth that had already been proven.

My ten years of trying to earn my mother’s love were proof.

“Except for this.”

My gaze was drawn, as if in a trance, to the notebook in my hands. Her hands, covered in tattoos, grazed the notebook.

“I hope you’ll make the wise choice.”

And then, like a snake, her hands slowly vanished from sight.

My mind, stunned, finally came to its senses, and I raised my staff, shouting,

“How dare you try to…”

But my staff was pointed at empty air.

Just a moment ago, she was definitely H̸̨̛̛̼̬͖͕͖̫͈̘̭̪̫͈̊̍̇͋̽̾͗̅̈́̇̽̿͝e̸̱̖̩͉̋͆͌͋̍̏̃͑̋̈́̐͑̋̍̒̈́̂͂̓̚͠͝ŗ̸̢̧̛̱̭̱̘̹͙̟̜͓̥̤͍̜̺͕͉͓̠͇̦̖̩̺̭̮̳͂͛̓̈̌̿̊̎̋͛̓̓̉͘͜͝͝ȩ̸̢̡̲̙̠̬̟̯͓̘͉̯̳̙͂̑̅͛̈́͗̽̚͠…

Wait, what?

Panicked, I tried to organize my thoughts, but the tangled mess wouldn’t unravel, as if they’d all become knotted up.

So, I slowly retraced the events of today, beginning with this morning.

I woke up and started crying…
I was summoned by Mother and we had a fight…
I went to the library to cool down…
And I found a strange book…

My gaze unconsciously turned to the notebook I was holding. And then I remembered…

*A cultist notebook.*

“…!”

I dropped the book, as if I’d been burned. My back pressed against the wall; my trembling hand grabbed the shelf to steady myself.

It was to be expected,

because that was a named mage’s notebook.

And that notebook contained recipes for all sorts of bizarre potions, all related to heresy.

…But, at the same time, there was also a potion that seemed very useful…

‘Love potion,’ for example.

“…No. Get a grip, Parsley.”

I slapped my cheek.

I was tempted by those words, ‘love potion.’ If I hadn’t been, I wouldn’t have brought it to my room.

But I needed to stop there.

All the potions in that book were related to heresy. In other words, they were all forbidden.

If I were to be caught, I wouldn’t get off with just a warning. At the very least, I’d be suspended for three months. Expulsion was also a possibility.

It would be a hundred times better to hand the book over to the Magic Tower guards.

…Then why was I staring at it?

Simply put, it was a matter of possibility.

I might not be a genius, but I knew a few ways to hide things.

And according to the notebook, the ingredients for this “love potion” are rather common. In fact, I already had them all.

If I could just get away with it…

Those tempting words echoed in my mind.

Mother doesn’t matter anymore.
All that mattered was making sure that Rem drank it.

As long as he came back to me.

“No. If I get caught, I’ll never be able to become the tower master…”

You made that dream to earn your mother’s love. Is it really your dream?

“But, to manipulate someone’s heart like…”

He won’t come back otherwise.

“No, we were just… for a while…”

You know, he left you because he got tired of you.

“Even so, this kind of method…”

It’s the only way.

A tingling pain shot through my pale, clenched fists. The metallic taste of blood from my bitten lower lips filled my mouth.

But my heart continued to waver. On top of that, the throbbing headache disrupted my thoughts.

In the end, all that remained was a single thought:

I wanted to see Rem.

No, I needed to see him.

***

The moonlight illuminated the hallway, morphing and shifting,

leading me to Rem’s room through the shortest path—a convenience I could only experience in the Magic Tower.

But today, I couldn’t appreciate it.

I walked down the hallway, my footsteps faltering, thinking.

Just what was it that I wanted? What was I trying to achieve by going to see him?

Honestly, I didn’t know.

I just had a feeling that if I saw him, all the headaches, anxieties, and pain would melt away, that a sweet warmth would erase everything.

Because that’s how it’s always been with him.

[I don’t want you to acknowledge me anymore.]

A single memory stabbed me in the heart, as if a nail were sticking out from a step on the stairs.

I wondered if it was better to just turn back now.

But I forced myself to keep walking.

I just… wanted to see him.

***

And then I was there, standing in front of his door.
It was bolted shut, as expected.

I took a deep breath and reached out.

But my hand froze.
Fear, a sudden surge, made me stop.

Would he hate me for coming to see him?
Would he get angry?

I hesitated for a long time, my hand outstretched.

And then, the world didn’t wait for me.

“…!”

The door was suddenly flung open.

Rem’s face filled my vision,

and it was ridiculous, really,

but just seeing him made my heart melt.

But that was only for a moment.

He looked much thinner than he did a week ago.

He was already skinny, but now it seemed like there was nothing left but bones. He looked like he hadn’t slept in days.

It was as if he had fallen ill, about to collapse at any moment.

I said with a surge of concern,

“Are you…”

“What are you doing here?”

The coldness in his voice choked me, but I managed to speak.

“It’s just… I…”

“I told you not to acknowledge me.”

His words froze my tongue once again.

Rem pushed past me.

“Move.”

I staggered back, but he didn’t even look back, simply walking away, leaving me behind.

He was trying to abandon me once again.

“Why?!”

The words escaped my lips like a scream. Rem’s footsteps halted. I looked at him desperately and said,

“Can you… at least tell me why?”

*I’ll fix it, no matter what it takes.* I swallowed down those words.

“Haah…”

An exasperated sigh.
Rem scratched his head, his back to me.

Then, still without looking at me, he said,

“Because it’s sickening, seeing you smile.”

Suddenly I realized that even words have weight—

a weight that crushed my heart.

But I forced myself to speak.

“Th-Then, I’ll stop smiling…! Would that…”

“Are you an idiot?”

I corrected myself.
Words also have shapes.

“I told you, there’s someone I love. And you’re still clinging to me, shamelessly…”

His words were shaped like arrowheads,
easily piercing my heart, but impossible to pull out.

“I met with you out of pity, but you couldn’t do anything right…”

Even if you manage to pull them out, they inevitably take a chunk of flesh with them.

“Seeing you clinging to me… Haah…”

Rem rubbed his head, and through my blurred vision, I saw his hand trembling slightly. In a shaky voice, he said,

“Just forget it. We’re not going to see each other after a month anyway.”

“What?”

The question escaped my lips without thought. He continued speaking, still not facing me.

“I’m leaving in a month. Never to come back.”

“But… you said you weren’t leaving…”

“I changed my mind.”

Rem clenched his fists.

“I’m sick and tired of seeing both you and this place.”

I corrected myself.
Words also have temperature.

His words felt as if they were freezing my heart.

My already battered heart, even after being frozen, felt fragile.

And then,

“So, just stay in your room until then, so I don’t have to see your face anymore.”

With those words, my heart finally shattered.

***

“…Vice-Captain, want more alcohol?”

“…Yes.”

“Hey! You can’t drink it all at once… Well… whatever.”

“…”

“…”

“…She must have been hurt a lot, right?”

“…Want me to be honest?”

“…No.”

“Yeah, good thinking.”

“…”

“…”

“…Captain, I just… why…!”

“If you don’t remember, then stop trying to. You must have had a good reason to do it, didn’t you?”

“…Yes.”

“…That’s good enough.”

“…Captain.”

“Yeah?”

“That day, I really cried a lot.”

“…I know.”

“…I really liked her.”

“…”

***

When I came to my senses, I was in my room.

I leaned against the wall and sank to the floor. I realized then

that humans can’t process emotions that are too large.

Tears streamed down endlessly, but I didn’t feel that sad. My heart didn’t feel like it was being ripped to shreds.

It was as if something inside me had malfunctioned.

I just stared blankly at the empty air.

Then, inevitably, the notebook caught my eye.

I got up slowly and sat down at the desk. My eyes fixated on the book.

But I wasn’t really looking at the book.

I was seeing a gray past.

I was an orphan in a gray world,
abandoned since my mother became the tower master when I was seven.

I read books, ate, slept, and cleaned all by myself in a gray house.

Once a month, when my mother visited, my gray world would be painted with faint colors. But the colors were too faint. They would soon disappear.

That was why I came to the magic tower where she was.
Because when I was with her, the world would gain a little bit of color.

It was a huge miscalculation.

Even when I was with her now, the world didn’t become colorful. Instead, it just made the gray even darker.

My world… I… had become entirely gray.

Marianne sometimes tried to add some color to my world, but we were too different.

We could be friends, but she couldn’t change who I was.

Then, Rem appeared.

At first, I just thought of him as another stranger, someone separate from me.

But when did it begin…

…this feeling of the world being more colorful when I was with him?

Before I knew it, my world had become more vibrant than any starlight.

And that boy was leaving now.
He was planning to leave my world, forever.

My world would be gray once again.

“Haah…”

Humans are weak creatures.

Once they’ve been to a high place, they can never go back to where they were, and they desperately struggle and fight to stay there.

And in that process, morality is not a concern.

I opened the notebook.

I couldn’t be abandoned again.

***

A month passed.

Everything was going well.

Making the ‘love potion’ wasn’t difficult. Hiding it also wasn’t hard.

This was thanks to the fact that I hadn’t taken a single step out of my room.

Marianne came to visit at least twice a day, but she wasn’t the type to get physical and try to break down my door.

For an entire month, I was able to focus all my energy on this.

Completing the potion and administering it to Rem was also easy.

I knew his routines. Switching out the mana recovery potion he was using for the one I made was easy.

All that was left to do now was… to wait.

The moment when the drug effect would fully manifest,
48 hours after consumption,
That is, now.

I put the pocket watch into my robe.

And then, I looked in the mirror.

There was no genius of the century. No one-and-only intellect of this era. No future tower master.

Just… a sickly-looking girl with a horrifying expression on her face.

I tried to smile, but remembering his words about how it was sickening seeing me smile, I stopped.

I simply pulled down my blue hat and left the room.

The Magic Tower’s hallways, bathed in the early summer sun, were dazzlingly bright.

Frowning, I pulled my hat down even further. I walked on, hoping no one would recognize me.

However, life never goes the way I want it to.

“Parsley?”

Marianne was looking at me, her eyes wide with surprise. I clicked my tongue and pulled down my hat.

I prayed that she hadn’t really recognized me. I tried to leave.

But Marianne had unnecessarily sharp eyes.

“Parsley, it is you, right?”

She grabbed my arm, and her eyes widened even more.

“Wait, why are you so thin…? What have you been doing for the past month…”

“Let go,”

I roughly shook off Marian’s hand off. Then, I tried to move away from her again.

“‘Let go’? No way! Do you even know how many times I came to see you?! Just what the hell have you…”

Had Marianne’s voice always been this annoying?

Her chattering grated on my nerves.

I needed to get to Rem now…

“Wait, are you even listening to me?”

God, I just wanted someone, anyone to shut her up.

*Yeah, I was thinking that.*

*Thump!*

It was a sound similar to a pillow exploding.

My vision turned red as hot liquid flowed down my face.

“Huh…?”

That wasn’t a sound that came from my mouth.

I looked at Marianne’s pale face. Following her trembling gaze, my eyes landed on her chest,

where there was a hole the size of a fist.

Through the hole, I could see Professor Killian covered in blood. He lowered the magic circle and brushed back his blood-soaked hair.

“Hm, I missed.”

The dark gray world suddenly turned a dizzying shade of crimson.

***

Author’s Note:

Woof!
(I’m so sorry! I’m so sorry! I’m so sorry!)

Bark! Bark!
(To excuse myself, I couldn’t help but delay because of a save file corruption, final exam season, and plot revisions…)

Bark! Bark! Bark!
(No! I’m really sorry! I’m so sorry! I’ll never do it again!)

Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark!
(And Chronitz-nim, thank you for the 5 coin donation!!!!! Once again!!!!! Thank you very much!!!!!!!!!!)